English, with Ran Yakumo (SCHOOL'S OUT, GO GET SOME SUNLIGHT DAMMIT)

[FinnKaenbyou]

Alright, children. Take your seats and stop your chatting. You've all been sent here for committing heinous crimes against the English language, and it's my job to set things right.

Okay, the word of the day is 'decimate'. Say it with me now. De-ci-mate. It's from the Latin word decimatio, or 'to remove a tenth', which itself comes from the word decem (ten). It was a punishment in the Roman army for a unit that fled the battlefield or rebelled. Other crimes would invoke execution, or demotion, but cowardice had its own unique sentence.

The unit in question would be rounded up, and separated into sets of ten. Each set would draw lots, and the man that drew the short straw would be killed by his nine fellow soldiers. Rank and guilt weren't taken into account - if you were chosen as the unlucky tenth man, your own friends would be either stoning or clubbing you to death. The 'lucky' survivors were forced to live on rations of barley rather than wheat and were forced to sleep outside the Roman encampment.

Now that the history lesson's over, I bet you're all wondering something. 'But Yakumo-sensei, why are you telling us all about this?' Well, I'll tell you. The word decimate is still in use today. Except people just plain aren't using it like it's supposed to be used.

Let me make this clear. If you decimate something, you do not utterly destroy it. You do not take it apart and, as some of you supposedly street-wise students might put it, 'rip it a new one'. You've managed to wipe out a whole ten percent. Congratulations, your boast is a lot less impressive than you want it to be.

If you want to use fancy words in this language, at least know what they mean before you say something else to bring me one step closer to an aneurysm. There are libraries out there for a reason, you know.

Huh? Questions? Fine, I'll take one more before class winds up.

Hm? Why did I pick out the word decimate in particular? Why does it mean so much to me?

Well, let's just say I had ten tails once. Then I backed out of a drinking contest with Yukari-sama, and the rest is history. On that note, the average human has just over 200 bones in their body, so any of you who are late with today's homework - on the differences between their, there and they're - may find themselves losing about 20 by the time I'm done. Just as a friendly warning.

Alright, get out of here. I'm sure you kids have better things to do than learn how to speak your own native language. Vital pastimes like mangling your words in a text message or posting hilarious faces on some internet forum. Just...just get out of my sight.

(...That damn tail story had better work. It'll scare them straight, if nothing else.)

---

(This is actually a case of word usage that really does piss me off, so yeah. :V)

[Pesco]

You forgot crucifixion.

[Sana]

* Sana tosses a paper airplane absentmindedly

[Tengukami]

Figures Ran would be a prescriptivist.

[Moerin]

Mr. Saxon already taught us this, though.  And Saxon's a man you can trust!

* Moerin voted Saxon~!

[Furienify]

* Furien spends the entire class period drawing danmakufu ideas in his journal

[Sapz]

* Sapz starts to nod off in class

[Spidere]

*Thundr is waiting outside*

*Ran steps out of class*

Thanks, Ran. Another great lesson, by the looks of it.

*Thundr shakes Ran's hand*

[Tengukami]

Can I have a bathroom pass?

[Matsuri]

My stomach hurts. Can I go to the nurse?

helloooooooooo nurse

[Pesco]

Please let me squeeze your boobs?

[Cadmas]

o/

Miss. Yakumo is it nap time yet?

[FinnKaenbyou]

* Sana tosses a paper airplane absentmindedly

Congratulations on not clarifying where exactly you tossed the plane in question. Let me fill in the blank for you.

* Sana tosses a paper airplane into his own eye absentmindedly

You should really be more careful, you know.

Mr. Saxon already taught us this, though.  And Saxon's a man you can trust!

* Moerin voted Saxon~!

Then what, may I ask, are you doing in this remedial class? Maybe you're just here for your near-sadistic abuse of tildes, now that I think about it.

* Furien spends the entire class period drawing danmakufu ideas in his journal

You there! At the back of the room drawing dots flying around in random directions! What's the plural of 'radius'? No cheating!

* Sapz starts to nod off in class

*crouches down and whispers in Sapz's ear* Bees.

*Thundr is waiting outside*

*Ran steps out of class*

Thanks, Ran. Another great lesson, by the looks of it.

*Thundr shakes Ran's hand*

Good to see someone appreciates what I do here. Some days I may as well be educating a brick wall, though.

Can I have a bathroom pass?

Only after you sing all the words in the English language.

My stomach hurts. Can I go to the nurse?

helloooooooooo nurse

Fine, I'll make a compromise. Ammy, you take the letters A to M, Matsuri can recite L through Z. Just hurry up.

Please let me squeeze your boobs?

I see you've ended a statement with a question mark. Very disappointing, Miss Inaba. See me after class.

o/

Miss. Yakumo is it nap time yet?

There is no '.' after Miss. There is in Mrs., Mr., and Ms., but not Miss. I believe the internet would term my current emotion as 'I am disappoint'. Consequently, I hate the internet with a passion. Have fun with Miss Inaba after class today.

[LHCling]

* Sana tosses a paper airplane absentmindedly

* Sana tosses a paper airplane into his own eye absentmindedly

* Baity stares blankly at the board

[WHMZakeri]

* Zakeri is secretly playing PCB Extra during class on his laptop.

[Sapz]

*crouches down and whispers in Sapz's ear* Bees.

* Sapz jumps up violently and knocks over desk

WHERE ARE THEY?!

[Cadmas]

Noooo! Not Inaba she's mean and generally uninteresting.

[GMOFucker: Makin' GMOs To Fuck 'Em]

*crouches down and whispers in Sapz's ear* Bees.

You are a cruel teacher :<

There is no '.' after Miss. There is in Mrs., Mr., and Ms., but not Miss. I believe the internet would term my current emotion as 'I am disappoint'. Consequently, I hate the internet with a passion. Have fun with Miss Inaba after class today.

YOU ARE POSTING ON IT

RIGHT NOW

[FinnKaenbyou]

* Baity stares blankly at the board

I see you fell for my trap. The writing on the board behind me is in Japanese, not English, so clearly you aren't paying attention. Detention for you.

* Zakeri is secretly playing PCB Extra during class on his laptop.

...I suppose I should be flattered. But I'm not.

* Sapz jumps up violently and knocks over desk

WHERE ARE THEY?!

*points at Zak* They're in his laptop.

Noooo! Not Inaba she's mean and generally uninteresting.

That isn't my problem, is it? Maybe you'll watch your words next time.

YOU ARE POSTING ON IT

RIGHT NOW

It's a necessary evil. Someone has to step in and see to children like you.

[Sana]

Darn it Baity D:

Also MY EYE MY EYE AHHHHHHH

* Sana runs to the school nurse's office

[Tengukami]

I have finished singing every word in the English language. Now may I please have a bathroom pass?

Or pass me an empty Coke bottle. Up to you.

[Moerin]

Then what, may I ask, are you doing in this remedial class? Maybe you're just here for your near-sadistic abuse of tildes, now that I think about it.

You're just jealous because the tildes chose me~!

Please help me.  They won't leave me alone.  I'm so very scared now... Get them away, please!  I beg you!

...Please ignore the fleshling's my insane ramblings, puny humans my friends~  Ahah~

[LHCling]

I see you fell for my trap. The writing on the board behind me is in Japanese, not English, so clearly you aren't paying attention. Detention for you.

I am uhh... the exchange student. >_>"

[Dead Princess Sakana]

* Sakana  tries to steal liberate the teacher's books.

[Sapz]

*points at Zak* They're in his laptop.

How should I go about getting bees out of a laptop?

[Tengukami]

Dunk your laptop in the class aquarium.

[FinnKaenbyou]

I have finished singing every word in the English language. Now may I please have a bathroom pass?

Or pass me an empty Coke bottle. Up to you.

Sorry, I must have been to busy dealing with all these other miscreants to give you the alone time you deserve. I don't suppose you'd be willing to perform an encore?

As for the tilde abuser...you may need a course a little more drastic than what I can offer. Something involving electrodes in the brain.

>_>"

Ah, one of your hilarious cultural 'emoticons'. Forgive me if I feel the urge to be violently ill.

* Sakana  tries to steal liberate the teacher's books.

I wouldn't do that if I were you, child. Chen has a liking for fish, you know.

How should I go about getting bees out of a laptop?

Be creative.

[Sapz]

Be creative.

Hmm.

Dunk your laptop in the class aquarium.

Tempting... I don't think the bees have scuba equipment, though. :/

...Aha, I've got it. Now they can all be proper bees!

* Sapz sets the laptop alight with a Bunsen burner

[Tengukami]

Very well then.

* Tengukami urinates onto the floor, singing, "Puru puru pururin, puru pururin, puru puru pururin ..."

[Dead Princess Sakana]

* Sapz sets the laptop alight with a Bunsen burner

* Sakana  gathers books from the Library for a nice bonfire in the classroom