FUCK.
FUCK.
FUCK!!
I'm making so many rookie mistakes that are messing me up now! I've been off and on trying to beat Flandre since OCTOBER. OCTOBER. No amount of trying to learn how to dodge attacks I'm shaky with has helped me. No amount of practicing lately has helped me. No amount of ANYTHING has fucking helped me!! I'VE HAD TIMES WHERE I CAN GET TO FLAN'S LAST SPELLCARD WHEN I SPENT MOST OF THE FIGHT WITH ONLY TWO SPARE LIVES!! BUT THEN THE NEXT CHANCE I GET?? I WALK IN WITH 4 SPARE LIVES AND DIE BEFORE HER DAMN SURVIVAL CARD.
I feel like there's just too much pressure I'm putting on myself to forcefully be "this good" at "this section", and it's screwing me over. And lately, I CAN'T EVEN BOMB PROPERLY. Every time I wanna bomb, I'm a SPLIT SECOND too late, but when I don't wanna bomb, I panic or lose focus and BOMB ANYWAY... >__________> This is pissing me off because no matter how much input I get on how to do this or that, no matter how much I practice and try to use new methods of dodging other attacks, I ALWAYS MAKE DUMB MISTAKES and I NEVER MAKE ANY PROGRESS. I've been able to get to the last spellcard since last October and I've shown ZERO improvement.
I keep telling myself: "If I can get to Flan with 4 spare lives I should have a shot" (4 spare lives and 0 bombs is where I usually end up, I either need to bomb all of Patchy's cards or I end up using the one bomb I keep from the Patchy fight on the books near the end...), then I watch myself as I fuck up on Cranberry Trap and even Four of a Kind, then get fucked over by Flan's random movement in Kagome Kagome despite it being a piss easy attack otherwise, and slowly lose my resources until I SOMEHOW MANAGE to make it to the last couple of spellcards with some bombs left and then not have enough left to make it all the way.
I'm fucking done with this, I'm so close to giving up and moving elsewhere. But the problem is, EoSD is my favorite game of the series... I just wanna be able to say that I beat the Extra in my favorite game of the series... I just wanna be able to do that.
But despite all the input, all the watching videos of other runs, all the practicing, everything, I feel there's SLIGHT random factors in the stage or just SMALL FUCKING MISSTEPS that royally screw me over every chance they get. I'm doing well? I overhit the left or right key and crash into a bullet while dodging an otherwise easy attack. It's nonsense. I can't begin to explain how pissed I am at myself for being unable to improve just a LITTLE bit more. And the worst part is even if I TRY. Even if I WANT to. I STILL FUCK UP ANYWAY.
You guys suggested I try to give Royal Flare a shot at dodging since it's static, instead of bombing it. I looked for a video SPECIFICALLY of ReimuA doing a perfect run of the Extra so I could see how to do it. I STILL can't replicate that and constantly need to bomb. THERE'S EVEN TIMES WHERE I GET FUCKED OVER BY SILENT SELENE DESPITE MY EXPERIENCE WITH CAPTURING IT BEFORE. The pressure to do well on Patchouli crushes me to the point where MOST of my attempts lately don't even MAKE it to Flandre, I end up ragequitting before I even get past the halfway mark... Maze of Love? I've tried multiple times to dodge it in a circle with the big gaps. I NEVER GET IT RIGHT. I end up needing to stick to the bottom and micrododge the BULLSHIT flying at me from there. Cranberry Trap is by far the WORST NIGHTMARE I HAVE because it's like "oh, hey, hope you don't feel bad about losing half your damage output" (I know it's not quite that much but it's a considerable amount lost to being homed in on those familiars). And Cranberry Trap's factor of random movement PISSES ME OFF so much because I might look like I got it, but then she'll fly halfway across the screen and I'll be left maneuvering a pattern I am no good with no matter how hard I try.
Don't even get me STARTED on random missteps that CONSTANTLY PLAGUE my fight. I sometimes even fuck up on Laevateinn and start unfocusing across the right to left too late and get snapped by the laser on the way over to the left edge. Four of a Kind? I'll do fine for all of 15 seconds before the large bullets wall me and I make that ONE wrong move that pushes me into a bullet. I've had this happen TOO MANY TIMES, despite me having so much experience with the attack.
And then I'll get to say, Catadioptric and I usually do well on that, and I get cornered by a bullet or two on that too. I've flat-out given up trying on Starbow Break, despite me telling myself I DON'T wanna do something that dirty to be able to beat her. But there I end up sitting on the blind spot so I have a CHANCE, just a fucking CHANCE, to practice her later attacks with a good amount of resources.
No matter how much I try, I feel like I'm putting too much pressure on myself to do too well. Maybe I should just let myself bomb when I need to bomb instead of trying to push the thought into my head that I NEED to capture this card to stand some sort of a chance. Because somehow, I get farther when I feel I'm doing worse, than when I do well but crack under pressure to maintain it.
I think I'm gonna take an extended break from trying to fight Flandre, unless I can't find anything else to do. I just can't bring myself to keep suffering through a stage I used to enjoy but it's become tiring and repetitive, with mistakes made where they just don't make any fucking sense to.
Whatever the case, I am at least done for tonight, and possibly tomorrow. I'll try watching some anime or something in place of trying EoSD's Extra. Hell, maybe I'll fart around with Extras I KNOW I have no shot at at my current level (I can't even do well at all on say, Mokou or Suwako's stages), just to take a load off. But I'm staying away from EoSD. I don't need this shit when Touhou's supposed to make me happy. >_>