~Hakurei Shrine~ > Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore

Ohno Sakuya and Koakuma Have Switched Bodies!!!

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Hello Purvis: Koakuma rolled on the bed for the umpteenth time, then heaved a sigh. ?Where the hell is she?? It was fun to roll around in bed without wings to get in the way for awhile, but this was getting ridiculous! It?s not like the room was hard to find, the door was open and had Sakuya?s hairband dangled off the knob! It sure didn't stop a couple faeries from wandering in, screaming at the sight of her, and then running away as fast as possible. Nor did it stop them from coming back and taking a vase before running off again. ?C?mon, gatekeeper, it shouldn't take this long!? ?Where are you, geez?? Koakuma muttered, staring up at the panels on the ceiling, depicting birds in flight. ?I used all my best tricks on you, even! I know you were totally into it, too! It?s really rude to keep a lady waiting, you know that?? She paused and bit her lip a little. ?Unless you got mobbed by faeries or something? Could that happen? Well, maybe if I had your mind on something else.? She giggled. Koakuma then heaved another sigh, rolled to the edge of the bed, and stood up. ?Better go see what the big hold up is??  She walked out of the room, pausing long enough to collect and don the discarded headband. Walking down the hall, Koakuma took care to step around the fallen table, then gave a wide berth to a broken vase and hopped over a bust of some guy with laurels in his hair. Something thumped repeatedly against the wall somewhere down the hall, almost masking the sound of approaching footsteps from an adjoining hall. Koakuma paused, listening to the footsteps, then a smile spread across her face as the green-clad gatekeeper walked around the corner. ?There you are!? Koakuma said, ?I was just coming to see if anything was wrong.? Then she dropped her voice to a deeper tone. ?Now that you?re here, let?s get you out of that shirt and-Eep!? Koakuma?s eyes widened as she saw herself follow the gatekeeper around the hallway corner. The red-haired woman?s eyes narrowed and her wings reached upward. ?Get her, Meiling!? ?Right!? Meiling cried as she broke out into a run. Koakuma screamed, turning to run. She wasn?t sure whether it was some piece of debris, a run in the carpet, or her own feet that sent her sprawling to the ground. She laid there, tensing up for the worst and trying to ignore the soreness. After a few moments, she started to wonder if the worst got distracted by the view. A few more moments passed, and she looked up to see everything had turned gray. ?Oh. Good!? Koakuma picked herself up, then looked over to see Meiling in mid-charge, just starting to spread her arms for a tackle. ?Wonder if I could turn you around?? she said, then grabbed the gatekeeper?s arm and gave it a tug. It was like tugging on a statue. Koakuma gave her a sour look. ?You?re worse than those faeries. And you know, I was totally going to make your day, too!? She almost gave the frozen gatekeeper a kick in the shins, then decided it would be a bad idea given her lack of shoes. Instead she dashed down the hall and toward the stairs. ?Later, suckers!? she called back. Making her way down the stairs to the ground floor, Koakuma started toward the front doors. As she dodged around frozen faeries, she became aware of a powerful itch in her chest. ?Oh, this shit again,? she muttered, idly scratching. ?Better get moving?? The itching quickly blossomed into a sharp pain, prompting her to run down the hall. This did not produce as much speed as she would like, as she had to dodge around faeries and more fallen obstacles. Soon, breathing grew difficult. Then, with the front doors in sight, Koakuma leaned against the wall, unable to stand any longer. The pain grew worse, Koakuma focused on breathing, trying to wait it out. There was no need to panic, she told herself, it?s just like last time. The pain?s not any worse, even if it feels that way? Then her body felt like shattered glass, and she could breathe again. Shuddering and leaning heavily against the wall, Koakuma greedily sucked in as much air as she could. ?How does...Sakuya put up...with that?? The pain was gone, and after a few moments, Koakuma felt like she could stand again. Then the front doors flew open and her heart leapt into her throat. ?Hey, the gate?s open!? called a familiar voice, as a black shape flew into the front hall. It paused, revealing a blonde-haired woman in a black dress and an immense steepled hat. ?So I?m gonna rob you guys!? Then her eyes fell on Koakuma. ?Haha, what?? she said, grinning. ?Did you just get out of the bath or something, Sakuya?? ?G-get out of here, Marisa!? Koakuma shouted. ?I don?t need this right now!? ?Nope!? Marisa said, still grinning as she withdrew a small wooden object from her pocket and brandished it in Koakuma?s direction. ?Let?s wrap this up fast, okay??

Hello Purvis: ?So, do we have a deal?? said Patchouli, sitting on a bed in one of the second floor guest rooms. ?Sounds good,? Shinmyoumaru said, perched on the edge of a writing desk near the bed and kicking her feet in the air. Her crow sat nearby, unconcerned with their discussion. ?But you know that?ll cause an incident, right?? ?Do I look like the kind of person who cares about causing incidents?? Patchouli said, her face impassive. Shinmyoumaru gave a tiny shrug. ?I suppose not. And you?re going to hold up your end of the bargain, no tricks?? Patchouli gave a nod. ?Of course.? Then a distant explosion cut off any further response. ?Ah, that would be our cue. Shall we be off?? **** ?It?s not broken, is it?? Meiling said, kneeling on all fours, as she touched her nose and winced. Then she gave a sour look at the marble bust of a man with laurels in his hair, searching for specks of blood. ?No, it?s just a bit swollen,? said Sakuya, offering a hand. ?Let me help you-OW!? ?Heh, never saw you do that,? said Meiling, as she accepted Sakuya?s hand and stood again. Sakuya groaned in response as her headwings opened once more. ?So, what did Sakuya get off to, I wonder?? ?I don?t know,? Sakuya said. ?I imagine she would go downstairs. There would be-? The rest of her words were cut off by an explosion from below. ?Yep,? said Meiling, as she broke into a run toward the stairs. ?Sounds like that?s where we need to be!? Sakuya set out in quick pursuit of the gatekeeper, trying to keep up as she raced down the steps, easily dodging around a tray on the ground about halfway down. Then, as she reached the second floor landing, a figure clad in purple wandered out of the hall in front of her. The collision sent the purple-clad figure bounding into a wall with a loud curse; Sakuya was slightly more interested in the crow that followed her out and landed on the banister. ?You stupid klutz!? Patchouli said, shooting Meiling a look as she steadied herself against the wall. ?Sorry about that,? said Meiling, ?But you really ought to look where you?re going, especially in disasters like this.? ?Take your own advice,? Patchouli said, as she pushed away from the wall and approached Sakuya. Sakuya paid little attention to the exchange while observing the errant crow, and the tiny person person perched on it?s back. ?What are you doing here, kobito?? she said Shinmyoumaru frowned at Sakuya. ?Do I know you?? ?Here?s your knives, Sakuya,? Patchouli said, as she pulled the pilfered kitchenware from her pockets and offered it to Sakuya. ?Wait, what?? said Meiling, looking between Patchouli and Sakuya. ?That?s Sakuya,? Patchouli said, glancing at the gatekeeper before Sakuya could stop her. ?They switched bodies.? ?Patchouli!? Sakuya cried, "You weren?t supposed to-?  Her words are cut off by another explosion. **** ?Hold still!? Marisa shouted, as she zoomed around a corner on her broom, taking a moment to send a flurry of stars down the hall. ?Go away go away go away go away go away!? a bruised and battered Koakuma shouted, running as fast as she could. There wasn't even time to look back, she could hear the horrible stars closing in. ?Haha, you?re not gonna trick me that easy, Sakuya!? Marisa said as she zoomed down the hall after the fleeing maid. ?I know a trap when I see one, and I?m gonna break it!? ?You psycho maniac!? Koakuma called back. Up ahead she could see her salvation, the main stairs. They?d provide some cover, and make it too tight for Marisa to maneuver easily. She just had to? Meiling descended the stairs. ?There she is!? the gatekeeper cried before charging. A heartbeat later, before she could even finish her cry of surprise, a red-haired woman with wings followed her down. Time seemed to slow down, and not in the good way that Koakuma was hoping for. The air filled with danmaku composed of steak knives, slowly closing in on her behind Meiling. Between the oncoming knives, the oncoming gatekeeper, and Marisa shouting something she couldn't quite make out; Koakuma noted a crow flying between the knives. Atop this crow was a tiny person wearing a tiny bowl. Koakuma imagined the tiny person was shouting, but she couldn't quite hear at the moment. Instead, she just watched as the little person flings what looks like a tiny hammer in her direction. Koakuma did the only thing she could think of: she crouched down and covered her head with her arms. She could just make out the last part of what Marisa had shouted: ?...-Spark!? Boom.

Ozzy: Please continue this, I've had a blast reading it so far! Usually body swap comedies are generally different from each other, but somehow yours is standing out from the rest I've seen.

Hello Purvis: (OKAY! Now that the holidays and AQDG are over...) The mansion was quiet. Chunks of plaster flaked from the ceiling and fell to the ground. A low groan emanated from one corner, where the magician was crumpled into a frilly heap near a charred broom. The red-haired devil and the gatekeeper laid in a pile, both on their backs and staring up at the ceiling. The maid was sprawled in the middle of the floor. The kobito was laying where the floor met the wall, her nose firmly buried in the joint. Where her crow had gone, it was impossible to tell. The maid stirred. Then a moment later, she was gone, instead laying against the wall and dressed in a tattered uniform. ?Okay,? she said in a scratchy voice, ?Let?s just say our names, and make sure everyone is in the right place?? ?Huh?? comes a muffled reply from the pile of frills. ?Just do it, please,? says the maid. ?I am Sakuya.? ?Marisa,? said the black magician. ?Shinmyoumaru,? said the kobito into the wall, barely audible. ?Meiling,? said the gatekeeper, groaning. ?Meilin-OW!? The red-haired devil was cut off by a quick elbow jab into her chest. ?...Koakuma?? ?Well then,? Sakuya said, before coughing a few times. ?That?s all wrapped up, then. Now let?s get to work cleaning all this up before Mistress notices, shall we?? ?What?? said Marisa. ?Yes, I would love it if you pitched in, Marisa,? said Sakuya. ?Thank you for volunteering!? **** The faeries shuffled and muttered among themselves, packed into a sizable gallery. Then they stood in attention as Sakuya, in fresh clothes and free of any signs of soot, stepped into the room and ran her gaze over them all. ?Today,? she said in a clear voice that carried to the end of the room, ?There has been a very important test. And I am ashamed to say that many of you failed it.? She waited a moment for the gasps and howls of dismay to calm down. ?However, the House of Scarlet can be kind and forgiving when it so chooses. And in turn, we shall expect each of you to forgive and forget what you have done to each other today. As always, we shall not tolerate grudges! Now, I would like each of you to turn to your neighbor, giver her a hug, and tell her you are sorry. Then we?ll never speak of this again.? As the faeries turned, some to the left and some to right, Sakuya allowed herself a small smile. However much a pain the faeries could be, they really were little darlings at heart. She watched, still smiling, as the faeries embraced each other; some of them getting caught between two or more neighbors who happened to turn the same direction. Then she frowned slightly at one particular pair. ?Crocus Leaf, Strawberry Crepe,? she said. ?We don?t hug with our lips.? There were always a couple. **** ?You have one hour,? said Patchouli, as Koakuma gaped at the floor. There, spread across an immense carpet. were more porcelain and stone shards than she could easily count. She could only guess at just how many vases, busts, and plates must be gathered there. ?But?? she said. After a moment, she gave up on trying to find something to follow those remarks. Then the sound of rushing air caught her ears, moments before Marisa flew into the room on her broom while carrying a large cloth sack. Marisa stopped over the carpet long enough to empty the sack, adding several dozen more shards of rock and porcelain to the mess. Koakuma?s jaw dropped; she gave an inarticulate sort of gurgling noise for a moment, before crying ?You broke those yourself!? ?Can?t prove anything!? ?Oh f-? Koakuma started, before the sudden sound of a loud whip?s crack cut her off. She whirled around to see Patchouli calmly regathering a whip back into a coil. ?Why do you even have that?!? cried the red-haired devil. ?Miss Izayoi insisted,? said Patchouli. Then she cracked the whip once more off to the side; Koakuma winced reflexively. ?Fifty nine minutes.? **** ?So,? said Sakuya, seated behind a large mahogany desk, likely ten times older than she, in one of the mansion?s drawing rooms, ?I heard you made quite a stir lately, Cream Flower.? ?We aren't supposed to talk about the past!? cried the two-foot tall faerie, trying and failing to to pull her frilled hairband over her face. ?What?s the past, anyways? I don?t even believe in it! If someone told me there was such a thing as the past, I?d tell them they have runny pudding between their ears! ...Are we going to have pudding tonight, Miss Izayoi?? ?We might,? said Sakuya, offering the faerie a little smile. ?But only if you tell me what happened.? ?I was queen of the world, you now,?said Cream Flower. ?It was beautiful, People trading and coming together in the wasteland, far as the eye could see. Even when the world ended, before it stopped ending, we were a beacon of civilization in the darkness! When one needed goods, they came to Barter Town! They came to me! I was the face of justice and the beacon of law in a cold, uncaring world! Who could stop me other than the Scarlet Devil herself?! Oh, those were the days, Miss Izayoi! I wish you could have been there to see it. I would have made you top dog in the arena!? ?Mm, lovely,? said Sakuya. ?But now, I have an even more important duty for you, Cream Flower. Are you ready for a promotion?? The little faerie?s eyes went wide. She nodded, not daring to say a word. ?Are you ready to help handle the dishes?? said Sakuya. ?C-can I add the soap in?? said Cream Flower in a tiny voice. ?Not yet,? said Sakuya. ?But, if you do a good job, then just maybe.? ?YesyesyesyesyesYESYESYES!? Cream Flower leapt from her seat, hands balled into quivering fists. ?I?ll be the most bestest disher girl you ever saw!? Then she charged from the room, shouting at the top of her lungs. **** Remilia set her brushes down, then took a step back from the canvas. It was done. She smiled as she let her eyes follow one color to the next, appreciating the gentle flow of each and the precision of each brush stroke. Satisfied, she picked up a small bell resting on the counter and gave it a gentle ring. ?Mistress,? said Sakuya, suddenly in the room bearing a tray with a ceramic pot filled with dark red tea, standing to the vampire?s side. ?Two rings, dear?? Remilia said as she set the bell down. ?Isn?t it a little early for old age to take its toll upon your reflexes?? ?My thoughts were wandering, Mistress,? said Sakuya, inclining her head slightly. ?No need to worry, Sakuya,? said Remilia. She glanced at the tea set on the tray, then raised an eyebrow. ?Ah. Is that teapot the Bavarian? Is the Breton not available?? ?I was feeling spontaneous, Mistress,? said Sakuya as she poured the tea. ?Ah, quite good,? says Remilia. **** It was a quiet afternoon at the Hakurei shrine. The birds were singing, thankfully in the distance. The squirrels were rustling through the trees; blessedly in trees away from the shrine grounds. Reimu laid upon the front stairs of the shrine, sprawled out and staring at the clouds and the bright blue sky, a cup of tea forgotten by her side. It was with some irritation that she noted some figure ducking under the faded red torii and marching up the stone pathway toward the shrine. With a sigh, the shrine maiden sat up and reclaimed her tea. She took a long drink as the oncomer approached. Reimu recognized her as Shinmyoumaru quickly, and was able to stifle a groan thanks to the tea. However, the last time she saw Shinmyoumaru, she definitely wasn't tall enough to have to duck under a ten-foot high torii! ?Huh,? said Reimu. ?You?re darn right, huh!? said the approaching Shinmyoumaru, giving a toothy grin. Reimu idly wondered if it would still be correct to think of her as a kobito now. Deciding it didn't matter, she said, ?Well. Here to show off, I take it?? ?Just a little bit,? said Shinmyoumaru as she came to stop in front of the shrine?s stairs. She put her hands on her hips and grinned down at Reimu. The effect was partly spoiled by the overhanging roof obscuring the upper half of her face. ?I?m just here to tell you that the time has come and I?m taking over Gensokyo!? ?That?s rather polite,? Reimu said. ?Thank you. Most of the time, whenever some youkai wants to kick up trouble, they do it on the other end of Gensokyo and it?s such a pain. This is really nice of you, I appreciate it.? ?Well, it only seemed like the right thing to do,? said Shinmyoumaru. ?It?s not like I have to be afraid of you or anything anymore!? ?So, indulge my curiosity,? said Reimu, before taking another sip of tea. ?What happened? And, could you crouch down or something? I?m getting sick of staring up at your groin.? ?Well get used to it!? Shinmyoumaru said. ?I only made an alliance with the great witch Patchouli, and did her a little favor! Now no one can look down on me and stop me again!? ?Is that so?? said Reimu. ?She make you a potion or something?? ?Yep!? said Shinmyoumaru. ?It worked even better than I hoped! I could barely fit out the library doors after drinking it!? ?They aren't that small,? Reimu said. ?You could have stooped down under the door frame, surely?? Then she frowns ?And you still have that needle at your side. Wait, are you still wearing that bowl?? ?Having to stoop down counts as barely, you know,? said Shinmyoumaru, frowning and furrowing her brow slightly. ?And yes I?m still wearing my bowl, it looks great! Once I've taken over they?re going to come into fashion! Anyways! I?m taking over Gensokyo, so deal with it. You can be the first to pledge allegiance to me. I?ll assure you a favored spot in the new world order, of course.? ?That?s quite kind of you,? said Reimu. ?But, there?s something you ought to know about Patchouli?s potions. You see-ah, there we go.? Shinmyoumaru suddenly found herself waist deep in badly maintained grass. ?Oh come on!? she cried. ?Yeah, they never last all that long,? said Reimu as she shifts forward and looks down at the kobito. ?So it really was nice of you to come here first rather than, I dunno, go stir up trouble in the village.? ?You knew!? Shinmyoumaru said, pointing at Reimu. ?We shrine maidens have excellent intuition,? said Reimu with a shrug. ?I guessed it was probably going to wear off sooner or later. Mind, it didn't hurt I got a letter from Sakuya about this yesterday.? ?Agh!? Shinmyoumaru drew her needle and flung it to the ground, then stamped her feet. ?Those traitors!? ?Well, Patchouli is more of a cheapskate,? Reimu said. ?At least I think she cuts corners on those potions? Maybe there?s just no way to make them last for long? I dunno.? She watched the kobito stamp a few more times, then pause to catch her breath. ?Anyways, would you like some tea? I have a thimble you can use.? Shinmyoumaru sighed, then looked up at Reimu. ?Do you have anything harder? I?m suddenly having a really lousy day.? ?Yeah, sure thing.?

Iced Fairy: For something that seemed to descend into chaos so quickly, I'm actually impressed at how well it all flowed together at the end.  Your characters all moved the story nicely, and your fairies were excellent.  A fine read.

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