Are you being let down when it matters most by your spellcards? Is your partner dissatisfied by the length of your laser? Premature panicbombing putting a downer on your evenings out?
Projectile dysfunction affects more than 40% of Gensokyo's population. Demand better, and try out our new herbal formula! Containing over a dozen natural ingredients, it's been scientifically proven to improve reactions and general danmaku ability by up to 38%1! And it's almost completely safe, a small minority undergoing side effects2!
Call now, and order your bottle today for the low low price of 24,999 Yen! Yagokoro Laser Extender - because every woman appreciates a good twelve inches in her laser!
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1. Tests may have been performed within the company, rather than by a qualified pharmaceutical firm.
2. Side effects manifested in only 49% of test subjects, and include: headaches, sweating, dizziness, nausea, fainting, kidney failure, lung failure, heart failure, hitbox failure, zombie plague, dead parrots, an inability to move in more than 8 directions, short-term memory loss, death, half-death, a maniacal urge to cleanse the world with fire, armpit hair, baldness, sudden hair growth, depression, repression, compression, opression, breast growth, breast shrinking, sudden vitamin deficiencies, sudden anaemia, sudden complete lack of blood, short-term memory loss, temporary blindness, permanent blindness, blindness-that-isn't-as-temporary-as-the-first-one-but-still-isn't-permanent, desire to eat any inanimate object in sight, irresistable urge to repeat anything said in your vicinity, curves in your lasers, blackmail photos being sent to the media, sudden poverty, inability to fly, uncontrollable sobriety in oni, allergy to sunlight, allergy to moonlight, allergy to pollen, allergy to antihistamines, short-term memory loss, and expanded hitbox.
