Author Topic: What have I done?  (Read 14513 times)

What have I done?
« on: April 07, 2011, 10:28:27 AM »
I have come to tell you all my story in the hopes that you will take it as a warning. There are powers that humans were never meant to harness, and the tale I am about to tell is proof of that.

It started innocently enough. After I woke up at approximately 2 AM from falling asleep at my computer, I realized I had made no progress in writing the three-page essay that has a deadline of this Friday. Determined to spend as much time as I could in the following hours working on this essay, I came upon the idea that I should mix a beverage that would keep me awake for as long a period of time as possible. It was then that the seminal idea that brought about my current state formed in my mind:

"What would Utsuho make if she were in my position?"

In my sleep-deprived state, I was unable to second-guess such a drastic proposition and started up my Utsuho playlist, heading down to the kitchen where I was to make this horrible concoction.

As The crow of 'YATA' blared in my ears, I started boiling water and began examining what we had in the kitchen. I knew I would need coffee; that was an essential ingredient. Therefore, the first thing I did was open a bag of pecan-flavor coffee grounds and dumped a tablespoon of them into a mug. For the next step, I took a bag of cardamom tea (as it was the strongest tea I was aware that we had), tore it open, and dumped the contents on top of the black pile. Then I suddenly went mad with inspiration, adding a tablespoon of sugar, a bag of baked apple oatmeal, a bag of rich hot chocolate, and a tablespoon of cinnamon.

I should have known something was wrong when I heard this the instant I set my eyes on the bottle of cayenne. But I didn't heed the warning fate had given me, and mad with desperation I dumped a tablespoon of the damned powder into the mixture. Finally the water boiled, and I poured it into the mug with a good helping of soy milk to try to alleviate the pain I was subconsciously aware was in my future. For some reason, perhaps to gauge the power of this abomination, I slipped a leftover candy cane over the rim. The thing now looked akin to a sulfur pit, and I stirred it cautiously as I made my way back to my computer, carrying two oranges as a countermeasure in case I found myself over my limits.



Once I reached my desk, I started to have second thoughts. I wondered if this really was such a good idea, and the nagging reminder of the heap of pepper I had dumped in earlier replayed over and over in the back of my mind. The fact that the part of the candy cane that had been submerged was now half its previous diameter did nothing to alleviate my concern, though I quickly pushed that aside as a natural result of the boiling water and proceeded to take the first sip.



The first thing I was aware of was a sickly sweet taste. It actually tasted rather good, the cinnamon and chunks of baked apple providing a nice flavor alongside the pecan coffee. But then, a millisecond later, the kick of the cayenne hit my tongue like the sting of a scorpion. My concerns only grew stronger as I gagged on the liquid, but on the other hand, I was suddenly gripped by an intense feeling of power. I was fully alert and suddenly motivated to make progress, and I quickly took another drink, feeling the seductively painful sting once more.



As I continued working, upon another sip I became aware of the fact that, not twenty minutes after I had placed it in the mug, the submerged part of the candy cane was completely disintegrated. I had not even touched the sweet since I put it in; this was all the work of that damned concoction. Once I had reached the halfway point, I finally began feeling the truly adverse effects of my creation. My nose would not stop running, and I began feeling a stabbing pain behind my left eye. My right shoulder also began to ache, but I brushed that aside as nothing more than a flu sore and continued drinking and reading my sources for the paper.

I think it was a few minutes later that I finally realized just what I had done, though I had not yet accepted it. My obsession with the power this drink had given me brought me my own downfall as I was filled with so much energy that I could hardly focus. Finally, I had degenerated to the point where, when my mind should have been filled with thoughts of Louisiana's Black Confederate regiment, all I could think of were thoughts of burning and wondering about the properties of nuclear power. My chest and stomach ached by this point, and the stabbing pain behind my left eye had only grown in propensity. I wanted desperately to eat one of the citrus fruits I had brought for just this occasion, but the cry for greater power consumed my mind. I shunned the fruit that could have possibly saved me and instead turned to the very thing that was destroying me.



By the time I reached the bottom, my state had deteriorated to the point where I had started to develop an urge to collect shiny objects, I started to wonder if an eye was emerging from my chest, and I was seriously afraid of looking in the mirror for the fear that I would see trefoils in my irises. As I stared into the sludge at the bottom of my mug (previously a rather inviting brown color, but now a cold, heartless mess of pitch-black darkness), I truly came to accept the horrible effects of this power I had discovered. I began to debate with myself over what I should do with this sin against mankind. Throwing it away or flushing it down the toilet was considered, but the nagging possibility that some helpless creature would come upon it and become consumed by the same madness that I had brought upon myself ate at my conscience. I think it was the fact that what was left of my candy cane had fallen into the mess that caused me to make my final decision.

As the final song on my Utsuho playlist started playing, I accepted my fate and determined to save my inanimate, U-shaped companion. I grabbed hold of the mug, brought the rim to my lips, and choked down the offending sludge.

The next few moments were unbearable. All the worst of the concoction had condensed at the bottom, creating a mess of bitter sweetness and vile, stinging spice. My stomach screamed at me to stop, that it wasn't worth it, that I shouldn't destroy myself further just for the sake of a tasty bend of sweetness, but I was too far gone. In my last moments, before my soul and words exhausted themselves and turned to ash, I determined that I would never do such a hideous thing again, and prayed that whatever force lay witness to this would one day forgive me.

I have since eaten those two oranges, and the burning taste of radioactive pain has since left my mouth. But my body has not yet recovered, and only half a page of this essay has been written in the two hours since I started. I succeeded in my goal of creating the ultimate power, but I was overconfident. Humans were not meant to control this power, and I am here to warn you of this. I have named the offending elixir that I discovered the Caffeine of the Black Sun, and like Utsuho's consumption of the Yatagarasu, it is an experience that should never be repeated.



For the love of all that is good and holy, don't do this.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Re: What have I done?
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2011, 10:36:49 AM »
For the love of all that is good and holy, don't do this.
If it weren't for the fact I dislike tea I'd totally do this

PC

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2011, 10:41:06 AM »
Now all you need to complete the experience is a Gwahaha or two.  :]

Re: What have I done?
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2011, 11:32:37 AM »
If it weren't for the fact I dislike tea I'd totally do this

I actually couldn't taste the tea at all while I was drinking it, probably because I had about twice as much of every other individual ingredient covering it. The tea pretty much just served as an added caffeine source rather than a flavor.

One thing I noticed after the initial crash of my mental facilities was that the rush of motivation and energy returned about an hour after finishing the whole drink. So it seems like the first few minutes cause an energy rush, then as you consume it further there's a rapid deterioration of the senses. Then, after you finish and let it digest for an hour or so, there's a greater burst of energy. So I may have succeeded in my goal, I just had to go through hell first to get there. I'll have to wait and see how long it lasts before I start feeling tired.

Now all you need to complete the experience is a Gwahaha or two.  :]

Ahahahahahaha no. One hideous chimera of food is enough for one year.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

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Reddyne

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2011, 11:40:48 AM »
I am simultaneously impressed and disgusted, and confess once again that my rather weak stomach lacks the fortitude to digest this or a gwahaha.

What kind of nightmare would be created if it included a shot of moonshine?

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2011, 11:46:30 AM »
Ah, reminds me of the time I made 4 double strong coffee shots and drank it all to stay awake, I slept after some time but I did wake up feeling energized. I should try your recipe, maybe it will help me for those times I need to stay awake.

Also, I love cayenne pepper.

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2011, 01:17:52 PM »
Squid, you are officially a hero.

Speaking of odd concoctions, I do remember making an "Elixir" out of chocolate drink, Skyflakes, powdered Grahams, two squares of Loacker, and some hot butter. Consuming it made me feel like I just ate 3 plates of hotel buffet items, downed 2 glasses of milk and chased it all down with a bowl of assorted fruits, all within 15 minutes. Gotta try it again, maybe replace breakfast entirely with just that.

and what's a gwahaha?
« Last Edit: April 07, 2011, 01:19:45 PM by AmmyRyuSui »


teets mi hao 2 2hu teets mi teets mi hao 2 2hu

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2011, 01:35:46 PM »
Ooh, I'll have to try this.

According to what I've heard, the gwahaha is some kind of monstrous sandwich with an unimaginable ingredient list.

Both of these are going on my list of things to try when i get bored and hungry.
Who cares if it puts me through hell, as long as I have a blast while doing it!
Afterall, I'm known among my family as the "Mad Scientist of The Kitchen".
When folks see me heading for the kitchen, they facepalm, because they know I'm going to be up to my old tricks again.
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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2011, 01:39:12 PM »
Gwahahaha + this = perfect breakfast.

Re: What have I done?
« Reply #9 on: April 07, 2011, 01:40:58 PM »
Three-hours-later update.

Since my last post, the pain behind my left eye has gone completely. My heart rate has gone up a good deal, and my head and chest are feeling somewhat constricted. Aside from that and some waning back pains, however, there haven't been many further adverse effects, and I've been alert this whole time. Almost finished the paper, too.

So far I would say this was a success. If I can find a way to remove the period of oh god why between energy spurts, then I think I might have a viable recipe for all-nighters.

And remove the cayenne. That was a horrible, horrible idea.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Tengukami

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2011, 01:43:07 PM »
I was following you up until
Quote
the first thing I did was open a bag of pecan-flavor coffee grounds and dumped a tablespoon of them into a mug. For the next step, I took a bag of cardamom tea (as it was the strongest tea I was aware that we had), tore it open, and dumped the contents on top of the black pile.

and then I serious'd. What the hell, dude. If I were your stomach I would have slammed the esophagus shut in protest. You're right that this is entirely too much power for a mere mortal to contain. You're lucky to be alive.

Having said that, this is indeed a fitting drink for Utsuho. The reason why I like her character is she is a great example of the embodiment of ambition. I can see her telling her grandkids, "Yes, that's right, once upon a time grandma was just an ordinary ol' crow. But I wasn't about to settle for that and neither should you. That's why I insist on making you kids doing housework for your allowance."

The story of Utsuho doesn't teach us ambition is bad, but it certainly doesn't teach us that it's good. What it does teach us, though, is that it changes you forever. And that it will have residual effects on people around you, even people you don't know, that can cause major catastrophes.

This drink gives us a similar lesson. Who knows what sort of hell you have unleashed elsewhere in the world by drinking it? Only time will tell.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

HakureiSM

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #11 on: April 07, 2011, 01:47:41 PM »
You know, there should be a way to make me, you, JT, Ammy and Great Lord Stuffman meet.
We'd make one kickass party.
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Re: What have I done?
« Reply #12 on: April 07, 2011, 01:52:50 PM »


So for some reason I'm giggling like a madman now.

ilu Ammy

You know, there should be a way to make me, you, JT, Ammy and Great Lord Stuffman meet.
We'd make one kickass party.

I foresee profuse amounts of vomiting after the first two hours. WE MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

Hanzo K.

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #13 on: April 07, 2011, 02:02:34 PM »
I foresee profuse amounts of vomiting after the first two hours. WE MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

That would be one hell of a party to be at man, even I feel like I oughta attend.
And that's saying something.
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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #14 on: April 07, 2011, 02:08:37 PM »
Wow.


This just might have replaced liquid Cirno as the strongest drink.
Old Danmakufu stuff can be found here!

"As the size of an explosion increases, the numbers of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero."

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #15 on: April 07, 2011, 02:09:44 PM »

HakureiSM

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  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: What have I done?
« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2011, 04:04:19 PM »
I foresee profuse amounts of vomiting after the first two hours. WE MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

X

OTP
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Iryan

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #17 on: April 07, 2011, 04:06:04 PM »
 :barf:
Old Danmakufu stuff can be found here!

"As the size of an explosion increases, the numbers of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero."

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2011, 04:18:03 PM »
There were no survivors.
All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.

Re: What have I done?
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2011, 04:24:03 PM »
Needs more Jack Daniels

Re: What have I done?
« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2011, 04:28:30 PM »
ID contest where we make a Gwahaha and a Caffeine of the Black Sun and consume both at the same time.

I doubt anyone will win, but by God it would be hilariously painful.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2011, 04:35:38 PM by Squidtentacle »
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #21 on: April 07, 2011, 04:34:18 PM »
That was crazy. I am very impressed by your courage/insanity to try this concoction.

Gwahaha (Yuyuko's lunch sandwich) X Caffeine of the Black Sun (Utsuho-esque drink) = OTP
Damnit, now I want to try this mixture. But by doing so I'll probably take down the whole area with me.

Next time, try holding the cayenne and add some alcohol.

I foresee profuse amounts of vomiting after the first two hours. WE MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
Make sure to have everyone else evacuate the area first! :D

ID contest where we make a Gwahaha and a Caffine of the Black Sun and consume both at the same time.

I doubt anyone will win, but by God it would be hilariously painful.
...and have them record the creation, consumption, and side effects videos for everyone to see! How else would there be proof?
C:DOS> ayayaya.mid
Bad command or file name

C:>_

Re: What have I done?
« Reply #22 on: April 07, 2011, 04:38:27 PM »
Next time, try holding the cayenne and add some alcohol.

Eh, I won't be doing that. I don't and never will drink alcohol. But if someone else wants to, tell me how it went.

By the way. I've been running for almost seven hours on this, and it shows no signs of abating. All adverse effects have also gone, aside from accelerated heart rate. I'm just wondering when I'll crash, and for how long.
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, Everything rots in this ruined hell

[The Perfect, Elegant Maid] [Pathos of the Hated People] [Music, Projects, and Art]

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: What have I done?
« Reply #23 on: April 07, 2011, 04:48:39 PM »
Needs more Jack Daniels
I didn't mention back then, because it sorta ruined it, but there's cacha?a in that fruit mix there :V


That ain't really a Gwahaha though
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Kips McKipzerson

  • I never did learn
Re: What have I done?
« Reply #24 on: April 07, 2011, 05:24:39 PM »
ID contest where we make a Gwahaha and a Caffeine of the Black Sun and consume both at the same time.

I doubt anyone will win, but by God it would be hilariously painful.
If you make me do this I would hate you forever.
But if its other people, then thats coo' :derp:

Esifex

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #25 on: April 07, 2011, 05:26:01 PM »

Kips McKipzerson

  • I never did learn
Re: What have I done?
« Reply #26 on: April 07, 2011, 05:27:53 PM »
Hey Kips
That totally wasnt what I was getting at. I totally dont want my hold my stomach of iron over Shadoweh and beat him at this contest, nope. I dont want the third round to be this at all. nopeeeee

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #27 on: April 07, 2011, 05:35:45 PM »
That totally wasnt what I was getting at. I totally dont want my hold my stomach of iron over Shadoweh and beat him at this contest, nope. I dont want the third round to be this at all. nopeeeee
I don't think this will be the third round of your IP duel, no, no.

Instead, I think that this will be part of ~ wait, not saying it here; I don't want to give it away too easily.
C:DOS> ayayaya.mid
Bad command or file name

C:>_

Tengukami

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #28 on: April 07, 2011, 05:36:21 PM »
That totally wasnt what I was getting at. I totally dont want my hold my stomach of iron over Shadoweh and beat him at this contest, nope. I dont want the third round to be this at all. nopeeeee

Well, it definitely won't be now.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

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Re: What have I done?
« Reply #29 on: April 07, 2011, 07:21:42 PM »
At least if Squidtentacle suddenly disappears/explodes we will know why. :V