Author Topic: Guide me along this barren path (Read 173491 times)

Pako · « **Reply #660 on:** July 05, 2009, 08:11:59 AM »

> show Yuugi our middle finger.

> Go to Eientei.

> Give Rumia a piggy ride. she will be our new daughter.

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #661 on:** July 05, 2009, 08:34:59 AM »

Quote from: Nemelex Xobeh on July 05, 2009, 07:56:13 AM

> Text Parser
> Text parsee

>You have no cellphone. You don't know if Parsee has a cellphone, but if not you're sure she envies those who do.

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 08:11:59 AM

> show Yuugi our middle finger.

> Go to Eientei.

> Give Rumia a piggy ride. she will be our new daughter.

>You give Yugi the bird! Since she's gpt her nose buried in a book, she probably doesn't notice. China does notice, and say, "Hey, that's uncalled for. Ah well, I just guard 'em. Never signed on to be their publicist.
>You lead you merry band back toward Eientei, sweeping Rumia onto your shoulders as Mystia and Kaguya follow along. As you circle around the lake, though, passing by Cirno's house, you notice something new.
>A large rock stands in the middle of the field now. A rock appearing out of nowhere is curious enough on its own, but this particular rock also has a face, its expression close-eyed and a little unnerving. As assess the situation, it starts to bounce toward you slowly, its expression never changing...

>_

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #662 on:** July 05, 2009, 08:37:35 AM »

> When you meet a scary man, guard your wallet and your asshole no matter what

Pako · « **Reply #663 on:** July 05, 2009, 08:42:48 AM »

> Say to the rock: fuck you boulderman, leave ma family alone!

> start throwing rocks at the rock, tell Rumia to do the same.

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #664 on:** July 05, 2009, 08:53:59 AM »

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 08:37:35 AM

> When you meet a scary man, guard your wallet and your asshole no matter what

>You have no wallet, so this task will be twice as easy!

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 08:42:48 AM

> Say to the rock: fuck you boulderman, leave ma family alone!

> start throwing rocks at the rock, tell Rumia to do the same.

>The rock does not not answer, as it draws ever closer with its ominous expression fixed upon you.
>You kneel down to scoop up a rock; Rumia tries too, but she can't reach. Mystia, however, takes it upon herself to throw rocks as well, making a sort of wordless frightened noise. Unfortunately, your rocks bounce off of it with just a bit of noise, not phasing it at all.
>
_

Pako · « **Reply #665 on:** July 05, 2009, 08:56:10 AM »

> pray to Unzan for help. yes he will be our new god.

> if the above doesn't help, ask Kaguya if she has some nice danmaku to kill the rock.

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #666 on:** July 05, 2009, 08:59:24 AM »

>Consider what possible perpetrators there could be for this presumptuous prank

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #667 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:18:33 AM »

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 08:56:10 AM

> pray to Unzan for help. yes he will be our new god.

> if the above doesn't help, ask Kaguya if she has some nice danmaku to kill the rock.

>You pray to Unzan. You hear a distant rumble of thunder that sounds suspiciously like a croak.
>Kaguya shakes her head, but she proceeds to approach the rock. It bounces forward, as she approaches it from the side, and gives it a push that sends it tumbling into the lake. Then she dusts off her hands and moves to rejoin you.
>The lake's surface is disturbed for a moment. Then the rock leaps out with a splash! The look on Kaguya's face is priceless. The rock lands back underwater, but leaps out again. Apparently, rocks can't drown, but Kaguya's actions have bought you some time before it gets back to shore.

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 08:59:24 AM

>Consider what possible perpetrators there could be for this presumptuous prank

>You really have no idea who could have done such a thing. And that's kinda scary.

>_

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #668 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:20:45 AM »

>acquire golf club or appropriate substitute
> fore

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #669 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:22:46 AM »

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 09:20:45 AM

>acquire golf club or appropriate substitute
> fore

>You do not see any golf clubs about. Apparently golf really isn't Cirno's thing.

>_

Pako · « **Reply #670 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:25:05 AM »

> Run ask quikly as possible to Eientei.

> Ask Kaguya if she has a relationship with Doyora (if you don't know who this is then I will kill you).

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #671 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:30:04 AM »

>How big is this rock, anyway? Would it stand up to our Cement Boot?
> Or, dare I say it... the Chernobyl Flail MkII?

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #672 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:35:16 AM »

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 09:25:05 AM

> Run ask quikly as possible to Eientei.

> Ask Kaguya if she has a relationship with Doyora (if you don't know who this is then I will kill you).

>You take advantage of this opening to run as quickly as you can to Eientei, Rumia crying "Wheeee!" the whole way.
>Kaguya shakes her head quickly in response to your question, looking over her shoulder afterwards.
>You return to the gates of Eientei. A great deal of croaking can still be heard within, particularly to the courtyard to the east. You think there may be some frogs lingering in the north and south wings of the manor, too. Obvious exits are north, south, east and west.

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 09:30:04 AM

>How big is this rock, anyway? Would it stand up to our Cement Boot?
> Or, dare I say it... the Chernobyl Flail MkII?

>The rock is about knee high to you, large enough to really wreck your shit if it fell on you. The Cement Boot would probably not be enough. But who knows what future flails could do to it?

>_

Pako · « **Reply #673 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:40:18 AM »

> Ask Kaguya if she can get the best bed and the best pillows to China.

> Ask the text parser if we have to pray 3 times to a god before something happens.

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #674 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:47:55 AM »

>say "Guy made of bees"
> psychiatric evaluation

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #675 on:** July 05, 2009, 09:59:26 AM »

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 09:40:18 AM

> Ask Kaguya if she can get the best bed and the best pillows to China.
> Ask the text parser if we have to pray 3 times to a god before something happens.

>Kaguya nods, and motions for you to follow her inside.
>It is not the place of a humble text parser to speculate on the nature of the divine. However, a few generalities may be considered. In general, deities can be counted to be fickle, jealous, and astoundingly petty. There really is no way to pin their behavior down to simple things. However, it can be said that the gods have a sense of humor, and that they really don't like to be called upon for petty things, nor do they like a wuss. Even Lucas eventually manned up.

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 09:47:55 AM

>say "Guy made of bees"
> psychiatric evaluation

>You say Guy Made of Bees. Mystia frowns, "You should be careful about things like that..."
>You have little more than superficial experience with psychology. But you think, therefore you probably are.

>_

Pesco · « **Reply #676 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:01:57 AM »

> Trust in the heart of the cards
> Text parsee (the text that was parsed, not Parsee)

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #677 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:04:55 AM »

>say "Guy made of walnuts"
> pursue Kaguya, resist urge to pounce aggressive-style

Pako · « **Reply #678 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:11:07 AM »

> Convert Rumia to Unzanism.

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 10:04:55 AM

> pursue Kaguya, don't resist urge to pounce aggressive-style

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #679 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:15:48 AM »

Quote from: Nemelex Xobeh on July 05, 2009, 10:01:57 AM

> Trust in the heart of the cards
> Text parsee (the text that was parsed, not Parsee)

>A card with a heart would be pretty gross, dude.
>You still don't have a cellphone.

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 10:04:55 AM

>say "Guy made of walnuts"
> pursue Kaguya, resist urge to pounce aggressive-style

>Man, that sounds like tasty. Or a nightmare.
>You follow Kaguya back into Eientei, and into the southern wing. It seems that the frogs have infiltrated this place rather thoroughly, and may well be have taken to looting, if the odd bits of clothing and the like stuck to them suggest anything. You can see a dormitory-style room to the east, and what seems to be a fancy bedroom to the west.
>However, before you can pick a side, Kaguya suddenly ducks. You hear a frog croak, which ends in a loud bang; and a hole manifests in the wall behind her. Following the line of motion, you can see a frog in the hall, apparently minding its own business. Then it croaks again, with another bang; and another hole appearing in the wall near it.

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 10:11:07 AM

> Convert Rumia to Unzanism.

>You are not familiar enough with the scriptures of Unzan to pontificate at length about it while there are dangerous frogs about.

>_

>_

Pesco · « **Reply #680 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:18:32 AM »

> When we find the bed, make everyone else leave so that we may test the bed's softness and suspension with Mystia in peace.

Zengar Zombolt · « **Reply #681 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:19:10 AM »

>Get mirror
>Say guy made of bees three times
> Pray to Trog

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #682 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:23:34 AM »

>get ye flask
>become ye flask
>accuse the Sonic Toad of being a hedgehog

Pako · « **Reply #683 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:24:12 AM »

oops, Sukawo must be pretty pissed that we now pray to Unzan.

> Let Kaguya get the bed and pillows, they must be top quality

> Kiss a frog, see if it transforms into a princess.

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #684 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:37:01 AM »

Quote from: Nemelex Xobeh on July 05, 2009, 10:18:32 AM

> When we find the bed, make everyone else leave so that we may test the bed's softness and suspension with Mystia in peace.

>Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Quote from: Okawaru on July 05, 2009, 10:19:10 AM

>Get mirror
>Say guy made of bees three times
> Pray to Trog

>Sadly, you don't have any access to mirrors at the moment. There could be one in either of those rooms, but then you leave yourself wide open to that frog.

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 10:23:34 AM

>get ye flask
>become ye flask
>accuse the Sonic Toad of being a hedgehog

>The frog doesn't seem to be too phased by this. Perhaps it does not speak? Then again, this doesn't seem to have stopped Kaguya.

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 10:24:12 AM

> Let Kaguya get the bed and pillows, they must be top quality
> Kiss a frog, see if it transforms into a princess.

>You decide to let Kaguya handle the luxuries.
>You dive at the frog, and grab it before it can croak a hole into your fool self. Then, quickly, you plant a kiss on its forehead, right between the eyes. It's not a pleasant experience at all; it's cold and weird-smelling and kinda slimey and oh god, you hold you didn't get any of it in your mouth! Augh!
>The Frog wriggles free of your grasp, and jumps back to the ground, and starts to glow a strange green light. Then it reshapes into a small greenish faerie with frog-like legs and flies off with a giggle. You feel that some force is watching you and is well pleased.

>_

E-Nazrin · « **Reply #685 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:43:02 AM »

>realize that we have just cheated on Mystia with a fairog

Pako · « **Reply #686 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:44:40 AM »

> check your tong to see if you have gotten a wierd disease or something like that.

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #687 on:** July 05, 2009, 10:46:12 AM »

Quote from: E-Nazrin on July 05, 2009, 10:43:02 AM

>realize that we have just cheated on Mystia with a fairog

>Ah DAMMIT!

Quote from: Pako on July 05, 2009, 10:44:40 AM

> check your tong to see if you have gotten a wierd disease or something like that.

>You really can't look at your own tongue, but having something to wash your mouth out with would definitely be welcome right now. Augh, you can still taste it!

>_

Pesco · « **Reply #688 on:** July 05, 2009, 11:25:29 AM »

> Share the taste with Mystia

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #689 on:** July 05, 2009, 11:58:53 AM »

Quote from: Nemelex Xobeh on July 05, 2009, 11:25:29 AM

> Share the taste with Mystia

>You approach Mystia. "Oh gross, get away from me you have Frog Lips! EW!" She hides behind Kaguya, who regards you impassively, then gestures toward the dormitory to the east.

>_