1. Yukari
2. Yuyuko
3. Byakuren
4. Orin
5. Koishi
6. Yuuka
7. Eirin
8. Chen
9. Nue
10. Ran
Future: Your life will be largely nondescript for some time. Yes, you'll float from place to place, supplying your clever managerial skills, garnering a healthy amount of wealth and influence in the meantime. It isn't until your retirement and golden years that your eccentric personality takes the helm and goes off the rails on the crazy train over the entire town. Sure, you could've stopped at adopting three or four cats, but why stop there? Why not adopt all the strays and any feral mutant creature that may or not be a chupacabra? It LOOKS sort of cat-ish, right? Before long, the entire continent's stray cats have migrated to your house, drawn there by the constant stream of catnip and tuna odors wafting from your domicile. The massive breadth of your connections garnered in your career help make your 85 story home and numerous satellite houses possible, and the dozens of live-in employees make dealing with kitty litter disposal bearable. Eventually, your dominion of cats is sent out into the world to do good, ridding troubled cities of plague rat infestations and asking for belly rubs from the entire population of Florida. They even assassinate a high profile warlord. By gumming up the elevators with hairballs, he's cornered in the
Burj Khalifa. As he attempts to flee down the stairs, he finds a squadron of your kitties at the top of each flight. He won't get far. Such dirty business is usually left to the Multiple Environment Occupational Warrior squad though.
Death: Peacefully in your sleep at the age of
96. Muffy, Biff, The Great Gonzo, Boots, Jake, and Mr. Whiskers will be the pall bearers at your funeral.
Last Words: You will bid farewell to all of your cats in alphabetical order. As this exceeds the word per post limit, I can't post the whole thing.
Number: The sum total number of cats you will adopt over your lifetime. This number will put city populations to shame. Good thing your next door neighbor didn't adopt an entire town's worth of people allergic to pet dander, or there'd be trouble a' brewin'.
Color: Multiple. Chartreux, Russian Blue, Savannah, and York Chocolate.
1. Yukari
2. Yuuka
3. Utsuho
4. Seiga
5. Yoshika
6. Suwako
7. Kanako
8. Koishi
9. Miko
10. Byakuren
Future: Life will remain just too dull for you until you hit middle age. The doldrums of work and the dull corporate ladder will make you a bit cynical and bitter considering that you wanted to preside over a frikkin' COUNTRY and not just the goddamn Finance department. Goddamnit Mark, how can we get these numbers to the VP if you're drunk at work all the time? You retire early, take over a small island in the Pacific, and deplete your former company's entire bank account to set up a nuclear-powered facility there. The immense power it puts out is subsequently used to revive the dead, leading to a tremendous zombie army. At last! You can finally bring a nation to its knees so the chuckleheads from HR will
stop dipping into your supply closet, dammit! Still, you have a rough time keeping your zombie underlings in check. They're largely confused about how much PTO they're receiving, company goals, benefits, and the list of contacts for IT because the rocks they're working on right now don't support Windows 7. It eventually becomes your duty to break it to them that they are all godless abominations of science and that being dead might be troublesome for company health insurance costs. The following insurrection is ugly. Lawsuits left and right, the zombie army's stock plummets, and the confidence in your ability as CEO is called into question. Eventually the zombies unionize and you can't keep up with the payments, considering that it cost a mere $5 a pop to get a couple of college dropouts formerly employed at a Denny's to unearth corpses. Now the undead want more than minimum wage. Sheesh.
Death: Worried about the zombies rioting, you purchase a boomstick to defend yourself. However, you haven't been tutored in proper firearm safety, and the weapon misfires. Luckily, the last 15 years of your life are by far the best and things were about to go downhill in a hurry anyhow.
Last Words: "'This end up' my ass." Luckily, you don't get to reflect on the awkward statement you make, and no one is around to hear it. Unfortunately, this happens when you're
62. You could've retired from that soulless corporate system had you simply toughed it out a bit longer. Social Security was so close yet so far away.
Number: 35.45 - the molecular weight of chlorine. You'll need it considering much bleach you'll be using to tend to the mess the zombies leave throughout your underground lair.
Color: Aqua orange.
1. Ran Yakumo
2. Hina Kagiyama
3. Mystia Lorelei
4. Kogasa Tatara
5. Nue Houjuu
6. Suika Ibuki
7. Reimu Hakurei
8. Yuyuko Saigyouji
9. Utsuho Reiuji
10. Chen
Future: Depression will set in at a relatively young age as you have difficulty dealing with authority. You will fail to find your niche in society for a time, but not for long. Soon, you will start moonlighting as FLAMINGO VALENTINE, the suave, fashionable, vaguely male dance and pop star that will shoot to the top of the charts. Unfortunately, popular doesn't mean good, and that star will fade before long. Your singing career is eventually largely forgotten which isn't so bad because your music would make dogs vomit, which would produce a sound that would be considered a marked improvement over your own. However, you lead a successful career in fashion from then on, with fashions that will reach the dirt-poor to princesses. As for yourself, your outfits will cost a drag queen's ransom, match a footbal field in terms of square yardage, possess enough jewelry to be visible to the ISS, and consist of enough squirrells to fill a national park. Things will still be a bit rough for you emotionally, however, and more than a few times you will be found dragging yourself (and your jewel encrusted pumps with the 4 inch heels) back to the nearest 5 star hotel while deftly clutching to a bottle of Jack Daniels. Your fashion sense will keep up for your entire lifetime and you'll have a minor resurgence singing showtunes in casinos. Your bizarre, borderline schizophrenic personality will irk your underlings, but you'll have too much SWAGGER to even notice.
Death: Still thinking you can rock the fashion at the age of
97, you will attempt to pose like the main character from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure part 19 and break your spine.
Last Words: I'll just say that they'd make Liberace weep and leave it at that.
Number: 109
Color: RAINBOW SPARKLES! Better clean them up before your wife gets home.
Reisen
Tewi
Komachi
Keine
Byakuren
Hatate
Marisa
Yukari
Reimu
Aya
Future: Tired of being roughed up by traditional work, you attempt to start a few businesses of your own with marginal success. Luck is on your side however, as you eventually become a smashing success as a noodle chef, making dishes ranging from localized takes on Japanese favorites to Italian pasta comfort dishes. Though brusque and shrewd as a businessman, you're an all-around nice guy with a penchant for your work. It shows, and before long, you're the talk of the town. Eventually, you receive permission to use your beloved Reisen as the restaurant's mascot, with your SO frequently donning her signature skirt and blazer combo at work. Your positive reputation secure, you start to cut loose a little and your screwy sense of humor shines through, offering patrons a boisterous, cheery experience with joke dishes offered to the daring. Who knew Skittle-flavored beer would go so well with the ghost pepper teriyaki mac & cheese? A statue of Reisen is eventually built to greet your clientele, and many a picture of them attempting to garner her affections is taken in front of the restaurant. You answer each of these attempts by first-basing it with the statue. The business is featured in the local paper a number of times before becoming national news and eventually, a national landmark. During your 50th anniversary celibration, you take your employees - all adorned with a ridiculous pair of rabbit ears - to a local pub and order a round for the house while swinging the profits from your restaurant above your head, saying
Last Words: "Hey, look! I'm raisin' udon gain in a bar!" The pun will not go over well with the winos there, leading to...
Death: Comedian Dave Barry once wrote "Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water." That about sums it up. Still, your work is your joy, and you'll be barely able to get through a full day of work at the age of
79. The qwip won't make it on your headstone. Rather, ?your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it? will.
Number: 5
Color: Tan. Fifteen, twenty, twentyfi-*SHOT*
