Rou's Random Shorts

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

My head a splode.

[HakureiSM]

Oh holy what.

[♛ Apher-Forte]

I especially love that Parsee story so far, it is just so.... Aki Eda.

[FinnKaenbyou]

"...Well. It seems Yukari has an...interesting taste in guests to send me."

Remilia struggled to find the words she was looking for, which was a very rare occurance for her. She sipped at her tea incessantly, using the act as an excuse to talk less.

"...I'll say, when she told me she was bringing me one of my own, I wasn't expecting you to be...this."

Across the table sat a young man whose pale skin was apparently attractive outside of Gensokyo. Every aspect of his facial features was flawless - a perfectly modelled jaw, nose, lips, everything. A pair of dark, cold eyes stared across the table at his host, analysing her coldly and completely. In many ways he reminded Remilia of the toy dolls she had given Flandre to play with, the ones she'd never been able to keep in one piece for longer than an hour.

There was about as much depth to him, as well.

"I've never been one to commit to social norms. It keeps people away from me."

Edward Cullen wore his one facial expression, that of disinterest and boredom. His eyes wandered around the room, occasionally looking with suspicion at the closed curtain hanging across the wall. For a moment Remilia let herself consider that beyond the border this man was adored by teenage girls everywhere.

She felt ill.

"Okay, let me run this by me again. You can read my mind-"

"Correct, and right now you seem to be thinking up various ways to kill me. I can assume you aren't very fond of me."

Apparently, thought Remilia, when God decided to make Edward Cullen he misplaced his list of shortcomings. Or maybe it was a she in this case.

"...Right. Anyway, on top of that, you're super strong, super fast and super durable. You're incredibly attractive to each and every one of your peers, and you don't need to breathe, eat or sleep."

Edward nodded.

"Pretty much."

Remilia raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"And despite all of this, you think you're a monster?"

Edward attempted to glare at his host, but given that it was his default emotion it had little effect.

"You don't understand how hard it is. Keeping people away from me, not hurting them-"

"Ah, yes, I forgot. You're a vampire who avoids drinking blood. Which is about as sensible as an artist who never paints, but who am I to judge? I've only been alive for, what, 400 years longer than you?"

There was a sense of victory as Remilia took another sip of tea. He had instinctively refused it, which irritated her somewhat but was hardly the last thing she could do to this man.

"...I'm not like you. I have morals."

"Is that what you told your little Isabella?"

Edward showed emotion in the only way he knew how - by standing up aggressively. Remilia winced a little as she noticed that he was a good two heads taller than her.

"Bella was...an accident. A mistake. But...I love her!"

"That's why you broke up with her and let her nearly kill herself, I assume. Love must work very strangely outside of the border."

There was something thoroughly satisfying about taking this man apart. Everything about him felt bland, one-dimensional, and showing him up for what he was turned out to be incredibly pleasing.

Plus, from what she had heard this man was giving vampires a bad name outside of Gensokyo. Beating him down was practically a duty, in that case.

"I was scared for her sake! Our love is genuine!"

Was that actual emotion rising in Edward's voice? Probably a fluke, Remilia told herself.

"Yes, genuine love consists of telling her who she can be friends with, listening in on her, and watching her intently while she sleeps. Very, very interesting definition-"

And sure enough, here he was jumping over the table with an expression that was probably supposed to be rage but came across as a mild irritation. Nothing was more entertaining to Remilia than an opponent whose soft spots were blatantly obvious.

Had any sort of logic been present, Edward would have made the jump with ease, landed on Remilia, and most likely proceeded to beat her to a pulp. However, this was Gensokyo, and in Gensokyo logic is largely ignored in favour of whatever overpowered youkai happens to be present.

His leap ended in a headfirst collision with Remilia's chair, which (much to the mistress's annoyance) came apart after the impact. Remilia was standing utterly relaxed at the other end of the room, as if she'd been there the whole time. Edward raised an eyebrow, his form of displaying utter shock.

"Oh, don't be so surprised. You clearly haven't spent long in Gensokyo, have you?"

At Remilia's side, almost instantly, another young woman emerged from nowhere. She was dressed in a traditional French maid outfit, but the cold glare and sharp looking knives in her hand were enough to tell Edward she wasn't here to clean away the cutlery.

"Ojou-sama, what would you have me do to our guest?"

Sakuya turned to her mistress, keeping a knife pointed in Edward's direction at all times. Remilia wore a devilish smirk.

"Hm...I'd say he needs a little sunlight, with that complexion of his."

Sakuya nodded. She looked for a moment at Edward, still standing surprised(?) at the table, realising slowly what Remilia's plan was.

By the time she had clicked her fingers, it was too late.

Time froze, and from Edward's point of view there was no movement at all. He didn't see Sakuya run across the room, pulling the curtain open so as to illuminate the whole table area.

But as she clicked her fingers again, he realised that was exactly what had happened.

"We~ll, Mr. Cullen? I wonder if you're still so attractive when your skin is burning away~?"

Total elation ran across Remilia's face as she watched for Edward to collapse into a pile of ashes or some other painful end. This happiness quickly faded when she realised that no such fate was befalling him.

"...Huh?"

Edward's expression had by now returned to boredom, as the sun continued to shine down upon him. His skin shone, in every definition of the word - almost as if he was the screwed up child of a vampire and a diamond.

"...Ojou-sama, he appears to be-"

"I know, Sakuya. Stop treating me like a 495-year-old."

Remilia pouted, crossing her arms in a childish huff. Her triumphant execution of this jerk had failed miserably. She sighed.

"...Just give him to Flandre or something."

Sakuya nodded, ready to click her fingers again. From reading her mind, Edward got a pretty good idea that he didn't want to meet this Flandre.

"Wait, don't-"

That was as far as Edward got before time stopped once again. By the time she was done, Remilia was alone in the room with the curtain closed again.

"...Sparkling vampires? Is that what we've been reduced to outside Gensokyo?"

There was a fresh cup of tea sitting at the table for her. She took Edward's seat, given that he wouldn't be needing it any time soon, and took a good long sip. In the distance, she could make out her sister's excited cries.

"Ooh, are you onee-chan's new present for me?! You look like you're going to be a lot of fuun~!"

Edward's cries were quickly replaced with the sounds of pain, violence and general discomfort. Remilia allowed herself a small grin as it reached her ears.

"I should visit Patchouli to get my mind off of this. Yukari mentioned an author she thought I'd be interested in...Meyer, or something like that..."

-----

Sequel where Remilia meets Ebony from My Immortal. Y/N?

[Jana]

Y

I'm tempted to show this to a few friends elsewhere (although I'd want your permission first!). Very nice work, and good satire... I've always wanted a story along these lines~

[FinnKaenbyou]

I'm tempted to show this to a few friends elsewhere (although I'd want your permission first!).

Why not? It's not like I'm making money from this or anything. :V

[Dead Princess Sakana]

Rou, you are a genius~

You just made the world a much better place  :V

Whenever this damned book/movie is going to come up again, I'll just call your story to my mind and endure everything with a satisfied smile. 

[Athon]

It's quite bizarre how bad things get popular fast and good things are forgotten to a corner of the world.
Or actually is better this way.

[HakureiSM]

Or actually is better this way.

Not with the President we both have to endure.

By the way Rou, the story is simply amazing, and that makes me unsure if I hate you and want to kill you or if you're just brilliant.

[Drake]

I would like to know every little detail of what happens during Edward's visit with Flandre. You know, Meyer-heavy description and all that.

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

Awesome. X3

[FinnKaenbyou]

The foot of the Mountain of Youkai, as a brand new day welcomed Gensokyo. The plants rose in stature as the sun shone upon them, and a colourful selection of wildlife awoke. Luscious greenlands, with crystal-clear waters running alongside them, created an atmosphere that the outside world couldn't hope to match in its most idyllic imaginations.

An atmosphere that was shattered irrevocably as one loud, rough syllable cut through the air.

"Arrrrrrr."

With a ferocity akin to a tiger's growl, Murasa Minamitsu proudly swaggered along the lakeside. The native creatures, already frightened away by her cry alone, weren't around to discover that she looked nowhere near as threatening as she sounded - though it obviously took a good deal of strength to heave around a full-grown anchor on her back with such ease.

"Aye, they be lyin' tae me when they said there be no oceans in Gensokyo. Lookit all this water!"

Murasa pointed at the rather weedy-looking river that she walked alongside, talking to no-one in particular. A small trail of sand run along its side, just about wide enough for a person to stand on.

"Arr...and where there be sand, there be treasure!"

She pulled out her trustworthy metal detector, holding it firmly against the ground. Its head was pressed hard into the sand as Murasa walked down the riverside, scouring for treasure.

"Beep. Beep."

The metal detector started to give off a dull beeping sound as it was pulled along. Murasa's face lit up.

"Gettin' closer..."

She started to walk a little faster. With every step, the detector's beeping grew in intensity and speed. Murasa's heart raced along with it in anticipation, rising to speeds that would probably kill a human being.

"Beep beep beep beep beep..."

As she walked onward, Murasa could make out an oddly coloured shape of sand in the distance. Only a slightly darker yellow to its neighbours, but with her years of experience Murasa caught it with ease. For the sake of completion she slammed the detector into the mound with a satisfying slam.

"Beeeeeeeeep..."

It gave off one last, almost sorrowful fanfare before Murasa threw it to the side. Now came the fun part. Her hand now reached for the anchor on her back, and with an elegant motion she swooped down with the overgrown hunk and metal and scooped away a good chunk of sand.

"And ta think there're wannabe pirates who waste their time wi' spades fer diggin!"

With her amazing speed, it only took Murasa a matter of seconds to reach something buried beneath the sand. Her spare hand immediately reached down, and without even looking she grabbed her prize and held it in the air triumphantly.

"ARRRR! Another bounty be mine!"

She squeezed at her trophy, judging it based on feel alone. It was cold and hard, just large enough to fit in her hand. Her finger pressed on a sharp edge, and her eyes widened.

"B-By Chiyuri's Folding Chair! One a' the legend'ry 1-Up Stars?!"

She pulled it in front of her face, desperation and shock overriding her glee. If this thing was purple, she was made for life.

She was disappointed to find that it was green instead.

"Arr? What'sis?"

She spun it in her hand, maintaining a faint hope that she was just looking at it from the wrong angle. Unfortunately, it was green no matter which was she looked at it.

"Never seen one'a these before...some relic o' times before mine, methinks."

Unimpressed, Murasa tossed the star into the river, watching it as the current pulled it under. Her fist shook slightly.

"A'ight, just gettin' ridda the junk before I get ta the good stuff. Take 2!"

She grabbed the detector again, pushing it back into the sand. Its beeping was a good deal quieter now, and didn't increase much in frequency as its owner walked along the riverside. Murasa frowned.

"Hmm...maybe if I dip it in..."

Murasa slipped the detector into the water slightly, running it across submerged sand.

"Bleeplb...bleeplb..."

There was a slight but noticable increase. Murasa smirked.

"Aye, we be gettin' somewhere now!"

She pushed the metal detector further into the water, letting it sink in deeper and deeper. She grinned as its resonance grew louder and louder, until the point where even the detector itself was shaking.

"Bleeplbleeplbleepl!"

The detector's sound came off as almost desperate, as it reacted with nearly enough force to lift itself out of the water. Murasa held it in place regardless, excitement overwhelming her-

"Murasa, what the hell?"

Her trance was interrupted by a booming voice from behind her. Twisting her head, Murasa found herself face-to-face with the last person she'd been wanting to meet.

"A-Arr...mornin', Adm'ral Shou. Y'aren't usually up and about this early, are ye-"

Shou glared her down, using her few extra inches to great effect. The intense anger in her eyes said more than any words could contain.

"Ah, well...see, I know I didn't ask before I borrowed from ye...but they always be sayin' that it's easier ta get forgiven than get permission-"

"Gleeelplbl..."

The detector's call cut Murasa off, as the pair of them looked into the water. A few bubbles rose to the surface in time with the beep.

"Just get her out of there."

Shou's command was simple and direct. As the detector continued to squirm in Murasa's hand, the sailor sighed and finally lifted it out of the water.

Nazrin gasped for air the instant her head broke the surface, shivering a little as cold water hung on her face. She still struggled against the ropes that Murasa had jumped her with, holding her arms at her sides.

"Haah...haah...b-beep beep..."

Shou grabbed her underling from Murasa's hands in an instant, holding her tenderly as she untied her. There were tears in Nazrin's eyes from getting slammed into the 'treasure' head-first, though she did her best to act as though it was just salt water.

"Ah...Shou-sama, there's sand in my ears..."

The tiger youkai hugged Nazrin with a maternal touch, undoing the last of her bonds. The mouse youkai started to run her fingers around her ears in irritation as her superior got to her feet. Her benevolence vanished in an instant as she turned to Murasa.

"You don't expect me to let you away with this, do you?"

Shou reached for her own weapon, carefully wielding a spear as long as she was tall. She held its tip a few inches from Murasa's face. The sailor shrugged.

"Aye, whatever. The Capn's gotta go down with the ship 'n' all."

There was a confident grin on Murasa's face as she admitted her defeat. For an instant Shou hesitated - was Murasa really the kind to give up that easily? Regardless, there was really nothing she could do in this position, so there was nothing wrong with just lunging forward and-

"Sinker Ghost."

-falling flat on your face and half-burying yourself in damp sand as your weapon shifts straight through your target.

"Ahahaha! Ye didn't think I'd play fair, did ye?! Bloody landlubbers, couldna think yer way outta a knot!"

A green tint had run across Murasa's body, as she took on her original ghostly form. Seeing an opportunity, she ran in the opposite direction as fast as she could. Shou pulled her head out of the sand as fast as she could, but her target still had an unmatchable head start. There was nothing she could do but mutter a curse as her foe fled into the distance.

"Goddammit. I hate that card."

-----

Zzzz...

Further down the river, the water expanded slightly into a small lake. A single dolphin swam in lazy circles within it, enjoying her half-sleep and paying more or less no attention to her surroundings.

A sharp, painful object jabbing her in the side jolted her back into consciousness.

"?!"

Turning on the spot, the dolphin noticed a small green star passing by her. Its five jagged ends were enough to incriminate it as the culprit, and she made to grab it for a closer look. Realising that her hand-fins weren't cut out for the job, she reverted to humanoid form and grabbed it with a real hand instead.

"...?"

Why do I suddenly feel so...faithful?

-----

[/throwawaycameo]

[Esifex]

Ack. I haven't kept up with enough of the games themselves to know all the goodies and pick-ups and items. Are the green stars from MoF?

[Drake]

I saw the Nazrin twist coming so far away I don't even know

Still great, though. Oh wow.

[Alfred F. Jones]

"B-By Chiyuri's Folding Chair!"

This oath made me laugh more than it had a right to.

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

That's because you're you. |3

[♛ Apher-Forte]

Rou, allow me to tell you now that I finally read through the Reimu and Yukari's depressing 3part you wrote:

I CRIED LIKE A BITCH

SERIOUSLY

WHY DID I READ THIS BEFORE I SLEEP?

I CRIED LIKE A BITCH, God, I can't stop sobbing...

this is... arggghhh. (reminds me of Key Games, damn you)

[HakureiSM]

A-F is lame :V

[♛ Apher-Forte]

I am sorry I am lame, being emotional is part of the dramatic changes of being an artist lol.

/oops sorry if I hit a sore spot.
kekeke.

[Esifex]

I cried two parts sissy tears and one part manly tears when I read the depressing bits.

Then I remembered that not all stories need to have happy endings to be powerful stories, and sometimes the satisfying finish from a powerful story can be twisted ever so slightly by your perception of the story to MAKE it into a happy ending.

Sure, Reimu passed away - but she went in peace and told Yukari that she'd be able to get over it.

And who knows - she probably ended up at Higan, BS'd a while with Komachi, went across the river, and Eiki was like 'yo celestial for you, gtfo of my courtroom before I ABSOLUTE JUSTICE you'

[Spidere]

That was a good RE joke Rou. Nice one. I'm amazed you people don't get the references.

Also, the Remilia meets Edward Cullen was the best yet. All of these are just...just great.

[FinnKaenbyou]

People.

If there was anything Alice Margatroid couldn't stand, it was people.

Of course, people knew that. They had always written off Alice as a loner with a doll-building obsession who was too stubborn and proud to admit she had feelings for anyone.

What she hated was that they were half right on that count.

"Seriously, I don't understand what is with these people."

Alice muttered to herself, aware that only the wooden ears of her dolls would catch her voice. She sewed up a tear Shanghai had received after one of her more recent automaton experiments went awry. She had cut off her supply of magical energy (if Alice's concentration slipped for an instant she'd fidget, and that'd make everything harder) so Shanghai simply looked back at her with blank eyes.

"So caught up in their romanticism and all. Just because I like being by myself means I'm shy?"

As she worked, one of her unused pinkies wagged incessantly. A barely visible thread connected it to another doll, currently writing down Alice's monologue as she spoke. There was no real finesse in her finger movement, but her mind thought out the task plain and clear. The magic did the rest.

"Especially all the people who think I have a thing for Marisa. I mean, really? Just because we live close and we have similar interests we're immediately a pair?"

Even when she talked to herself, Alice managed to keep herself perfectly calm. One of the other rumours passing around about her was that she was thoroughly depressed and lonely, crafting dolls as an attempt to keep herself company.

If she ever found out who'd started that one, she'd show them exactly what her dolls were capable of. And it wasn't tea parties and puppet shows.

The needle finished its final journey, and pulling at it Alice smiled as Shanghai's dress slipped back together. She raised a finger towards the doll, and another thread started to pass through the air towards the contraption. As it made contact the doll's head rose, and emotion began to seep into her eyes. She stood up with her tiny little legs and bowed.

"Many thanks, master."

"Whatever. Just get ready to move, I want to talk to some people."

Shanghai had been the closest Alice had come to her goal of creating a doll that could move on its own. An automaton - It was the absolute pinnacle of her field, the result she'd been aiming for for years now, but even Shanghai was unable to act unless Alice maintained her with her own supply of magic. Her mind drifted to a rumour of a living doll in the suzuran fields, but that had only been at large during the flower-viewing incident some time ago. She'd visited several times afterwards with no success, so most days she simply sat around and tweaked Shanghai until she reached her dream.

That was all it was. Nothing more. No loneliness, no embarrassment, no nothing.

"And I'm sick of people trying to insist that's the case."

Taking a bag of spare dolls with her just in case, Alice let herself out and began to make her way out of the Forest of Magic, Shanghai following right behind her shoulder. She had already decided where to start - honestly, in terms of information in Gensokyo, there was only one place that made sense.

---

"Hey, if it isn't the hikki puppeteer herself!"

Aya's opening remark was, if nothing else, thoroughly predictable. She motioned to a seat across from her desk at the Bunbunmaru office (read: a shed on the Mountain of Youkai that someone had forgotten to demolish), and Alice accepted. A tiny plaque on the desk read 'Aya Shameimaru: Reporter, Editor, And Professional Photographer (Given Sufficient Funding)'.

"You must've brought me something pretty juicy if you managed to get past Momizi. I've told her not to let anyone past unless they've got something good to offer."

"Yeah, about that. I sorta lent her one of my dolls to toy around with while I talked to you. I'd suggest you find a guard with a longer attention span sometime soon."

"...Oh."

Aya's disappointment was apparent. Shanghai shook her head in disapproval, displaying Alice's inner thoughts without needing to say a word. She patched up her expression, though, and did her best to rebound.

"A-Anyway. Should I assume you're here to spill the truth about your feelings?"

"As a matter of fact, I am."

Aya's face beamed, though she seemed disappointed in the lack of nerves on Alice's part. She grabbed a piece of paper from the pile beneath her desk, pulling out a pen.

"Good to see you're coming clean, Alice! Don't need much from you, just a quote about your undying love for that black-white. The rumour mill's already given me plenty to work with."

"Actually, on that note. Any idea as to where this rumour mill started?"

Aya jerked her head away from the piece of paper, clearly irritated her scoop wasn't coming for free.

"Well, since you're not going to anyone else about it, I guess it's only fair I give you a little back."

She stopped for a minute, looking blankly into the distance. Alice could almost hear the cogs whirling in her head as she pulled her mind back to the start of this mess.

"...It's been around for a while, so I can't give anyone in particular...I remember that apparently the source is someone very close to you, but really that's all that got specified. It was in enough detail for me to believe it, too. Not enough for an article, though apparently that's about to change~."

Alice's eyes widened for a moment. Who out there would honestly call themselves close to her? She'd taken people in, but she'd never really paid any attention to them during their stay, and no-one ever visited her-

"...Ah."

Shanghai, as a servant of her master's intentions, slammed the palm of her hand into her face alongside Alice. The puppeteer groaned slightly.

"...Goddammit. Here I was thinking it was just people being over-romantic and making it up on a whim."

Alice pulled her hand aside, shaking her head and readjusting her hair. Shanghai fiddled with her dress in unison as the seven-coloured youkai got to her feet.

"Well, Miss Shameimaru, it's been interesting. Thanks for your help."

Alice moved towards the door, prompting a cry of shock from Aya.

"H-Hey, wait! What about this article?!"

Alice looked back with a demonic smirk.

"Oh, don't worry. I've never cared at all for Marisa in the slightest. Just thought you might want to know that."

She walked out the 'office' with a confident stride, looking out to the path down the mountain. Momizi was where Alice had left her, lying on the ground at her guard post toying with the doll. Her tail was wagging with childish satisfaction.

"Ehehe, it's cute...oh, Miss Margatroid. Do I have to give this back now...?"

Momizi pouted, her wolf ears drooping slightly. Alice turned to her, then back to the building she'd emerged from. Aya wasn't going to let her away with this for nothing, and if she didn't have any news to offer the tengu would probably settle for just handing down a beating. And even if she found Marisa, there was no way she could do anything about it alone.

With unsympathetic haste, a plan formed in Alice's head.

"Actually, you can hold onto it for doing such a good job, okay? Now go and show it to your boss, she'll love it."

Momizi's eyes glistened with joy. She nodded happily as Alice quickly started to make her way down the mountain. A few seconds later, Aya emerged, fan in hand as she dashed towards the puppeteer.

"That does it, you goddamn NEET! Nobody leaves me without spilling something news-worthy-"

"Hey, Miss Aya~! Look at this!"

Aya froze at Momizi's call, rubbing her temples. She always picked the worst times to do things like this. Not that it mattered - Aya was the fastest in Gensokyo, so there was no way Alice could run from her.

"...Okay, lemme see this thing."

Aya sat down next to Momizi, observing the doll. It was definitely well made, presumably one of Alice's standard models. It was nice seeing her fellow tengu enjoy herself so much with it, at least...

In the distance, Alice clicked her fingers.

"Eh? Miss Aya, do you hear a ticking sound coming from this doll? I don't know if it's supposed to be doing tha-"

---

Meanwhile, at the Hakurei shrine, Reimu found herself wondering why she couldn't get time to herself in her own damn home. Either it was Suika or it was the girl lying across her lap right now, her overgrown witch's hat lying a few inches from her head.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

Marisa laughed in response. Reimu honestly wished that the girl had the capability to at least accept an insult - it defeated the point entirely if she just defused everything with laughter.

"Gee, y'think? Personally I think it's kinda funny."

"You went for easy targets. No ambition."

Reimu sipped at a cup of green tea, having grown used to Marisa's tendency to treat her friends like they were siblings. Although maybe 'friend' was the wrong word from Reimu's point of view. 'Stubborn acquaintance who mistakes coincidental meetings for signs of friendship' made more sense, but it was sort of a mouthful.

"Well, you gotta make it believable and all. Alice is sorta a jerk, but all you need to do is slant your view a little and BAM! She's as deredere as you get. Same with Patchy and Nitori - just give the tengu a rumour or two and the system runs itself!"

"...Deredere?"

"Some word your gap friend told me about. Never mind."

Marisa was looking up at the afternoon sky with an expression of contentment. Her arms were behind her head, and she smiled to herself as if in response to some hidden joke.

"Anyway, things are going pretty swell for me. Nothing to worry abou-"

"Here as usual, I see."

Marisa jerked to her feet with inhuman speed as her voice was cut off. A familiar face had walked in on the conversation. Familiar in a very uncomfortable way.

"U-Uh, hey, Alice. D-Didn't think you ever bothered visitin' Reimu, so, uh..."

Alice worn an expression that had transcended rage and gone all the way around back to calm. Shanghai, still fluttering over her shoulder, was somewhat less relaxed, turning to Marisa and running her finger across her throat.

"I suppose you thought it'd be pretty funny to try passing me off as some lonely love-sick loser, didn't you? Something that you thought would make a nice little joke, huh?"

Alice casually stepped forward, the smile on her face terrifyingly false. Marisa started adjusting her collar as she tried to shimmy to the side.

"Uh, well, y'see...this is all a crazy misunderstanding, right? Just some stupid jokes that got outta hand and, well, it wasn't my idea, and-"

That was as far as she got before she could see her opening. She burst into running speed instantly, trying to use her added momentum to burst past Alice and off to freedom-

"Hold it!"

Marisa stopped dead in her tracks as something grabbed her by the shoulder. Her head turned to the assailant, and it was only with mild surprise that she failed to see anyone holding her in place. The edge of her dress almost seemed trapped in midair. The voice that had called out was the second of the three Marisa really hadn't wanted to hear.

"What, you thought I'd confront you by myself? You really are an idiot, Marisa."

Alice let a tone of triumph slip into her voice. The invisible figure started to fade into view, and Marisa found herself face to face with her (now quite definitely ex-)kappa partner.

"I let you visit and promise to show you my new inventions...and this is what I get!? That's just plain mean, Marisa!"

Nitori was nowhere near as calm as Alice had been, tears rolling down her eyes. Marisa's mouth bobbed open and shut as she tried to produce some sort of excuse.

"Uh, w-well...y-you're not getting it...really-"

Before she could offer any more in her defense, a swarm of ropes emerged from the staircase in the distance, advancing on the captive witch and wrapping themselves around her. Nitori dropped her, allowing the now-bound Marisa to fall to the floor.

"...Haah...haah...I have yet...to understand...just why these humans...are so obsessed with...stairs."

Patchouli, the last of the trio, hauled herself up the stairway to the shrine with all the energy her body could spare. The ropes of wind were her doing, and as a superior magician they were more than enough to keep Marisa at bay.

Marisa was looking up at the sky again, but this time with no feelings of happiness whatsoever. Three faces loomed over her - two melancholic, one distraught, and all of them almost definitely coming up with ideas of bad things to do to her.

"Well, Marisa, I'm sure you're be aware of the threefold law?"

Alice smiled, motioning to Nitori to continue.

"Right. Whatever you give out to the world..."

"...You shall receive in return, threefold."

With that as a promise of what was in store, the trio put their united effort into lifting the flailing witch.

"H-Hey, guys! This isn't funny, really! Y-You can put me down now and all...aw, man, it was a joke! Don't get hard about i-gah!"

It was a strange occurance in that whenever Marisa's complaints became too loud, Alice would accidentally drop her head and send it slamming into a stair. What an amazing coincidence, especially since it lasted the whole several minute trip down the stairs, and there was yet more punishment to come after that.

Not that Reimu cared, though. She was back to sipping her tea, observing the entire affair as a spectator alone.

"...Heh. Looks like it all worked out in the end."

By offering the idea to Marisa all that time ago, she'd intended for everything to come to a head like this. Marisa passed out rumours, girls get pissed, girls beat up Marisa, Marisa ends up too distraught to bother her again. All for the sake of finally getting her own shrine to herself.

There was a new flavour in her tea today - that wonderful aftertaste of everything going just as planned.

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

....

REIKAKU DOORI.

[♛ Apher-Forte]

Reimu is quite a bitch isn't it... lol
even relationship wise.

I like it~

[HakureiSM]

Reimu.

Amazing.

<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333~~~~~~~~~

[PMiller1]

Reimu that was Evil, Very Evil.

[FinnKaenbyou]

Unexpected update!

As some of you may know, the 16th is Ruro's birthday, so I decided that I'd give her a gift in the only way I knew how; a story. She insisted I put it up here rather than keep it private, so...here you go!

---

Eiki Shiki, the Yama of Xanadu, had never been one to find repetition boring.

The seat at her office had a near-permanent imprint of her hind quarters by now. She had sifted through more paperwork in the last hour than most of her fellow judges would take on in a working day. Not that any of them were lazy, per se - they simply took time off the job to relax, catch a breath, talk to their subordinates. Others liked to stop for a snack, even though technically food was something the Yama no longer needed to sustain themselves.

Eiki partook in none of these.

"Justice is entirely selfless as an occupation. Time I spend indulging my own desires is time that I leave the fates of the dead unresolved."

She muttered to herself to stay resolute as she filled out a form nigh-identical to the one she'd just placed to her side. There was a celestial bureaucracy at work, and as a result it was left to her to sort out the inevitable paper trail. It was a thankless task, and left her with less time to get around to the actual judgement than most, but she resolved this problem by simply cutting out hours from her sleep pattern. Self-sacrifice was the only sign of an honest judge, in her opinion.

So in many ways, this day was a repeat of the one before. Filling out a nigh-endless pile of forms, making requests, writing paychecks, everything that should have been done by someone in another department. Eiki acted with no malice, only a desire to make Higan work at maximum capacity.

The pile of forms stood between Eiki and her eastern-most wall, blocking her view of the calendar. As she slowly drove through her workload, it began to slip into view - a simple 12-month calendar, marking today as the sixteenth day on the month of Kisaragi.

The hastily scribbled 'BIRTHDAY' in the corner of the date caused her to blink once as she glanced at it. She glared at it for a few seconds before sighing.

"...It's hardly a day worth celebrating. I passed on some time ago, after all..."

Paying it no further heed, Eiki disregarded the calendar and turned back to the painfully familiar regulation form. Once again she requested an audience with the highest of the yama to propse a revolutionary plan for those who had no rightful place in hell or Hakugyokurou on death. A place inbetween for those who were neither sinners nor saints. Most likely she'd be told that her absolute power of black and white made such a resource unnecessary, but it wouldn't go down for lack of trying.

The fine oaken door to her office shook slightly as it was knocked.

"Hey, boss. Package for ya."

Komachi's rough voice almost seemed to burrow through the door, echoing into the room on the other side. Eiki allowed herself to look up for the briefest of instances.

"Alright, bring it in."

The door creaked open at her command, her shinigami subordinate letting herself in. She held a package in both arms, covered in an ornate red wrapping with green ribbons running across it. Her scythe was balanced precariously on top of it, ready to tip and impale someone any moment. Komachi was sniffing for some reason as she carried it to her boss's desk.

"Dunno why this is here. Doesn't really feel like anything the judges would send you. And it smells kinda weird."

She seemed relieved as she dropped it on Eiki's desk, grabbing at her nose and stepping back.

"Geez. I dunno if you've got some kinda stalker or somethin'. I'm gonna just go polish my scythe, so don't expect me around for a little while."

With that, Komachi stepped out again, apparently unaware that her scythe was still on top of the package. Eiki allowed herself a smile - Komachi was normally a master procrastinator, but sometimes her excuses just didn't add up. She decided that given her own overblown work hours it was only fair that her subordinate could get a break from watching over her.

"...Still. What is this?"

Eiki placed the scythe on the desk properly as she picked up the package. Weighing it in her hands she found it to be relatively light, its contents most likely some sort of fabric. The scent of the wrapping rose up and reached her nose. Its familiarity caused her to flinch for an instant.

It was the smell of strawberries.

"...Tch. This is just like her, isn't it...?"

She shouldn't have been wasting time on this. There was work to be done, just like there always was. Engaging in something useless like this was a waste of time.

And yet, somehow, she didn't care. She hadn't received a birthday present in centuries, so the act of tearing apart the wrapping like an over-excited child carried a wonderful touch of nostalgia. She was glad that Komachi wasn't able to see her doing this - she still had to maintain some sense of dignity, after all.

As the last layer of wrapping came apart, Eiki's eyes widened.

"...Oh...oh, my."

Within was a piece of clothing made of a simple, elastic fabric. It was the same dark shade of blue as her official uniform, but clearly it wasn't meant for any sort of similar use. There was a name tag on the front, on which the word 'EIKI' had been written in huge infantile letters with a red marker. There was a note attached at the bottom with much more adult and fluent handwriting, written on light pink paper:

'Thought something like this would help you if you should ever fall into the Sanzu River. Happy Birthday. ~Yumemi'

By now Eiki's mouth was bobbing open and closed like a fish's. Taking it out of its wrapping completely, she opened it up fully. She was suddenly reminded of the swimming classes she'd taken back during her years among the living - she had worn something almost identical to this, though obviously a lot smaller given her age.

Of all the things she could get for her birthday, Yumemi had given her this. Not something practical, like a fountain pen or even a box of her favourite handpicked strawberries.

She'd given her a school swimsuit.

"Ah...wha...!?"

R-Ridiculous! I can't be seen wearing this, it'd be the death of me! It goes against every rule and regulation Higan has ever had, doesn't it?! And an outfit so...so revealing is unbefitting of a yama! What was she thinking?!

Eiki's face had turned bright crimson in a matter of seconds, unable to get her eyes away from the piece of swimwear in her hands. She almost wanted to get Komachi to throw it away, but then there'd be the question of how it came to her in the first place, and that'd involve explaining the connections she had outside of Gensokyo...

Wait! That'll work!

Realising disposing of the offending garment wasn't an option, Eiki hastily constructed a Plan B. Placing it to the side momentarily, she started to unfasten the buttons on her dress. If there was nowhere she could hide it in the room, she had no choice but to hide it on her person.

Within a minute Eiki had managed to undress herself down to her undergarments. Now she reached for the swimsuit and slipped it on, blushing all the while. At least Yumemi had managed to get her sizes right - it was a neat fit, its elastic clinging to her body with ease.

"Okay, now I need to get changed again before anyone sees this-"

"Yo, Eiki!"

Another knock on the door, but this time Eiki had every reason to be shocked by it. She jumped onto the seat behind her desk, pulling on one of her socks.

"K-Komachi! I'm busy!"

Despite her protests, the door slid open anyway. Eiki's blood ran cold.

"S'okay, just realised I left my scythe in here. Nothin' to worry abou-"

That was as far as Komachi got before her eyes fell on her superior. In her desperation she had laid her long, slender legs on the desk as she'd been pulling her socks on, and the only other garment of her original uniform she was wearing was the hat she'd slipped on moments before. Komachi's attention was obviously focused on the nonsensical piece of fabric running across Eiki's whole body, making her seem as if she was ready to take an afternoon dip in the Sanzu.

There was an awkward, painful silence. Eiki's face turned bright crimson.

"K-Komachi...this isn't what it looks like..."

Komachi's expression was initially shock, but it slowly metamorphosed into her own form of embarrassment. The red tint from her blushing interlaced with the blood slowly dripping out of her nose.

"...Uh...I, um...think I'll just keep the scythe in here for now. I need to, uh...run to the bathroom. Right now."

Clutching her nose to stop the bleeding, Komachi slammed the door behind her. Her footsteps echoed along the hall for only seconds before fading into the distance. Eiki stared blankly into the space where she'd been, still paralysed.

It took her a few minutes to regain her composure and finish the job. As she did up the last button on her dress, she took a few more deep breaths as she tried to wipe this incident from her memory. The feeling of the elastic clinging to her body reminded her otherwise, but she was the only one who knew about it. She could convince Komachi she'd been seeing things, and as long as she stayed in possession of all her clothes no-one else would have to know.

Still...now she had something like this, it would probably be a shame to let it go to waste. She could probably go for a swim in the Sanzu every once in a while, or maybe while she was travelling around Gensokyo. It'd make talking with the kappa a lot easier for sure, once they got over how young it made her look.

Eiki looked up at the calendar again, once again seeing the hastily written word BIRTHDAY next to today's date.

It was written in red crayon.

"...Yumemi, the next time I see you I'm going to tell you you're crazy. Insane. Absurd. Totally incapable of logical thought."

She smiled. Her life would have been pretty boring if it wasn't for someone like that messing things up.

"And that's why I love you."

Eiki Shiki, the Yama of Xanadu, had never been one to find repetition boring.

But that didn't mean that she was against trying something new every once in a while.

[Spidere]

That was hilarious, I must say. Keep up the great work Rou!

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

Ahahahahahahaha. XD

[Esifex]

"Geez. I dunno if you've got some kinda stalker or somethin'. I'm gonna just go polish my scythe, so don't expect me around for a little while."

With that, Komachi stepped out again, apparently unaware that her scythe was still on top of the package.

I love Komachi.