> Patchouli: Examine bookshelf.This shelf is filled with JUVENILE SHOUNEN MANGA, most of which you have acquired from Kourindou; it is a guilty pleasure of yours that you must keep secret AT ALL COSTS. You are proud to possess the full run of DRAGON BALL Z, and are working on completing various other series as well.
This is a PRIZED FIGURINE of your favorite villain, FRIEZA. He is a fine case study on how to be a SURLY ASSHOLE and do it with class. He reminds you of Remi in some ways.
You wish there was somebody in Gensokyo that you could accuse of MILITARY INSURRECTION. You'd be quoting him SO HARD.
Next to it is your GOKU LAMP. Goku is the strongest! His power level is MAXIMUM. You bet he could even beat up the MOONBITCHES.
While you are not too keen on exposing your eyes to bright light because of how much READING you just did, you'd better turn it on so you can get dressed. You activate the lamp by raising its arms.
It used to play a VOICE CLIP when activated, but you disabled it because it GOT OLD FAST.
> Patchouli: Examine poster.
This is an authentic STAR WARS movie poster. You were lucky enough to see this in theaters with Remi shortly before the SDM moved to Gensokyo. It was a great movie, but you think a PREQUEL would be even better. Just imagine how incredible it would be with the filmmaking technology the outside world has by now!
> Patchouli: Examine mirror.Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?
Okay then.
Your MAGIC MIRROR is kind of a smartass. You have a far more useful CRYSTAL BALL back out in the library that you use for scrying purposes.
> Patchouli: Do not, under any circumstances, open the box of Unforgivable Porn.
Of course not. It's got enough EXPLOSIVE RUNES inside to blow a man's head clean off. This tempting trap is a last defense against anyone clever enough to get inside your room, and will hopefully destroy all the evidence of what they've seen here, except for the stuff in the safe.
Your real UNFORGIVABLE PORN is hidden somewhere far more secure!
> Patchouli: Check under mattress.
You decide to pull it out and take a quick peek.
Yes, you're seeing that right. You paid the tengu TOP DOLLAR for these. It's a picture of Alice Margatroid in the bath. And it's got a perfect shot of her pair of smooth, silky, voluptuous...
...HANDS. Margatroid has the BEST HANDS IN GENSOKYO. Her dolls do all the work, so they're incredibly soft. Each nail is a work of art, flawlessly manicured at all times. And to top it all off, they blend form and function with the legendary dexterity of her fingers. Margatroid has hands that work miracles. Hands that anyone, or anything, would yearn to be felt by.
You're getting a little hot and bothered here. Better put these away!
> Patchouli: Examine safe.
You open your VAULT-TEC EXTRA-SAFE SAFE, which was somehow manufactured to be fully immune to both physical and magical tampering; every important member of the SDM has one just for themselves. Remi refuses to disclose where she got these.
Inside is the following:
- Some old pictures and other knickknacks you managed to recover from the charred ruins of Granny Knowledge's cottage.
- Your wedding ring.
- Your contract with your familiar.
- An unbelievably valuable bottle of wine from the same year you were born. This is to be saved for an END OF THE WORLD SCENARIO.
- A first-run Obi-Wan Kenobi action figure. IN THE ORIGINAL PACKAGING, HOLY SHIT.
- Your MONEY. This is actually the least valuable thing in here, but you don't want Kirisame constantly running off with it and needing Remi to replace it. You have a sum of about 50,000 YEN in here. How much do you want to bring?
> _[ Outfits tomorrow. Also, while drawing that poster I realized how much I'd like to see a Star Wars anime with Luke as a reverse trap. ]
