<ES_Anthony> if there was one time I wasn't expecting selfcest, this was that one god damn time
<MahouShounenLyricalZengar> You never expect the Zengar inquisition.
<ES_Anthony> yes, I never did expect that
<ES_Anthony> and now I will
<ES_Anthony> for now, and forever
* Rou|ICANFLYYY charges in
<Rou|ICANFLYYY> NOBODY EXPECTS THE ZENGAR INQUISITION!
* ES_Anthony kicks Rou into the moon
<ES_Anthony> I was expecting it that time
<ItsPurvisHasLeftThisTimestream> *Dear Theorist and Zengar. By the time you read this, Daitetsu will have already thoroughly wrecked your shit. Yours, Purvis.*
* ES_Anthony is a paranoid fucker about things
<MahouShounenLyricalZengar> Rou: Monty Rou's Flying Circus. Do it.
<Theodan_Ymir> ...!
<Theodan_Ymir> YES!
One day, I will stop listening to you people, and the world will be a smarter place. -_-
-----
CPMC, 2009.
It was an ordinary day for Ruro, chipping away at a block of wood without a care in the world. Her sculpture was going excellently, and the only thing that could distract her was someone walking in and-
Knock, knock.
"Dammit...come in."
On her cue, Donut poked the door open and let herself in. She seemed nervous.
"Important question from the classroom."
Ruro sighed.
"What sort of question?"
Donut took a deep breath before starting on her answer.
"Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"
A moment of awkward silence.
"...Sorry, what?"
"I said, Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"
Ruro shook her head slightly, wondering if her hearing had suddenly worsened.
"I have no idea what you're saying."
Donut frowned, repeating the statement slowly and clearly.
"Has anyone...really been far...even as...decided to use...even go...want...to do look more like?"
"...Well, what does that mean?"
Ruro's continued confusion left Donut raising her hands to the air in frustration.
"Well I don't know, otherwise I wouldn't be asking you, would I? I didn't expect some sort of Spanish inquisition-"
Donut's complaint was cut off as a trio of red-clothed priests dashed into the room, accompanied by a painfully long trumpet note.
"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" screamed their leader. Beneath the ornate scarlet hat she wore was long blonde hair, and there seemed to be a blade hanging from her waist...
"...Zengar...?"
The cardinal ignored Ruro's uttering, continuing with her introduction.
"Our chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear- fear and surprise, our two weapons are fear and surprise. And ruthless efficiency, our three weapons are-"
Zengar stuttered over her introduction repeatedly, her fellow cardinals standing in place regardless. It was difficult to make out for the wave of red they were wearing, but Donut could see one of them holding a pencil, while the other had a little tag on her uniform saying 'I <3 KOISHI'. That would make them Rou and Gpop respectively.
"...AMONGST our weapons are such elements as fear, surprise and - I'll come in again."
Zengar pulled her arms around Rou and Gpop, leading them back out of the room and closing the door behind them. Donut and Ruro stared at the door for some time before they realised they needed to cue them in.
"I didn't expect some sort of Spanish inquisition!"
The trumpet note played again as the deities barged back into the room.
"NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"
Zengar seemed much prouder of herself this time.
"Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the admin. And nice red uniforms - oh, DAMN."
Zengar, tripping up again, let her eyes fall to the floor. She looked over to Gpop expectantly.
"I can't say it. You have to say it."
Gpop looked at her, surprised.
"Oh, I couldn't do that-"
Zengar pulled her back outside, more forcefully this time, with Rou trailing behind as they closed the door behind them again. Donut was very much tempted just not to mention you-know-what again, but it was a morbid curiosity that caused her to utter those words (though admittedly with no real effort).
"...I didn't expect some sort of Spanish inquisition."
The trumpet note again (Who was playing that, exactly?) as the cardinals rushed in for the third time, this time with Gpop leading the fray. She'd been told what to say outside, but her mind naturally kept turning to Koishi regardless.
"Uh, nobody, um..."
"Expects," cued Zengar.
"Expects, yes, nobody expects the, um, Spanish, uh..."
"INQUISITION."
"I know, I know. Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition, except maybe Koishi-chan who could-"
Zengar hastily stepped on Gpop's foot, cutting off her introduction with a cry of pain.
"Owwie."
"Our chief weapons are..."
"Our chief weapons are, um..."
"Surprise..."
"Surprise, and, uh-"
"OKAY, STOP! STOP!"
Zengar reached her limit, pulling Gpop back behind her and taking the lead again.
"Our chief weapon is surprise. Blah blah blah blah. NOW."
With a feeling of relief, Zengar finally turned to Rou.
"Cardinal. Read the charges."
Smirking, Rou pulled out a piece of parchment and began to quote it.
"Aye, ye be hereby charged 'ae committin' heresy against the Holy Chuch. 'Ma dah said tae follow the-'"
"Alright, that's enough."
Rou's heavy Scottish accent started to grate fast, and Zengar was relieved to cut her off. She turned to Ruro, a demonic grin on her face.
"Now...how do you plead?"
Ruro turned to Donut, asking with her eyes 'What exactly are we being accused of...?' Donut shrugged at her.
"We're innocent," Ruro replied, hoping she was.
"HA! HA! HA!" [DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]
"WE'LL SOON! CHANGE! YOUR MIND! ABOUT THAT!" [DIABOLICAL ACTING]
"Fear, surprise, ruthless effici-OOH..."
Zengar's insistence on listing her various weapons almost got the better of her, and she held the urge back with some effort.
"Now, Cardinal! The rack!"
Zengar turned to Gpop expectantly, watching as she fished around her cloak looking for a weapon. For a moment it flew up, showing the entire room her panties with a pattern of Embers of Love bullets running along them. Eventually her search came to an end, and she passed out to Zengar...a dish rack.
Zengar had a sudden urge to cut her in half, but she resisted. Barely.
"You...right. Tie her down."
Gpop and Rou quickly circled Ruro, tying the rack around her waist. Donut watched from a distance, only slightly more confused than the now-captive Ruro. Zengar took the chance to turn away from the crowd and grimace before pulling a brave face and turning back.
"Right. How do you plead?"
"Innocent."
Ruro didn't even look mildly threatened by the apparent 'torture' she was about to be put through. Zengar tried her best to maintain her composure.
"Ha, right! Cardinal, give the rack a-"
Her face fell suddenly.
"Oh dear...give the rack a turn."
Gpop seemed stunned by this, looking back down at the dish rack.
"I-"
"I KNOW, I know you can't. I didn't want to say it, I wanted to ignore your mistake."
"I-"
Zengar grew more teary with every interjection.
"It just seems so stupid..."
"Shall I, um?"
"Oh God, just pretend, for God's sake!"
On the verge of crying, Zengar let off one final laugh at the 'captured' Ruro.
"HA, HA, HA, HA!"
She held back as Gpop began to turn some invisible handle on the side of the rack. Ruro looked at the 'torturer', still unimpressed, as Donut stumbled away to answer the door. Zengar muttered to herself, ashamed of her institution.
"We'll never make it into the Lecture Series like this..."
