Author Topic: Ask a Microsoft Support Representative (Read 8208 times)

Menorah Jams, Pham · « **on:** December 11, 2009, 07:15:26 PM »

Hello, my name is Rajesh with Microsoft Life Network Technical Assistance, and I have taken over your case from our first tier representative. I am understanding that you are having a problem and I will being to put together an action plan.

May I have the details of the situation so I can begin to troubleshoot your issue?

Maid Xan~ · « **Reply #1 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:16:33 PM »

My laptop came with a horrible piece of malware, better known as Vista. What should I do?

Kilgamayan · « **Reply #2 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:16:56 PM »

[nsfw]http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/3496/7251245.jpg[/nsfw]

I'm having back problems for some reason. What should I do?

Rin Kagamine · « **Reply #3 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:17:29 PM »

My computer is broken. Fix it

Slaves · « **Reply #4 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:17:58 PM »

i think i have the sage virus1what do i do!!!1

Bananamatic · « **Reply #5 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:19:03 PM »

My computer doesn't work

Menorah Jams, Pham · « **Reply #6 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:21:30 PM »

Quote from: Xan on December 11, 2009, 07:16:33 PM

My laptop came with a horrible piece of malware, better known as Vista. What should I do?

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Windows Vista and am happy to help you with a resolution. Microsoft has released Windows Vista Service Pack 2, code-named "Windows 7," in a convenient standalone upgrade package which is available at retailers everywhere or with new PCs. You might also want to disable your User Access Control, remove any firewall software, and use Windows Security Center to filter all traffic for all protocols on ports 1-65535 at all times, allowing no exceptions.

Some users have also reported success at using Unix exclusively, although this is not an official Microsoft product.

Quote from: Kilgamayan on December 11, 2009, 07:16:56 PM

[nsfw]http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/3496/7251245.jpg[/nsfw]

I'm having back problems for some reason. What should I do?

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Spinal Column 2.5 and am happy to help you with a resolution. May I ask please if you are having pain, stiffness, tingling, or numbness, and is it in your upper, middle, or lower back?

Quote from: Ran Viper on December 11, 2009, 07:17:29 PM

My computer is broken. Fix it

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with your computer running Microsoft Windows Operating System and am happy to help you with a resolution.

May I please ask you what state your cup holder is in?

Quote from: Slaves on December 11, 2009, 07:17:58 PM

i think i have the sage virus1what do i do!!!1

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Windows Vista and am happy to help you with a resolution.

I must please ask you to do the needful to provide the logs of directory in question.

Quote from: Bananamatic on December 11, 2009, 07:19:03 PM

My computer doesn't work

Thank you for calling Computer Support. Please state the nature of your computer emergency.

Bananamatic · « **Reply #7 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:23:48 PM »

Quote from: MJP on December 11, 2009, 07:21:30 PM

Thank you for calling Computer Support. Please state the nature of your computer emergency.

the screen is black

Rin Kagamine · « **Reply #8 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:25:23 PM »

Quote from: MJP on December 11, 2009, 07:21:30 PM

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with your computer running Microsoft Windows Operating System and am happy to help you with a resolution.

May I please ask you what state your cup holder is in?

It's currently in the computer. I let my son use it the other day and went on the "googol.com" site and I just KNOW he RUINED MY COMPTUER!

FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT!

Menorah Jams, Pham · « **Reply #9 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:27:40 PM »

Quote from: Bananamatic on December 11, 2009, 07:23:48 PM

the screen is black

Sir, I am more than willing to help you but I would ask that you please refrain from making race-based suppositions about your computer for the duration of this call.

May I please inquire as to your Support Unified Computational Knowledge Integrated Technology Product Utility Numeric Key?

Quote from: Ran Viper on December 11, 2009, 07:25:23 PM

It's currently in the computer. I let my son use it the other day and went on the "googol.com" site and I just KNOW he RUINED MY COMPTUER!

FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT!

Thank you for that information, sir.

Support for the Google application is unfortunately not included in your service contract, and to continue to provide support, I will need a credit card number to authorize a $35.00 per-call out-of-scope support charge, so we can return a call in 5-7 business days on a day starting with S between the hours of 27:45 and Spinach:09.

Letty Whiterock · « **Reply #10 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:28:34 PM »

Kilga, you know better than that.

Zengar Zombolt · « **Reply #11 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:29:31 PM »

My computer is showing me this weird thing. I think it says "Maidens of the Kaleidoscope". What do I do?

Bananamatic · « **Reply #12 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:34:18 PM »

Quote from: MJP on December 11, 2009, 07:27:40 PM

May I please inquire as to your Support Unified Computational Knowledge Integrated Technology Product Utility Numeric Key?

I have cleaned it in the bathtub. That is good, right?

Janitor Morgan · « **Reply #13 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:34:38 PM »

A pop-up just appeared on the right side of my taskbar and projected "Virus database has been updated!" through my speakers. What does this mean?

Mima-sama · « **Reply #14 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:40:42 PM »

My computer says "You really know how to turn me on" every time I boot it up. How can I stop this from happening?

Bananamatic · « **Reply #15 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:41:21 PM »

Also, I can't use a wiimote with my 360.
Is my 360 broken?

Menorah Jams, Pham · « **Reply #16 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:46:55 PM »

Quote from: Reiuzengar Utsuho on December 11, 2009, 07:29:31 PM

My computer is showing me this weird thing. I think it says "Maidens of the Kaleidoscope". What do I do?

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Kaleidoscopic Maidens and am happy to help you with a resolution. Please perform the following steps:

1) Gather all images matching the tags hong_meiling, reisen_udongein_inaba, kawashiro_nitori, and hakurei_reimu from your Maidens.
2) Please send them in a .zip file for analysis.

Quote from: Bananamatic on December 11, 2009, 07:34:18 PM

I have cleaned it in the bathtub. That is good, right?

In that case sir I would strongly advise that you immediately contact your local emergency authorities and have a plumber standing by. Please call back if you are still alive when it is done.

Quote from: rdj522 on December 11, 2009, 07:34:38 PM

A pop-up just appeared on the right side of my taskbar and projected "Virus database has been updated!" through my speakers. What does this mean?

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with W32.M1Cr0-H4RD and am happy to help you with a resolution. Please follow every conceivable link from astalavista.org and test your virus definitions. Please advise if you catch any viruses and what happens to your machine after this is done.

Quote from: Mima-sama on December 11, 2009, 07:40:42 PM

My computer says "You really know how to turn me on" every time I boot it up. How can I stop this from happening?

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Simpsons Episode 7G03 and am happy to help you with a resolution.

Please watch Treehouse of Horror V and also the episode that was voiced by Michael Jackson.

HakureiSM · « **Reply #17 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:48:54 PM »

I put the screw in the tuna what now

Zengar Zombolt · « **Reply #18 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:50:23 PM »

Quote from: MJP on December 11, 2009, 07:46:55 PM

1) Gather all images matching the tags hong_meiling, reisen_udongein_inaba, kawashiro_nitori, and hakurei_reimu from your Maidens.

What if I have none?

Cadmas · « **Reply #19 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:51:36 PM »

How does I shoot the bullet?

Suikama · « **Reply #20 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:53:09 PM »

Janitor Morgan · « **Reply #21 on:** December 11, 2009, 07:56:10 PM »

My computer crashed, so I am now posting from my Internet-enabled typewriter.

Menorah Jams, Pham · « **Reply #22 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:04:15 PM »

Quote from: Reiuzengar Utsuho on December 11, 2009, 07:50:23 PM

What if I have none?

Unfortunately part of the Maidens system requires a certain Waifu Systems Quotient in order to function properly. It seems that you must increase the number of Waifus in your system in order to be compatible with Maidens.

Quote from: HakureiSM on December 11, 2009, 07:48:54 PM

I put the screw in the tuna what now

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Tuna Sandwich and am happy to help you with a resolution.

Is this a Phillips, slot, Torx, or hex screw sir?

Quote from: Cadmas on December 11, 2009, 07:51:36 PM

How does I shoot the bullet?

Touhou is not supported on Macs, sir.

Quote from: Suikama on December 11, 2009, 07:53:09 PM

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Web Shot Explorer and am happy to help you with a resolution. Please contact your internet service provider for assistance to shot web.

Quote from: rdj522 on December 11, 2009, 07:56:10 PM

My computer crashed, so I am now posting from my Internet-enabled typewriter.

I apologize that you are experiencing a problem with Microsoft Sake and am happy to help you with a resolution. First, please upgrade your typewriter with an OC3 hard fiber connection so we may remote into it and assist you.

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #23 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:08:09 PM »

Quote from: MJP on December 11, 2009, 07:15:26 PM

Hello, my name is Rajesh with Microsoft Life Network Technical Assistance,

Wadedaminute.

Dat sum kinda terrist name'r sump'n?

Menorah Jams, Pham · « **Reply #24 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:09:44 PM »

Quote from: Captain Purvis M.F.D. on December 11, 2009, 08:08:09 PM

Wadedaminute.

Dat sum kinda terrist name'r sump'n?

No sir, my name is Rajesh and I am located in our Houston, Texas support center.

Janitor Morgan · « **Reply #25 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:10:12 PM »

All right, my typewriter's upgraded with an OC3 connection. What now?

Hello Purvis · « **Reply #26 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:11:14 PM »

Quote from: MJP on December 11, 2009, 08:09:44 PM

No sir, my name is Rajesh and I am located in our Houston, Texas support center.

Yew sayin' Texas got terrists innit?

Suikama · « **Reply #27 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:12:42 PM »

ARE YOU A TERRORIST!?!?

Mounting Jaggis · « **Reply #28 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:21:37 PM »

Can a baby take temperatures up to 9000 degrees?

Solais · « **Reply #29 on:** December 11, 2009, 08:22:49 PM »

Where is the 'Any' key?

Author Topic: Ask a Microsoft Support Representative (Read 8208 times)

Bananamatic

Bananamatic

Letty Whiterock

Bananamatic

Bananamatic