Chuck Norris Jokes - Touhou Edition

[Ikari]

I've been really bored lately and one of my friend just randomly suggested that we should write a few exaggerated jokes along the lines of Chuck Norris' jokes. Being an hardcore fan of Yuuka, they are all related to her.

I'd like to see if any of you have any ideas or good ones  :3 It can be about any characters (Because Touhou is made of reality-breaking lolis)

Here are mines:

- Yukari can control every boundary except the boundary of badassness. It belongs to Yuuka.

- Komachi used to be a very hard-working shinigami, until she tried to bring Yuuka to her death.

- Nobody pisses off Reimu and gets away with it. This includes Yuuka; She doesn?t get away, she stands there, watching Reimu running away as fast as she can.

- Even though Yuuka could visit the netherworld?s cherry blossoms tree, she prefers not too; She doesn?t like hanging around her old victims.

- Yuuka doesn?t hunt, unlike other youkai. Hunting includes the possibility that she could fail. Yuuka kills.

- Shikieiki, the judge of the highest paradise checks her closet every night before going to sleep in case Yuuka is hiding in it.

- The great barrier of Hakurei, was originally made to keep Yuuka out. It failed miserably.

- Yuuka once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by genocide. In fact, there are none."

- When observing a Yuuka fire her Double Spark in slow motion, one finds that Yuuka actually rapes her victim with her umbrella, wins a chess game against Yukari, makes Reimu give her donations and then fire another Double Spark.

- Humans give their faith to Kanako, Kanako gives her faith to Yuuka.

- If Reimu has 100 yen and Yuuka has 100 yen, Yuuka has already killed a nation within the time span it took you to read this.

- Yuuka once tried to be even more moe by wearing glasses. It gave her such a good vision, all she could see was the back of her head.

- Once, Marisa challenged Yuuka to a fight. Yuuka smiled. Marisa master sparked herself, as she realised it was a less painful death.

- Rumia?s ability to control the darkness doesn?t affect Yuuka; the dark is afraid of Yuuka.

- Yuuka always get enough sleep; the sun wouldn?t dare to rise without her permission.

- Yuuka never blinks or closes her eyes; she?s only giving you a chance to run away.

- If an oni and a vampire fought, who would win? Yuuka.

- Whenever Yuuka does something, Yukari modifies the boundaries to make sure she is always right to prevent her from being angry.

- Yuyuko?s power is inviting people to their death; Yuuka invites death into people.

- One day, Yuuka took a walk while in a bad mood. There were no survivors.

- One day, Sakuya said hi to Yuuka while she was busy. Yuuka answered ??Ah, give me a minute??. Sakuya thus spent her entire life mastering the art of time control just to make sure to give Yuuka that minute.

- Yuuka doesn?t try to be moe, the moe tries to be her.

[7TC7]

This reminds me of this old thing:

http://www.zunfacts.com/facts.cgi?f=1

It's not all Chuck Norris Jokes but it comes pretty close most of the time.

[Ikari]

This reminds me of this old thing:

http://www.zunfacts.com/facts.cgi?f=1

It's not all Chuck Norris Jokes but it comes pretty close most of the time.

Oh wow xD that is amazing. Thanks for the link!

[Kaze_Senshi]

HAUEHAUEHAUH Looooool the pics are better than the facts itself

Some facts adapted from Chuck Norris' ones:

- Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Flandre is called Logic
- Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Yuyuko stories.
- Reimu won the World Series of Poker using Homing seals;
- When Utsuho pokes you on facebook your PC explodes
- Utsuho once visited the Bermuda Triangle. No one has heard from the Triangle since.

[Darth_Sirov]

This reminds me of this old thing:

http://www.zunfacts.com/facts.cgi?f=1

It's not all Chuck Norris Jokes but it comes pretty close most of the time.

I am so liking those facts.

[Ikari]

I agree, the pics are probably what made me read them all; It surprisingly fits ZUN. I guess the only one ZUN will actually wear is the Aya one; he already dressed like her numerous times  :V

[Tengukami]

I guess the only one ZUN will actually wear is the Aya one; he already dressed like her numerous times  :V

[citation needed]

The only pic that even remotely fits the bill, that I'm aware of, is this one:

[Ibaraki Ibuki]

Now I cannot unsee Meiling dealing roundhouse kicks to intruders of the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

After that, I kinda got carried away:

• Yukari has counted to infinity - twice.
• Ran can divide by zero.
• If you can see Komachi, she can see you. If you can't see her, you're only seconds away from death.
• Marisa knows the last digit of pi.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Reimu Hakurei has allowed to live.
• Patchouli doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
• Nitori has already been to Mars. That's why there's no life there.
• When Remilia Scarlet looks in a mirror, there's no reflection because there can only be one Remilia Scarlet.
• Hong Meiling's roundhouse kicks are the second leading cause of death in Gensokyo behind heart attacks, most of which are caused by fear of Meiling's roundhouse kicks.

And finally:

• ZUN eats beer for breakfast.

[Project: J-ko]

Once upon a time, Meiling roundhouse kicked Yuugi in the chest.  At that same moment, Yuugi punched Meiling in the face.  The resulting explosion was the 1970's.

[chema1994]

some about Flandre:
- Flandre Scarlet is the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse, and the only one that's really needed.

- Anytime Naruto uses a Mass Shadow Clone Jutsu, he's just praying to Flandre to lend him her clone powers.

- When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Flandre Scarlet.

- The L?vateinn was always Flandre's weapon to begin with. Loki stole it from her. Guess why Viking religion is extinct.

- The Big Bang was provoked by... guess who.

- Flandre has 2 minions, her dolls turned youkai. One is the Tails Doll. He is subordinated to the other one: the Ran Yakumo
Doll. Never heard of it? That's because none have ever faced it and lived. Pedobear was her teddy bear turned youkai, he
betrayed her by trying to rape her. He is no longer of this world.

- Flandre once killed 500,000 people in a game of dodgeball. Only 12 people participated in the game.

- Many hundreds of years ago, mars was a hospitable planet, full of life. It became a barren red planet about 495 years ago.

- The apocalypse movie "2012" is losely based on what happened the last time Flandre became upset.

- Cirno's powerlevel is over ⑨000. Flandre's power level is also over ⑨000. But applying that to Flandre is like saying that
a flux capacitor generates over 9000 watts. It's true, but at the same time is a massive understatement.

[Ikari]

Oh those Flandre facts are marvelous  Same goes for the other facts posted on this thread.

I guess this really proves that no matter what the joke is, it's always better when fused with Touhou.