> Become a Fairy.
6: Become a fairy? This would imply that you weren't a fairy before. Of course, you're not content with being just a fairy. You're going to be the strongest fairy. To achieve this, you've declared war on Cirno and the two of you are currently engaged in heated(chilled?) battle! And Cirno has just launched an icicle at you!
Roll to dodge!5: You dodge Cirno's icicle with ease. With so much ease that Cirno actually praises you. You feel your motivation rising. (+1 roll)
>Open a Gay Bar, call it the Large Hardon Collider.
1: You feel tears welling in your eyes as you hang up the closed sign, for the first and last time, on the doors to your gay bar: the Large Hardon Collider. You wished that things didn't have to turn out like this, but the times are cruel and unforgiving.
>Punch Dormio out and replace him.
6: You plot to replace Dormio by punching him out of existance. You've waited all your life for this opportunity, and you are not going to miss it. You stalk Dormio as he prepares the update and, when he is vulnerable, you charge your fists with your fury. You keep charging, funnelling all of your rage into your fists. Once you feel that you've built up enough power, you lunge out at and punch Dormio in the face. You see the punch connect in slow motion, how your fist seems to sink into his face, how the very topic seems to be warping around where you punched hi- Oh shit.
Everybody must roll to dodge to avoid being removed from existance at the end of this update!> Lynch Shadoweh
5: You use your mindhax powers to direct a lynch mob at Shadoweh. With how masterfully you control the lynch mob, you become their temporary God, giving you some extra manpower for your next action. (+1 roll)
>Lynch Shadoweh
4: You help out with Pesco's attempt to lynch Shadoweh. There shouldn't be any problem.
> Lynch Shadoweh
3: You help out with Pesco's attempt to lynch Shadoweh. It hurts to do this to your lover, but it must be done. You can't help but feel horrible, though. (-1 roll)
>Cockblock Shadoweh lynch :smug:
6: You see Pesco, Zakeri and Bardiche trying to lynch Shadoweh and decide to cockblock them by forcing them to lynch YOU instead. Or, at least, this was your plan until JOB took the spotlight.
>learn to fly
3: After falling several times and breaking a few (read: all) limbs, you have learnt how to fly! (-1 next roll)
>Become a Meguca Puella Magi to help save lives during the Great Fairy War.
3: A nearby rabbit offers to make a contract with you. It doesn't really look like Kyubei, in fact it looks suspiciously like Tewi, but you sign the contract anyway. You need to become a hero, after all!
> Make a doll army in preparation for the fairy wars.
6: Just in case the fairy wars get out of hand, you start creating your own doll army. Unfortunately, you build your army to the size where it is considered to be a threat, and you become your own faction in the Great Fairy Wars. And one of the lesser fairies attempts to assassinate you before you grow too powerful!
Roll to dodge!6: You simply laugh at the fairy attempting to kill you, and demonstrate the power of your doll army to it. Awed by how quickly you've managed to build your forces, the fairy and several of its friends to join your faction.
>Acquire the ability to transform into any Italian sportscar produced between 1973 and 2010.
4: You've trained long and hard, and you've finally mastered the ability to transform into any italian sportscar produced between 1973 and 2010.
>Wonder what the fuck is going on.
4:You successfully wonder what the fuck is going on. You're no closer to figuring it out, though.
> Build gallows to facilitate the lynching of the Shadoweh.
4: You know that the lynch probably won't fail, but just in case it does, you build a set of gallows for any future attempts.
> Roll Unlynchable Scum God Third Party Jester
6: You put on your awesome hat as you fill yourself with a sense of pride, you have a duty to fulfil. You have to keep the children at every third party happy!
>Ignore Mafiers, practice sword Kata on Shadoweh.
4: You attempt to use Shadoweh's body as a dummy for your sword Kata.
Shadoweh must roll to dodge!3: Shadoweh manages to escape from you, but only after you've smacked her around for a few hours. (-1 roll for Shadoweh)
> Ragequit.
3: You've had enough. You leave the thread. But you'll be back. You always come back.
>Seppuku
4: You take a short blade and stab the left section of your stomach with it before running the blade across your stomach. Oh dear, you're dying. Is this the end?
> Renew marriage vows with Mystia.
3: You find and renew your wedding vows with Mystia. Or try to, at least. Mystia appears to have no recollection of who you are. You need to remind her!
Roll to dodge!3: You keep telling Mystia about all those nights you've spent together, how the two of you were so deeply in love. Mystia looks confused, she seems to remember some, but not all, of her past experiences with you.
>Summon a Kitten companion.
2: You call out into the wild, but manage to attact nothing.
> Wander into the forest.
5: You gracefully wander into the nearby forest.
>Obtain Ostrich
3: It may have taken you hours of running around in circles, but you've finally managed to catch that damn ostrich. It's really taken a toll on you, though. (-1 roll)
>Become Karkat Vantas.
5:
You have abandoned your orginal form and became Karkat Vantas.> Obtain axe
2: You fail to find an axe.
>Equip Infinity as The Infinity Blade
5: You easily overpower Infinity and force him to submit. You now wield The Infinity Blade.
>Enjoy the shenanigans.
5: You take it easy and enjoy the shenanigans.
> Get a shovel.
4: You pick up a shovel. It comforts you.
>Cockblock Serela before she cockblocks Shadoweh's lynch.
6: You cockblock Serela's cockblock by preventing Serela's prevention. You manage to confuse the parser, and the parser attacks you because the parser is lazy.
Roll to dodge!4: You cockblock the parser on top of cockblocking Serela from cockblocking the Shadoweh lynch.
>Become a Kappa
4: You successfully make the transition from human to kappa.
>Dayvig Shadoweh
3: You hold your gun sideways and fire it at Shadoweh, just like what they do in the movies. Unfortunately, just like in the the movies, the bullet is likely to miss.
Shadoweh must Roll to Dodge!1(-1): You hear a gunshot, but you're too beaten up and tired to bother trying to dodge. Judging by the way that Conqueror is holding the gun, it's not going to hit you anyw- Goddamn it. The bullet cleanly pierces your chest, and you fall to the floor. Perhaps you should have tried dodging.
Shadoweh has lost the game! (Happy Birthday!)
>Become the Bob.
6: You are THE Bob. This means that you have removed every other Bob from existence. The former Bobs are unhappy with you for stealing their identities, and they want you gone too.
Roll to dodge!1: You try to talk down the former Bobs, but are unable to handle their collective rage. Your reign as The Bob is ended far too soon.
Bob has lost the game!>Eviscerate Youkai Jesus for referring to me as a blade and not a Rune Word.
1: You accept your fate as a sword and that Youkai Jesus is your new master.
>Become the fancy queen
6: You are the fanciest queen to have ever existed. The second fanciest queen looks like a dirty peasant when compared with you. Unfortantely, this means that you've attracted the attention of many, many men. In fact, you're supposed to respond to around two hundred potential suitors in the next hour. It's hard work being this fancy.
> print money with butt
5: You're literally shitting money, here. This has got to come in handy later, right? (+1 roll)
>Complicated Dice Roll that will decide my permanent attribute/style/partner GO!!
2: Dormio refuses to make your decisions for you.
> Optimise build.
1: You take your time to explore your surroundings. You take note of the lore of the land, and watch how the people around you are interacting with the land.
>Punch snout the sky to establish superiority.
1: You lie down on the earth as you contemplate how vast the universe is and how insignificant you really are in the wider scope of things.
>Attempt to cut off Dormio's canon from Zakeri's canon
4: You successfully remove any of Zakeri's meta from Dormio's meta. It is a new game, after all.
> Summon Shino
6: Your attempt to summon Shino goes horribly, horribly right. You have not only brought Shino into this world, you have become Shino.
>Go harass Yuuka.
3: You go find Yuuka, so that you can harass her of course. After searching for a few minutes, you find her amidst a field of sunflowers. You call out to her, threatening to damage the flowers here. She responds by giving you the biggest smile you've ever seen. Then pointing her umbrella at you.
Roll to dodge!4: You could see that coming from a mile away, and you're well out of the way before Yuuka even begins to fire at you.
A huge paradox approaching fast! Roll to dodge!Hero999- 6(+1): What's a "paradox"? Both you and Cirno take a seat and watch the events unfold.
Purvis- 4: The anomaly in the space-time continuum consumes your gay bar, but leaves you untouched. No harm done?
Chaore- 4: You hold onto Dormio, who appears to be out cold on the floor, as he appears to be unaffected by the topic deletion.
Pesco- 2(+1): You throw the members of your lynch mob one after another into the rip in space and time, hoping to clog it up. This doesn't stop it, but you manage to save yourself at the very least. (-1 roll)
Zakeri- 6: You hide behind Pesco, it's rather effective.
Bardiche- 2(-1): A giant rip travels through the air and goes right past you. That was close. You're about to sigh in relief when Pesco grabs and throws you at the rip, thinking that you were a part of his lynch mob.
Bardiche has lost the game!Serela- 3: You try using your cock to block the anomaly, before realizing how stupid this is and simply running away. You're surprised that you managed to get away with relatively few injuries. (-1 roll)
ActionDan- 6(-1): You may have broken all your limbs, but it doesn't matter. You simply fly to safety.
Paper Tomoe- 3: The rabbit shouts at you to protect it, usa! And you will, you're a Puella Magi now! It's a pity that you don't know how to use your powers. You shout random words and dance around the rip, and for whatever reason, it stops. Not before you've tired yourself out though. (-1 roll)
Doll.S- 6: A rip in space-time itself? No problem for your doll army. In fact, you use this to further upgrade your army with the ability to teleport short distances.
Sourfang- 1: You attempt to transform into Ferrari Enzo to get away from the anomaly, and it would have been a perfectly viable means of escape... had it not taken you so long to transform. You are thrown into the void, your existance forgotten.
Sourfang has lost the game!Amraphenson- 6: As you stand there, wondering, you are engulfed by the void. However, instead of disappearing, you begin to understand the secrets of the void and learn the basics of void magic before you simply step out of the void.
Hanged Hourai- 2: You easily dodge the anomaly, but trip into your own gallows and almost asphyxiate yourself. (Wounded)
Zengar- 4: You use your sharpened sword Kata skills to simply dash past the anomaly.
Sect- 4: Seeing as you've already left the topic, there's no way that you can be affected by the anomaly.
Squawkers- 4: The void kindly avoids you, so as to not interrupt your noble ritual.
Kilgamayan- 5: Mystia grabs hold of you and flies with you to safety as the rip approaches. She notes that something about this seems familiar. (+1 roll)
Schezo- 2: (Wounded)
Kasu- 6: You don't even notice the space-time anomaly ripping apart the grassy field behind you, you're having far too much fun wandering aroundin the forest.
Rikter- 6(-1): You may be tired, but your ostrich sure isn't. You ride your ostrich to safety.
Valkyrie Lupia Blitzer- 5:
You call that a logical fallacy capable of destroying the space-time continuum? As if. Laughing at how pathetic the anomaly is cheers you up. (+1 roll)
Smashy- 3: If you had your axe, you would have been able to fight off the anomaly with ease. Unfortunately, you do not have your axe. You still manage to fight off the anamoly, but not without experiencing some difficulties. (-1 roll)
Youkai Jesus- 6: You bat away the anomaly with The Infinity Sword. It's too easy with such an awesome weapon.
yuyukos- 4(+1): You continue to watch the shenanigans, taking it easy with some sake in hand. Life is good. (+1 roll)
Biohazurd- 1: You try digging furiously with your shovel to escape the anomaly. It's working out well, until the hole collapses on itself.
Biohazurd has lost the game!JOB- 6: You cockblock the hole in the space-time continuum with ease.
DracoOmega- 4: You dive into a nearby pond and simply wait until the anomaly goes away. Good thing you can hold your breath.
Conqueror- 4: You fire wildly at the tear in space-time. It seems to go away. You breathe out in relief.
Infinity- 6: The anomaly is no match for you or your master, Youkai Jesus.
TranceHime- 5: Your future suitors are more than willing to throw themselves one after another into the anomaly so that you may survive. This also frees up your schedule, since your number of suitors is being thinned out. You solve two problems at once this way! (+1 roll)
Evans in Blunderland- 1(+1): After seeing Pesco and Trance escape by throwing people into the rip, you see if you can't do the same with money.
GuardianTempest- 4: You simply run for your life. It works surprisingly well, you wonder why more people didn't do it.
Fightest- 1: You should have spent more time investing your points into things that don't suck, as opposed to studying interactions. Your stats simply don't allow you to run away.
Fightest has lost the game!Marokuu- 5: You accept your fate and close your eyes. Your time has come... Or at least it would have if you were still standing up. As you're on the ground, you see the sky above you torn apart for a moment before it goes back to normal. You feel lucky. (+1 roll)
Momijibot- 3: You use the canonical bonds you just cut to tie up the anomaly. Of course, you getting so close to the anomaly can't be good for you. (-1 roll)
PX- 3: You draw on the power of breasts to plow your way through the anomaly, but are still somewhat disorientated. You do make it out safely, but adjusting to your new body is hard. (-1 roll)
Sanrisa Laser- 3: You can't dodge both Yuuka and the anomaly at the same time, damn it. You graze the anomaly but get clipped by Yuuka's shots. (-1 roll)
