@Pwn'd Crow:
Please explain in further detail about the satori. I get what else you said.
I think that it's because in the manga/anime style, the proportions become less exaggerated the more 'realistic'/'complex' you draw. Which is to say that for your style, the proportions (the shoulder width, to be precise) are a bit too realistic.
With your style, I'd say the edges of the shoulders should be around the edges of your puffy hair, give or take a bit. The edges of the face then matching up more or less with the width of the torso
Maybe something a bit more like this:
[attach=1]
Otherwise, everything is well drawn, I think.
Maybe the sleeves could use a bit more. Though I'm not that good at creases myself, if you're going to bend the clothes around the arm when you lift it up, creases form near the elbows where you scrunch them up.