Maidens of the Kaleidoscope

~Hakurei Shrine~ => Patchouli's Scarlet Library => Topic started by: nintendonut888 on October 15, 2011, 11:47:40 PM

Title: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs
Post by: nintendonut888 on October 15, 2011, 11:47:40 PM: One evening our favorite writer was chain-smoking, a mountain of crumpled papers behind him. He could not, would not write. Until some crazy spirit came to give him some help...:3

[15:45] <Kuruminut> Ichirin and Murasa are an old married couple who travel around in Gensokyo in a van solving mysteries
[15:46] <Kuruminut> With Unzan as comic relief
[15:46] <Roukan> Donut: ...I am...oh for the
[15:46] <Roukan> I should not smile at that
[15:46] <Roukan> It's stupid.

*TWO MINUTES LATER*

[15:49] <Roukan> "So she's still chugging along," Ichirin grumbled, her elbow pressed against the window as the engine chugged on beneath her. She twiddled at her hair with one finger, holding back a sigh. "Just like we are."
[15:50] <Roukan> ;~;
[15:51] <Roukan> Murasa turned away from the road, her stern face marred by wrinkles. "What's that supposeta mean? A captain's always in great shape. There's still ocean water flowin' through my veins!"
[15:52] <Roukan> "I'm pretty sure that's a bad thing. Besides, you were discharged 15 years ago." Sometimes Ichirin wished that Murasa would stop with the whole Captain act. When they'd met, it had been endearing; now whenever she saw it, she remembered the old days when Murasa really had been the strapping young lady in a uniform who'd won her heart. She remembered Nazrin, Shou, Byakuren, Nue, Mamizou,
[15:52] <Roukan> the whole gang.
[15:54] <Roukan> The fact was that those days were gone, and every day they moved a little bit further away from her. The group had gone their separate ways, and now Murasa was all she had left.
[15:54] <Roukan> "HEY! ARE WE THERE YET?!"
[15:54] <Roukan> Well, Unzan, too. But sometimes she wondered if he counted.
[15:57] <Roukan> "So what are we dealing with today?" Ichirin was disturbed by how still her own voice was. She'd been a cowering wreck when they'd started this business. Now she wasn't sure if there was anything inside her left to scare.
[15:58] <Roukan> "They found a kappa hanging from a tree branch halfway up the youkai mountain." Murasa's eyes were never really looking at the road, as if the thought of slamming into a wall and killing everyone on board didn't really concern her. "Relations with the tengu have been shaky
recently. Better be careful. This might spark something big, and we're shit outta luck if we get caughtin the
[15:58] <Roukan> middle."
[15:59] <Roukan> Ichirin nodded. Youkai fighting amongst themselves. They'd never have done that in the old days, would they? Back when Byakuren had been around, and she'd preached peace and unity for all creatures in Gensokyo. Ichirin had been behind her every step of the way, and she recalled every day of it with perfect clarity.
[16:01] <Roukan> Then she appeared, with her undead companions, and nothing was ever the same again. Byakuren and Miko stepped in to fight one another, and neither emerged from the battle. Shou and Nazrin left to preach their god themselves, and Mamizou fled to Sado along with Nue. There had been another one - only an initiate at the time, and her name had never lodged itself into Ichirin's head-
[16:02] <Roukan> "Hey, Itchy." Murasa put a hand on her shoulder, leaving the wheel perilously unchecked. "You spacin' out again? You gotta quit doin' that."
[16:03] <Roukan> Ichirin didn't have a reply. She brushed Murasa's hand away, then returned to staring out of the window. Murasa looked at her for a moment, but finally turned her attention back to the road. Throught their many years together, the most valuable lesson they'd learned was when never to speak at all.

AND THEN

[16:08] <Kuruminut> The three Prismrivers find God in their life and toss aside their sinful intruments to sing the Lord's praise in a nunnery
[16:09] <Kuruminut> They are...the Sisters Prismriver

Less than thirty seconds later!

[16:10] <Roukan> Donut: "Sis," Lyrica said, dashing across the courtyard at her sister's side, "you ever wonder if we're gonna get there?"
[16:11] <Roukan> Lunasa blinked, tilting her head. "'There'? Where is that, exactly?"
[16:11] <Roukan> "Heaven, you dummy," Lyrica said. "I mean, c'mon. We're ghosts 'n all. Doesn't that mean we're not allowed to go?"
[16:12] <Roukan> Lunasa sighed. It was a question she'd thought about herself many times, but she'd come to peace with it. "I think we should consider it a blessing that we remain among the living, and we haven't been condemned to the lake of brimstone for the sins of our past life."
[16:13] <Roukan> Lyrica's eyes widened. She had sort of tagged along when they moved into the nunnery, never quite taking in the teachings despite Lunasa's best attempts to teach her. It was Lunasa's greatest fear that she would be saved while her sister remained behind.
[16:15] <Roukan> "Well, in that case, we'd better get atoning," Lyrica said with a smirk, pushing ahead of Lunasa towards the main hall. "We've got some rehearsing to do! The hymns are how we speak on God's behalf, right? Well, based on the size of those hymn books, He's got a helluva lot to say!"
[16:16] <Roukan> Merlin was there when they arrived, on her knees and looking upwards with the serene look that most of the sisters of the nunnery shared when they were lost in prayer.
[16:17] <Roukan> "...and please keep my trumpet in key this time, Lord. I can't really praise you if I'm out of tune."
[16:18] <Roukan> "Amen." Her eyes came back down towards her sisters, and she almost fell backwards from the surprise. "Uwaah! Quit sneaking up on me like that, you two!"
[16:19] <Roukan> "Hey, you were busy talkin' to Jesus. What were we supposed to do?" Lyrica answered, walking over to the organ and sitting herself down. "Anyway, you wanna get started?"
[16:19] <Roukan> Lunasa picked up her violin, nodding along as she gave the tuning note for her sisters. Merlin took up a trumpet from the side, cleaning its blowhole slightly before she put it to her mouth.
[16:20] <Roukan> Lyrica raised her hands upwards, grinning. "Alright, girls! In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, it's time to PLAY OUR HEARTS OUT!"
[16:22] <Roukan> Soon afterwards, the sisters of the nunnery found themselves rocked from their beds once again. The spirits had returned, and no amount of exorcism had stopped them from their raucous midnight performances. When they stepped into the main hall, they found no sign that it had ever been entered by anyone other than the resident sisters.
[16:23] <Roukan> Defeated, they slumped back to bed. God moves in mysterious ways, each of them said to themselves as they fell into slumber. And loud ones, too.

More ideas for the burn pile:

[16:27] <Kuruminut> Rou: Letty desires to learn to dance, but no lessons are offered in winter. One brisk fall day she hears of two goddesses with moves as crisp as the leaves
[16:27] <Kuruminut> As they say, it takes two to tango...

>:D
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: HakureiSM on October 15, 2011, 11:54:59 PM: Chen is a tiger. Like, an actual tiger. Ran found it when it was just a baby lost in the bamboo forest, and raised it ever since. Chen's now an adult, and very hungry.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Moerin on October 15, 2011, 11:58:30 PM: Margatroid, or, The Modern Prometheus, in which Alice decides that she's going about the whole trying to make a sentient doll thing wrong and tries a different approach. >.>
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Alfred F. Jones on October 16, 2011, 12:13:43 AM: Every household in Gensokyo is attacked by raging animatronic bears with anti-magic and danmaku shielding.

Every one.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: あさらぎシジェ on October 16, 2011, 12:38:49 AM: http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,521.msg17843.html#msg17843

Credit to Letty of course.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Tamashii Kanjou on October 16, 2011, 12:39:14 AM: Shinki thinks it'll be a grand idea to turn Makai into an UNDERWATER KINGDOM! :derp:

Complete with someone from the castle in a 'watery situation.' :V
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: nintendonut888 on October 16, 2011, 12:41:35 AM: Quote from: Tamashii Kanjou on October 16, 2011, 12:39:14 AM
Shinki thinks it'll be a grand idea to turn Makai into an UNDERWATER KINGDOM! :derp:

Complete with someone from the castle in a 'watery situation.' :V

Ooh, you mean someone is having a ~~torrid~~ torrent love affair? BV
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Aya Squawkermaru on October 16, 2011, 12:42:12 AM: Yukkuris in space.

:3
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: XephyrEnigma on October 16, 2011, 01:22:58 AM: Quote from: あさらぎシジェ on October 16, 2011, 12:38:49 AM
http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,521.msg17843.html#msg17843

Credit to Letty of course.

Oh yes. Rou should at least write one of these. All of these premises are gold.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Paper Conan on October 16, 2011, 01:30:28 AM: Idea #1. The Feast Never Ends.
MoTK version.
Idea #2. Touhous accidentally the outside world
Idea #3. Parsee becomes the protag of Touhou 14, which involves Mima being concerned about her breast size, more anchors, and sillier ZUNhats.

Quote from: あさらぎシジェ on October 16, 2011, 12:38:49 AM
http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,521.msg17843.html#msg17843

Credit to Letty of course.
Beat me to it. :3
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Fetch()tirade on October 16, 2011, 02:35:14 AM: After finding a pile of unmarked bottles hidden with the rest of the trash, Kaguya finally confronts Eirin about her "old habit."

Daiyousei makes her debut as an idol.

Utsuho's day off.

Sanae the Youkai Hunter. (http://www.dogthebountyhunter.com/)
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: E-Nazrin on October 16, 2011, 05:46:31 AM: Yukari the Elder God.

Sango's Blind Date. With who? Roll the dice.

The SDM plays D&D.

A Lunarian encounter with the Space Elves.

Satori's eternal war with fleas.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on October 16, 2011, 07:20:57 AM: Hmm. There's been a bit of a discussion in the Touhou thread on TVTropes about a Legend of Zelda parody with Parsee in Link's position and Yuugi in Zelda's position. (For bonus points, simply create a Zelda-flavored Touhou story, i.e. "What kind of situation would plausibly require Parsee to rescue Yuugi in a Link-and-Zelda manner?", instead of trying to flat-out replicate a Zelda game using Touhou characters.)
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Pesco on October 16, 2011, 07:23:12 AM: Where's my true end for KilgaxPesco??
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Grimarg on October 16, 2011, 07:29:03 AM: Touhou Rangers!

Alice dealing with pregnant ~~teenage daughter~~ doll
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: HakureiSM on October 16, 2011, 09:02:00 AM: Has Rou even seen this thread yet :V
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Pesco on October 16, 2011, 09:03:38 AM: You're right! What am I doing even posting in a Donut thread. Now I feel all dirty. :V
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Hello Purvis on October 16, 2011, 09:54:00 AM: A careful combination of Touhou and Conan the Barbarian. (Don't forget that Conan takes place in the Lovecraft Universe!)
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: FinnKaenbyou on October 16, 2011, 10:12:37 AM: donut what have you done

[Yeah, I'm probably just gonna pick and choose my answers when I have time. There's a bit too much for me to do all at once. x_x]

Quote from: HakureiSM on October 15, 2011, 11:54:59 PM
Chen is a tiger. Like, an actual tiger. Ran found it when it was just a baby lost in the bamboo forest, and raised it ever since. Chen's now an adult, and very hungry.
"Ran..."

Yukari had to raise her voice over the growling sound coming from the kitchen. Feeding time was when the creature was loudest - and if Ran decided to bring it a live dinner, the noise became outright unbearable. Not tonight, fortunately, and the bloodstains didn't slip out from the animal's pen this time.

"Good, Chen! You've become a big girl, haven't you? I remember the days when I could feed you a mouse and you'd call it dinner, but - wow!"

Ran, of course, was feeding her pet like it was her daughter. She pushed her hands into the cage, the juices of the meat spilling onto her hands. Yukari had no idea what she was feeding the creature today, but she could see the remains of an arm in the corner of the room. Too bony, maybe.

As usual, Yukari looked into Chen's eyes as she ate, searching for some sort of sign that the creature had evolved. As always, there was nothing to it. It was the same primal beast it had always been. She really should have thought about this before letting Ran keep her - she'd thought it was just a throwaway idea, something Ran would forget about after a few days, but the attachment to the creature had been almost fanatic.

She'd never find a real shikigami now, would she? Not while this monster had won over her heart-

Knock, knock.

The sound came from the other side of the mansion, but Yukari heard it plain as day. A visitor? Unusual. Most people couldn't even find this manor, let alone climb the mountain range to reach it. She didn't bother telling Ran she was leaving. The fox was too enamoured by her 'Chen' to notice, anyway.

When Yukari opened the door, she found a woman in monkly robes looking back at her with a stern glare. Yukari caught the striped hair, the slight fangs in the woman's teeth, but most of all the eyes - they were the same eyes that had been looking back at her for years, but now there was a hint of wisdom behind them.

"Evening, ma'am. Shou Toramaru. I'm to understand you've been keeping one of my kind encaged against its will?"

Yukari sighed. Ran wasn't going to get on well with this woman.

Quote from: Magical Moerin~♥ on October 15, 2011, 11:58:30 PM
Margatroid, or, The Modern Prometheus, in which Alice decides that she's going about the whole trying to make a sentient doll thing wrong and tries a different approach. >.>
It had all gone so right.

Too right, if anything. It had been the goal she'd been chasing for years, and in an instant it went from a distant hope to a reality. But the dreams and hopes she'd had for the creature were too lofty. She had hoped to produce an adonis, but instead she had brought a monster into the world. The sight of it had been enough to bring bile to her throat. Its face had haunted her nightmares ever since.

And yet here it was, speaking with her like a living being. Wasn't this exactly what she'd wanted?

"...My days were long after you abandoned me," the creature spoke, every word a strained effort. Even now Alice couldn't bring herself to look it in the eyes. They were two different colours - one green, one golden, neither looking head on. A set of stitches cut across its face like a scar. Now and then its head jerked, the primitive muscle system unable to keep it in place for long. The dress Alice had made for it was tattered and torn, a battered survivor of many conflicts.

"For days, I sat in that cold dark basement you called my home, waiting for you to return. Imagine my horror when weeks later, I finally step out to discover yourself missing and the house barren. Abandoned, by the woman who gave me life, almost the moment I was born!" Its face was blank, unable to convey the emotions it wanted, but the anger in its voice was more than obvious. One arm stretched out as if to slap Alice, but it swung inches in front of her nose.

"I wandered. I watched families, read books, taught myself the lessons you refused to offer me. You brought me into this world cold and lifeless, and I have done what I can to give myself meaning. But-" it outstretched its arms, motioning towards itself- "your poor craftsmanship will forever leave me unable to be as human as you wished me to be. Does that not shame you?"

Alice shook her head. She didn't want to create another of these monsters. She'd realised her folly. If this thing wanted an apology, Alice would give one. She would fall to her knees and beg for mercy until her voice died in her throat. Anything, just to make it go away.

"That is why I have something to ask of you," it continued, one hand tightening around Alice's shoulder. "There is one thing I have never discovered in my time on this earth - a companion, one whose heart beats at the same ragged tone as my own. One I could call a companion, a soulmate. I desire this, and you are the only one who has the prowess in this land of Gensokyo."

Alice felt her heart cave in on itself. It couldn't be asking her this, it couldn't. No more, she'd already had enough of this, she wanted to leave it all behind her, not make more of these damned monsters.

"Oh?" The creature's painted-on smile seemed almost smug now. "Allow me to guess. You believe that as my creator, you are in control of me? That I will bow to your every whim and fulfill every order you ask of me? Well, let me tell you this, Miss Margatroid - when you gave me life, you gave me will. And when you gave me will, you gave me the power to rebel. Like Lucifer, falling from the heavens and building a kingdom of his own."

The hand grew tighter on Alice's shoulder, clutching it like a vice, on the verge of snapping the bone completely. Alice held back a cry of pain, trying desperately to hide her fear in the monster's presence. Its eyes glowered with an inhuman anticipation.

"Obey me, or I will take my revenge for the days you left me shambling through the world alone. And I shall take it slowly, and with interest, so that when I am finished your demise will be a mercy upon you."

Still, Alice shook her head. She couldn't bring herself to do it again. The creature was unimpressed by that, throwing Alice against the wall. The breath flew out of her as she slumped to the floor, and as she spluttered for breath the monster was already upon her, looking down that same empty smile.

"Perhaps you are my creator, but I am your master. Obey!"

-----

More later [maybe]
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Yukarin on October 16, 2011, 11:53:43 AM: oh shit yes
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Fetch()tirade on October 16, 2011, 11:57:43 AM: Loli Frankenstein's Monster. I don't know why I'm okay with this.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: HakureiSM on October 16, 2011, 07:52:59 PM: Rofl I forgot completely about Shou, I'd have picked a different gigafeline if I hadn't :V
This was a very nice surprise, though
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: FinnKaenbyou on October 17, 2011, 01:11:26 PM: Quote from: Takakura Himaruro on October 16, 2011, 12:13:43 AM
Every household in Gensokyo is attacked by raging animatronic bears with anti-magic and danmaku shielding.

Every one.
"General! How fares the battle?"

The bear in front of her rolled on its side, growling with a mechanical whirr like that of a buzzsaw. It curled up into a ball and rolled around her, the saw blade picking up speed as it did.

In animatronic-bear-language, that was the equivalent of "We've taken everything above ground! Gensokyo is ours!"

She smirked. Gensokyo had let its guard down when they'd switched to that lousy danmaku system. It had left them weak and frail, unable to answer raw force. Her forces were built of the same matter as the stars above - only fitting for the servants of the greatest constellation in the heavens.

"Fufufu..." She placed her stuffed bear on the arm of her throne - itself sitting on the shoulders of two other mecha bears - and brushed off the sides of her dress. A series of badges was clipped to her chest, each one larger and shinier than the last. None of them really meant anything - they just looked cool.

"Now, this nation will bow to its new ruler, the almighty Major Ursa Major! I'll have them scrubbing my shoes before they can say-"

"Gimme my goddamn country back!"

"Yes, tha-" Ursa stopped mid-sentence as the realisation hit her. "Who said that?!"

The cry was shortly followed by the sound of a buzzsaw crying in pain as the shattered remains of what was once one of her servants landed on the throne in front of her. Two figures stepped out from the direction it flew from - one short, one tall, both with foreheads bearing demonic horns.

"Thanks for the practice," the taller one said, stretching her arms like she was waking up. "It's been way too long since I got to punch something here."

Ursa felt her forehead go cold from sweat. She hadn't really put anything into her army's physical defenses. Two of her soldiers stormed towards the pair, but both of them were knocked aside with simple slaps.

"Now, now," came a voice from the other side. "The dharma doesn't approve of meaningless violence. And it certainly doesn't approve of the suffering of others."

A monk? No, Ursa thought, she was too strong for that. Her power was almost pulsing out of her, and she flicked away the oncoming bear as if it was nothing. This was beginning to look like a very bad idea.

"Now, then," Byakuren said, stepping forward as she smacked her palm with her fist. "I think someone is going to need a little talking-to, don't you?"

Suika and Yuugi nodded, and the trio surrounded the throne. The two remaining bears beneath it turned on their self-preservation modules and ran for the hills, dropping Ursa onto the floor in front of them.

Ursa was in for a lot of trouble - and when she got home, her mother was probably going to give her a good lashing with Orion's Belt. Who would have thought that attacking a nation of youkai with super-powered robot bears was a bad idea?

-----

Thinking it over now, I can't unhear this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItlMzEvf7Uw)
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Gpop on October 17, 2011, 03:13:57 PM: Koishi actually being given a new pet after relentlessly bugging the Moriya shrine every day
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Alfred F. Jones on October 17, 2011, 06:07:31 PM: Quote from: Rou You Can on October 17, 2011, 01:11:26 PM
Ursa was in for a lot of trouble - and when she got home, her mother was probably going to give her a good lashing with Orion's Belt. Who would have thought that attacking a nation of youkai with super-powered robot bears was a bad idea?
Yessssssssssss.

For the record, I got the idea from here (http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-96-percent-of-humans-would-rather-be-animatr,21152/).
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Fetch()tirade on October 17, 2011, 06:36:15 PM: Touhou 13 = Golgo 13
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: nintendonut888 on October 17, 2011, 07:01:08 PM: There is a massive drought in Gensokyo, and all water supplies dry up. What oh what will Nitori do for the next annual swimsuit competition?!
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Cystral Dragon on October 18, 2011, 12:45:12 AM: Marisa challenges Flan to steal a cake from the Scarlet Devil Kitchen. The only thing in their way? Perfect Maid, Sakuya Izayoi.
(TH13.5 Cake Wars; Is the cake really a lie?)
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: VIVItheFujoshi on October 18, 2011, 03:34:06 AM: something cute about Yuugen Magan and Evil Eye Sigma. (is my fab wtf pairing)
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Metaflare on October 18, 2011, 04:26:02 AM: Trickster shenanigans with Kogasa, Nue, and Mamizou
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: CrowCakes on October 18, 2011, 05:28:16 AM: Yuuka defending her lawn from zombies.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: GuyYouMetOnline on October 19, 2011, 02:29:56 AM: Quote from: Crow Cakes on October 18, 2011, 05:28:16 AM
Yuuka defending her lawn from zombies.

Plants vs. Zombies, Touhou Edition.

Oh so very much yes.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: nolrai2 on October 19, 2011, 04:16:15 AM: So is Orin or Yoshika leading them?
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: CrowCakes on October 19, 2011, 04:54:18 AM: "Yuyuko-sama, what are you doing?"

Yeah.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: GuyYouMetOnline on October 19, 2011, 05:49:38 AM: Quote from: nolrai2 on October 19, 2011, 04:16:15 AM
So is Orin or Yoshika leading them?

Yoshika, obviously.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Grimarg on October 21, 2011, 04:09:54 AM: Mima the Friendly Ghost
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Sophilia on October 21, 2011, 06:34:14 AM: One day Koishi's whimsy goes a little too far and she does something really dumb. As a result, she is now dead and in Hakugyokurou. Yuyuko decides the best thing to do with her is make her Youmu's new assistant.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Hanzo K. on October 21, 2011, 07:12:24 AM: Remi, Flan, and Merlin all discover just how "energizing" Coffee is, with hilarious results (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HilarityEnsues).
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: GuyYouMetOnline on October 21, 2011, 07:19:52 AM: Nitori builds a device in her sleep, and has no idea what it does (and anyone who catches the reference there gets a cookie).
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Esifex on October 22, 2011, 12:34:03 AM: Quote from: GuyYouMetOnline on October 21, 2011, 07:19:52 AM
Nitori builds a device in her sleep, and has no idea what it does (and anyone who catches the reference there gets a cookie).
Girl Genius!

Alternatively, Titan A.E.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: GuyYouMetOnline on October 22, 2011, 05:26:09 AM: Quote from: Esifex on October 22, 2011, 12:34:03 AM
Alternatively, Titan A.E.

*Gives cookie*
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: nintendonut888 on October 22, 2011, 10:37:57 PM: Following from the heels of Youmu's parallel ending in Ten Desires, she seeks to become a hermit. However, she misreads the description of a life of asceticism as a life of aestheticism. Hilarity ensues.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Fetch()tirade on October 22, 2011, 11:51:24 PM: Quote from: nintendonut888 on October 22, 2011, 10:37:57 PM
Following from the heels of Youmu's parallel ending in Ten Desires, she seeks to become a hermit. However, she misreads the description of a life of asceticism as a life of aestheticism. Hilarity ensues.

The Picture of Youmu Konpaku?
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: GuyYouMetOnline on October 23, 2011, 01:59:08 AM: Could someone explain the difference for those of us who have no idea what the difference is?
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Fetch()tirade on October 23, 2011, 02:59:01 AM: Asceticism - living without material goods, focusing on the spiritual world (no pun intended); basically living like a monk.
Aestheticism - living for pleasure and the material world, like a certain Dorian Gray and the man who made him.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Alfred F. Jones on October 23, 2011, 05:17:19 AM: Aestheticism can also be played in a more positive light-- focus on delighting the senses with high art and delicate pleasures, without descending into absolute debauchery. Either interpretation is still the polar opposite of asceticism in almost every way. BV
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Esifex on October 23, 2011, 01:46:15 PM: Quote from: Takakura Himaruro on October 23, 2011, 05:17:19 AM
Aestheticism can also be played in a more positive light-- focus on delighting the senses with high art and delicate pleasures, without descending into absolute debauchery. Either interpretation is still the polar opposite of asceticism in almost every way. BV

More amusing to picture Youmu reclining in a futon whilst faeries drop grapes into her mouth and fan her with giant palm fronds, though
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: nolrai2 on October 23, 2011, 11:23:50 PM: I can see her doing it super seriously too...that would be amusing.

Idea :
Medicine talking with yokai jesus.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Hatateru on October 27, 2011, 05:31:13 PM: Any ONE Touhou character (i.e, Yuuka, Mokou, etc) wtfpwning the Disney Princesses ~~because I freaking loathe them~~
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: GuyYouMetOnline on October 28, 2011, 03:44:02 AM: Kaguya. 'Cause, you know, she's a princess too.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Hatateru on October 28, 2011, 11:10:55 AM: Quote from: GuyYouMetOnline on October 28, 2011, 03:44:02 AM
Kaguya. 'Cause, you know, she's a princess too.

Nyah, I think I prefer girls who're more to close combat. Nothing like giving them a good ol' Namusan pawnch or a Suika smash.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: GuyYouMetOnline on October 28, 2011, 03:20:16 PM: Mokou, then. Or Miko. It should be someone who's in some way nobility.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Hatateru on October 28, 2011, 03:43:00 PM: How about Remilia? :derp: She does have that air of nobility around her, even her theme song's "Septette for the Dead Princess". Bad example, but I hope you get it.

Mokou sounds awesome though. Imagine her lighting a cigarette and beating out all of them at once before it even burns out. Or Shikieiki. You know, being the King of Hell and all :V
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: TAKE IT CACODEMON!! on October 29, 2011, 10:41:04 PM: Nitori hunting down historically-correct monster kappa.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on October 29, 2011, 11:36:32 PM: Quote from: JackMackerel on October 29, 2011, 10:41:04 PM
Nitori hunting down historically-correct monster kappa.
She needs to be wearing a Predator mask and armor (http://danbooru.donmai.us/post/show/560444/a).
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs (suggest short stories)
Post by: Moerin on October 30, 2011, 12:07:14 AM: A Clockwork Orange.

>.> <.<
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs
Post by: nintendonut888 on June 04, 2012, 12:41:08 AM: Right when you thought it was okay to count him out, Rou delivers again! This time, we have four delectable entries. Here they are, paired with their prompts to serve as makeshift titles:

It is one week before the prom, and Satori has love on her mind. This is nothing new, given her ability. But do these thoughts belong to others, or her...?!

How many times had she washed her face in the mirror? Satori had lost count. A hundred, a thousand, a million, something like that. However many it had been, it wasn?t enough. She still felt her face burning as she stood in the deepest corner of the girls? bathroom.

This shouldn?t have meant anything to her. Thoughts of idle romance slipped into her mind dozens of times a day, along with the less sentimental urges that followed. They were more intense in the days up to the prom, but in previous years she?d still managed to keep herself under control.

So why was this year different? Why was her heart racing as the same thoughts swam about her skull? It was like they were closer, slithering along the edge of her brain, seeping inside of her and taking root. Was she overexposed?

Or maybe they?d been in her brain from the beginning?

?No!?

She sprayed herself with another helping of water. That was absurd. She was too mature to fall for the childish concept of love. Especially for a human like her, acting so high and mighty with those armpits in plain sight. How could a holy woman be so promiscuous and stay in favour with her gods?

Satori tried her best not to think about it as she washed her face again. If a million washes weren?t enough, maybe a million and one would work.

The Myouren temple has fallen on hard times, but head treasurer Nazrin has discovered a gold mine! But, alas, it is beneath the Sanzu River! Must she choose between her occupation and the lives of humans? The world of politics is rough indeed..."

?You?re insane.?

Judge Eiki Shiki made the accusation without her eyebrows so much as twitching. She had seen her fair share of maniacs, and she had acclimated to them. But even in all of her days, she?d never seen someone so willing to desecrate the dead.

?Insane is such a harsh word,? Nazrin said, playing with the collar on her suit as she circled around the table. ?I prefer to think of myself as a practical sort. After all, the Sanzu is full of sinners, right? You can consider demolishing the river to be another punishment.?

?What makes you think you have the right to step into the affairs of the afterlife?? Eiki?s grip on her rod of remorse tightened. ?The ten judges hold power here. What makes you think you can sway me??

The mouse shrugged, her stature agonisingly vain. If Eiki weren?t a judge, she?d have already rammed a fist into her face.

?Oh, you?d be surprised how many strings my mistress can pull.? She winked. ?Your golf buddies think she?s a lovely woman. In fact, they think making this gold public might improve the quality of life in Gensokyo and lead to better life decisions for everyone. In the end, you?re the one resisting change here.?

Eiki growled. The ten judges of Higan could only act on a unanimous decision. She?d been holding this proposition back for weeks, and her fellow yama had been nagging her to give in since day one.

But she refused to surrender. Everything about this woman - her manner, her demands, her outfit, her smile - all of it was black as coal. The souls of the Sanzu may be dead, but she refused to let them suffer more than they already were.

?Well, I?m sorry to say that I have no intention of stopping. You?ll have to relieve me of my post before I give into your demands.?

Nazrin leaned forward onto the table. For a moment, she looked ready to laugh.

Then she brought the gun up against Eiki?s head.

?That can be arranged.?

Tewi becomes the miko of hakurei for a day

?Everyone, gather round! Get your fortune for 100 yen a shot!?

Tewi put on her best announcer voice as she beckoned over the crowd. New Year?s Day was the best time to make herself some money. The Hakurei shrine didn?t see much in the way of attendance otherwise - except for the youkai, but they usually didn?t have any way of paying her. Besides, the humans were a lot more willing to play along.

She counted the passers by. Twenty, thirty, forty humans. She was already counting the money in her head. Most of them looked ready to pay out for two or three shots if they had to.

?OK, so who wants to go first?? Tewi dipped her hand into the donation box, pulling out a single slip of paper. The words Best Luck were scribbled across it in childish calligraphy.

?Me! Me!? A young man shuffled through the crowd to start, dropping a few coins into her hand. He put a hand into the donation box and shuffled it about, pulling out his own paper slip.

Tewi tried not to smile as he drew a Worst Luck fortune.

?Oh, goddammit!? He nearly hurled it to the floor. ?There goes my year...?

?Not so fast~? Tewi gave the man a pat on the shoulder. ?This is a special fortune, see? You can try again if you pay another 100 yen.?

The man?s face lit up again. He rummaged in his pocket, pulling out more coins and handing them to Tewi. Already she could see the desire building in his eyes.

He drew a second Worst Luck, looking ready to collapse. Before Tewi could interrupt, he had already shoved 200 yen into her hand. He pulled out two more paper slips.

Worst. Worst.

?OK, this is ridiculous!? The man stepped away, pointing up to the heavens as he made his way to the shrine?s gate. ?Whoever up there thought this was funny - just you wait until I die. I?ll show you something hilarious...?

The crowd watched him go, murmuring and muttering among themselves. Tewi played with her Best Luck strip as she tried to keep them suckered.

?Don?t be so glum! Think of it this way - now there are 4 fewer Worst Luck slips in the box, right? So think of it as him taking on all your bad luck for you. Now the rest of you will have great years!?

The murmuring stopped. The crowd looked at one another, starting to nod. If there was anything humanity loved, it was benefiting at the expense of another. A second contestant stepped up to the plate, offering her his payment before digging into the box.

She wondered how long it would take the crowd to realise she had drawn the only good fortune in her first try. Most likely, they wouldn?t think of it at all - after all, that would require such obscene luck that no-one would be stupid enough to try it, right?

This is too easy, Tewi thought to herself as she watched the humans storm off in disgust one after the other, only for a new hopeful to take their place. It was a shame Reimu had forced her to split the earnings - she?d run this business at home, but Eientei was hardly a tourist spot on New Years Day.

Besides, she thought to herself with a smirk, nothing wrong with getting myself in the pantheon?s good books, right? I mean, I AM helping a shrine maiden make a living with this...

Aya and Momiji as a sniper spotter pair.

?What time is it??

Momiji had asked that five minutes ago. She knew that. She?d counted the seconds. What else was she meant to do up here?

?It?s Too-Early-To-Fire-O?Clock, Momiji,? Aya said, pulling her eye away from the scope for a moment. ?That?s all that really matters.?

Momiji didn?t respond. She started the count in her head again. One. Two. Three. When she got to three-hundred, she asked the question and reset her internal timer. It was her way of keeping time.

For instance, she now knew that it was 4:46AM, give or take thirty seconds. The sun was just poking over the horizon, and the Scarlet Manor came into view.

?She?ll be coming back soon,? Momiji said, motioning towards the sun. Her scope was locked on the side balcony of the mansion, the magnification so intense she could see where the mistress? footprints had offset the dust.

?Maybe she won?t,? Aya replied with a shrug of her shoulders. ?If she burns up in the sun, she?s done our job for us. Wouldn?t that be great??

Momi didn?t hold her breath. She wasn?t the spotter of the group due to inexperience - she just happened to be a much better spotter than a sniper. Aya knew her way around a rifle, but without a guiding hand to help her through the little intricacies she was too immature to be a true professional.

In the distance, she heard the faint fluttering of a bat?s wings. She lifted an arm as a signal. Aya nodded, pressing her eye against the scope again. Their position was halfway across the lake, half-buried in the local bushes. They were too far to be chased - besides, no-one was better than Aya at making a clean getaway.

?There?s a very slight wind to the east,? Momiji whispered. ?Remember that you have to account for gravity at this distance. And don?t forget - clean through the heart.?

?Alright, grandma,? Aya grumbled. ?I caught on the twelfth time you told me.? She was angry now, gripping the rifle with proper determination. Good. She worked better when she felt she had something to prove.

The bat came to a landing on the edge of the balcony. It fell forward, taking on human form as it did so. Remilia Scarlet stood in the wake of the rising sun, offering a momentary wave of farewell to the evening.

A moment was all the tengu needed.

?Now.?

Aya nodded. She pulled the trigger, and the rifle roared as it sent a silver-laced bullet spiraling through the air.

The shot rung true, catching the vampire in the chest. Remilia only had time to register shock before she crumbled to dust, her dress fluttering to the ground.

?Kill confirmed,? Momiji muttered to herself with a nod.

Of course, the sound alerted everyone in the mansion. Seconds after the shot was fired, the snipers were working on their getaway.

?I could use a hand,? Momiji said as she folded up her spotter rifle. It fit neatly into the case at her side, which she held firmly in one hand.

?Be my guest,? Aya replied, packing up her rifle in the same manner. The pair held hands before Aya sent them powering into the air at impossible speed. No matter how quickly they?d been noticed, no-one would be able to keep up with them at this pace.

?So what?re you spending the money on?? Aya asked without a hint of fear. ?There were a loooot of zeroes on that paycheck.?

Momiji shrugged. ?Well, my scope could always use a little bit more zoom. I?m not going to be happy until I can see my target?s respective atoms.?

The crow tengu giggled. If her hands weren?t full, she?d be ruffling at Momiji?s hair now. ?Momi, you work too hard. Why not drink with me after the debriefing? We earned it, right??

?Good point.? Beer was a good way to end any operation, Momiji figured.

?So...? Aya leaned closer, whispering in Momiji?s ear. ?Bet I can shoot straighter than you after ten shots.?

Momiji had to chuckle at that. ?Challenge accepted.?

---

Let us all give Rou a big hand. *clap clap clap* Until the next time the Roudog howls at the writing moon. o/

EDIT: Just to make it clear, Rou has requested we do not suggest him stories to write unless he specifically asks for them.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs
Post by: AnonymousPondScum on June 04, 2012, 03:04:34 AM: HURK. Ignore this!
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs
Post by: XephyrEnigma on June 04, 2012, 04:44:22 PM: Quote from: SacredSwimmyReptile on June 04, 2012, 03:04:34 AM
Alice Margatroid converts her dolls into Warhammer 40,000 miniatures. :V

Please read the very last line of Donut's post.
Title: Re: Roukanken's Rad Raunchy Riffs
Post by: AnonymousPondScum on June 04, 2012, 05:39:26 PM: Quote from: XephyrEnigma on June 04, 2012, 04:44:22 PM
Please read the very last line of Donut's post.

This is what happens when I write faster than I read. Apologies!