Why am I in horrible pain now?
Well, my records show that you have been attenting Rugal's Self-Crotch-Punching classes. This is a normal side effect, it should go away in a couple days. I'll send you my bill.
Your horoscope is: RULE # 93 : # OF HORSEPOWER = [X*(MASS OF TL IN # OF TONS)], WHERE X = 10 FOR SEA, 100 ON ROAD(S), 1,000 ON SAND/MUD, 10^4 FOR AIR, 10^5 FOR SPACE, & 10^9 @ NEAR LIGHT-SPEED IN SPACE. X SEEMS TO BE PROPORTIONAL TO [Y*MPH], WHERE WHEN Y = 2, IT?S 50% EFFICIENT, & IF Y = 3, THEN IT?S 66% EFFICIENT. SO, A 1 TON CAR @ 200 HORSEPOWER CAN DRIVE @ 100 MPH, BUT IF A1 TON CAR HAS 300 HORSEPOWER, THEN ITS EFFICIENCY IS @ 66%. Look @ RULE # 102.
Ok I got the whining to stop but now my Mech's main computer talks in Jive and I can't understand a word.
Also the color scheme on my mech mysteriously changed to green with yellow and black stripes.
It sounds like you have gotten a free upgrade! This is an excellent time to sample the vernacular of another culture, and thus become more valuable to your clan. I'll append this to your bill.