A Certain Mystical Square

[Benny1]

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack~

----

Reimu was bored one day.  She was sitting in her shrine not doing much.  Who was this Reimu I speak of?  Well, it just so happens that this is Reimu Hakurei (博麗　靈夢), The Shrine Maiden who Protects Dream and Tradition.  She has long purple hair that is very straight, wears a red ribbon, and wears traditional shrine maiden clothing with no armpits showing.  She is a simple girl, with the amazing power to use the Hakurei Yin Yang orb, and flies using Genjii, an old turtle.

Anyways, as she was bored, she called Marisa.  She did this by flying to Marisa?s house, yelling at her to come to the shrine, and coming back to the shrine to wait for Marisa.  Eventually Marisa showed up.  Marisa Kirisame (霧雨　魔理沙), A Being Made of Magic and Red Dream, was a witch.  She wore a purple hat and simple purple dress, and had red hair and eyes.  She was pretty cute, and she tried hard to make powerful magic.  She is confident and teases Reimu, because they are close.

?Marisa, we should go to Makai (魔界).  That is the demon world, and there are demons coming through the portal saying they are on vacation, and this is bad.  We need to stop them.? said Reimu.  Reimu needed to protect Gensokyo, and this was the best way.  It might help to have a friend, she thought, so she asked Marisa to come along too.  ?Yes, we should go stop them.  I might learn magic, and I have this premonition that I might be able to steal a very rare magic book.  I think this is a good idea.  We need to go.? said Marisa.  Reimu nodded and her hair moved up and down when she did so.  They walked outside of the gate and Reimu called Genjii.  Marisa pet Genjii, stepped onto her broom, and they flew to the gate to Makai.

Makai is the demon world.  It is a dangerous place.  There are demons.  They have magic.  Marisa used to be in there with Mima.  She hasn?t seen Mima in a while.  She wants to see Mima.  Reimu doesn?t like Mima (魅魔) because Mima haunts the shrine sometimes, and tried to kill her once.  They are better friends now, and Mima doesn?t try to kill Reimu, but they are still friends.

At the portal they found Sara (サラ).  Sara has pink hair, and wears a red dress with a white scarf thing.  She is sort of strong for a youkai.  ?So I imagine you want to stop me because you are a shrine maiden and witch.? said Sara.  ?You are right.? said Reimu.  The two did danmaku battle while Marisa picked at her suitcases.  It seemed Sara also was travelling.  Reimu had a fun fight with Sara.  Sara liked to use circle danmaku.  It was fast and had small gaps.  It was fun for Reimu to dodge through.  At the end Sara also used lasers.  Reimu was happy.  ?I beat you, but you can stay for now because you were fun to fight.? said Reimu.  ?Thank you.? said Sara.  Reimu and Marisa went through the portal to Makai and Sara went on vacation.  Sara was happy that Marisa took nothing from her bag.

[Kuma]

OMG, WHUT R TEHS STOOPID MARRI-SU CHARACTURS, ND Y DO TEHY HAVE THE SMAE NAMEAS THE REAL CHRCTERS!?

[Benny1]

Fool, they don't have the same names.  Look at the kanji.  It's different!

[Kuma]

Fool, they don't have the same names.  Look at the kanji.  It's different!

Oh, than that's ok then.
Faboo story, keep it up!

[Benny1]

Reimu and Marisa were flying through the portal.  There were lots of ice crystals.  They threw Hakurei Amulets and energy stars at them to avoid being hit.  There were things that looked like stars in the distance.  It was actually quite beautiful.  They were happy with the trip.  Some weirdo youkai that had angel wings and like a shield for a body tried to stop them.  It died anyways.  Reimu and Marisa laughed at how it was a failure of a youkai.  Eventually they were through the portal.

?Oh ho ho ho ho, your plan to invade Makai stops here.  I am prepared to stop you, because I want to go on my vacation right now!? said a mysterious youkai.  This youkai had a stylish hat on.  Combined with her purple scarf and white clothing, she was cute.  ?My name is Luize (ルイズ) and I would prefer you don?t stop my vacation right now, please.  I will fight you to stop you.? said Luize.  She was kind of polite.  Reimu and Marisa were surprised.  Youkai were not normally polite.

?Please don?t try to stop me, I will hurt you.? said Marisa.  Marisa is not polite.  She was very rude in fact.  In fact, she was so rude, she shot a laser and Luize and Luize was banished to the fourth stage after having her hair color changed

?You know, she was polite.  It wouldn?t be bad to have her in Gensokyo.  Maybe other youkai would take lessons from her.? said Reimu.

?Don?t care.? said Marisa.  Reimu threw an amulet at Marisa in anger.

[Benny1]

Reimu and Marisa were lost.  They were in a place called Makai and had no idea where to go.  The residents of Makai were youkai, so Reimu and Marisa could not ask for directions.  It was sad.  They wandered a lot.  They ended up finding youkai villages and places like that.  They were beautiful even though they were filled with youkai, which surprised Reimu and Marisa.

"Reimu, I am surprised that youkai have beautiful things." said Marisa.

"I agree with you Marisa.  I thought youkai were all mean people, but apparently there is some good to them too." said Reimu in response.

Reimu and Marisa were tired and sat down on a hill.  They looked at youkai in the distance in their beautiful cities.  It was cool.

"Hey you two.  Do you want to take this prime chance for a trip to Gensokyo?  It's cheap!" said a person who walked up behind the two of them.

"Hmm, I am maybe interested.  Who are you?" said Reimu.  Reimu was being clever.  She did not give away her cover to this very clearly youkai girl and wanted to investigate.

"What?  How could you possibly not know who I am?  I am the fabulously talented magician, and the daughter of your goddess!  My name is Alice (アリス), never forget it!" said Alice.  She seemed to be a loud person, and Reimu and Marisa were surprised by how full of herself she was.

"Anyways, Shinki (神綺), your goddess, told me to go to the people of Makai and ask them to travel to Gensokyo for vacations at the fabulous cost of only Ten Youkai Dollars!  Pretty slick, huh, are you two interested?" said Alice.

"Ha, you have the wrong people.  My name is Reimu Hakurei, she is Marisa Kirisame, we're humans from Gensokyo, and in the name of Gensokyo's strict no-tourist policy, we shall punish you!" said Reimu!

"I agree, let's go!" said Marisa.

The two hurt Alice badly, but left her to be alive, because she was needed in later stages and games.

[Alfred F. Jones]

I giggle like a loon every time I read this. Nice.

[Bias Bus]

The two hurt Alice badly, but left her to be alive, because she was needed in later stages and games.

And my day (or night?) was made.

Good show~

[Zengar Zombolt]

Benny, you're a genius.

[Nobu]

This is hilarious and reminds me of the days I used to read fanfics long long ago.

[Solais]

GENIUS!

[Benny1]

Reimu and Marisa asked Alice where to find Shinki.

"Well, you can find my fabulous and amazing mother at the top of the wonderful fortress of Pand?monium," said Alice.

"Whoa, how did she say that awesome combination of a and e?" said Marisa.  She had never heard that before and was very curious.

"It's easy, you just go ? and it works." said Reimu.  Marisa could not figure it out.  She was too busy flying into Yuki and Mai.

"To protect the world from devastation!" said Yuki.

"To unite all people with in our nations!" said Mai.

"To denounce the evil of truth and love" said Yuki.

"To extend our reach to the stars above" said Mai.

"Yuki" said Yuki.

"Mai." said Mai.

"Team Rocket blast in of at the speed of light!" said Yuki

"Surrender now or prepare to fight" said Mai.

"Luize, that's right!" said Luize with new colored hair.

"Just. Die." said Reimu.

Reimu destroyed Luize, Yuki, and Mai.

[Slaves]

i will never see those two in the same way again.

[Polaris]

I am dying to see fanart of Yuki and Mai and Luize doing the Team Rocket motto now.

But really, how do you say that combination of a and e? D:

[Solais]

But really, how do you say that combination of a and e? D:

"It's easy, you just go ? and it works."

[Benny1]

"That really was horrifying, geez." said Marisa.  She couldn't get over what Yuki and Mai had just done.  It was very traumatizing to Yuki and Mai.

"Geez, move, silly witch.  I'm trying to clean and you are in the way.  If you don't move soon, I will knife you," said a maid that was flying around.  She cleaned where Marisa was and moved on.

"Well, that was really weird.  Who would clean up here?" said Reimu.  She was curious, it didn't seem to be a place for a maid.

"Well, you know, this is where my beautiful mother Shinki, Goddess of all of Makai, lives!  She has a fabulous army of maids, but that was Yumeko (夢子), the most FAAAAAABULOUS of them all!  Shinki is always proud of how perfect of a maid she is." said Alice.  Reimu and Marisa decided she must be visiting her mother and ignored her.

"Wait, who the hell are you.  Claiming I'm your mother?  Get out of here, bitch."  Shinki showed up, yelled at Alice for claiming to be her daughter, and forced Alice out.

"Well, apparently she was lying!" said Reimu.  Marisa nodded to show that she agreed.

"Anyways, what's up with you two bitches?  I know my castle is fucking fantastic, but I don't like it when random retards from Gensokyo come here.  Yeah, I tried sending all the shitty youkai to Gensokyo, but if you're going to try to stop that, I just might kill you assholes." said Shinki.  Apparently, she was a bit of a potty mouth.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever heard a goddess swear so much," said Marisa.  She was very surprised.  Reimu was going to banish Shinki for being a potty mouth.

"Well, it's fortunate for you two dicks that I don't care enough to fuck around with you two, so here, fight my perfect maid, Yumeko," said Shinki.  She vanished with a FUCK! sound effect and Yumeko appeared.

"I apologize for my master's coarse language, she just does that when Alice shows up.  Alice actually is her daughter, but she got so tired of the way she said fabulous that whenever she says it she kicks out Alice.  Anyways, it's time for me to fight you, so please, don't make a mess when you get stabbed by my knives!  I really don't want to have more to clean up, after all!" said Yumeko.  She was polite even before killing Reimu and Marisa.

Reimu and Marisa were utterly murdered by Yumeko, because lunatic Yumeko is not even possible.  H*nyuu from H*igurashi n* N*ku K*ro ni showed up, time warped, and changed the difficulty to normal, and the two defeated Yumeko and moved on to stage 6.

[Nine West]

Okay, now you got me giggling.

[Alfred F. Jones]

FAAAAAABULOUS

YOUR TWO-COLOURED POWERS ARE A MERE TWENTY-EIGHT-POINT-FIVE-SEVEN-ONE-FOUR PERCENT AS POWERFUL AS MINE!

I see that beating you into being funny worked. I must make note of this for the future.

[Gpop]

Oh god what.

[Polaris]

FUCK! sound effect

Shinki terrifies me now.

[Solais]

With all this swearing coming from Shinki, I expect a reenaction of the final scene of the Tenacious D movie in the next installment. 

[Benny1]

"This is getting very weird, Marisa.  We should kill Shinki and leave soon." said Reimu.  Reimu was confused by the weird happenings and wanted to leave.

"I agree, let us go shoot lasers and amulets at her." said Marisa.  The two went and found Shinki.

"Geez, I'm sorry I let you all see me get pissed at me and swear a lot like that.  Sometimes Alice is just a bit frustrating.  I'll try to be more careful about that, okay?"  Shinki seemed like a brand new goddess.  She was polite and had a clean mouth.

"Oh shut up." said Marisa.  Marisa shot a laser at her.

"You know, you're making me angry.  You won't like me when I'm angry..." said Shinki.  She was a little angry.

"Oh shut up." said Reimu.  Reimu shot amulets at her.

"That's it.  I'm angry.  You'll regret it!" said Shinki.  She started to roar like she was going to do some ridiculous transformation, and suddenly six wings shot out of her back.

"I told you.  You won't like me when I'm angry!" said Shinki.  Each of her wings suddenly spouted out a giant tube of toothpaste and shot homing toothpaste lasers at Reimu and Marisa.

"What the heck is this?  It's so hard to dodge!" said Reimu.  She was very frustrated by how hard it was to dodge.

"You need to do like this little figure-eight pattern, Reimu.  It is not easy." said Marisa.  She was sort of doing it but it wasn't great.  She got hit once.

Eventually Shinki got angry again.

"What the fuck are you two bitches doing still dodging my shit?  I'm fucking shooting homing toothpaste at you and you're still playing.  What the hell is that.  Fuck that, get out.  I know my castle is goddamned spectacular but seriously, get out." said Shinki.  She was swearing again and not very happy.  Her wings turned dark purple.

"What the hell is up with her?" said Marisa.  She really was weirded out.

"I just don't know any more." said Reimu.  She was also really weirded out.

"Well, I guess were are just weirded out." said Marisa.

"I agree." said Reimu.

"GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN." said Shinki.  She started shooting lasers and bullets and all sorts of shit at Reimu and Marisa.  And more toothpaste, too.  Eventually they shot at her enough though and her wings broke and she only had easy circle danmaku left.

"Fine, bitches.  If you get the fuck out of my house, I will let my bastard youkai stop going to Gensokyo and leave you alone.  God damn though, you two are way to persistent pieces of shit.  Get out of my house, you dickheads.  If I don't follow through on my promise, I'll give you this fucking awesome pad as collateral, you dig?  Get out, shitheads." said Shinki.

Reimu and Marisa left with no questions.

[Alfred F. Jones]

Each of her wings suddenly spouted out a giant tube of toothpaste and shot homing toothpaste lasers at Reimu and Marisa.

Oh fuck you, now I can't unsee each of Shinki's wings being a different brand of toothpaste. You know, Colgate, Aim, Arm and Hammer...

I can't wait to see what you do for Extra stage.

[Solais]

Homing Toothpaste.

GENIUS!

[Benny1]

"Well, that was seriously weird.  I don't ever want to come back to Makai again." said Reimu.

At this point a huge portal opened up in front of the two of them and a giant ship appeared in front of them.  They snuck into the back of the ship and began to investigate.

"Hey, what are you two doing in here?" said somebody who looked a lot like Reimu.

"Seriously, you two need to get out of here, ze~." said somebody who looked a lot like Marisa.

"Are they youkai?  Youkai, youkai, youkai are they youkai can I kill them they're youkai right I want to kill some youkai please can they be youkai?" said a girl with green hair and a frog and snake in her hair.

"Wait a second.  We need to introduce ourselves.  I don't know what's going on, and it's confusing me.  I am Reimu Hakurei (博麗　靈夢), priestess of the Hakurei shrine." said the Reimu from this story.

"Yeah, we need to do this.  My name is Marisa Kirisame (霧雨　魔理沙), and I am an awesome witch from the Forest of Magic." said Marisa with red hair.

"Okay, what?  My name is also Reimu Hakurei (博麗　霊夢) and I am the priestess of the Hakurei shrine." said this black haired red and white Reimu.

"Seriously, ze~.  My name is also Marisa Kirisame, it even uses the same kanji, ze~!  What's up with that, ze~!" said Marisa with blonde hair and a black outfit.

"Youkai youkai I guess they aren't youkai no youkai for me to kill what a shame I want to kill some youkai by the way I'm Sanae Kochiya (東風谷　早苗) nice to meet you I'm a youkai hunter I want youkai to kill please could you give me some youkai?" said Sanae.

Reimu and Marisa had already left.  Captain Minamitsu Murasa (村紗 水蜜) saw them off.

Reimu and Marisa from this story watched as Byakuren Hijiri (聖　白蓮) used an attack that seemed very similar to one of Shinki's in confusion.  It was Great Magic "Devil's Recitation" (大魔法「魔神復誦」) and seemed to be the exact same thing, without toothpaste lasers.

"Well, at least they can't say they got to dodge toothpaste in Makai." said Reimu.

[Alfred F. Jones]

Byakuren Hijiri (聖　白蓮)

I don't remember this being in MS. Are you sure you didn't get lost on the way to extra stage?

[Benny1]

As I said on IRC:

Is it a time paradox?  A pime taradox?  Could Benny1 secretly support the Marisa and Reimu are two different people theory?  Is Yukari fooling around again?  Did Reimu and Marisa from this story take some shady new drug from Eirin?

The world may never know.

That, and every single time I read Reimu's last line, I can't help but burst out laughing.

[Benny1]

"Oh, there you two are.  You know, I'm not happy with you two.  I was not ready for Shinki to kick me out that time, and you two are to blame for it.  And you know what?  You two are dead." said Alice.  She was back again, and Reimu and Marisa were not pleased.  She had a book and The Grimoire of Alice was written on it.

"What on earth are you doing here.  I'm so tired of seeing you." said Reimu.  She was tired of seeing Alice because Alice was annoying.

"Yeah, go away.  And give me that book." said Marisa.

"I won't do that." said Alice.  She summoned many cards and they fought with Reimu and Marisa.

Eventually Reimu and Marisa defeated every single one of the cards and they went to fight Alice.

"Geez you two, you really piss me off.  I'm going to kill you two!" said Alice.  She lit the wall on fire and nothing really happened and Reimu and Marisa shot danmaku at her and won.

"You know, actually reading the book would be useful.  That attack is done by sending waves of fire down the wall while you shoot at them in the middle, you fool.  You're not goot at this at all.  Go back to being a doll otaku, you failure." said Reimu.  Reimu was mad at Alice and taking it out on her.

"Yeah, really.  I am going to steal this magic book and become way better at magic than you.  I hope you move next to me in the forest of magic and try to win my love and fail to every single day.  Because I hate you, you worthless doll otaku.  Doll otaku are scary people, they killed my mother, you creeper.  I hate you so much." said Marisa.  Marisa kicked Makai sand in Alice's face and stole the book.

"Oh, you two are just kidding, I know.  There's no way you could ever say something so mean to somebody as fabulous as I am.  I'm sure you're just jealous of my wonderful intelligence and smashing good looks." said Alice.  It seemed Alice was back to normal after having the book taken away.  Marisa gave it back.

Alice was really quite sad after all of this and ran to Shinki.  Shinki changed Alice's last name to Margatroid so she could pretend Alice was not her daughter and used the Yu-gi-oh card Change of Heart in order to make Reimu and Marisa have a change of heart and like Alice.  The author didn't actually enjoy being mean to Alice, it seemed.

After everybody was in Gensokyo again, they got together and talked a little.

"You know Alice, the next time I meet you in a game, I'm going to forget who you are.  And you know... I sort of like the kanji that other Reimu used..." said Reimu.  She seemed to be thinking about something.

"Geez, you're so mean Reimu... ze~" said Marisa.  It seemed she wanted to talk and look like that other Marisa.

"Argh, you two are really mean.  No wonder I have seven colors and you only have two, silly." said Alice.  She was still proud of being much more powerful.  She liked to say that they had twenty-eight-point-five-seven-one-four percent as much power as her.

Somewhere in the outside world, Sanae was being pet by Suwako, who was saying Sanae was a good girl.  Kanako plotted to turn Sanae into a youkai hunter through a devious plan involving moving the shrine into Gensokyo and using a geyser to release a magic palanquin ship in order to make people want to free Byakuren.

All was good in Gensokyo, and Reimu and Marisa went to get makeovers the next day.

----

It's over!  Expect the FAAAAAABULOUS sequel/next fanfic sometime in the probably not so near future!

[Kasu]

XD

This fic was hilarious.

[An Odd Sea Slug]

I enjoyed this and want more because it was enjoyable. :B