Roll to Dodge 2: Boss Rush Edition

[Kasu]

> Break it's legs. All of them.

[FlamingRok]

>"Hmm, exquisite!"
>Ride on the spider and tame it with magic.

[Mr Jovial]

My rolls so far: 1 4 2 1 1 3 2 6 5 2 2 1 1(+1) 1(+1) this game is 500% rigged :< (wtf 14 rolls, 6 1s)
In honour of my amaaaazing luck...
>Dice the boss into many pieces even though I have nothing that would allow me to do that.

[Patorikku]

> Remain steadily perched on the pillar and fire many more projectiles at the enemy spider!

[Failure McFailFace]

>Throw sword like boomerang as a ranged attack and curve it to the back of the spiders neck. Yea, this'll work well.

[4]
It works decently. -286 hp

>Shmup Loon: "Gonna go get us some items bro. Stay cool."

[1]
Remember that rock pillar from a few posts ago? Well a piece fell off and killed Smup Loon. Sorry.

>My attack may be zero, but I can at least heal everyone!
>...right?

[5]
Sure, why not? Everyone gets 33 hp back.

> Break it's legs. All of them.

[5]
You couldn't break exactly one pair of its legs, but it can't believe that you broke 3 pairs of legs... -250 hp

>"Hmm, exquisite!"
>Ride on the spider

[5]
You get on the spider without a hitch.

and tame it with magic.

[2]
You dig deep into the spider's thoughts. You hear a girl's voice for some reason.
Who are you?
I'm trying to tame you.
Why?
I don't know.
THEN GET OUT!
You failed to give a good reason....

My rolls so far: 1 4 2 1 1 3 2 6 5 2 2 1 1(+1) 1(+1) this game is 500% rigged :< (wtf 14 rolls, 6 1s)
In honour of my amaaaazing luck...
>Dice the boss into many pieces even though I have nothing that would allow me to do that.

[1] LOL
lol nope dead for [3]

> Remain steadily perched on the pillar and fire many more projectiles at the enemy spider!

[5]
You keep your balance and shoot [4] projectiles. -250 * 4 = -1000 hp

Code: [Select]

Boss Number: 7
Boss: GIANT SPIDER
HP: 4413 - 1536 = 2877
ATK: 265
Next attack: 4 turns
Status: None
----------------------
Current effects:
None

Kappa: HP: 108 +33 = 141 ATK: 60	aUsernameIsFineToo HP: 120 +33 = 153 ATK: 90 Item: 25 insta-revives	Kasu: HP: 360 +33 = 393 ATK: 300
Yuuna Zombolt HP: 100 +33 =133 ATK: 90	an unmatched sock HP: 40 +33 = 73 ATK: 40 Ally: Satan (HP: 664 +33 | ATK 434) (gone in 3)	Kyo Tanaka HP: 40 +33 = 73 ATK: 120
FlamingRok HP: 163 +33 = 196 ATK: 160	Patorikku HP: 120 +33 = 153 ATK: 300 Item: "Living Trinket" (x1): Increases roll by 4	Validon98 HP: 120 +33 = 153 ATK: 10
Mr Jovial HP: 30 +33 = 63 ATK: 50	Hanzo K. HP: 50 +33 = 83 ATK: 240	LaserTurtle HP: 47 +33 = 80 ATK: 40
Miniking HP: 170 +33 = 183 ATK: 430

[FlamingRok]

>Assuming I'm still on the spider, let's delve further.
>"Look here, at the moment it's either help us out in the future or you're going to get killed!"

[Mr Jovial]

[1] LOL
lol nope dead for [3]

>I'm probably going to be returning here many times in the future :x Befriend some of the....whatever is near me (preferably something that's not an inanimate object)

[Neovereign]

>Respawning in : Next Match. "Crap whens that? Next Forum game!? Aww man." Shmup Loon has Disconnected.
>"Darnit RNG, You've bested Shmup Loon with your randomness once again!"
>Shoot spider web at spider. ^{If I know how to that is...}

[Patorikku]

> Ranged assault, because it has yet to fail me!

[an unmatched sock]

>"Whoops, forgot about us being here...let's go, Satan. We can resume our card game in a bit."
>Combo attack with Satan! Unholy Magic Attack; Hellfire Star!
>Consume the spider with combo flames!

[LaserTurtle]

>Hit the spider with a big rolled-up newspaper.

[Kasu]

> Bop it on the head.

[Failure McFailFace]

i was bored

I want to know, do you guys want me to use Keine-sama on IRC more for the non 1d6 dices? I feel that it could help with the boss stats and a bunch of other things.

>Assuming I'm still on the spider, let's delve further.

[5]
You get a bunch on information from the spider. Apparently she doesn't like getting hit in the thorax (+[3]*[2]*10 damage = +60 damage)

>"Look here, at the moment it's either help us out in the future or you're going to get killed!"

[5]
FIIINNEE. I'll surrender and help you... if you can beat me first!

>I'm probably going to be returning here many times in the future :x Befriend some of the....whatever is near me (preferably something that's not an inanimate object)

[2]
Turns out the nearest ...thing is the soul of a something that came out of the nether regions pits of Tartarus. It doesn't like humans, apparently. It ignores your requests until it swats at you, dealing forcing you to retreat [6]/2 = 3 more turns.

>Respawning in : Next Match. "Crap whens that? Next Forum game!? Aww man." Shmup Loon has Disconnected.
>"Darnit RNG, You've bested Shmup Loon with your randomness once again!"

[5]
OH WELL. DEAL WITH IT PUNY HUMAN. I'LL GIVE YOU A CONSOLATION PRIZE FOR THAT. [4] RUBIK'S CUBES OF RANDOMNESS. USE THEM WISELY.
Item get: 4 Rubik's Cubes of Randomness (gives a random effect to the holder when used. Odds are bad, evens are good.)

>Shoot spider web at spider. ^{If I know how to that is...}

[1]
No, Mr. Robot, you can't shoot spider webs out of your butt. Nor your hands. You die of embarrassment after straining for a few minutes. Dead for [4]

> Ranged assault, because it has yet to fail me!

[3]
You shift your balance, and you fall to the ground as the pillar you're on collapses. It hits the spider, though. -150 hp

>"Whoops, forgot about us being here...let's go, Satan. We can resume our card game in a bit."
>Combo attack with Satan! Unholy Magic Attack; Hellfire Star!
>Consume the spider with combo flames!

[1]
You two consumed yourselves in the hellfire. *clap clap* Dead for [6]

>Hit the spider with a big rolled-up newspaper.

[6]
You hit it right on its thorax. It also splits into two parts! The abdomen dies immediately, but the spider is still alive. -1/2 current HP + 60

> Bop it on the head.

twist it, turn it, pull it
[2]
Didn't do much. -100 hp

Code: [Select]

Boss Number: 7
Boss: GIANT SPIDER
HP: 2877 - 1748 = 1129
ATK: 265
Next attack: 3 turns
Status: None
Weak Point: Thorax (+60)
----------------------
Current effects:
None

Kappa: HP: 141 ATK: 60	aUsernameIsFineToo HP: 153 ATK: 90 Item: 25 insta-revives	Kasu: HP: 393 ATK: 300
Yuuna Zombolt HP: 133 ATK: 90	an unmatched sock (dead for 6) HP: 73 ATK: 40 Ally: Satan (HP: 697 | ATK 434) (gone in 2)	Kyo Tanaka HP: 73 ATK: 120
FlamingRok HP: 196 ATK: 160	Patorikku HP: 153 ATK: 300 Item: "Living Trinket" (x1): Increases roll by 4	Validon98 HP: 153 ATK: 10
Mr Jovial (dead for 6) HP: 63 ATK: 50	Hanzo K. HP:  83 ATK: 240	LaserTurtle HP: 80 ATK: 40
Miniking (Dead for 4) HP: 183 ATK: 430 Item: Rubik's Cubes of Randomness (x4) (gives a random effect to the holder when used. Dice roll. Odds are bad, evens are good. 2nd dice roll determines severity.)

[Kasu]

> Summon birds.

[Neovereign]

>"Hey other dead guys."
> Roll Rubik's cube to dodge

[Patorikku]

> Ow my butt.
> Well, I'm still not intent on getting close to that thing. Throw rocks at the spider!

[Mr Jovial]

Mr Jovial (dead for 6)

This is getting ridiculous...maybe dying is like negative life and negative life x negative life = positive life² ? Assuming that's true (and that I get better luck doing stuff that makes next to no sense)...
>Kill self until I die to death. It's not like I can get even deader probably

[FlamingRok]

>"If that's how you want his to happen..."
>Fire lightning at the thorax. This surely won't backfire at all!

[LaserTurtle]

>...and THIS is your spider on critical hits.
>Now that the monster is only a head-part, cut off its head! That's how we do things, right?

[Failure McFailFace]

I think my inactivity made some players leave.

Whoever doesn't make an order next turn will be removed from the stats list. There's way to many inactives for me to keep track of.

> Summon birds.

[2]
A really derpy bird came. He's hungry, and will leave in [6] for food.
Stats: HP: [3] * [4] * 10 = 120
ATK: [6] * 10 = 60

>"Hey other dead guys."
> Roll Rubik's cube to dodge

You roll a Rubik's Cube of Randomness.
[1]
Poor thing. You got poisoned!
[6]
Luckily for you, it will remove 31 HP per turn for [2] turns.

...Wait. You're dead. Then your revive HP will be lower, then.

> Ow my butt.
> Well, I'm still not intent on getting close to that thing. Throw rocks at the spider!

[3]
You have a 3/6 shot get the thorax (1,2, or 3 hits).
[4]
No thorax hitting today. -150 HP

This is getting ridiculous...maybe dying is like negative life and negative life x negative life = positive life² ? Assuming that's true (and that I get better luck doing stuff that makes next to no sense)...
>Kill self until I die to death. It's not like I can get even deader probably

[2]
Congrats! You have died to life. Barely. You lost [6]0 HP in the life-suicide, though. (Alive, but 3 HP left. Better have burn heal!)

>"If that's how you want his to happen..."
>Fire lightning at the thorax. This surely won't backfire at all!

[2]
Eh. You got a glancing blow. -53 HP

>...and THIS is your spider on critical hits.
>Now that the monster is only a head-part, cut off its head! That's how we do things, right?

[2]
The neck is too thick to chop off in one clean slice. Your cutting device is now stuck inside of the neck. -13 HP

Code: [Select]

Boss Number: 7
Boss: GIANT SPIDER
HP: 1129 - 216  = 913
ATK: 265
Next attack: 2 turns
Status: None
Weak Point: Thorax (+60)
----------------------
Current effects:
None

Kappa: HP: 141 ATK: 60	aUsernameIsFineToo HP: 153 ATK: 90 Item: 25 insta-revives	Kasu: HP: 393 ATK: 300 BIRD: HP: 120 | ATK: 60 (Leaves in 6)
Yuuna Zombolt HP: 133 ATK: 90	an unmatched sock (dead for 2) HP: 73 ATK: 40 Ally: Satan (HP: 697 | ATK 434) (gone in 1)	Kyo Tanaka HP: 73 ATK: 120
FlamingRok HP: 196 ATK: 160	Patorikku HP: 153 ATK: 300 Item: "Living Trinket" (x1): Increases roll by 4	Validon98 HP: 153 ATK: 10
Mr Jovial HP: 3 ATK: 50	Hanzo K. HP:  83 ATK: 240	LaserTurtle HP: 80 ATK: 40
Miniking (Dead for 3) (Poison for 2 --> -31HP) HP: 183 ATK: 430 Item: Rubik's Cubes of Randomness (x3) (gives a random effect to the holder when used. Dice roll. Odds are bad, evens are good. 2nd dice roll determines severity.)

[Kasu]

> Get that bird to attack with all his derpy might.

[Mr Jovial]

>Wait guys, let me keep going with the stabbing until I have a bit more health
>Ok quick, allocate stat points into the healer/paladin/cleric/priest/support/whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it tree and cast a heal spell on myself. Or an area heal if I have enough points for that :V. If that tree hasn't been released yet, just eat the stat points.

[Neovereign]

Darnit, more RNG business.
>Roll dice again. "Cmon baby, Escalators Escalators Escalators!"

[an unmatched sock]

>*whips out cell phone* Yeah Satan? It's me, the guy you lit on fire. No, I'm not in hell, just respawn purgatory. Look, just hit the spider with some fire while I'm still dead, a'ight? Also, if you can, tell that miniking guy to throw one of those Pick-Me-Ups my way, and that if he hits the timed command well enough, he might get a freebie. Thanks, Satan. *hangs up*

[LaserTurtle]

>debuff its attack! With the power of suggestion!

[FlamingRok]

>Well, that could've been way worse, let's search the area for any useful objects.

[Failure McFailFace]

PURGE MODE, ACTIVATE!!!
Players removed: Hanzo K., Kappa, aUsernameIsFineToo, Yunna Zombolt, Kyo Tanaka, Patorikku, Validon98

You guys will not be missed.

The RNG was not pleased at how many people were standing at the battlefield, doing nothing. He removed them from existence.

> Get that bird to attack with all his derpy might.

[1]
Derped too hard. RIP in pizzas (Bird has left)

>Wait guys, let me keep going with the stabbing until I have a bit more health
>Ok quick, allocate stat points into the healer/paladin/cleric/priest/support/whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it tree and cast a heal spell on myself. Or an area heal if I have enough points for that :V. If that tree hasn't been released yet, just eat the stat points.

[6]
You heal everyone on the battlefield (except the enemy!) by 50 * [1] * 2 = 100 HP!

Darnit, more RNG business.
>Roll dice again. "Cmon baby, Escalators Escalators Escalators!"

[1]
Shoot. Eels. You got zapped by eels. DEAD FOR -[6] --> 1 TURNS

>*whips out cell phone* Yeah Satan? It's me, the guy you lit on fire. No, I'm not in hell, just respawn purgatory. Look, just hit the spider with some fire while I'm still dead, a'ight? Also, if you can, tell that miniking guy to throw one of those Pick-Me-Ups my way, and that if he hits the timed command well enough, he might get a freebie. Thanks, Satan. *hangs up*

[5]
Satan comes out of the ground for a bit to spit out some fire. -361 HP

>debuff its attack! With the power of suggestion!

[4]
"Come on! Lower your attack!"
Fine. Just a little bit, though.
You can't believe that worked. Boss ATK is lowered by [2]0 points

>Well, that could've been way worse, let's search the area for any useful objects.

[5]
Found a decently sharp sword. +[4]0 ATK.

WARNING: BOSS ATTACK NEXT TURN!

Code: [Select]

Boss Number: 7
Boss: GIANT SPIDER
HP: 913 - 361 = 552
ATK: 265 - 20 = 245
Next attack: 1 turns
Status: None
Weak Point: Thorax (+60)
----------------------
Current effects:
None

Kasu HP: 493 ATK: 300	an unmatched sock (dead for 1) HP: 173 ATK: 40	FlamingRok HP: 296 ATK: 160 + 40 = 200 Inventory: Sword (+40 ATK)
Mr Jovial HP: 103 ATK: 50	LaserTurtle HP: 180 ATK: 40	Miniking (Dead for 1) (Poison for 1 --> -31HP) HP: 252 ATK: 430 Item: Rubik's Cubes of Randomness (x3) (gives a random effect to the holder when used. Dice roll. Odds are bad, evens are good. 2nd dice roll determines severity.)

[Kasu]

> Defend.

[Neovereign]

>Pass a Rubik's cube to An Unmatched Sock
>Activate Spellcard! "Cruise of Bkub: Send Romans" _{(It took forever to make an anagram of "Rubik's Cube of Randomness")}

[LaserTurtle]

>Redirect spider's attack to target the sun. With the power of suggestion psychokinesis!