I've been wanting to write a story for Touhou for a while. A few ideas came to mind months ago, and I've been organizing bits and pieces of it since then, but only recently did I actually get around to writing. I don't have a complete flow of events solidified yet (just the direction), and I haven't chosen a name for the story, but if no one minds, I was hoping I could leave this first chapter here as a preview. I'm probably not as experienced with writing stories as most others here, so I can't even say I'm totally familiar with my own writing style (only with what I've done for school papers and such). I know I'll nitpick my way to improvement as I continue with this, but I would love some feedback from you in the meantime.
Ryuu, this is the same story I told you about in IRC that one time, so here's that first scene I mentioned.
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Late autumn always felt dreadful to her. The trees shed their host of colorful leaves, with only the dull brown hue of their barks filling in the surroundings. The mountain air grew colder, whisking away the warmth from her skin with even the gentlest breeze. The looming clouds threatened to bring the first snowfall of the season, which would conceal what beauty remained in Gensokyo. The shifting weather weighed heavily in her heart, as the winter's chill would relentlessly torture her for months.
Tough times were ahead, but she would endure as before. A mild sigh brought her mind into focus, and she grew prepared to tackle this day. Adhering to her routine, the girl reached for the small wooden broom next to the front door. Her dark red eyes tilted to the large crate on her right, in the vain hope that someone had stumbled across her shrine and left an offering in the night. She raised her free hand to the red bow in her black hair and gave it a brief tug before opening the door. An icy gust greeted the girl as she stepped onto the porch, yet the air felt as cold as it did inside. It was something she had lived with for years ? the old-fashioned shrine could not ward of the cold, and it never received enough money to fund anything beyond its normal worshiping services. The state of the shrine mirrored the misery of the autumn weather. Yet here its shrine maiden stood, prepared to sweep the balcony clean of the crumpled leaves that would displease and discourage her sparse visitors from donating. It would not take as much effort with the wind acting up, though the girl prayed it would deliver no additional debris either.
A few modest brushes cleared the space by the door, when another gust blew from the side, ruffling her red dress. The chill crawled up her arms, so she tightened the upper bands of her white, detached sleeves to ease the bite of the wind. Before she could resume sweeping, a soft snore caught her attention. A glance to the left confirmed whom she expected ? a small girl, the shrine's "houseguest", laid on the porch, her head and arms sprawled over the edge. Anxious to finish cleaning, the shrine maiden decided it best to wake her visitor. She walked over, removing the leaves in her path, and tapped the sleeping girl's left shoe with the stick of the broom, garnering no response. Impatient, she twice struck the girl's leg. The shrine maiden did not want her guest to give her much trouble on this already miserable day.
The sleeping girl shifted and moaned as she woke. Her head reeled upward almost as quickly as she had reeled back into consciousness, and her thin, shackled arms supported her diminutive frame as she sat upright. She brought her right hand to her long, ginger hair and brushed it between the two brown horns protruding from her head. The visitor remained groggy, and her eyes squinted as she humored her host with the usual greeting: "Morning already?"
"Yes, Suika," the shrine maiden stoically answered. "Don't get too comfortable where you are. I have to clean there soon."
"Okay," the guest replied. She rubbed her right eye in an effort to ward off her sleepiness, but she knew the shrine maiden's requests had to come before all else. Suika swiped her white, sleeveless blouse as she moved her arm down to the floor, and she bent her legs inward, being careful not to catch them inside her long, purple skirt. A forceful shove lifted her to her feet in a flash, the system of chains on her waist clanking as she stood. The rapid movement proved costly for the small girl, as she grew dizzy and briefly stumbled on her left foot, almost ramming the shrine maiden. She soon regained her balance and breathed a light sigh of relief.
In spite of this episode, Suika rushed for a decorated purple canister on her waist, flinging it to her mouth in a heartbeat. Several gulps finally brought a smile to her face, and she held the container to her host. "Drink, Reimu?"
"No thanks," the shrine maiden declined. "It's too early for someone like me to have any alcohol." Reimu was familiar with her guest's antics, so she refused to let them impede her tasks more than they already had. She turned around and continued sweeping the balcony, silently cursing a gust of wind that dirtied Suika's sleeping spot.
"Ah, isn't this weather lovely?" Suika praised, hoping to strike up a conversation. "It reminds me so much of home."
Reimu did not hesitate in her duties, but felt that a dose of small talk would not hurt. "Your home is underground, and you're not a human like I am. Your tastes are just too different. I already want summer back. Or at least early autumn."
"But you're lucky," Suika countered. "You got this great mountain air to keep you company. It's not nearly as fresh in the Ancient City." The small girl joyously took a deep breath, earning a jealous stare from the shrine maiden.
"I only wish I found it as comfortable as you do. But even if you took my place for one winter, you'd never understand my position. You're a youkai." Reimu was nearing the end of the porch, and she was pleased to see her work going somewhere, even as Suika conversed with her.
However, what sense of satisfaction she possessed was short-lived. As Reimu swept the last of the leaves from her side of the balcony, a sharp jolt sprung from below. She made the connection instantly, and she gasped in horror when she realized what was happening ? it was an earthquake! She dropped her broom and clasped tightly to a nearby post before the shaking changed directions. Everything rocked back and forth, though not strongly enough to throw the shrine maiden off her feet. Instead, Reimu fell into a greater state of turmoil.
"No, not again! My shrine!" she exclaimed in a panic. Every motion taunted her, stirring up painful memories of the last earthquake that struck her shrine. The odds-and-ends inside the building rattled, and the framework creaked under the stress. But Reimu could not bring herself to let go of the support ? even if the shrine came crashing down on her, the very thought of such a disaster left her paralyzed. She could only pray for the earthquake to end, and to end now.
To Reimu's delight, the ground settled in a short time. The girl could stand unhindered, and the grip she held on the beam loosened. The only thing that calmed her nerves was the sight of her shrine, intact and stable. No doubt, it suffered some damage inside, but such minor hardly mattered. The building had dodged a bullet in Reimu's eyes, and she felt nothing but relief. She did not need any more reasons to concern over her dilapidated shrine.
Reimu managed to collect herself, her heavy breaths giving way to elated sighs. A cute squeal snapped her from the trance, and her attention fell to the shrine's houseguest. Suika sat by the door, arms spread in the air and exhilaration written all over her face. "Let's do that again!" she cried.
It felt like a sadistic joke, yet Reimu fought back a chuckle. She would not have forgiven her visitor if Suika were anyone else. "My workload for the day has been doubled, and here you are, treating an earthquake like a walk among the cherry blossoms," she quipped. "It amazes me how youkai can approach things so differently from humans."
Suika could tell that immense pressure threatened to crush her friend. The shrine had fallen victim to earthquakes in the past, and from what Suika observed, Reimu did not take to the collapses very well. The least she could do was alleviate her host's tense nature.
"Reimu", she began in her best attempt at a soothing voice, "moumantai."
Perhaps she failed in her choice of words ? her counsel garnered a befuddled expression from the shrine maiden. Such a phrase held little significance when no one else understood its meaning, or knew that the word existed in the first place. Suika would not let the gaffe stop her, however.
"You worry too much," she said as she brought herself to her feet. "No lousy earthquake can stop someone like you. Any incident is a bigger threat. Besides, we can always rebuild the shrine, just as if it was never destroyed. Nothing to fret about here," she confidently concluded.
Reimu grinned on the inside, as she admired the girl's effort to lift her spirits. But it wasn't just the building collapsing that haunted her thoughts. The cost of remaking her shrine left her in tremendous hardship, and it became a small miracle to maintain her services for another month. It was a very real crisis, and it was something that only she could handle.
"I appreciate your help, Suika, but it runs deeper than that," Reimu courteously replied. She sighed and looked down sympathetically at her houseguest. "I'm sorry. You'd never understand my position. You're a youkai."
A cold breeze drifted across the balcony, reminding the shrine maiden of her unfinished chores. Reimu promptly turned for her broom ? the leaves would not blow themselves away, after all, and the earthquake created its own inconveniences. Winter lay right around the corner, and Reimu already sensed that it would be rough, but she would endure as before.
Suika struggled to revive the conversation, so to pass the time she reached for the purple jar on her waist. She sipped her sake and once again held it out to her host. "Drink, Reimu?"
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Again, I want feedback. Tell me where I can improve, or if you're even remotely interested in this story. :V I'm of the position to save posting the whole thing for when it's completely done, even though the convention in fanfiction appears to be "write and post as you go". Me and my perfectionism want to avoid things like major plotholes, you see. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed this preview.
