Author Topic: [Touhou Fanfiction] Story of a hybrd: Echo of a life [Foreword ~ Chapter 01]  (Read 19389 times)

Hi! So I'm new, to the forum I mean. I've been a fan of Touhou since the good ol' 2005, when at the same time, I created a fanfiction. Undergoing with different versions and deleting it, after a couple of years, I took the chance (again) of sharing it. Just a heads up, originally its in spanish. Recently got caught in the translation vibe, and in doing it so, I tried my luck. Hope you guys like it. This fanfiction have some artwork, covers and such. Writted as a long-fic.

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[Hanjuu no Monogatari: Jinsei no Hibiki]
[Story of a hybrid: Echo of a life]

I dreamed with moon and its figure, with the flower?s fragrance and morning?s dew. I knew the name of dark-ness. I called for her and she came to me. Her name was soft and mysterious, smooth and beautiful. Saw it as I entered the shadows, heard it in the water's clearing and in the whispering wind. Found it at nights when slept and at mornings when waking. It took care of me even if I didn't want to. I knew her name, she knew mine.

This is my story.

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Silent music

Winter returned. With the end of the year, his gentle embrace felt lethargic, covering all around with white's innocence from days long gone, promising to come back. During the season?s quietude, rule at all times, there was little to none that could disturb that calm. If there were birds, they would have flown through the fields as one, with their soft flutter caressing that calm that lay unperturbed. If the sound of the incessant footsteps on the snow, of games and songs would invade that place, that calm would have nothing more than to retreat timidly until it disappeared.

But nobody else dwelled in that place, where peace reigned supreme. No one, but him.

It belonged to a man who looked up to the sky, as if it encloses secrets. Exhausted, battered and dirty, he rested. The calm that accompanied him was long and terrible, yet soft and gentle, like the whispering wind. Like the fire inside him. Fatigue evaded him for what it looked like nights, always looking at the same tree, and even if the moon were his light, he admired its shadow.

There nothing and nobody could disturb what belong to him, except him since it belonged to him and only him. His face reflects the wait that with time burns, one whose outcome has become inevitable.

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Taciturn lives

If I had to choose an introduction of who I am, that would be the moment I arrived at the Hakurei Shrine, place where a woman of black long hair took care of me; although to affirm these words would be an error, because even if I could be under her discipline and guide, she did not do such thing as fostered me. That woman whose temper in the face of adversity was like that of red-hot steel, made me understand that she was not my mother, and would not take that role under any circumstances. Even if I got hurt, with scrapes and bloody for falling, she did not took care of my wounds. Even if I appeared sick under the rain, she did not notice my presence. Regardless if I was just a boy of barely ten years, terrified of what life had given me, that was not a reason to turn in my direction.

I don?t remember her with affection, not as much as with great respect, because in her fell the power to exercise order with a strong fist which did not give rise to hesitation. And that in a world where the extraordinary is norm, is to be admired.

Despite not being welcomed with open arms I saw myself returning constantly, day after day. At first shy, then with the confidence to cross the point where to front with her was a clear sign of madness. And if I did all that, it was because of a small presence that always kept her company as her tiny shadow, or perhaps, as a gentle light that longed to shine as strong as her, illuminating a path that soon would be her own.

The little Hakurei girl. She wasn?t remotely like her mother, appearing to be fragile and of easy smile. If one said left, the other one was already looking right. If the biggest and most imposing figure decided to ignore me, the smaller one often challenged her, taking the opposite approach, opening the doors of her home to me. It didn?t matter how insignificant the opportunity was, the little girl who followed the path to become a priestess gave me her friendship. She gave me all without thinking twice, healing my wounds, attending me when ill and listening to me when tried to hide my tears in the rain.

We grew up together, or so to speak, playing when we could as children of our age used and when the situation allowed it so, wasting time on that kind of things that during those years of nostalgia attracted us so much. Whether it was the arrival of spring, cooling ourselves in summer, roasting potatoes in autumn or just running through the snow during winter. For a couple of years, we let ourselves be carried away by our ages, forgetting our own lives. But she grown up in a different direction than me. Each one had a different future, and although we did not see it, we had to fulfill it.

It happened out of nowhere when she had to assume the weight of being the head of the shrine, and me, to continue with my own path that was still uncertain. I grew apart from her and from the place that was almost like a home, watching from the distance how she became famous all across. She was wonderful, amazing and all the good that someone can be. My friend grew to become the shadow of that woman.

Things changed for me too. I learned more about myself traveling than being the lost child that once appeared at the doors of a shrine. What I was and what I became, were fruits of those years.

I?m a hybrid. A Hanjuu.
My name is Kenro.

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We long to run before we can walk. A hurried beginning is always complicated, as it strips away the sweet spontaneity that, innocently, plucks more that just tender smiles for those who like to travel in memories of the past. There is more truth than is known, and I?m here to show you that difference.

Sunrise and twilight

What I could find in the Hakurei shrine ended up being lost slowly as the days passed after her sudden disappearance. That woman of long black hair left no trace of her whereabouts, no clue as to what her decisions were that clarify why she took them. She vanished. What she did leave however, were doubts. The impression that she was still there, sitting watching far away, while her daughter rested in her shadow. She left an uncomfortable calm and silence that accompanied it in a painful way.

Meanwhile I stayed with her for the time she allowed and was possible for me. I tried to cheer her back up, although without any success. And I didn?t understand it. We had both grown up since the day we meet, so even though we were still just a pair of children who weren?t past eleven, she was forced not to look at her age and continue with what in the end always belonged to her. The moment only came before, and I was not ready for such transition.

Then I thought that if there was a moment where it could be possible to repay all that kindness that she showed me, then it was right there. That?s why I insisted on staying by her side, because in doing it so, that completed us in a way; but of course, those are the ideas of a child who doesn?t understand where he is standing.

First day were difficult to just start a conversation. She didn't go beyond as to answered yes or no. Reimu knew I was there, even used to smile shyly if I forced our faces to match, to the point where she would push me if I didn?t leave her alone. Deep inside she knew I was there for her, because of time we spent together, even if that woman wouldn?t acknowledge me. When she finally talk again, it looked as if random words were escaping her mouth. As if these were fluttering through her head.

?I must make haste? she used to said. ?Continue what was left? repeated.

I kept my attempts to get us ahead, be it sharing meals, goodies or just some tea. Her smile became increasingly more and more evasive, but still existing. Whether she saw me arrive or leave, she showed it to me.  That in her did not disappear or was taken by force of an outburst. In the same way I thought it would be easy to continue and improve for both, but in a way, I just wanted to ignore an absolute reality that we both knew well.

Weeks passed until my friend began to course a big change, with first of all things being her transformation to become a true priestess. Her kindness, behavior and disposition continued in the same place, however, a new resolution was born within her person. That was her call after all, one she accepted for the wellbeing of the shrine. That what I surely found at the shrine, between it, got lost, did not meant that it ceased to exist. It was still there, I knew it was true. But as I fervently believed in those words, it was a harsh reality that Reimu stopped being the same.

For the sake of our shared memories I continued to visit her. Time passed, fleeting but remarkable, until our time together became nonexistent. New people surrounded her, those who return that expression of before and that I couldn't. She smiled again, and that did nothing but destroy the illusion of a child. I thought that the best thing for me would be to leave, because as that woman had already made it clear: That shrine wasn?t my home, and it would never be.

Then my days of wandering started, some of whom I did not like. Reduced to nothing more than a lost child, one that only counted more days in his life out of pure luck.

That?s how years before the incident of the scarlet mist, just when I started my live at the human village, I decided to become a thief. I used to wander around the streets of the great human settlement, looking around for any chance to survive. As one might imagine, the village wasn't a small passage place. Although not that incredible then, it was a place where all humans had established for themselves, raising their own rules and making the rhythm of that place as their own. When I got there, I was nothing but a stranger. In fact, even less. A joke of decency, the result of walking up to the village all by myself. Life in this site improved to the point where it become the place by excellence for those who seek shelter from the different eccentricities that lurked the land, and if you were astute enough, as well as a youkai, you could go unnoticed under many of the personalities that the village has. As well as protected. Accepted by the people and referred as their guardians.

As a human there was no better place for me than a village with more of my kind, or so I thought. As I said, I was a stranger, someone who was never seen before and who wouldn?t be given an opportunity so easily. If I was able to find refuge, it was through the streets and homes that collided making alleyways. I tried many times to get a job, anything that could assure me a roof even if it was filthy; but even with humans I didn?t find help. The thief?s life was my last option out of not having another.

And so that was my life. As a thief I ended up being caught numerous times stealing, but nevertheless, the punishment never raised more than a kick or a punch. Of course, I knew pain, it wasn't alien to me; but as I said too, because I was human, that was all.

Only because of that.

I was quite good at escaping, and on several occasions made a show of it, making fun of my chasers. Whether it was slipping around narrow places or climbing on roofs to lost sight from those who chased me. I designated areas to steal either food and money, procuring never to steal where I used to bought before, guaranteed a disguise among the rest of the street's rats who, like me, were trying to survive.

But it?s a dangerous lifestyle.

One time I spend days with an empty stomach. Had fallen sick several days before, wasting my supplies. By the time I was able to return to the streets, I didn?t succeed in any attempt stealing. Tried to fill my stomach with water just to make the sensation gone, but each time it became much more complicated to deal with. My body screamed for something, whether it was cold or dirty, I needed eat something, anything. Quickly. I found myself in a state where stealing or escaping would have been useless. My movements were weak and clumsy, so rather than walking, I kept stumbling around. The vision failed me because of the fatigue and just a few steps were enough to lose strength. Being in the eastern area, where I use to bought, it all lost sense. If the street had been a little more crowded, with people coming and going, not like that time where you could even count those who walked, steal could have been a matter of a simple flourish of hands.

It was impossible to think clearly, pushed to acted to the command of primitive instincts that with the company of others, are forgotten. Somehow my body got empowered with strength and vitality out of nowhere, by unknown places that didn?t figure in me. The sheer force that course through my body made me go faster and faster, running near the stalls without looking, reaching out to take the first thing that my hands could grasp with force. I ran from that place without looking back, ran forgetting my breath, ignoring the hunger that until then, was not limited and took in exchange every ounce of strength in me. I squeezed what I stole against my chest, then heard it. They were coming after me.

Angry shouts and fast footsteps, running for what it belonged to them. I noticed that they were approaching with dangerous rapidity, focusing on just running despite the odds, using the new strength that my body gave me in a necessary whim. Tossing people away who did not even know what was happening, which they began to accumulate to see where those screams came from. I pushed them, pulled or thrown them to stop my persecutors, in hope of that keeping them away for me. It had been necessary to stop my visits to that area in particular, until the memory of my self could vanished as something that nobody avoided and didn't care enough to talk about. News that couldn?t affect anyone.

Unfortunately, stories don't tend to work that way. It seems that there must always be a villain.
When the ease of finally being able escape invaded me, in that instant where a smile slipped, suddenly I found myself with an abrupt stop. In front of me a stocky man with tanned face, intimidating height and the complexion of a bear, tackled me. Not only did I fall, but also rolled until hit my head against the ground losing my precious treasure that until then, noted was a juicy slice of wrapped beef. Stunned and in fear, I tried to retrieve it, finding a foot stepping on my hand.

?Thief! ?a voice shouted in the distance? Damn brat, run like possessed.
?Close your mouth ?said someone else as he approached?. He?s not running away from this though, let him serve as an example and warning.

Knowing what awaited me I did not resist, wrapping myself into a knot as to avoid as much damage as I could. It did not really mean much to me what was about to happen, in fact it hurt me more to think about starvation. With no longer the strength to cope with anything, that partly had me at ease. So weak, unable feel the beating; on the other hand, when waking up my body would hurt in an almost poetic way.

And it happened. First was a kick directly at the pit of the stomach. Maybe it was the best not felt it, but instead, a numb sensation suddenly left me without breath. The second impact strike on the hip, but like the previous one, the pain hardly raised to a slight discomfort. It would be difficult for me to walk, but with no sign of resisting, everything would ended quickly.

There were three enthusiastic about teaching me a lesson. Three who took turns beating me up, inviting others passing by to do the same. It was fortunate that they ignored them and turned their eyes, because a fourth would?ve killed me. I thank the gods all others took away their children or others curious who began to get together to have something to talk about that night. Then I thought that leaving me a pulp on the floor was the end, but then one of them lifted me up. An arm grab me by the neck of my excuse-of-clothes, violently shaking my head to make me look at him, making sure I was still conscious.

?Open your eyes or I?ll make you do it, imbecile.
?Open them! ?repeat one of the three, grabbing me by the chin.

It was a dangerous position, and I knew the risks as well as their consequences. Without trying my luck, I opened my eyes that were already starting to swell from the blows. The tiredness made me feel the body as if it weight double. All that strength and vigor were gone, vanished in an instant. When my eyes could focus correctly, there was one thing that can only be distinguish: anger. An incredible anger exploding in their gazes as they watch me in disgust. They showed repugnance seeing me, and that scared me, making me open my eyes even more out of surprise.

?Is one of those ?said the one with tanned face, as if he were to spit his words.
?And to think one of these beasts is stupid enough to enter and try to rob us. What are you doing here? Answer or we finish what we started.

Oh, how I wanted to laugh. Ironically, not of joy nor because I wanted to make fun. It amused me that the answer was so obvious, but even so, they demanded one. If they wanted to hear me, all of that caused a faint laugh to drown in me. Maybe it was some kind of fetish, or to justify what they would do to me. But because of that, some bloody coughs came out of me.

?I wanted to eat ?answered, tremulous and weak.

They didn?t like to hear that, and using his fists, the one holding me hit me on the side of the head, letting me fall to the ground with the force of his punch. I slipped while trying to support myself, staying on the floor looking at nothing, unable to focus anything.

The meat that I tried to steal hit me in the head, making me face plant the ground full of dirt. Supported my arms to look up, watching those three men left without looking back, leaving me to my fate. Without taking the decision to claim the justice that very likely others believe they deserve. How the outcome end, I saw it as a small victory. Maybe the meat was no longer in a state where it could be used in commerce, or my image as a thief was so repugnant that even in such way, it could deprive a food if its value. It doesn?t matter, at that moment, it was my triumph, so taking the piece of meat to escape from the sight of those curious, hiding me inside an alley. Carefully walk to the end, dropping on a bunch of sacks, finding a cracked mirror which I took to not cut myself by accident. Then in my hands, it occurred to me. I had to do it, see myself.

It was scary, but I had to know what had cause my encounter with the justice of the villagers. My teeth ached and it terrified me that apart from losing one, it made me deal, on top of everything, with a possible future infection. The mirror showed my pitiful appearance. A terrible blow. My hair, which before was black as ink, it was messy and dusty, made a tangle of knots. The face with scrapes and blood, full of dirt, and when I opened my mouth, I could feel something breaking apart with that image. My teeth ached, but not because of losing one, but because two pairs of fangs protruded from my mouth, big enough to not be able to hide them with an open mouth. My eyes exploded with shock as soon as I could see better in the dark. Those eyes that were once like the color of hazelnuts, were amber and brindle. I started to laugh and the to cry. The tears that ran down my face didn?t stop as did the laughter and hunger.

Hunger that was satiated by devouring that piece of meat. Raw, red and juicy. The tastiest meat that I ever eat.

Branneg Xy

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 !  :)  :]  8) :* :dragonforce: !

( Hello and howdy , I am from ITAly ,so maybe common South-EU  :] ?   ! ) 93 Views ,and hopefully and  more, are highlighting the " Please,do go on " (Suspence and Expectation) !

[ WALLISH O' TEXTISH  :D ] If needed and heeded there are be far more qualified and experienced than I for the sake of improving the already improved  the Translation/Localization (EUROPEAN  , AMERICAS or ISLAND Spanish?) ESP-ENG (Ref. "Hi! So I'm new, to the forum I mean. I've been a fan of Touhou since the good ol' 2005, when at the same time, I created a fanfiction. Undergoing with different versions and deleting it, after a couple of years, I took the chance (again) of sharing it. Just a heads up, originally its in spanish. ... ") 
Such  a  Novel-Like(!) , Literature-Like (!!) Fanfiction with Written (!!!) Book-Cover Illustrations(!!!!) .
In specific. for now I would like very much to lend a few assistance and advice about the 1.Format (Fonts) and 2.,minor, about punctuation.
 1. Larger Character Fonts would be very welcome alongside "some properly calibrated  Style(Font) Variation to Highlight(when Meant-To) Important Scenes and Details , in insight Colorul and/or Elegant(fairly so ,not jarring and unbalanced trusting your judgement and the experts/veterans/talents' one ) Fonts,at your discretion,Title/Descriptor/Paragraph Separator and Chapter Numbering,Transition /Sensible Info about the Author,Story,Character(s),etc.
2. On ENG punctuation : ENG Writing/Literature Language(s) , any branch,unless "Engrish" ,"Pygdin" or "Hybrid" flows best with moderately less commas " , "  by employing Contextual Writing - big majority of it you already performed -  and rare -  the less commas and full stop "."  the more but still rare - Semicolons ";" .
« Last Edit: May 21, 2019, 11:29:03 PM by Branneg Xy »
^^^^  " 西行寺幽々子の強奪!!隣の晩御飯 " ->>>
" Yuyuko Saigyouji 's "Uslurpation" !! Dinner is Next ".
( Possibilities of ENGrish ) ^^^^ .

I like the title of your story echo of life, I tried to write own short stories too and published on some sites for beginner - writers. But i got bad critique and deleted them. The main problem was that i did not know how to express own ideas and development of characters. Truly say I am bad at writing college essay too. Recently I found usefull information about essay format here

Seems like at last, the forum let me post something.

- - Branneg Xy
I'll take note the thing about using a larger font. May have gotten a little ahead of me, just because in my monitor it looks kinda okay-ish. And yes, the punctuation. Gotta be honest there, just because I'm using the original text (spanish) I took the liberty (in a foolish way) to translate almost literally. Not quite, but just... for the sake of 'I am doing it'. I'll go and see if I can muster any more conviction into translating all other chapters, because... well, +50 chapters it's not quite the breeze.

- - stonestunner
The "deleted" part strike close to home for a second. It has been a hard time over here, too. Not all people (fans) are into reading. And at least in spanish, it's quite frustrating not the part about bad critiques, but the fact that as a writer I can see the way other people just... *poof* don't read, that's the saddest part. Sigh... but anyway, that's that.

Is my design, but since I'm pretty bad at drawing it was made by an artist. A close friend actualy.

Btw, I see your signature is in spanish. If you do speak, it could be way more easy for me to explain it, hehe. Just sayin'. 

Branneg Xy

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 :o 50+ Chapters is quite the literary output for a fanction,even if Toubou's and Novel-like !
About the translation and its punctualization refining,be the chapters 5 or 50, I have seen as a reader and potential reviewer  that it is best to take your time with it but at the same time not falling for the trap  of taking too much time resulting in giving up for stress and/or loss of priority .
Specifically try and go over it chapter by chapter by their order if it is smoothest but do not hesitate to postpone harsh parts or even entire chapters,as long as there is a decent summary which you could improve later on with editing if necessary,in exchange  for easier one translate and refine so you can post them.
 It is also advisable to post the "draft translated parts(ESP-ENG) "(ref ." postone harsh parts... ") in order to receive some help here by those users who are willing and fit  ( I can do it as well to some extent since ITA and ESP are both European, Latin Languages ,even if adapted,especially Espan?l,overseas such as in the Americas,Latin Languages )
^^^^  " 西行寺幽々子の強奪!!隣の晩御飯 " ->>>
" Yuyuko Saigyouji 's "Uslurpation" !! Dinner is Next ".
( Possibilities of ENGrish ) ^^^^ .