Off the Rails 2 [COMPLETE]: Endings aren't my strong point. Writing isn't either

[marukyuu]

Sorry, guys, I don't think I'll be able to spam commands this time. I'll edit this post if I can somehow get to it. Looks like I can, after all! :V

Rika, the Crazy Scientist
> Tag along with the pink haired loli Satori's party.
> Satori is a satori, right? How plain! Who are we going to meet next? A nue called Nue, maybe?
> Listen to Utsuho ramble about eggs and nuclear physics.
> Ask the whole party for a demonstration of a spell card of their choice on the first available weak target.
> Roll to choose which spell card MtPST should copy.
> Ask Satori about Recollection spells.
> Change the Pop Star Tank's name to S.A.T.O.R.I.N.! It's way more fitting than M.A.R.I.S.U.H.
> Do not let Koishi push buttons or pull levers on your tank.
> Receive Sanae's apologies. Extort them by force if needed.
> Let the shapely reaper - Komachi, right? - take a nap inside the tank.
> Shoot annoying red-white Shrine Maidens on sight.
> Watch out for quantum geography.

Mokou, the hottest girl in Gensokyo

>Mokou: Fly, damnit.

Seconding this.
> Laugh at that pathetic excuse for a deathtrap. We've seen way more effective ones at Eientei.
> Wonder who could have thought about that worthless trap.
> Ask Hina about Castle Scarlet.
> Misfortune check!
> Try and decipher the grimoires. Ask Alice for help if needed. Hope we roll a critical success :V
> Pet the Sukusuku Hakutaku.
> Enter the Castle.
> Ignore the gatekeeper.
> Find your way to the Library. Refuse any help - we don't need friggin' directions! We can get there on our own!

Pink haired loli Satori
> Lead the way to Castle Scarlet.
> Act as a tour guide for the party.
> Stay the friggin' hell away from Orin's cartwheel!
> Demonstrate Recollection "Terrifying Hypnotism" on a random fairy when asked for by Rika. Fixed. I blame Koishi for the mistake :V
> Laugh at the fairy's thoughts.
> Cringe at Utsuho's thoughts.
> Scan the area for mischievous Koishis.
> Watch out for quantum geography.
> Be on the lookout for non-hostile parties with the same destination as yours. Do not engage yet.
> Enter the Castle.
> Ignore the gatekeeper.
> Find the head maid.

Parse(e)r
Am I issuing too many commands? I'll go easy on you if you say so

[Hawkpath1337]

>Satori: Smack Sanae. In the face.

[LaserTurtle]

Am I issuing too many commands? I'll go easy on you if you say so

>The command Parsee thanks Marukyuu for the acknowledgement. She's so lonely and bored sifting through commands, but I personally think she won't mind a few more. Don't tell her I said that.

>Utsuho: Be hungry.

>I'm sorry, but the command Parsee is on partial strike. She doesn't want anything to do with the raven because of what happened to her in the last adventure.
Rika

> Rika - "Why there?"

>"I told you," Satori cuts you off before you can speak. "I decided randomly since none of us have any ideas."

> Tag along with the pink haired loli Satori's party.
> Satori is a satori, right? How plain! Who are we going to meet next? A nue called Nue, maybe?

>"I'm not too sure why I'm named that, either. I blame my parents. A nue being called Nue is just silly, though."
>In Myouren Temple, Nue gets the feeling that people are doubting her existence.

> Listen to Utsuho ramble about eggs and nuclear physics.

>Satori leads the way, and the rest of you follow. You get in your tank and fly off after them.
>Utsuho is talking animatedly to Koishi. Something about eggs and irradiating food to make it taste better.

> Ask the whole party for a demonstration of a spell card of their choice on the first available weak target.
> Roll to choose which spell card MtPST should copy.

>That's when you realize you're flying weaponless. On your request, though, everyone declares a spellcard for you to copy.
>"Recollection 'Terrifying Hypnotism'!"
>"Esoterica 'Grey Thaumaturgy'!"
>"Death Song 'Ferriage in the Deep Fog'!"
>"Youkai 'Blazing Wheel'!"
>"Atomic Fire 'Nuclear Fusion'!"
>"Suppression 'Super-ego'~!"
>Of the 6 spellcards, you decide to copy Satori's one to correspond with the 1 you rolled.
>That's when you realize that asking everyone to declare spellcards at once wasn't actually that good of an idea.
>And here comes the barrage. How do you fare?
>6. Huh. That's actually pretty successful. Of course, nobody can survive 6 spellcards at once unscathed unless they were either cheating or Reimu.
>Your tank now has the spellcard Mimicked Spell 'Terrifying Hypnotism' and is at 220/280 health.
>"Well, that actually went better than I expected," Satori observes. The fairies who were flying around are now fleeing in terror. The way to Castle Scarlet is cleared.

> Watch out for quantum geography.

>Wait, is the entire ground covered in giant flaming thorn bushes? Good thing you guys are flying.

> Ask Satori about Recollection spells.
> Change the Pop Star Tank's name to S.A.T.O.R.I.N.! It's way more fitting than M.A.R.I.S.U.H.

>"And before you ask, I read the target's mind to make a one-use spellcard based on their memories, either of past spellcards or current mental state."
>You want to change your tanks name. S.A.T.O.R.I.N. is much cooler, anyway. The only problem now is making a new acronym for it.
>"I'm... flattered... that you want to name a tank after me, I guess. You're going to have a bit of trouble making up something for it, though."

> Do not let Koishi push buttons or pull levers on your tank.

>Of course you won't let something like that happen! Koishi's not even in the tank!
>"Ooh! What does this button do?"
>OH CR-
>You roll a 4 and successfully restrain Koishi.
>"YOU! No touchy button. That button means stuff goes boom and we don't want stuff to go boom yet!"
>You've never been one for coherent speak in times of crisis.
>"But it's so fun to mess with things~!" Koishi sings.
>You kick her out of your tank.

> Receive Sanae's apologies. Extort them by force if needed.

>Thinking for a moment, you pop out of the tank's hatch too. "Sanae, don't you have something to say to me?"
>You roll a 3. "What?" Sanae asks cluelessly.
>You try again and roll a 2. "You know, like something about what you did?" you prompt.
>"Nope," Sanae responds cheerfully.
>Calm down, Rika. Roll a higher number and try again. Stay... calm...
>Rolled a 2. "Oh!" Sanae realizes. "Did you like my control over divine wind? It was cool, right?"
>You facepalm. "No, I mean an apology. You threw me and my tank up the mountain and into the shrine."
>"But you're just fine, aren't you?"
>"You do not throw people at buildings, regardless of their physical state afterwards!"
>"Fine, fine. Sorry for launching you with AWESOME WIND POWERS into my shrine."
>Satori smacks Sanae.

> Let the shapely reaper - Komachi, right? - take a nap inside the tank.
> Shoot annoying red-white Shrine Maidens on sight.

>You're about to reenter your tank in a huff when the shinigami flies closer to you. "Hey," she says. "Can I take a break? I won't touch anything."
>"Sure," you accept warily.
>She squeezes in through the hatch after you reenter. "Thanks. I needed the nap." She mumbles before falling asleep.
>Well, your tanks are chiefly made for one person, but you suppose you can still drive your tank fine with another passenger.
>There are no other shrine maidens in the sky besides the annoying green-haired one.
Satori

> Satori - Wonder if you should try for GM or player.
> Distract Sanae by asking her for her character sheet.

>You're pretty sure that you're a player, and whoever's responsible is the GM. Well, you'll end up victorious in the end! This isn't the first time a group of players has risen up against the GM, you're sure!
>"Say, Sanae?" you ask as the thought hits you. "You played D&D, right? Do you still remember your character sheet?"
>"What? No, of course not!" Sanae replies. She is definitely flustered. Half-elf cleric, level 5- wait she can read minds! LALALALALALALALALALA! NOTHING IMPORTANT OR EMBARRASSING TO READ HERE!

> Lead the way to Castle Scarlet.
> Act as a tour guide for the party.
> Stay the friggin' hell away from Orin's cartwheel!

>You take the lead as you guide the group to Castle Scarlet. Rin tries to get you to ride in her wheelbarrow, but you know better than that.
>You decide that what this trip really needs is a boring tour guide! "And to your left, you'll see the oarfish of the skies dragging away the mischievous celestial back to Heaven..." you drone on in the best impression of a unmotivated tour guide that you can manage.

> Demonstrate Recollection "Terrifying Hypnotism" on a random fairy when asked for by Rika. Fixed. I blame Koishi for the mistake :V
> Laugh at the fairy's thoughts.
> Cringe at Utsuho's thoughts.

>"I can't just go flying in unarmed," Rika points out. "I need to copy one of your spellcards."
>"I'm sure something like that can be managed," you reply. "Recollection 'Terrifyling Hypnotism'!"
>One after another, the others declare their own spellcards.
>You suspect that Rika didn't think this all the way through.
>A couple of fairies are caught up in the ensuing chaos, leaving a couple other fairies watching and one of them handing out popcorn.
>Thoughts fly through your mind as the fairies within range panic. That's too many bullets! Help! Don't kill me again! Where's Cirno when you need her?
>Then you turn your attention to Utsuho. BURN! EVERYTHING BURN! AHAHAHAHAHA!
>Ah, yes. This is why you don't let her out without supervision.
>Once the last of the spellcards times out, Rika breathes a sigh of relief.
>"Well, that actually went better than I expected," you say.
>Rika is thinking about your Recollection spellcards, so you explain them to her and politely read her thoughts on changing her tank's name.
>Of course changing its name is useless, you think to yourself. Nobody calls it by name, anyway.

> Scan the area for mischievous Koishis.
> Watch out for quantum geography.

>Rika kicks Koishi out of her tank. So that's where she was. That saves you a roll.
>The giant thorn bush below you is now on fire, most likely because of Utsuho's spellcard.
>When you say below you, you mean roughly below you. The area directly below you is razed clean by all the stray bullets.

>Satori: Smack Sanae. In the face.

>Rika and Sanae are arguing about an apology. You take this chance and smack that shrine maiden. The 15 you rolled allows you to hit her in the back of her head, but not the face.

> Be on the lookout for non-hostile parties with the same destination as yours. Do not engage yet.
> Enter the Castle.
> Ignore the gatekeeper.
> Find the head maid.

>You look around for other people who might be visiting Castle Scarlet, but you find none. You rolled a 15, so you try to sneak past the gate guard.
>She's too vigilant right now, though. Should've tried when she's on nap break.
>"Halt!" Meiling says, standing guard as usual. "What business do you have with the Scarlet Devil?" I feel so stupid having to proclaim this to every visitor we get...
>"Don't worry; it's just a friendly visit."
>Meiling raises an eyebrow. "With a tank?"
>"Not just any tank!" Rika interrupts. "It's S.A.T.O.R.I.N. (don't ask what it stands for) the Pop Star Tank! A marvel of science!" Gotta make a good first impression!
>Meiling sighs. "Just go in. I'm sure Sakuya can deal with you."
>"What was that you said?" Sakuya asks. She appears next to Meiling, startling the gatekeeper. It's better than when she's sleeping, I guess.
>Sakuya notices you and your entourage. "Well, I suppose you can come in. The tank stays outside, though. Go park it next to the gate." Where'd they get a tank?
>Rika frowns. "Why should I?" It's a tank! Defensive and everything!  Leaving it defeats its purpose!
>In response, Sakuya throws a couple of knives dangerously close to the scientist. You have to admit, it's effective.
>"OnsecondthoughtI'msurethistankwillbefinejustbeingleftherenowpleasedon'tstabme!"
>Sakuya guides your ragtag bunch of adventurers into the main hall.
Mokou

>Mokou: Fly, damnit.

>You realize that you can just fly over the thorns.

> Laugh at that pathetic excuse for a deathtrap. We've seen way more effective ones at Eientei.
> Wonder who could have thought about that worthless trap.

>Really, what kind of person makes a land-based deathtrap in a place where everyone can fly? Whoever controls the quantum geography really isn't good at designing deathtraps.

> Mokou - Burn the thorn bushes.

>Now, just because you can fly doesn't mean that you should just ignore the bushes.
>In fact, you think that you shall be a help to others and set fire to them.
>There's already some on fire in the distance, in fact.
>You light the nearest part of the bush on fire and watch gleefully as the fire spreads through the dry thorn bush.
>The others stare at you nervously. Huh.

> Ask Hina about Castle Scarlet.
> Misfortune check!

>"Castle Scarlet?" Hina asks. "Oh, right. You weren't really part of the Quantum Geography Incident, weren't you?"
>"Not really," you reply. "I caught a glimpse of it when Utsuho, Sakuya, and Flandre visited the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, and helped them out a bit, but I didn't see the rest of it personally."
>"Well, afterwards, Remilia hosted a giant party that got out of control," Alice explains. "'Everyone declaring spellcards at once' kind of out of control. The Scarlet Devil Mansion got destroyed, so Remilia got Chiri, the youkai responsible for the quantun geography, to quantum up a new castle for her."
>You roll a 2 and fail your misfortune check. Hina scratches her head. "With all this dice interference, it's hard to tell where misfortune is gathering."

> Try and decipher the grimoires. Ask Alice for help if needed. Hope we roll a critical success :V
> Pet the Sukusuku Hakutaku.

>You decide that it'll be a while before you reach the castle, so you get to work on the grimoires.
>You roll a 1. Critical failure; the book sends a smoke cloud up in your face, blinding you temporarily.
>Alice sighs. "I'll just let you decipher those books by yourself."
>"Wait, no! Help me with it!"
>Great. Your critical failure means you can't even ask for help. Well, at least you'll have something to do for the rest of the trip.
>You absentmindedly pet the sukusuku hakutaku.
>Wait, is it flying? What? How?

> Enter the Castle.
> Ignore the gatekeeper.
> Find your way to the Library. Refuse any help - we don't need friggin' directions! We can get there on our own!

>By the time you reach Castle Scarlet, you've failed to understand any part of the grimoires. Several times.
>One is currently clamped on the fingers of your left hand and refuses to open.
>The other is slowly orbiting counterclockwise around your head.
>You roll a 5, and sneak past Meiling on her nap break. Is she sleeping on a tank?
>You enter the main hall, only to find that you and your party aren't the only guests.
>Well, you were planning on finding the library yourself, but the 2 you roll doesn't look promising.
>You decide to wait around in the main hall until someone gives you directions.

[marukyuu]

Scientist, Crazy the Rika
> What a huge castle! There must be a secret lab somewhere! Ask the silver-haired maid about it!
> Collect thrown knives. Use them as spare parts for S.A.T.O.R.I.N.
> Try and shoot a random fairy. Feel powerless without your main source of firepower.
> Realize you can't do much to advance the plot help the party right now. How can we kill time without getting bored to death?
> Talk about nuclear physics with Utsuho.
> Explain the paradox of Schr?dinger's Cat to Rin.
> Pet the cat youkai Rin!
> Catch a glimpse of a blond vampire with weird wings (BVwWWNot again!) trying to destroy her toys.
> Ask yourself if there's a way to explain with SCIENCE how said toys change their shape instead of going BOOM.
> Stumble upon a human phoenix and her merry band of adventurers!

Satori, the youkai babysitter
> Stop Utsuho from asking for more eggs. She's already had her meal.
> Discuss the incident with Sakuya.
> Drink from the nearest age-changing fountain.
> Stop Koishi... nevermind, she's going to drink from the fountain anyway. Oh, well.
> Try and calm Sanae down. She's too impatient. There are no youkai to exterminate yet, but soon there will be.
> Maybe slap her again.
> Catch a glimpse of Flandre kyuu'ing her quantum toys.
> Her idea of fun is kind of awkward, isn't it?
> Let one of the residents lead the way to the Library.
> Stumble upon a human phoenix and her merry band of adventurers!

Mokou, the Human Torch
> Have Alice uncurse the grimoires.
> Have Alice's dolls uncurse the grimoires.
> Have Hina uncurse the grimoires.
> Have the Sukusuku Hakutaku uncurse... nevermind.
> Let the fairy maids read the cover of the grimoires.
> Discuss elemental magic with Alice.
> Discuss the Sukusuku Hakutaku's cuteness with Hina.
> Stumble upon a pink-haired mind reader, a crazy scientist and their merry band of adventurers!
> Merge your party with theirs and go bother Patchy!

[Hawkpath1337]

DARNIT!
>Mokou: Bother the Parsee.
>Satori: Bother the Parsee.
>Rika: Bother the Parsee.
>Utsuho: Bother the Parsee.
>Flandre: Bother the Parsee.
>Sakuya: Bother the Parsee.
>EVERYONE: BOTHER THE PARSEE!

[Hanzo K.]

>Satori - "Half-Elf Cleric...Interesting choice really. Then again, it makes sense."

[PJ]

>Utsuho: Be hungry.
>Team SatoRika: LET'S SPLIT UP GANG! Have somebody visit Marisa.

You're not gonna stop telling Okuu to be hungry, are ya?

>Hawkpath1337: Be hungry.

[Hawkpath1337]

>Utsuho: Be hungry.
>Team SatoRika: LET'S SPLIT UP GANG! Have somebody visit Marisa.

You're not gonna stop telling Okuu to be hungry, are ya?
>Utsuho: Okuu likey nukey!
>Satori: Thmap Sanae.

[marukyuu]

>Team SatoRika: LET'S SPLIT UP GANG! Have somebody visit Marisa.

I'd rather inconvenience have Patchy brief everyone before splitting the party. Of course Marisa will be one of our next targets in a few updates - maybe even the next. Any thoughts?

[Hawkpath1337]

I'd rather inconvenience have Patchy brief everyone before splitting the party. Of course Marisa will be one of our next targets in a few updates - maybe even the next. Any thoughts?

Yes. I do. WHY ISN'T ANYONE BOTHERING PARSEE!?

[GuyYouMetOnline]

>Don't split up until talking to Patchouli.

[Hawkpath1337]

>Koishi: Implant the urge to Bother the Parsee in everyone in Gensokyo. Including Parsee.

[LaserTurtle]

>Koishi: Implant the urge to Bother the Parsee in everyone in Gensokyo. Including Parsee.

>Mokou: Bother the Parsee.
>Satori: Bother the Parsee.
>Rika: Bother the Parsee.
>Utsuho: Bother the Parsee.
>Flandre: Bother the Parsee.
>Sakuya: Bother the Parsee.
>EVERYONE: BOTHER THE PARSEE!

>Parsee cannot be bothered. She has an entire fourth wall between her and the adventurers!

>Utsuho: Be hungry.

>Utsuho: Okuu likey nukey!

>Parsee takes one look at these commands and then dumps them into the "To Be Incinerated" pile. Invalid commands work surprisingly well as fuel for the Hell of Blazing Fires.

>Hawkpath1337: Be hungry.

>Hawkpath1337... the name sounds familiar to Parsee. Why, though? She doesn't remember having a voodoo doll of whoever that is. Better start making one to be safe.
>Well anyway, this command's gotta go in the incinerator pile, too.
Mokou

> Stumble upon a pink-haired mind reader, a crazy scientist and their merry band of adventurers!

>You have no idea why you would ever stumble upon such a strange group such as the one you have just thought of.
>Satori shrugs. "I suppose we are strange. We're one group that you won't find in any encounter table."

> Have Alice uncurse the grimoires.
> Have Alice's dolls uncurse the grimoires.
> Have Hina uncurse the grimoires.

>Alice smiles. "You seem to be doing just fine. Why would you need anyone to uncurse them?"
>"Shut up and get these book off of me."
>Alice rolls a 3, and her dolls help. The grimoire that was clinging on to your hand is now back to normal.
>"I can help!" Hina chimes in. She rolls a 2, and the grimoire orbiting your head is stuttering in its orbit, now. It's a shame that nobody else can uncurse grimoires.
>You'll just have to wait until its own self-defense magic wears out.

> Have the Sukusuku Hakutaku uncurse... nevermind.
> Let the fairy maids read the cover of the grimoires.

>Wait, what's the sukusuku hakutaku doing?
>The sukusuku hakutaku does the last bit of uncursing the grimoire.
>You decide not to ask how. It won't be able to answer, anyway.
>"Hey, you. Fairy maids. Can you read the title of this? It's all gibberish to me." Well, it's worth a shot.
>Two fairy maids fly up and make a big show about deciphering the words on the cover.
>They are getting nowhere.
>Eventually, the fairies give up. "Sorry, fire lady. We can't read this," one apologizes.
>"But maybe Daiyousei can!" the other one exclaims.
>"Oh, yeah! Do you want us to get her, fire lady?"
>You decide against it. "Nah, you guys don't have to do anything like that."

> Discuss elemental magic with Alice.
> Discuss the Sukusuku Hakutaku's cuteness with Hina.

>Alice shrugs. "Elemental magic isn't my field of expertise. Patchouli's the resident professional in regards to elemental magic. I only got enough down so that my dolls can be used for some spells."
>Hina doesn't notice you talking to her. She's too busy petting the sukusuku hakutaku.

> Merge your party with theirs and go bother Patchy!

>Patchouli's good with books and elemental magic! You should go bothervisit her, in fact.
>Satori calls back to you from down the hallway. "Already ahead of you! You guys coming?"
>Wow. Either youkai grow up fast, or you missed something interesting.
Rika

> Stumble upon a human phoenix and her merry band of adventurers!

>That lady is not good with books. Magic is weird, and doesn't make sense. That's why you think SCIENCE is better.

> What a huge castle! There must be a secret lab somewhere! Ask the silver-haired maid about it!
> Collect thrown knives. Use them as spare parts for S.A.T.O.R.I.N.

>"Secret lab?" the maid thinks about it. "Well, the library is where Patchouli does all of her magic experiments, so that counts?"
>You collect some of the spare knives. Always good to have scrap metal for repairs.

> Try and shoot a random fairy. Feel powerless without your main source of firepower.
> Realize you can't do much to advance the plot help the party right now. How can we kill time without getting bored to death?

>You realize that nothing of interest is happening. Shame. You try to shoot a fairy maid to liven things up.
>Then you remember that you have no power to shoot danmaku without your tank. You feel so helpless without it.
>But you still can do something to the fairy! You reach into your pocket portal to your TSMS and pull out a wrench.
>Your fantastic roll of 6 lets you hit that fairy head on in a nonlethal but painful way with your thrown wrench.
>The fairy rubs her head, then glares at  you. "What was that for?"
>"I'm booored!" you whine.
>The fairy frowns. "You didn't have to hit me!"
>"But what else was I supposed to do?"
>"Don't ask me! But if it's a fight you want, I'll be happy to help! Inconsequential Fairy 'Popcorn Barrage'!"
>"That has got to be the weirdest spellcard I have ever seen," you comment before you have to start dodging.
>The rest of the group's attention is divided between you and another two people trying to remove a book clamped on the phoenix person's hand.
>You roll a 6 again and pull off acrobatic moves only achievable if you roll a critical success or if you're Reimu. Which you're not. But the 6 works too.
>You dodge the barrage flawlessly and chuck another wrench at the fairy.
>Your good luck streak ends here. The 1 sends the wrench flying straight at the silver-haired human maid, who turns around and catches it time.
>She disappears and instantly reappears behind you. "I believe this wrench is yours?" she asks you dangerously.
>You take your wrench back cautiously. "Yes. Yes it is. Terribly sorry. Bad throwing arm and all that."
>From the corner of your eye, you see the fairy sticking her tongue at you.
>You whip around to face her and throw the wrench at her again. Drat, another 1.
>It breaks through the window and reminds the gate guard outside that her nap break is over.
>The maid glares at you.

> Talk about nuclear physics with Utsuho.
> Explain the paradox of Schr?dinger's Cat to Rin.
> Pet the cat youkai Rin!

>You attempt to talk about nuclear physics, but you have to forfit this round. The raven out-sciences you completely, and that's not an easy thing to accomplish.
>Fanfare, confetti and a trophy appear above Utsuho. Achievement unlocked! oh wait she isn't a main character anymore.
>You decide to explain an idea of quantum mechanics to Rin instead.
>After you explain it to her, she scratches her head. "How do you get the cat into the box if you close it?"
>"You put it in and then close it, of course!"
>"It's impossible to get a cat in an enclosed space. Believe me; I know about cats."
>"But that's not even the main part of the problem! You know what? Never mind."
>These people obviously do not have the appreciation for science that you do. You decide to pet the cat girl instead.
>"She's not a cat," Satori speaks up from behind you. "Well, not technically. She's a kasha. She carts away corpses."
>You stop petting the corpse taker.

> Catch a glimpse of a blond vampire with weird wings (BVwWWNot again!) trying to destroy her toys.
> Ask yourself if there's a way to explain with SCIENCE how said toys change their shape instead of going BOOM.

>You peek into another room and see a little vampire with weird crystal wing thingies destroying her toys and watching as they transforrm into something else.
>No. You refuse to believe it. There is no possible way that can happen.
>Rikako's voice floats through your head. This is Gensokyo. Weird stuff happens here.
Satori

> Stumble upon a human phoenix and her merry band of adventurers!

>Judging from their minds, the spinning girl is Hina Kagiyama, the phoenix girl is Mokou Fujiwara, and the magician with the dolls is Alice Margatroid. Strange names.
>You can't bring yourself to read the mind of that cute green fuzzy thing that is tagging along. Something about it says that it would either be a very bad idea or a morally wrong one.
>Mokou is contemplating the strangeness of your group. You might as well acknowledge it too. "I suppose we are strange. We're one group that you won't find in any encounter table."
>Sanae perks up a little when you mention an encounter table. Actually, in one adventure I was in... OH WAIT MIND READER LALALALA NOTHING SILLY HERE AT ALL!

> Stop Utsuho from asking for more eggs. She's already had her meal.
> Discuss the incident with Sakuya.

>Eggs~ "Satori, can I have some-"
>"No, Utsuho. You can't."
>You turn your attention to Sakuya, who is glaring at Rika. "So, what do you think of this incident?"
>"It's a pain," Sakuya sighs. "And I can't even go out to solve it because Remilia wants me to keep attending her throughout the incident in case she slips up or something." You're improving your manners, I see. You let me actually voice my thoughts this time.
>"Don't worry, I'll solve this one for you," you reassure her. "Wait, what's this about my manners?"
>Sakuya nods and ignores the second half of your statement. "Thanks I'd like that." Talking with you is weird, usually. Normal people have to listen to what is said before replying.

>Satori - "Half-Elf Cleric...Interesting choice really. Then again, it makes sense."

>Sanae is now covering her ears. "LALALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU!" NOTHING ABOUT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS HERE, NONE AT ALL!
>You decide to send a thought directly into her head. What was that about encounter tables, again?
>Sanae starts singing louder. Gotta think of something else! Youkai extermination! That'll do fine! Exterminate! Exterminate! No tabletop-game-related thoughts here!

> Try and calm Sanae down. She's too impatient. There are no youkai to exterminate yet, but soon there will be.
> Maybe slap her again.

>Satori: Thmap Sanae.

>You roll a 12. Nope. You don't get in a thmap, but you get in a pretty satisfying SHMOP.
>You consider the sound effect. That did not fit the situation at all.
>Sanae is stunned too. What kind of slapping sound is SCHMOP?

> Drink from the nearest age-changing fountain.
> Stop Koishi... nevermind, she's going to drink from the fountain anyway. Oh, well.

>You remember the weird age-changing fountains that are spread around the place. Time for an age-up to match your authority of this group!
>Well, Koishi can join you too, you guess. Not like you could stop her.
>The author can't find anything on Safebooru to depict the Komeiji Sisters, so yeah. I blame internets.

> Catch a glimpse of Flandre kyuu'ing her quantum toys.
> Her idea of fun is kind of awkward, isn't it?
> Let one of the residents lead the way to the Library.

>Rika stumbles unsteadily away from a door. you decide to peek in to see what all the fuss is about.
>Oh my. Well, at least the toys aren't breaking.

>Team SatoRika: LET'S SPLIT UP GANG! Have somebody visit Marisa.

>Don't split up until talking to Patchouli.

>You get Sakuya's attention. "Do you know where the library is?"
>An unmistakable cry comes from down a hallway. "SAKUYAAAA!"
>Sakuya sighs. "I have to attend to Remilia right now. Lemme give you some directions, though..." Really, I thought she would start acting her age when she started using the age-changing fountains.
>She gives you a brief rundown of the way to the library, and you commit it to memory in case you visit again.
>You get everyone's (Besides Mokou's group. They're busy trying to get the books off of her) attention again. "Right! We're going to Patchouli's library now!"
>They, naturally, notice the age-up you have underwent. They don't notice Koishi, because she's subconscious-hiding to surprise someone.
>Sanae stares longer than the others, who saw it already at the humongous party. You're older than I remember.
>Rika doesn't notice either. Her thoughts are jumbled, but there's one clear line of thought you can read. This is Gensokyo. Weird stuff happens here.
>You ignore her again and start leading the way to the library. You then notice Mokou.
>They've finally got the books off of her. She's thinking of visiting the magician of the library, so you inform her of your plans before heading off. To the library!

[Hanzo K.]

>Satori - "Age-changing fountain. Works wonders for those who don't physically age. Come to think of it, you could even relive your time as a child. Or even see what you'd look like as an adult. Also, there's no need to feel any shame about tabletop gaming. I happen to have a mild fondness for it myself."

>Rika - Eeeeeyuuuugh...Dead bodies. We don't do THAT kind of science. What are we, some kinda monster? Heck no, we build things.
And if that doesn't work, we just build more things.

>Mokou - "Encounter Table..? Oookay." Makes you wonder if a few of this group isn't a few fries short of a happy meal.

[PJ]

>Mokou - "Encounter Table..? Oookay." Makes you wonder if a few of this group isn't a few fries short of a happy meal.

>Mokou: What the hell is a happy meal?

>Utsuho: Be hungry.

>Rika: Politely ask Sakuya if you can use S.A.T.O.R.I.N. to copy one of her spellcards.

[GuyYouMetOnline]

>Rika: Then realize that Sakuya left to go attend to Remilia.

[marukyuu]

Rika
> Ask the party who's that Remilia brat.
> Sympathize with Sakuya.
> Think about building some nuclear-powered robot maids for her when the incident is over.

Rika, Mokou, Satori (and company)
> Have an easy time avoiding any kind of deathtraps on the way to the Library.
> Enter the Library and go bother Patchy!

Rika
> Look around for stuff you'd expect in a secret lab.
> Try and disassemble one of the sentry laser turrets disguised as flying books.
> Approach the little devil with wings on her head. She must be the Patchouli everyone is talking about!
> Nope, she isn't Patchouli.
> Ask Not-Patchouli for books on nuclear physics. That birdbrain won't get the upper hand next time we have a SCIENCE-OFF!
> Approach the bookworm in purple. Yes, Patchouli.
> Listen to her ramblings about the incident. Whip out a PDA and take notes.
> Ask Patchy if dice can be replaced with a pseudo-random number generator.
> Watch out for thieving witches.

Mokou
> Burn a random flying laser-shooting book.
> "See, Rika? If it looks like a book, flies like a book and burns like a book, it IS a book. I know, books don't fly, but hey, this is Gensokyo."
> Ask Patchouli about the incident.
> Mention the Coin-Flipping Incident and the related grimoire.
> Get bored of Patchouli's ramblings.
> Take the Sukusuku Hakutaku and go chat about petty stuff with Koakuma! Alice and Hina will handle further questions to Patchouli.
> Ask Koa and Patchy's help in order to decipher the two grimoires from Kosuzu's store.
> Watch out for thieving witches.
> BURN THE WITCH!

Satori
> "Before you even think about it, Okuu: there are no eggs here. Deal with it."
> "Koishi, would you please stop bothering Koa? We're not here to play!"
> "Orin, I'm sorry, but the fairies here will never play zombie with you."
> Read Koakuma's mind.
> Listen carefully to what Patchouli has to say and think. Do not let anyone's thoughts distract you.
> When Patchouli's done explaining things, ask Patchouli all the questions the party have thought about before they do.
> "Koishi, stop it. This incident's about dice, not alligators."
> "... or eggs. Okuu, I think you have a problem."
> Watch out for thieving witches.
> Make a Recollection Spell Card referencing a random copied Spell Card in the thieving witch's repertoire.
> A copy of a copy of a Spell Card?! How's that even possible?

[capt. h]

> BURN THE WITCH!

> Mokou - The black white one. The purple one is a magician.
> Wonder if there is a difference.

> Rika - recall what it is you went here to do.

> Satori - Check with Patchouli that your D&D rulebook is in fact the most current edition.

[LaserTurtle]

>Utsuho: Be hungry.

>The Command Parsee grumbles.  She get some time away from Keine's finals and the first thing that greets her back at her job is another invalid command.

>Rika: Politely ask Sakuya if you can use S.A.T.O.R.I.N. to copy one of her spellcards.

>Rika: Then realize that Sakuya left to go attend to Remilia.

>Parsee frowns, then places these two commands in the invalid pile. Paradoxical commands would only leave Keine more work to do.
>And when Keine has to do more work, she gets stressed and starts handing out more finals and headbutts.
Satori

>Satori - "Age-changing fountain. Works wonders for those who don't physically age. Come to think of it, you could even relive your time as a child. Or even see what you'd look like as an adult. Also, there's no need to feel any shame about tabletop gaming. I happen to have a mild fondness for it myself."

>Sanae stares at you blankly. "Wait, you're telling me that there is not just one, but multiple fountains of youth in this castle?" IGNORE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS! SHE'S JUST TRYING TO GET YOUR GUARD DOWN!
>"Hey," you reply, "this is Gensokyo. As some people have said, 'weird stuff happens here.' What's with your adverse reaction to D&D anyway?"
>Sanae starts walking faster and trying to ignore you, before walking straight into a pole.
>"Can I carry her in my wheelbarrow now?" Rin asks excitedly. She's unconscious, so it's close enough, right?
>You decide to throw Rin a bone (Metaphorically of course)."Sure. You can wheel her around until she wakes up."

> Have an easy time avoiding any kind of deathtraps on the way to the Library.
> Enter the Library and go bother Patchy!

>There are no deathdraps on the way to the library. There is, however, labels periodically written on the wall. Things like:
There WAS a giant pit of lava here. Just saying.
If you stepped on one of the squares on the carpet here, you would've set off the boulder trap. Sneaky, right?
I kinda liked the hidden fire traps that were here. Shame I had to take them out.
>Where is Chiri, anyway? You assumed she's just sorta roaming around Gensokyo, but nobody in your group has run into her.

> Satori - Check with Patchouli that your D&D rulebook is in fact the most current edition.

>"What?" Patchouli asks. "Why would you mention D&D?" You've got version 3.5,  isn't that good enough?
>"I know I've got 3.5, but I'm asking if there's a newer edition."
>"None of them have dropped through the border around here. Why would you need one?" After all, house rules don't need editions.
>Patchouli has a point. House rules are part of the fun whenever you find time to play.

> "Before you even think about it, Okuu: there are no eggs here. Deal with it."
> "Koishi, would you please stop bothering Koa? We're not here to play!"
> "Orin, I'm sorry, but the fairies here will never play zombie with you."

>Now that that's out of the way, you can deal with your party. You do so efficiently, and order returns in the peanut gallery.
>"Why don't they?" Rin whines. "I've got spare zombie clothes just for the situation!" And don't think I'm weird for that. You know as well as I do that Sakuya carries a ridiculous number of maid uniforms and knives wherever she goes.

> Read Koakuma's mind.
> Listen carefully to what Patchouli has to say and think. Do not let anyone's thoughts distract you.
> When Patchouli's done explaining things, ask Patchouli all the questions the party have thought about before they do.
> "Koishi, stop it. This incident's about dice, not alligators."
> "... or eggs. Okuu, I think you have a problem."

>Koakuma is taking a breather after the Koishi-style harassment. Underground youkai are weird. And creepy. And perverted. And... I guess not all that different from youkai up here, when I think about it. Huh.
>You roll a 7 and fail to not get distracted. Patchouli's thoughts are filled with too much complicated magical analysis for you to understand.
>Other people's thoughts are far more accessible.
So, what if I made a tank... that shot giant lasers?
That wheelbarrow was surprisingly comfortable.
Eggs... I'm not hungry, but eggs are still welcome!
If I sneak off, nobody will notice me napping!
You know, I would think that books that set themselves on fire woudn't exist for long. Save me the trouble of burning them myself, though.
Alice, you never use me anymore!
Quiet, Grimoire. There's a mind reader with us!
Spin! Spin! Spin~! No misfortune here, but just making sure~
Books aren't fun to cart away. I've tried.
>You are part of possibly the weirdest group of people you have ever been with.
>"I am of the opinion that incidents such as this can only be improved upon with copious numbers of alligators!" Koishi proclaims. She is holding a stuffed alligator in both hands.

> Watch out for thieving witches.
> Make a Recollection Spell Card referencing a random copied Spell Card in the thieving witch's repertoire.
> A copy of a copy of a Spell Card?! How's that even possible?

>A crash resounds through the library.
>"I see that Marisa has arrived," Patchouli notes. "I've improved the wards now, so I'm sure they'll keep her out."
>A black and white blur on a broom whizzes past you. "Too slow, Patchouliiiiiiii!"
>Patchouli is holding a stopwatch. "5...4...3...2...1."
>The sound of an out-of-control witch unexpectedly hitting a giant wall of rock echoes through the library.
>"Koakuma, do collect the thief and prepare her a seat." Gotta gloat to her, after all.
>She was moving too fast for you to form any sort of recollection card. You plan to make one later, perhaps.
Rika

>Rika - Eeeeeyuuuugh...Dead bodies. We don't do THAT kind of science. What are we, some kinda monster? Heck no, we build things.
And if that doesn't work, we just build more things.

>You like building things. Tanks, specifically. Corpses make you gag just thinking about them.

> Rika - recall what it is you went here to do.

>You didn't choose to go here; that mind-reading youkai did. You're just tagging along.
>Come to think of it, why are you tagging along?

> Ask the party who's that Remilia brat.
> Sympathize with Sakuya.
> Think about building some nuclear-powered robot maids for her when the incident is over.

>"Remilia? She's a vampire. Child, usually, but there are the age-changing fountains everywhere, so now she likes being an adult." Satori explains things before you can ask about them, of course.
>You can't sympathize with Sakuya because you rolled a 1!
>But you do remember having a deactivated robot maid somewhere in your garage. You stole it from the shrine, but Reimu didn't seem to notice.
>You're sure that Utsuho can help you start it again.

> Have an easy time avoiding any kind of deathtraps on the way to the Library.
> Enter the Library and go bother Patchy!

>There are no deathtraps in this castle!
>There are, however, labels of where deathtraps apparently used to be.
And if you didn't hop on one foot across the green sections, the ceiling would fall down on you!
This one used to be a trapdoor. Into a pit full of were-plants. Those things are cool.
I liked this one. You stepped on this tile, and got catapulted through the window!

> Look around for stuff you'd expect in a secret lab.
> Try and disassemble one of the sentry laser turrets disguised as flying books.

>"What are you doing?" a little red-haired devil yells at you. "You don't just hit books with wrenches like that!"
>"They're not books," you explain. "They shoot lasers. Books do not shoot lasers. Therefore they're not books."
>Mokou proves with a demonstration that they are, in fact, books.

> Approach the little devil with wings on her head. She must be the Patchouli everyone is talking about!
> Nope, she isn't Patchouli.
> Ask Not-Patchouli for books on nuclear physics. That birdbrain won't get the upper hand next time we have a SCIENCE-OFF!

>"You're this 'Patchouli' we're apparently here to see, right?" you ask the little devil.
>"Nope. I'm just Koakuma."
>Huh. Well, she probably knows where the books on nuclear physics are. "Do you know where any science-y books are? Ones about nuclear physics?"
>Koakuma points to a shelf in the distance.
>"Thanks," you tell Koakuma, who seems to be distracted by something you can't see.
>"Eep!" she squeals from behind you. You decide that whatever is happening isn't your problem, and go off to study up on nuclear physics to out-science that raven.

> Approach the bookworm in purple. Yes, Patchouli.
> Listen to her ramblings about the incident. Whip out a PDA and take notes.
> Ask Patchy if dice can be replaced with a pseudo-random number generator.

>You return from your independent study to catch the tail end of the purple-pajama purple person's (She's Patchouli, you realize) theories.
>Of course, you don't pay much attention. Your roll of 3 means you get struck with a sudden flash of inspiration about laser tanks.
>"...so the incident currently is definitely caused by one of the magic books, but not one in this library. I checked the catalog, but there haven't been any books like that at all at any time in this library."
>Well, you were too late to take any notes. What is a PDA, though? Why did you think about having one?
>All you have is a notepad and pencil, if you ever needed notes.
>You have the sneaking suspicion that note-taking would need to be rolled on.
>"Say, Patchouli, was it? Could a random number generator be used in place of a die?" you ask. She seems to know more about what's going on than you do, at least.
>Patchouli considers this. "Well, if you have one on hand, I don't see why not. You could always try."

> Watch out for thieving witches.

>You cannot watch for thieving witches, as one has already breached the library's defenses.
>Patchouli sends Koakuma off to collect the intruder, who has been detained by an impassable wall of stone.
Mokou

>Mokou - "Encounter Table..? Oookay." Makes you wonder if a few of this group isn't a few fries short of a happy meal.

>Mokou: What the hell is a happy meal?

>You come up with the strangest ideas, sometimes.
>You think a Happy Meal  comes from smiling potatoes. Really, you have no idea.

> Have an easy time avoiding any kind of deathtraps on the way to the Library.
> Enter the Library and go bother Patchy!

>There are no deathtraps to avoid!
>Strangely enough, however, someone has marked the locations of deathtraps.
You had to spin counterclockwise twice here, otherwise you'd get wrapped up by the Chibi-Iku-charged wires.
Spikes shoot out from the walls here. I dunno. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This part was so cool! You had to hop from patch to patch over a bottomless pit!

> Burn a random flying laser-shooting book.
> "See, Rika? If it looks like a book, flies like a book and burns like a book, it IS a book. I know, books don't fly, but hey, this is Gensokyo."

>You have to explain to the scientist that these are, in fact, books. Magical ones do shoot lasers.
>Your demonstration is effective and earns you a hit on the head from one of the many Chibi Koakumas patrolling the place.

> Ask Patchouli about the incident.
> Mention the Coin-Flipping Incident and the related grimoire.
> Get bored of Patchouli's ramblings.

>You ask Patchouli. "What's up with this incident? Apparently, one happened before, but with coin flipping. There was a magical book behind it, so is there one behind this incident?"
>Patchouli considers your proposal. "You know, it's not at all unlikely, in fact, I would say..."
>You roll a 1 and fail to get bored of Patchouli's musings. They are strangely entrancing.

> Take the Sukusuku Hakutaku and go chat about petty stuff with Koakuma! Alice and Hina will handle further questions to Patchouli.
> Ask Koa and Patchy's help in order to decipher the two grimoires from Kosuzu's store.

>The sukusuku hakutaku has to drag you away. Once you're too far to hear Patchouli, you start up some small talk with the library assistant.
>"So... seen any good danmaku lately?"
>You try to bring up the fact that you would like the two bookworms to decipher the grimoires subtly in the conversation.
>Koakuma outright refuses. Must be the 1 you rolled.
>These dice are getting annoying. You're not even allowed to burn them!

> Watch out for thieving witches.

>You hear a crash. A couple of crashes later, a familiar black and white blur speeds by, laughing maniacally.
>She runs into a stone wall. Looks like that hurt.
>Koakuma stands up. "Excuse me. I have a witch to bring to Patchouli."
>You stand up too. "I'll help," you declare.

> BURN THE WITCH!

> Mokou - The black white one. The purple one is a magician.
> Wonder if there is a difference.

>You decide to help Patchouli by burning Marisa.You roll a 5, but Marisa has apparently rolled a 6 in dodging.
>She jumps away in the nick of time... right into a fire trap.
>Well. You didn't expect that, and judging by the look on her face, Marisa didn't, either.
>You now have a witch on fire. Success?
>Marisa panics into a water trap, which puts her out and restrains her for long enough for Koakuma to take her to Patchouli.
>"Well, there's no difference that I can find," Satori shrugs. "Besides Marisa being human, but I think that's just Marisa being herself."
>Marisa glares at the mind reader and mutters something through her mouth-blindfold-thingy.
>Satori huffs. "Well, I'll have you know that we underground youkai don't get into nearly half as much trouble as you aboveground crazies do."
>Marisa raises an eyebrow.
>"Well, that's just oni being oni! They don't count!"
>Arguments are weird when you can only hear one half of them.

[marukyuu]

Player
> Be ashamed of all those grammar mishaps. Really, how could I miss them after lots of time spent into careful proofreading?!

Alice
> Resist fanon-dictated urges.

Rika
> "Marisa?! Mima's promising prot?g??! Is that really you?"
> "Where's Mima? It's been ages since I last saw her!"
> "Why did you dye your hair blond? Red hair suit you better, y'know?"
> "What's that strange reactor? How does that shoot lasers?"
> "May I dissect it?"
> "Please~?"
> "Utsuho, do you think that reactor is nuclear-powered?"
> Grab the strange reactor!
> Point it at a fairy and shoot.
> Try and dissect one of Alice's sentient flying robots.
> Casually hear something about a sentient grimoire. Feel the urge to examine its brain for SCIENCE!

Mokou
> "What?! Marisa is a redhead?! You've gotta be kidding, right?"
> Set Marisa's hair on decorative fire. "You mean, like this, Rika?"
> Realize it isn't the right time for silly shenanigans.
> Casually hear something about a sentient grimoire. That's not really unexpected, is it? Fixed. *grumbles*
> Have Alice show her grimoire to Patchouli and Satori.
> Let Hina have a peek at it, too. She should check the grimoire for curses.
> Interrogate Marisa about the incident at hand, the Coin-Flipping Incident and the related grimoire.
> Let Patchouli have her way with that thieving witch. Watch gleefully until it is ready.
> Discuss possible plans of action with the Sukusuku Hakutaku.
> Actually discussing that with the rest of the party is a better idea.
> Think about the optimal way to split up the party for further investigations.
> Check if Rika knows or has made some kind of remote communication device. Bugging Yukari about that is out of the question.
> Tell Rika about Yukari. She's so clueless...

Not-a-fifth-grader-anymore Satori
> "You've got a point, Orin. Still, I don't want you to bother the fairies in this castle."
> "Koishi, books don't think. Leave Alice alone."
> Wait, Koishi is playing with Marisa.
> "Sorry, Koi. Now what's this...? A sentient grimoire! Very interesting. Alice, would you kindly show it to me and Patchouli?"
> Listen carefully to the grimoire's thoughts and voice them for the whole party.
> Listen to Patchouli's report on the grimoire.
> Now concentrate on Marisa. Read her mind while the others interrogate her.
> Be sure to butt in and make snarky remarks about Marisa's thoughts.
> Assist Mokou in splitting up the party for further investigations.
> Pool suggestions on where to go next. Roll to choose which team goes where.
> "Sanae, are you up for a D&D session with us underground when this incident is over?"

[capt. h]

> Satori - contemplate whether dice based shennanigans is universe's way of creating incident that can only be solved through live action role-play games.
> Explain theory to Patchouli.

> Rika - show embarrassing pictures of red-headed Marisa to Mokou.

[PJ]

Parsee: Be hungry.

Satori: We've got all of the most suspicious grimoire users in a room. Investigate!

[LaserTurtle]

Parsee: Be hungry.

>Why would Parsee be hungry if she just got back from her lunch break?
>Say what you like about her job, but 5-day lunch breaks are one heck of a benefit.

Player
> Be ashamed of all those grammar mishaps. Really, how could I miss them after lots of time spent into careful proofreading?!

>Parsee stares at this command. What player? Why is it crossed out? Huh?
>Really, some of the commands she gets are weird. There were no grammatical errors in sight for that one.

Alice
> Resist fanon-dictated urges.

>What is fanon? Parsee checks the internet for reference...
>Oh. OH, WHOA. WHAT.
>Parsee is so glad she doesn't have to actually do this command. Failing the roll would be terrifying. She tosses it into the incinerator pile and tries to drink until she forgets it.
Satori

> Satori - contemplate whether dice based shennanigans is universe's way of creating incident that can only be solved through live action role-play games.
> Explain theory to Patchouli.

>Patchouli considers this theory. "You know, given how messed up Gensokyo can be, it's not all that unlikely." How would the magic grimoire fit in, though?

Satori: We've got all of the most suspicious grimoire users in a room. Investigate!

>Well, that isn't saying much, since there are only 3 main grimoire users.
>Investigations are in order, though.

> "Koishi, books don't think. Leave Alice alone."
> Wait, Koishi is playing with Marisa.
> "Sorry, Koi. Now what's this...? A sentient grimoire! Very interesting. Alice, would you kindly show it to me and Patchouli?"

>Koishi sticks her tongue out at you. "See? I'm not always behind everything! Meanie-face!"
>Alice frowns. "All right, I guess. I don't see how it's supposed to help." There we go. See why I tell you to be quiet? Now you have to be investigated.
>Fine, fine. Why do I need to be investigated, anyway? I'm locked. I can't cast any spells.
>"Well, at least we've ruled out you as a culprit," you tell the grimoire.
>Huh? Are you speaking to me?
>"I'm the mind reader that Alice was talking about," you explain.
>Patchouli frowns accusingly at Alice. "Alice, you never told me that your grimoire is sentient! _{Why can't my magic books be as cool as that?}" Talking book~!
>That's because they're not super-powerful grimoires from Makai. And even if they are, you don't use them nearly enough for them to gain sentience.

> Listen carefully to the grimoire's thoughts and voice them for the whole party.
> Listen to Patchouli's report on the grimoire.

>You repeat the grimoire's thoughts to Patchouli, who nods slowly. "Interesting..." Still, talking book! That's pretty cool.
>Alice sighs. "That's because it stopped being remarkable after I fought with Marisa, Reimu, Yuuka, and Mima." Then it started being a bit annoying.
>That's mean, Alice!
>You raise an eyebrow. "You two seem like good friends."
>Patchouli is deep in thought. "So, any book with enough use will become sentient?" I have to start using one book more often, but which one should I choose?
>"Trust me," Alice smiles, "It's not as cool as you think. Once a grimoire become sentient, you're linked to it." Really, try and behave a little! Satori can hear you!
>Alice and I are buddies~! She used to use me more than those stupid musty other grimoires in her house.
>"And once you're linked to it," Alice continues, "You're stuck with it. I mean, it's nice getting a boost in power whenever you use it, but my grimoire is too clingy." Before you say it, yes you are.
>Am not! If I had a tongue, I would be sticking it out at you!
>"Well," Patchouli muses, "The culprit of this incident may be a non-sealed sentient grimoire." An interesting prospect indeed.

> Now concentrate on Marisa. Read her mind while the others interrogate her.
> Be sure to butt in and make snarky remarks about Marisa's thoughts.

>"So, Marisa," Mokou asks, "What do you know about this incident?"
>"Absolutely nothing," the witch declares. Something about a magic grimoire. I tried tracking Chiri, but ended up in the middle of nowhere.
>"That's not surprising," you comment. "It's hard to track someone who changes the layout of the land whenever you're not looking."
>Marisa glares at you. Stop reading my mind! "Is this interrogation over? I don't know anything about this incident."
>"No. I don't feel like it. But yeah, it doesn't look like you know anything we don't. We don't really need to interrogate you any more."
>"Actually," Patchouli interrupts, "I would like to have Marisa to myself for a while." That witch has stolen too many books to get away without any other punishment!

> Assist Mokou in splitting up the party for further investigations.
> Pool suggestions on where to go next. Roll to choose which team goes where.
> "Sanae, are you up for a D&D session with us underground when this incident is over?"

>"Well, now that we have more information, where should we go?" you ask everyone.
>"Home for tea!"
>"Home for eggs!"
>"Fly around to find corpses."
>"Anywhere I can take a nap."
>"Maybe Yukari knows where to go?"
>"I need to go back to the human village. My tanks are waiting!"
>"Somewhere that Chiri might be."
>"Anywhere I can spin~!"
>"I haven't killed Kaguya today. The Bamboo Forest?"
>Some people actually have some good ideas. Others, not so much.
>"Yeah, I think we should just divide into groups and then decide where to go," Mokou sighs.
>With a couple rolls of the d20, you decide that
>Mokou, Sanae, Rin, and Koishi (If she complies) will form a group.
>You, Utsuho, and Hina will be group 2.
>And Rika, Alice, and Komachi (If she wakes up) will be the last group.
>Splitting groups up with a d20 is hard and confusing.

> "Sanae, are you up for a D&D session with us underground when this incident is over?"

>Sanae shakes her head frantically. "Nononono. I'm got miracles to do, shrines to tend to, all that stuff, right? Absolutely no time for tabletop games!" Well, maybe just one adventure...
Rika

> "Marisa?! Mima's promising prot?g??! Is that really you?"
> "Where's Mima? It's been ages since I last saw her!"
> "Why did you dye your hair blond? Red hair suit you better, y'know?"
> "What's that strange reactor? How does that shoot lasers?"
> "May I dissect it?"
> "Please~?"

>"Oh, no," Marisa mutters, "It's the crazy tank scientist again."
>"Look," she says, "I'm not letting you use my mini-hakkero, so stop asking. No. Don't touch it."
>You ignore her.

> Grab the strange reactor!
> Point it at a fairy and shoot.

>Rolled a 6. Great success! You snatch the mini-hakkero out of Marisa's grasp, and fire it at a fairy.
>The laser takes out the fairy, and a sizable chunk of wall.
>Cool. You give Marisa back her mini-hakkero.

> "Utsuho, do you think that reactor is nuclear-powered?"

>Utsuho frowns. "No, that one isn't. I think it's weird magic stuff."
>"Mushrooms," Marisa explains. "Magic mushrooms."

> Try and dissect one of Alice's sentient flying robots.
> Casually hear something about a sentient grimoire. Feel the urge to examine its brain for SCIENCE!

>You try to dissect one of Alice's robots with your trusty wrench.
>You roll a 1. The robot explodes, sending you flying into a bookshelf.
>"Yeah," Alice explains. "They're filled with gunpowder."
>Sentient grimoires obviously have nothing to do with science! That's stupid magic stuff again!
Mokou

> "What?! Marisa is a redhead?! You've gotta be kidding, right?"
> Set Marisa's hair on decorative fire. "You mean, like this, Rika?"
> Realize it isn't the right time for silly shenanigans.

>Marisa flails around in a panic, and you realize that decorative fire only works on yourself. You put her hair out.
>You roll a 1. This is the perfect time for silly shenanigans! Any time is shenanigan time!
>Except for Kaguya killing time, but that's practically a given.

> Rika - show embarrassing pictures of red-headed Marisa to Mokou.

>Well, that certainly is a silly picture.
>Marisa blushes in embarrassment.
>"Oh?" you tease, "Is the ordinary witch embarrassed about her childhood?"
>"Hey!" Marisa glares at you. "I've been in the incident-solving business ever since I had blonde hair!"
>"Looks red to me in this picture!" you tease her.

> Casually hear something about a sentient grimoire. That's not really unexpected, is it? Fixed. *grumbles*
> Have Alice show her grimoire to Patchouli and Satori.
> Let Hina have a peek at it, too. She should check the grimoire for curses.

>Alice is already showing Patchouli and Satori the grimoire.
>You ask Hina about it. She shakes her head. "Nope. It's not any curse. I blame weird magic being weird."

> Interrogate Marisa about the incident at hand, the Coin-Flipping Incident and the related grimoire.
> Let Patchouli have her way with that thieving witch. Watch gleefully until it is ready.
> Discuss possible plans of action with the Sukusuku Hakutaku.

>You interrogate Marisa, but then Satori hijacks the interrogation.
>You roll a 6, but Patchouli has already dragged Marisa off. You cannot watch from where you stand, but you do hear the mayhem.
"C'mon, Patch! I'm just borrowing them!"
"Besides, I don't have my reactor, anymore."
"Well, that was a lie, but still!"
>Patchouli's voice echoes through the library. "Sun Sign 'Royal Flare'!"
>You can see some of the glorious fireworks.
>You roll a 1. Your discussion with the sukusuku hakutaku falls flat as you realize that it does not, in fact, talk.
>You're so lonely.

> Check if Rika knows or has made some kind of remote communication device. Bugging Yukari about that is out of the question.
> Tell Rika about Yukari. She's so clueless...

>"Say, Rika?"
>"Yeah?"
>"Do you have a remote communication device? Something like Yukari would have?"
>"Sure! Got several, in fact! Not sure who this Yukari person is, but still!" Rika rummages through her TSMS and pulls out a couple of strange handheld devices.
>You take two of the devices. She doesn't know who Yukari is? Where has this girl been?
>You explain who Yukari is to Rika. She frowns. "So basically, she cheats at life."
>"Yeah."

> Actually discussing that with the rest of the party is a better idea.
> Think about the optimal way to split up the party for further investigations.

>You think about optimal ways to split the party. Satori ignores you completely and decides it all randomly. Hey!
>Well, at least you handed out the communication thingy. Now, you, Satori, and Rika each have one.
>You're with the green-haired shrine maiden, the wheelbarrow cat, and Satori's sister.
>Where shall your group go?

[capt. h]

> Mokou - Wonder if Satori is trying to stick us with everyone that annoys her.

> Satori - Respond to Mokou's musings.
> Begin by searching Patchouli's collection of RPG rulebooks for sentience.

> Rika - Look through Patchouli's collection of books on modern military weaponry for inspiration.

[marukyuu]

Everyone
> Get out of the castle.
> Do not feel sorry for the ordinary formerly redhead magician.
> Red-headed Marisa. That's hilarious!

Rika
> Give Mokou and Satori accurate instructions on how to use your handheld communication devices.
> Call them "cell phones" for short. Thank goodness it isn't an acronym this time.
> Hop in the tank, ignoring the Chinese gatekeeper napping on it. What was her name again?
> Lift off. To the Human Village! A huge incident requires a huge tank! ... Or just a bigger tank than S.A.T.O.R.I.N.
> Talk about robotics and the grimoire's AI with Alice along the way.
> Shoot any red-white-shrine-maiden-ish figure on sight.
> As soon as we get back to the base, park S.A.T.O.R.I.N. and ask Rikako for a status report on the tanks and any new contraption we're currently working on.
> Hide everything that can be used as a bed. This should keep our sleepy companion(s) in check.
> Choose a random tank and go greet our old friend (?) Yuukarin!
> Load the tank's main cannon with a couple of Alice's robots dolls.

Satori
> Keep Koishi away from the "cell phone".
> Read the "cell phone"'s mind.
> Set off to find Chiri.
> Ask Hina for directions. After all, Chiri needs Hina's services on a regular basis, if we remember correctly.
> "Yes, Okuu. After all the trouble she's caused, she owes you at the very least some boiled eggs."
> Watch out for ineffective deathtraps. If they can't be avoided, Utsuho can blast them away.
> If Chiri is in sight, approach and engage her. Be diplomatic.
> Read her memories in order to make a Recollection spell.
> Ask Chiri about the incident, coin-flipping and that weird grimoire.
> Watch Chiri's display of great misfortune.
> Watch Hina collect huge amount of misfortune.
> Remind Utsuho that misfortune is not made of eggs.

Mokou
> Distract Koishi with the Sukusuku Hakutaku
> Test the "cell phone". Try and call Kaguya.
> Go after Yukari. She's definitely fooling around again.
> End up underground because of Koishi.
> Do not resist the sudden craving for tea.
> Call Satori. Koishi must be constantly kept in check, and we don't have the patience for that.
> Well, since we're there...
> Ask the oni and the Bridge Princess about the incident.
> Distract the Bridge Princess with the Sukusuku Hakutaku.
> Ask Orin to gather all the equipment she deems useful for solving incidents.
> Ditch Koishi.
> Get back to the surface and go after Yukari. Watch out for falling bucket youkai along the way.
> Assist Sanae in youkai hunting.

[PJ]

>Grimoire of Alice: Be hungry

>Satori: Start Gensokyo's First Book-Burning.

[Hawkpath1337]

Mokou: Slap Satori
Rika: Slap Satori
Satori: Slap Satori
Utsuho: DO SOMETHING!

[capt. h]

> Everyone: Don Santa hats and say "Merry Christmas Laser Turtle!"

> Or just do their actions and stuff. That's cool too.

[Hanzo K.]

>Grimoire of Alice: Be hungry

>Satori: Start Gensokyo's First Book-Burning.

Are you ever gonna cut it out with the 'Be Hungry' thing? it's getting annoying.

>Satori - Wait, why would we burn books? They're valuable resources, even the living ones.

[LaserTurtle]

Missing: My motivation
Last seen: Eh, I'm too lazy to remember
Reward: More frequent updates

> Everyone: Don Santa hats and say "Merry Christmas Laser Turtle!"

> Or just do their actions and stuff. That's cool too.

>Everyone breaks the fourth wall to wish LaserTurtle a merry Christmas.
>He's thankful for the gesture, but, really, do you know how hard it is to clean up the fragments of fourth wall left around the place?
>Yeah. This is what some people do on their off days. Fix fourth walls across universes.
>So, yeah, while this is all rather belated and nice wouldn't be late is SOMEONE had gotten his butt into gear a few days ago (quiet Koishi, don't break the fourth wall more than you usually do), you're sort of saddling the janitors of the multiverse some extra work.
>Still, it's the thought that counts, right?

Utsuho: DO SOMETHING!

>Parsee stumbles back to her job the morning (or two mornings. Three? Whatever.) after the Christmas party. Yup. More commands.
>She really needs some assistants helping her out. Chibi Parsees, maybe? There are some around here, right?
>For now, though...
>Utsuho does stuff of her own free will. She is not a puppet to play around with!
>But yeah. She's going to be doing something, so I guess you can count it as a moral victory...?

>Grimoire of Alice: Be hungry

>Whoa no. Parsee's not even going to start on how ridiculous that would be. Really, why would a book need food in the first place?
>Magic book, remember?
>Parsee shoves the grimoire back to its side of the fourth wall. Really, the Underground is a mess. More so than usual, anyway.
>And what's with all those "Missing: My Motivation" posters? What wise guy would think that missing posters will help locate an aspect of him that didn't exist much in the first place?
Rika

> Rika - Look through Patchouli's collection of books on modern military weaponry for inspiration.

>You roll a 2 and start looking through transcribed archives about modern popular culture.
>You just might have a way of creating a roflcopter that generates enough lift to fly, actually...
>Well, you wouldn't say that it was a total failure. You do have a new tank design planned out.
>It will be a giant cat. The ammunition will be food objects, particularly cookies or cheeseburgers. The meowing will be a sonic weapon - oh wait that is entirely stupid.
>Stupid dice.

Rika: Slap Satori

>You roll a 1. Critical failure! You slap yourself.
>Your face stings now.

> Get out of the castle.
> Do not feel sorry for the ordinary formerly redhead magician.
> Red-headed Marisa. That's hilarious!

>You roll a 2. Huh. Well, you can sympathize with Marisa. Perhaps you two aren't as different as you think.
>She's a completely bonkers kleptomaniac witch girl and you're a logical, rational scientist and upstanding citizen, but other than that, you have things in common!
>Like...
>...
>...um.
>"You both are human girls," Satori points out helpfully.
>Right! You two are both human and of the female persuasion! There's a start!
>But yeah. Red-headed Marisa could only be topped by that ridiculous shade of purple Reimu's hair used to be.

> Give Mokou and Satori accurate instructions on how to use your handheld communication devices.
> Call them "cell phones" for short. Thank goodness it isn't an acronym this time.

>You roll a 1. Your explanation works and is completely wrong in every single way.
>"So, you press this button here to call for someone. The signal sends out microwaves into the air, which fry your brain until you receive the illusion that the person on the other side has responded. Your electromagnetic-wave-addled head will eventually synchronize realities with the person who receives the signal, due to quantum stuff that is too complicated to be explained logically. The working end result is that it lets you talk with anyone else who has a device like it. Any questions?"
>"Oh, and they're cell phones. It's a good name for them. Just call them that."
>Sanae raises her hand. "I don't think that's how outside world cell phones work..."
>"Yes, well, we're in Gensokyo. Weird stuff happens here," you reply.
>Sanae nods thoughtfully. She seems to have followed your logic.

> Hop in the tank, ignoring the Chinese gatekeeper napping on it. What was her name again?
> Lift off. To the Human Village! A huge incident requires a huge tank! ... Or just a bigger tank than S.A.T.O.R.I.N.
> Talk about robotics and the grimoire's AI with Alice along the way.
> Shoot any red-white-shrine-maiden-ish figure on sight.

>You open the hatch of S.A.T.O.R.I.N. and hop in. Komachi takes a seat on the tank, and Alice gets her dolls all ready for a trip.
As you lift off, the gatekeeper is reminded again that her nap break ended 1 week hour ago.
>Your first stop is the Human Village! Rolled a 4. You fly around a bit before realizing that a programming error made the tank think that going west was actually going north.
>"So, Alice," you strike up a conversation, "What is your Grimoire's A.I.?"
>"Ay-Eye?"
>"Artificial Intelligence. Faking a person's thought processes. I program it into my robots some times."
>Alice stays silent for a minute or two, then starts talking again. "My grimoire says that it is not artificial like, I quote, 'your stupid science stuff.' It has to do with magical power. Magical entities eventually gain enough magic of their own to become a living being, albeit one that does not need sustenance such as food or drink."
>"Oh, well then it's just stupid magic stuff," you conclude.
>Alice nods. "Stupid magic stuff, indeed."
>Komachi yawns. "Believe me, faith has it much worse off than both of your guy's systems. Trust me, it's not good realizing that you're supposed to look like some sort of skeleton in a cowl on some artist's whim. I've got a hard time keeping my appearances straight."
>Well, you've arrived at the village, at any case.

> Shoot any red-white-shrine-maiden-ish figure on sight.

>You see no red-white shrine maiden, only a red-white phoenix girl headed off with her group of 4 3 4 and a half 4 people.
>Still, you stay on the lookout for suspicious armpit mikos.

> As soon as we get back to the base, park S.A.T.O.R.I.N. and ask Rikako for a status report on the tanks and any new contraption we're currently working on.
> Hide everything that can be used as a bed. This should keep our sleepy companion(s) in check.

>You enter your lab through the back entrance to not cause a scene.
>Rikako looks up from her desk. "Ah. I see you're back with some companions."
>You introduce Alice and Komachi to her.
>In an attempt to prevent Komachi from sleeping, you hide everything soft enough to sleep upon.
>Your attempt has rolled a 2. Komachi promptly falls asleep in your swivel chair.
>"So, how are my inventions?" you ask Rikako.
>"Exactly the same as you left them. I do have to wonder: Are you ever going to finish that optical camoflauge tank?"
>Ah, yes. The optical camouflage - wait.
>You never started building a tank like that.
>Someone's been in your lab, building your tanks.
>WHO COULD IT BE?
>But seriously, you would like to know.

> Choose a random tank and go greet our old friend (?) Yuukarin!
> Load the tank's main cannon with a couple of Alice's robots dolls.

>You select Evil Eye Sigma 2.0 randomly. "To wherever 'Yuukarin' is!" you announce.
>Alice freezes. "Do you, by any chance, mean Yuuka?"
>Komachi wakes up just in time to join in the conversation. She thinks about it. "Well that or Yukari. I'm placing my bets on Yuuka, though."
>"Well, of course I meant Yuuka!" you shout. "I remember she started some sort of incident, so maybe she's behind this one!"
>Alice sighs. "Great. Well, you tell me how that goes."
>Komachi grabs Alice with her scythe. She grins. "Don't tell me you're afraid of the big bad flower youkai~!"
>You have no idea what they're talking about. Wasn't Yuuka some sort of powerful sleepy youkai?
>Speaking of having no idea, where is Yuuka?
>Maybe this idea wasn't as good as you thought.
Mokou

Mokou: Slap Satori

>You roll a 5. You give Satori a solid slap for no reason at all.
>Satori glares at Koishi. Rika seems to have slapped herself.

> Mokou - Wonder if Satori is trying to stick us with everyone that annoys her.

>"No, I'm not," Satori explains. "It's all determined randomly. Any unfavorable companions are due to your own bad luck."

> Get out of the castle.
> Do not feel sorry for the ordinary formerly redhead magician.
> Red-headed Marisa. That's hilarious!

>You roll a 2 and feel sorry for Marisa. You have no idea why.
>But yes, Marisa being a redhead is rather entertaining.

> Distract Koishi with the Sukusuku Hakutaku
> Test the "cell phone". Try and call Kaguya.

>You roll a 3. Koishi is sufficiently distracted by the sukusuku hakutaku.
>...well. You're surprised that the sukusuku hakutaku can support Koishi's weight.
>You roll a 6 and call Kaguya even though it should be impossible.
>"Hey, Kaguya! Guess who can bother you from long distances!"
>"SHUT UP MOKOU!  NOW IS NOT THE TIME! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THIS NUMBER?"
>This cell phone is the coolest thing ever.
>Although it sounded like Kaguya was in the middle of a fight. Strange.
>In Eientei, the residents are fleeing from a storm of homing amulets. Reimu was bored again.

> Go after Yukari. She's definitely fooling around again.

>When in doubt, Yukari is the culprit. Well, it works for Reimu!
>You head off towards the border in the hopes of finding Yukari's house.

> End up underground because of Koishi.
> Do not resist the sudden craving for tea.

>Koishi shenanigans have obviously taken place. Yukari's house was not underground, the last time you checked.
>"What are we doing down here?" Sanae asks.
>"Don't ask me," you grumble. "Ask Satori's crazy sister."
>The sister in question is currently getting a wheelbarrow ride from Rin.
>You feel a sudden craving for tea. At first you resist it. But then you roll a 4, so that plan goes in favor of getting tea.
>"Actually, tea would be quite nice right now." Sanae speaks up while sipping her tea.
>You take a sip of your tea. Yes. Tea does have a calming effect. Maybe what you need right now is a relaxing cup of tea.
>Wait.
>Stupid Koishi.

> Call Satori. Koishi must be constantly kept in check, and we don't have the patience for that.
> Well, since we're there...
> Ask the oni and the Bridge Princess about the incident.

>You call Satori and roll a 5. The call connects you with...
>...Koishi. "Hello, Mokou? How did you get this number?" Koishi asks innocently.
>Friggin' subconscious manipulations. You hang up.
>Well, now that you're here, you might as well make the most of it.
>"Huh? What about this incident?" Yuugi asks. "It hasn't really changed much here."
>"After all," Parsee grumbles, "We never do anything worthwhile, anyway."
>Yuugi grins. "On the plus side, parties get a lot more wild!"
>Parsee grumbles again. "We never do anything but party. The oni are tiresome. _{Plus my job and all. I really hope that the chibi is doing everything right.}"

> Distract the Bridge Princess with the Sukusuku Hakutaku.
> Ask Orin to gather all the equipment she deems useful for solving incidents.

>You decide that the bridge princess needs something cute and distracting. Commence Operation Hakutaku!
>The Parsee is completely distracted by the sukusuku hakutaku.
>Yuugi stares at the scene. "Well, it's not every day that you see the grouchy bridge princess lighten up."
>Rin salutes. "All equipment ready and accounted for! Got my shovel, spray paint, lighter fluid, portable wheelbarrow, and laser pointer!"
>You're not so sure that any of the stuff that Rin has brought will be needed, but whatever.

> Ditch Koishi.

>You ditch Koishi.
>Then you realize that something like that would probably need to be rolled.
>Dangit, Koishi.

> Get back to the surface and go after Yukari. Watch out for falling bucket youkai along the way.
> Assist Sanae in youkai hunting.

>Well, now that your pit stop is finished, you might as well go over to Yukari. On the way up, you watch for bucket youkai.
>You roll a 6 and notice the bucket youkai with unparalleled skill.
>Unfortunately, that skill does not go into dodging the bucket youkai. You fail at that.
>Your head hurts now.
>Sanae is laughing at you. Koishi is giggling.
>You feel like Sanae should be exterminating youkai, so you start with attacking Koishi.
>"Forgiveness 'Honest Man's Death'!"
>Sanae notices what you're doing and decides to join in the fun. "Miracle 'God's Wind'!"
>Koishi announces her counterattack, too. "Depths 'Genetics of the Subconscious'~!"
>Your team may have teamwork issues.
Satori

> Satori - Respond to Mokou's musings.
> Begin by searching Patchouli's collection of RPG rulebooks for sentience.

>You explain to Mokou that you cannot be held responsible for any companions that she gets.
>The search starts by you searching the RPG rulebooks section of the Library. You roll a 19. Successful search, but you find nothing.
>Mokou slaps you for some reason.

Satori: Slap Satori

>What? Slap yourself? That'd be stupid!
>Wait, you rolled a 15. Dangit.
>You slap yourself. It hurts.

> Get out of the castle.
> Do not feel sorry for the ordinary formerly redhead magician.
> Red-headed Marisa. That's hilarious!

>You roll a 9 and only feel sorry for Marisa within acceptable ranges.
>You already knew that Marisa used to be a redhead from when she barged into the Palace of the Earth Spirits way back when Utsuho was planning on taking over Gensokyo.
>It is just as hilarious as you first found it.

> Keep Koishi away from the "cell phone".
> Read the "cell phone"'s mind.

>You keep Koishi away from the cell phone.
>The cell phone has no mind that you can read, but it was worth a shot.
>Why did you roll a 12? Did that mean...?
>Oh yeah. Koishi.
>Dangit Koishi.
>Well, it's too late to prevent her now.

>Satori: Start Gensokyo's First Book-Burning.

>Satori - Wait, why would we burn books? They're valuable resources, even the living ones.

>You think books are a pretty cool guy. eh stores knowledge and doesn't afraid of anything.
>Koishi is really getting on your nerves. You're just glad that she's not grouped with you.

> Set off to find Chiri.
> Ask Hina for directions. After all, Chiri needs Hina's services on a regular basis, if we remember correctly.

>"Oh, Chiri?" Hina wonders. "I haven't seen her recently, either. Funny, with all the stuff happening around the place, you would think that she'd be visiting me more than ever." I wonder if she's being held prisoner or something...

> "Yes, Okuu. After all the trouble she's caused, she owes you at the very least some boiled eggs."
> Watch out for ineffective deathtraps. If they can't be avoided, Utsuho can blast them away.

>You watch out for ineffective deathtraps and roll a 5.
>There are no deathtraps in sight. Mainly because you are in front of a dark cave.
>"Really?" Utsuho brightens up. "Yay!" Eggs! I get more eggs!
>She is so happy about this news that she fires off a laser for good measure. Well, that's one way to illuminate a cave.
>...And a good way to disable all the deathtraps. Very, VERY good.

> If Chiri is in sight, approach and engage her. Be diplomatic.
> Read her memories in order to make a Recollection spell.
> Ask Chiri about the incident, coin-flipping and that weird grimoire.
> Watch Chiri's display of great misfortune.
> Watch Hina collect huge amount of misfortune.
> Remind Utsuho that misfortune is not made of eggs.

>Chiri is nowhere to be seen. This entire string of commands is useless.
>Still, you have a very dark cave to be entered. There's a start.