Touhou as a horrible american saturday morning cartoon show

[warpshadow]

"Thundr slowly raises pistol to the shadow's head"

"I'm sorry. But I must kill you now. Only to keep the masquerade, nothing personal."

I regret nothing. Maybe not 1ccing sa with Patchy, but nothing else.

[fatfree]

It has been a while since I've laughed this much. I demand more!  :V
I love this thread!

[hyorinryu]

What if America decided to make a Touhou game?
Rena Hatel is the last member of a long bloodline of ancient warriors, specialized in the vanquishing of powerful demons known as Yoi'Ka. When she was a child her family was been slaughtered by a mysterious fox-themed sorcerer who goes by the name Raphael and his giant panther demon familiar Cherkhan. Rena is adopted by Sam Iban, a demon-turned-good who appears as a large, muscular afro american man with a pair of horns on his head, cool shades and a penchant for beer. He raises Rena and teaches how to deal with demons, reaching into her bloodline powers and supplies her with the best Yoi'Ka killing gear around. All grown up Rena sets out to find Raphael and take revenge for her family.
Using a powerful spear/sword hybrid called the Gohei, a Ball-and-Chain called the Hatel Orb and her own holy powers Rena faces thousands of Yoi'Ka, learning abilities, getting new weapons and even skimpier outfits along the way. Rena has no mercy for Yoi'Ka, especially the common Faruni type Yoi'Ka, who often end up being torn in half by Rena's sheer strength or with a sword driven through their throat and then forcefully pulled out from the other side. They're mindless leader Cirunos get's an even worse treatment by getting it's wings forcefuly torn of and stab into it's own chest. (As you can see, it's a combo of Devil May Cry, Bayonetta and God of War.)

In her gory battles Rena meets fellow demon hunters Marisa Kartel, a gun-toting witch with a huge attitude and a figure that would make Bayonetta jealous, Alfred, a slightly cowardly news reporter who follows Rena around to get a good scoop, but helps when truly needed, Sabin, a rival demon hunter from a bloodline similiar to that of Rena's, and Richard, a kind young man who asks Rena to collect various artifacts in exchange for money or weapons. There's also Patchington, an elderly gentleman with much knowledge of demon lore, who in fact has certain connections with a neutral vampiric Yoi'Ka.

After several brutal battles with mighty Yoi'Ka Lords Rena finaly faces Raphael, whose scheme is finally discovered: by sacrificing large amounts of both human and Yoi'Ka blood Raphael tries to summon the Evil God Yunk'Arin (who looks and sounds like the Elder God from Legacy of Kain, only way bigger, way more powerful and possessing even more eyes). This creator of Yoi'Ka kind will reshape all of existance into it's own twisted image. Raphael wishes to revive Yunk'Arin and make a world for only Yoi'Ka. Raphael tries to sacrifice Rena to make Yunk'Arin even more powerful, but Rena defeats him in a long, epic battle. Raphael is forced to sacrifice himself and Cherkhan to summon Yunk'Arin afterall, and thus condemns the world to an eternity of darkness. The unspeakable horror emerges and defeats Rana effortlessly. When all seems grim, all of Rena's friends reappear and start attacking Yunk'Arin. They're will to keep fighting for the world and their love for Rena manages to reawaken her, and allowing her to fully access the power of the Hatel bloodline.
One last epic battle commences between Rena and Yunk'Arin, which involves many overpowered abilities, explosions, transformations, quick-time events and psychedelic battle fields.
Yunk'Arin tries one last ditch attack by copying Rena's form and fight fire with fire, but in the end it get's vanquished by getting stabbed by several light swords, suffering many brutal kick and punch combos, getting blasted by everyone's ultimate attacks and getting shot square in the eye, resulting in a magnifecent over-the-top explosion.

In the end Rena pairs up with the character with whom she got the highest relationship score, may this either be Sabin, Marisa, Richard or Alfred. Rena however sets out when Yoi'Ka start to emerge once again, making way for several sequels.

Never played any of those games, so Sam Iban made me think of the Demoman from Team Fortress 2.

[Alfred F. Jones]

that was PHYSICALLY PAINFUL TO READ

oh GOD

what the HELL RURO

Actually, now that I look back on this, that description sounds more like Nelvana than 4Kids to me... a 4Kids version would be more along the lines of:

ZOMG there are monsters all over the land of Fantastinator and someone needs to show them who's boss! Enter Rachel, a totally cool and hip and gnarly warrior of justice, who will cut those baddies down to size with the help of her random friends TAYLOR, ELLEN AND KAITLYN.

Which... actually sounds all well and good (albeit mildly irritating) until you realize that for all the ACTION-Y hype, the network regulators or whatever have forced 4Kids to eliminate anything more stimulating than people running. :V

[E-Nazrin]

This has probably already been posted, but I shall leave it here regardless:

[hyorinryu]

Actually, now that I look back on this, that description sounds more like Nelvana than 4Kids to me... a 4Kids version would be more along the lines of:

ZOMG there are monsters all over the land of Fantastinator and someone needs to show them who's boss! Enter Rachel, a totally cool and hip and gnarly warrior of justice, who will cut those baddies down to size with the help of her random friends TAYLOR, ELLEN AND KAITLYN.

Which... actually sounds all well and good (albeit mildly irritating) until you realize that for all the ACTION-Y hype, the network regulators or whatever have forced 4Kids to eliminate anything more stimulating than people running. :V

Don't forget the bad puns.

[Shizzo]

Don't forget the bad puns.

Assist me, Ellen!!

[warpshadow]

Big question, exactly who is the cousin of whom in this show? I know Marisa and Alice have great potential to be cousins but why stop there?

[Spidere]

Big question, exactly who is the cousin of whom in this show? I know Marisa and Alice have great potential to be cousins but why stop there?

I thought I killed you.

Oh yeah, and Reimu and Suika are sisters. Admit it.

[OkashiiKisei]

Big question, exactly who is the cousin of whom in this show? I know Marisa and Alice have great potential to be cousins but why stop there?

Yukari Violet will be revealed to be Reimu R?ve's grandmother.

(R?ve is French for dream. Part of Reimu's name means dream. It also helps they both start with a R)

Also, what if the American show got animated by an American? Imagine Touhou drawn in the style of Butch Hartmann.

[Bias Bus]

Yukari Violet will be revealed to be Reimu Rêve's grandmother.

(Rêve is French for dream. Part of Reimu's name means dream. It also helps they both start with a R)

Also, what if the American show got animated by an American? Imagine Touhou drawn in the style of Butch Hartmann.

Eww, I can't stand that show...

Although there are SOME americans who have a somewhat anime style to them...the only one I can think of off the top of my head is The Boondocks

That said...Touhou Boondocks....

[Kinzo the Astro Curious]

Also, what if the American show got animated by an American? Imagine Touhou drawn in the style of Butch Hartmann.

lol wut

[Iryan]

Also, what if the American show got animated by an American?

Byakuren & Butthead!

"I need some TP for my TEMPLE!"


Alternatively: East Park!

"By the gods, they killed Cirno!"
"You bastards!"


Also: ohmygodthatreimu! 

[Bias Bus]

lol wut

[OkashiiKisei]

Oh God What.img

My exact reaction

[Danielu Yoshikoto]

Wow I never expected to see a Puyo Puyo/Madou Monogatari, In a topic about Touhou, let alone a "Touhou as a horrible american saturday morning cartoon show" topic!

[warpshadow]

I thought I killed you.

Oh yeah, and Reimu and Suika are sisters. Admit it.

You can't kill me. This is a thread about Saturady morning cartoon shows and violence of that level is not tolerated.

The other big question is what are they going to try to sell in the Touhou animated series since we all know it would be a half hour comerical.

[Kinzo the Astro Curious]

Byakuren & Butthead!

"I need some TP for my TEMPLE!""

Also: ohmygodthatreimu! 

uhhuhhuhuhuhuh.. you wanna see MY parlequin ship?... huhahuahahuhh NEHEHEHE

[Bias Bus]

Wow I never expected to see a Puyo Puyo/Madou Monogatari, In a topic about Touhou, let alone a "Touhou as a horrible american saturday morning cartoon show" topic!

The character portraits are good reaction image material. I'm surprised no one else discovered this...

That and I'm a Puyo Puyo/Madou Monogatari fan, but we're going off topic here :V

[E-Nazrin]

"By the gods, they killed Cirno Alice!"
"You bastards!"

BONUS MATERIAL:

 

[Mechazaurus]

The other big question is what are they going to try to sell in the Touhou animated series since we all know it would be a half hour comerical.

Anybody having visions of Filmation's Touhou? Like maybe Princess Adreama and Misty Magica (along with Spirit Mane the talking horse) defend the land of Fantasticor from Vamperina and the inhabitants of Red Monster Castle.

Actually though, now that I think about it Touhou could so easily be tuned into a cheap ass He-Man/She-Ra 80's style action figure commercial it's kind of scary.

[warpshadow]

You forgot the psa at the end where Marisa tells you that stealing is wrong and whatever they name Yuyuko as lectures you on eating healthy. Oddly enough Judge Sheila of Xanadu never gives out these lectures.

[Reddyne]

You forgot the psa at the end where Marisa tells you that stealing is wrong and whatever they name Yuyuko as lectures you on eating healthy. Oddly enough Judge Sheila of Xanadu never gives out these lectures.

And Sue the oni comes on to say "I might look yer age but r'member kidsh, drinkin' age ish 21 until mom and dad are ashleep!"

[Bias Bus]

Judge Sheila of Xanadu never gives out these lectures.

They want kids to be excited to learn life lessons from pretty, colorful ladies...not bore them to death.

Also Mokou telling us that violence is wrong and you should solve your problems by 'talking it out', and demonstrating this example with Kaguya.

We need someone to take on the "If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable (ry" bit.

[OkashiiKisei]

We need someone to take on the "If someone touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable (ry" bit.

Medicine. (Touch her and you die)

(Also, I don't know why but 'Sue the Oni' sounds hilarious to me.)

[Spidere]

(Also, I don't know why but 'Sue the Oni' sounds hilarious to me.)

Don't you mean Sue the Goblin?

[OkashiiKisei]

Don't you mean Sue the Goblin?

Wouldn't Ogre be more fitting?

And what do they call Eirin Ellen? The Millenia Old Genius Bodyguard Archer Nurse from the Moon?

Or what about Ursula? The Solar Powered Cyborg Raven from Heck?

[KomeijiKoishi]

lol wut

Even if I like Fairy Odd Parents... this is just too much. D8

[OkashiiKisei]

Also, if Butch Hartmann DID make the cartoon, Yuyuko would probably be the main character. And make a guest appearance in Danny Phantom.

[Bias Bus]

Also, if Butch Hartmann DID make the cartoon, Yuyuko would probably be the main character. And make a guest appearance in Danny Phantom.

This is what I was thinking about the other day while I had nothing else better to do than to lay around and watch TV.

"What if Yuyuko and Youmu appeared in Danny Phantom...?"

Then I saw the above pic...

Fuck it all.