Author Topic: ATTN JAYTEE [Contest over!]  (Read 23479 times)

Alice★f

  • That uncanny smile...
  • *
  • Kuroya Shinobu strikes again
    • TsundereWorks' Mo? Blog
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #60 on: January 30, 2011, 09:58:08 AM »
Wonderful read, JT

I cannot even begin to imagine the excruciating pain you and your girlfriend must have felt upon feeling the wrath of the gwahaha

If anyone who stumbles on this and doesn't know what the fuck a gwahaha is:
http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,6759.msg403093.html#msg403093

DeviantArtPixivTsundere WorksYoutubeNEW! Liz Triangle's S4U
日本語勉強中 | Touhou Hard Modo Gamer

Stuffman

  • *
  • We're having a ball!
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #61 on: January 30, 2011, 10:11:29 AM »
An interesting construction, to say the least.

However, it seems you forgot that the end result must be delicious (if stomach destroying). You can't just add random things to it! A man throws caution to the wind, but a gentleman deviously plots his every move.

I'm sure the cigar gave it a delightful smoked flavor, however.

Helepolis

  • Charisma!
  • *
  • O-ojousama!?
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #62 on: January 30, 2011, 10:22:52 AM »
I'm sure the cigar gave it a delightful smoked flavor, however.
Smoked tuna.

Pesco

  • Trickster Rabbit Tewi
  • *
  • Make a yukkuri and take it easy with me
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #63 on: January 30, 2011, 02:45:49 PM »
Oh man I can't see the pics from my phone and it's already glorious.

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #64 on: January 30, 2011, 04:43:44 PM »
It's at this point that my girlfriend wakes up, presumably from my high-pitched, girlish giggling. I look down, and I just realize suddenly, holy shit. What the fuck am I doing? It's 4 in the morning and I am using her phone to take pictures of a fucking sandwich. Why? Because the internet told me to. She's gonna be like, "what the fuck are you doing?" And I'm just gonna be like, "I don't know. I just don't know."

She calls out to me from the living room. "John? What are you doing?"

"I'm, uh... making a sandwich."

She steps into the doorframe, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "It's 4 o'clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making a sandwich?"

"Because I've lost control of my life."
You win just for this

Iryan

  • Ph?nglui mglw?nafh
  • Cat R?lyeh wgah?nagl fhtagn.
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #65 on: January 30, 2011, 04:55:34 PM »
You get points subtracted because somking is unhealthy.  :flamingv:
Old Danmakufu stuff can be found here!

"As the size of an explosion increases, the numbers of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero."

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #66 on: January 30, 2011, 04:56:32 PM »
You get points subtracted because somking is unhealthy.  :flamingv:
but what about otheking?

theshirn

  • THE LAWS OF THE FIESTA MEAN NOTHING
  • *
    • Wisdom is Not a Dump Stat
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #67 on: January 30, 2011, 05:21:45 PM »
We're out of cheese, so we're gonna have to improvise on this one. Here, I'll just peel the cheese off of an old slice of pizza -- Actually you know what, let's just throw the whole thing on there.
ohmygod

[09:46] <theshim|work> there is nothing like working for a real estate company to make one contemplate arson

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #68 on: January 30, 2011, 05:32:51 PM »
She calls out to me from the living room. "John? What are you doing?"

"I'm, uh... making a sandwich."

She steps into the doorframe, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "It's 4 o'clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making a sandwich?"

"Because I've lost control of my life."

ahahahahaha yes

Helepolis

  • Charisma!
  • *
  • O-ojousama!?
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #69 on: January 30, 2011, 05:36:55 PM »
So . . . where is the challanger's response?

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #70 on: January 30, 2011, 05:40:55 PM »
If it wasn't for the risk of hypertension and diabetes, I would love to eat something like this.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #71 on: January 30, 2011, 09:07:43 PM »
My hat goes off to you, JT. The bar has been officially raised on Crap People Will Eat Because The Internet Told Them To.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Alice★f

  • That uncanny smile...
  • *
  • Kuroya Shinobu strikes again
    • TsundereWorks' Mo? Blog
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #72 on: January 30, 2011, 09:09:36 PM »
ohmygod
Dude, and it's cold pizza, at that.

I mean, who the fuck eats that
Insane.

WE'RE WAITING FOR HAKU

DeviantArtPixivTsundere WorksYoutubeNEW! Liz Triangle's S4U
日本語勉強中 | Touhou Hard Modo Gamer


Jana

  • mrgrgr
  • *
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #74 on: January 30, 2011, 09:15:52 PM »
Oh man, I remember that. Now I'll always be able to associate something really awesome with something else really awesome.

theshirn

  • THE LAWS OF THE FIESTA MEAN NOTHING
  • *
    • Wisdom is Not a Dump Stat
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #75 on: January 30, 2011, 09:41:05 PM »
Dude, and it's cold pizza, at that.

I mean, who the fuck eats that
Insane.
dude, cold pizza is frakkin' awesome

[09:46] <theshim|work> there is nothing like working for a real estate company to make one contemplate arson

Alice★f

  • That uncanny smile...
  • *
  • Kuroya Shinobu strikes again
    • TsundereWorks' Mo? Blog
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #76 on: January 30, 2011, 09:44:41 PM »
dude, cold pizza is frakkin' awesome
Dude like the grease coagulates and pizza is cold and the sauce tastes nasty and like and like

You might as well just shove it in the microwave for 90 seconds
And then eat it

DeviantArtPixivTsundere WorksYoutubeNEW! Liz Triangle's S4U
日本語勉強中 | Touhou Hard Modo Gamer

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #77 on: January 30, 2011, 09:45:55 PM »
You know, when you added the cigar and sunglasses I thought you'd eat them too, and feared immediate and permanent defeat.

I'm disappoint.

WE'RE WAITING FOR HAKU
The Stuff is there already, but, despite not having a girlfriend, I'm also still waiting for the right opportunity to create without being bothered by none other than my mother, who is sure to talk a hell lot about this if she finds out, and that would be boring.

dude, cold pizza is frakkin' awesome
This man knows it.
And domino's reheated in the microwave in better than the original thing.

* Warning
Virus shut up about the pizza and let me post
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #78 on: January 31, 2011, 12:55:59 AM »
This, gentlemen, is true glory.

If Haku wishes to win he must create ... uh ... truer glory!

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #79 on: January 31, 2011, 12:57:56 AM »
Add more cookies BV BV BV

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #80 on: January 31, 2011, 03:16:13 AM »
I don't have cigars and shit, though.

But I'm gonna make it better and I'm gonna make it more evil and I'm make it tasty.
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Sapz

  • There's no escape.
  • *
  • It's time to burn!
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #81 on: January 31, 2011, 04:11:14 AM »
I was morbidly curious until I saw the Jack Daniels, at which point I completely cracked up. Mad props man, that's pretty hardcore. :D
Let's fight.

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #82 on: January 31, 2011, 09:02:33 AM »
Made a Peanut Butter Jelly and Banana Sandwich at 1am in tribute to this thread. Which is currently being eaten.

Stuffman

  • *
  • We're having a ball!
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #83 on: January 31, 2011, 09:08:11 AM »
Alright, here we go. Unfortunatetly, I had a lot of problems with my webcam so the picture quality is poor and I found out afterwards that I had lost quite a few images (including the most important one, of the finished sandwich). I will make up for it by introducing the new ingredient-tans as we go along!

I am quite convinced the original Gwahaha is a classic design; it has little need for additions or alterations. So, what can we do to this sandwich to make it bold and interesting enough for this contest? Oh, I've got something very special in mind for Gwahaha-tan, believe you me.

The standard Gwahaha consists of two layers of cheese (swiss and cheddar), scrambled eggs, bacon, tuna with mayo, and of course some proper sandwich bread. It is fried in the same manner as a tuna melt but requires some multitasking to make sure everything stays hot.

Our first addition was to bring in our beloved imouto Horseradish-tan, applied liberally to each slice of bread. She'll liven things up around here!

This is her first time, so we should really be more gentle, but hopefully she'll adjust to the competition and enjoy it a bit.

Alright, after I've finished frying up the Gwahahas, here's the result.


Wait a minute! These are just ordinary Gwahahas. What's so special about them?

Well, I'll tell you.

These two Gwahahas are going to be assembled into one Super Gwahaha. This means the Super Gwahaha will be more than double the size of the original.

So what's going between these already enormous sandwiches? First of all, we've invited bacon's sexy older sister, porkchop.

The other white meat. (She tends to get around though, so make sure you cook her thoroughly...)

Yes, we are sticking a fully cooked boneless porkchop right in the middle of this thing. It's been dashed with some seasoning salt, too!

But that's not all. We've also slathered it in barbecue sauce! This should produce some good contrast in flavor.



There comes a point when you have to admit that a sandwich simply has enough meat, and I'm pretty sure the Super Gwahaha has easily reached that point.

That's why we're adding a veggie! Unfortunately, the red potatoes in my pantry had been left alone too long and sprouted vines, so we'll have to go to another option: scalloped potatoes.

Just because she's a potato, don't let her simple country girl appearance fool you. She's a very naughty girl, and she can get very sloppy.

Ironically, because scalloped potatoes were my one remaining option, that means the Super Gwahaha now has a fifth layer of cheese to go with it. Goddamn.


Wait a minute...


It...it can't be...


THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH HAS HER GNARLED CLAWS IN EVERYTHING.

What do instant potatoes have to do with baked goods anyway??? How does this make sense??? Why??? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???

==> Stuffman: Mental Breakdown.

:getdown:

THIS IS STUPID.

Okay, getting back to the sandwich.

The Super Gwahaha is already an amazing construction, but it lacks that special something. That air of mystery, that sense of danger that made the original capture our hearts.

That's why we're adding...this.


Remember when I mentioned my mom sent me a load of groceries for Christmas? This is one of the things she sent: Armour brand Potted Meat. I had never heard of it, and certainly would never consider buying it. It's about the size of a can of cat food.

Now's as good a time as ever to give it a whirl. Cracking it open, I expected it to kind of like spam, but that was not the case at all. Instead, it is rather some form of gelatinous meat, as soft as warm butter. The can claims it is made of pork and chicken, and I avoid thinking about what parts of them it could be. I spread a bit of it opposite the potatoes, but certainly not the whole can.

The mystery meat. It's like a blind date. She can't be that bad, right?

Finally, the sandwich is assembled. The components were cooked seperately, but I chuck it into the microwave for a bit to heat it up again.

Now, I really wish I hadn't screwed up the side picture I got of this thing, because's it's enormous. It is literally as tall as it is wide on the short side. As I sat down with a tall glass of apple juice and this monstrosity in front of me, I began to question my judgement. After all, I had difficulty finishing the original Gwahaha. This goes far, far beyond that. After setting it on my scale and adjusting for the plate, I determined that it weighed at least two pounds.

I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I tore into it voraciously. Working on the crusts, one side at a time, I slowly made room for me to be able to start working on the porkchop (since I obviously could not fit the full width of the Super Gwahaha in one bite). I was pleased to discover that both the barbecue sauce and scalloped potatoes worked beautifully, creating enough variety of flavor to avoid getting sick on the sheer quantity of meat I was consuming.

The mystery meat, on the other hand, was...unpleasant. Like particularly pungent liquified bologna. But I didn't notice it much...at first.

Once I began chomping on the porkchop I realized my folly. While I was relieved to discover I could indeed easily chew through it, the porkchop was a far denser piece of meat than anything else in the sandwich, and it was filling me up fast. This is when I knew I was in trouble.

Here is the Super Gwahaha up to the point that I began having some discomfort in eating it; I devoured about a third of the sandwich before reaching this point. You can see a large portion of the porkchop sticking out in the middle.

As you can see, the sandwich is falling apart; four slices of bread-tan are no match for this behemoth. I briefly considered using a fork; however, I had created this sandwich with my own hands, so I knew that I must destroy it with my own hands.

After taking this picture, I set back into it.


This is where I hit the wall.

Slaying the porkchop was enough to do me in. I continued as best I could, and was left with this on my plate, unable to take another bite. Making matters worse, with the potatoes and the porkchop consumed, that left the mystery meat free to wallow in it's own overpowering flavor. This would be my undoing - every time I attempted to nibble a bit more, the faintest taste of the mystery meat would make me want to vomit.

Leaving about half the mass of a normal Gwahaha remaining, I had no choice but to take a break, and I was not able to return to the Super Gwahaha until 20 minutes later.


So near, and yet so far. I stared at the remaining bits of the sandwich, uncomprehending in how I could possibly finish the rest. I could have sworn the mystery meat was mocking me. I seriously considered throwing in the towel. And yet, it seemed to call out to me. I could sense the Super Gwahaha, torn to mere scraps, wishing for an end to our mutual misery. No meal wants to be thrown out unfinished, or reduced to mere leftovers.

After waiting another 10 minutes, I decided to finish the job.


Struggling bit by bit, at last, the beast was slain.



The final verdict? I felt confident in the design of the Super Gwahaha, but overestimated my own ability to consume it; overall it took me about 45 minutes to eat it, which is longer than it usually takes to prepare AND eat a usual meal for me. Six hours later I am still hella full. I hope I don't have a heart attack while I'm asleep D:

Anyway, the scalloped potatoes and barbecue porkchop were tasty additions. The sandwich was quite good, it was just way too much for me! Perhaps I can engineer some sort of sammich allowing scalloped potatoes and porkchop-tan to have some alone time...

In closing, I leave you this.

Your move, Hackray.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2011, 09:12:19 AM by Stuffman »

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #84 on: January 31, 2011, 09:10:56 AM »
God damn I'm hungry.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Dragoshi

  • Some sort of lurking trainwreck
  • May or may not exist. Possibly. Maybe.
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #85 on: January 31, 2011, 09:18:51 AM »
And I am just. Dying with laughter. Also, fuck yes scalloped potatoes. Those're like. The best thing. totes.

But damn. Now I kinda wish I could actually take on that glorious monstrosity.
All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.

JT

Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #86 on: January 31, 2011, 09:20:34 AM »
In closing, I leave you this.

I first found that something like three years ago, and I still nearly piss myself with laughter every time I see it. In a similar vein: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FR7wOGyAzpw

That said, well played. I'm really looking forward to seeing what Haku can whip up.

Hello Purvis

  • *
  • Hello Jerry
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #87 on: January 31, 2011, 09:26:49 AM »
Stuffmangen, you have earned a salute.

o7

Also: Porkchop is proper fine.

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #88 on: January 31, 2011, 09:29:12 AM »
Sensei, I applaud you.
You've just proven(again) that we're but mere padawans.

I also announce that I'll build and eat(or die trying, etc.) my Gwahaha tribute tomorrow. The planning is almost complete.
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Nobu

  • Serendipitous Youkai
  • *
  • i post while naked
    • My Tumblr
Re: ATTN JAYTEE
« Reply #89 on: January 31, 2011, 09:42:16 AM »
I love you Stuffman.
Tumblr (sometimes NSFW) | PM for Facebook