You know, during the time I was sitting here, thinking this shit up, I've done so with one goal in my head:
A sandwich, regardless of size, has to be tasty.
This is what I've had in mind for the last couple of weeks, and it is with this mentality that I present to you, my kitchen
It's messy and dirty because I'm lazy and haven't cleaned it today. Will do. Later.
Anyway, let's do this
Assembling the ingredients
This massive pile makes it seem like I picked things at random. Unfortunately, I didn't.
I planned this way too carefully. Recipe at the end of this post, if I don't forget.
Oh, and there's bacon in that pile, but I lack experience in frying bacon, so I screwed it up and left it out. Whoops :V
Let's start with the egg
Ugly and filthy because I'm use the same pan I used to fail the bacon, but no problems here
While that egg fries, let's slice some cheese, shall we
Now for the hamburguers
1st
2nd
Now let's toss the mozzarela there
Glory.
What are these, breaded chicken? No, it's breaded chicken
with cheese and ham filling. We'll get back to this guy later.
Garlic.
I think it's about time we start assembling, and the remaining ingredients will pop up as we do so
You know, I had planned to do this with regular toasts, but for my surprise and delight my mother showed up today with a bag of K?mmelbrot, produced locally by immigrant German families.
Now this is
way better than toast.
Let's see
On the first slice, let's spread some requeij?o, or cream cheese, to add stability and consistency, as well as flavour.
Garlic time, yo ho
Here I placed a slice of bologna, which is so wide I had to struggle a bit to fold it properly.
And on top of it, the two patties covered in cheese
Here on the bottom side of this slice I spreaded some French mustard with red fruits.
Looking killer enough?
BONUS AREA UNLOCKED
''Yo dawg I herd yo like killin yoself with food"
This is the top side of the mustard slice, now covered with (also French!) rabbit and cognac pate.
Should give my child a nice exquisite taste.
Oh hey look, it's our friend, massive piece of chicken filled with cheese and ham. Hi there.
And our friend fried egg.
We're almost done now~
Don't we have enough cheese already? No.
Let's spread that on the bottom side of the top slice.
But wait, before we close it and declare it finished, some lettuce and tomato
Gotta stay healthy, right?
BONUS FEATURENow, before we complete our creation, there's something important I must talk to you about
You see, a noble meal has to come side by side with a noble drink. It's just right, the way it should be done.
Therefore I must interrupt this venture, and present you with a bit of tropicalia
All we need is a banana, a bit of watermelon, milk, and a 300 watt Philips mixer.
There we go, a healthy drink full of vitamins! Isn't modern life wonderful?
Now back to our sandvich
...and...
It is done! I've added another slice of bread for stability.
*RedBull Sugarfree can for size reference onlyAs you can imagine, I was experience somesevere stability issues at this point
Just grab a chopstick from the drawer, and...
All set! Time to carry this thing to my bedroom and nom the fuck outta it.
So um, how do I start? I had a big of a mental struggle to find out where to begin eating this.
For several times, I opened my mouth, approached the sandwich, and backed off upon realizing it wouldn't work.
But eventually I figured it out, and started chewing through it with great delight
Seriously, somehow this turned out to be very tasty. But it's just so massive, so heavy, so fat
This is where I had to stop and take a break. It was staring at me,
wanting my soul. Eeeaaaattt meeee, it said, and I replied I can't, no more, I'm done.
Soon enough, my strength was back, even if partially, just enough to struggle through the last bits
And there it is. Defeated. Only a wooden stick and a flower plate remain.
I feel twice as heavy.
Well girlies, look at your sandwich.
Now back to mine.
Now back at your sandwich.
Now back to mine.
Lucky you, it isn't mine, but if you manned the fuck up and stopped eating salad in a bread, you could make one like mine.
Look down, back up. Where are you?
You're on your kitchen, holding the sandwich your sandwich could be like.
What's in your head? Back at me.
I have it, it's the ingredients for that heart-attack you desire.
Look again, the heart-attack is now a liver failure
Any death is possible when your sandwich is a man's sandwich and not a lady's.
I'm in an ambulance.
Kids. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. GWAHAHAS WILL FUCKING CUT YOU WIDE OPEN
