You know, during the time I was sitting here, thinking this shit up, I've done so with one goal in my head:
A sandwich, regardless of size, has to be tasty.
This is what I've had in mind for the last couple of weeks, and it is with this mentality that I present to you, my kitchen
(http://i55.tinypic.com/2mpn1q1.jpg)
It's messy and dirty because I'm lazy and haven't cleaned it today. Will do. Later.
Anyway, let's do this 8)
Assembling the ingredients
(http://i52.tinypic.com/23k66ti.jpg)
This massive pile makes it seem like I picked things at random. Unfortunately, I didn't.
I planned this way too carefully. Recipe at the end of this post, if I don't forget.
Oh, and there's bacon in that pile, but I lack experience in frying bacon, so I screwed it up and left it out. Whoops :V
Let's start with the egg
(http://i54.tinypic.com/i2m2kw.jpg)
Ugly and filthy because I'm use the same pan I used to fail the bacon, but no problems here
While that egg fries, let's slice some cheese, shall we
(http://i56.tinypic.com/23lhc0p.jpg)
Now for the hamburguers
1st
(http://i55.tinypic.com/14adidt.jpg)
2nd
(http://i51.tinypic.com/igww3m.jpg)
Now let's toss the mozzarela there
(http://i56.tinypic.com/117vext.jpg)
Glory.
(http://i54.tinypic.com/2ui9afk.jpg)
What are these, breaded chicken? No, it's breaded chicken with cheese and ham filling. We'll get back to this guy later.
Garlic.
(http://i55.tinypic.com/16bajhx.jpg)
I think it's about time we start assembling, and the remaining ingredients will pop up as we do so
You know, I had planned to do this with regular toasts, but for my surprise and delight my mother showed up today with a bag of K?mmelbrot, produced locally by immigrant German families.
Now this is way better than toast.
Let's see
(http://i56.tinypic.com/ogw4rd.jpg)
On the first slice, let's spread some requeij?o, or cream cheese, to add stability and consistency, as well as flavour.
(http://i51.tinypic.com/2d2do2u.jpg)
Garlic time, yo ho
(http://i56.tinypic.com/2hrls9z.jpg)
Here I placed a slice of bologna, which is so wide I had to struggle a bit to fold it properly.
And on top of it, the two patties covered in cheese
(http://i54.tinypic.com/ic8s3m.jpg)
(http://i56.tinypic.com/23udic3.jpg)
Here on the bottom side of this slice I spreaded some French mustard with red fruits.
(http://i56.tinypic.com/mj2xcw.jpg)
Looking killer enough?
BONUS AREA UNLOCKED
(http://i51.tinypic.com/30mls0j.jpg)
''Yo dawg I herd yo like killin yoself with food"
(http://i55.tinypic.com/264swmu.jpg)
This is the top side of the mustard slice, now covered with (also French!) rabbit and cognac pate.
Should give my child a nice exquisite taste.
(http://i54.tinypic.com/14c5uo2.jpg)
Oh hey look, it's our friend, massive piece of chicken filled with cheese and ham. Hi there.
(http://i51.tinypic.com/dxnxv4.jpg)
And our friend fried egg.
We're almost done now~
(http://i51.tinypic.com/55pcsl.jpg)
Don't we have enough cheese already? No.
(http://i56.tinypic.com/206056o.jpg)
Let's spread that on the bottom side of the top slice.
But wait, before we close it and declare it finished, some lettuce and tomato
(http://i51.tinypic.com/69nql3.jpg)
Gotta stay healthy, right?
BONUS FEATURE
Now, before we complete our creation, there's something important I must talk to you about
You see, a noble meal has to come side by side with a noble drink. It's just right, the way it should be done.
Therefore I must interrupt this venture, and present you with a bit of tropicalia
(http://i56.tinypic.com/dh50s8.jpg)
All we need is a banana, a bit of watermelon, milk, and a 300 watt Philips mixer.
(http://i53.tinypic.com/2v7z42v.jpg)
There we go, a healthy drink full of vitamins! Isn't modern life wonderful?
Now back to our sandvich
...and...
(http://i51.tinypic.com/2vwh0n9.jpg)
It is done! I've added another slice of bread for stability.
*RedBull Sugarfree can for size reference only
As you can imagine, I was experience somesevere stability issues at this point
Just grab a chopstick from the drawer, and...
(http://i55.tinypic.com/2na31w8.jpg)
All set! Time to carry this thing to my bedroom and nom the fuck outta it.
(http://i54.tinypic.com/n2cs2o.jpg)
So um, how do I start? I had a big of a mental struggle to find out where to begin eating this.
For several times, I opened my mouth, approached the sandwich, and backed off upon realizing it wouldn't work.
But eventually I figured it out, and started chewing through it with great delight
Seriously, somehow this turned out to be very tasty. But it's just so massive, so heavy, so fat
(http://i51.tinypic.com/2uxwniq.jpg)
This is where I had to stop and take a break. It was staring at me, wanting my soul.
Eeeaaaattt meeee, it said, and I replied I can't, no more, I'm done.
Soon enough, my strength was back, even if partially, just enough to struggle through the last bits
(http://i55.tinypic.com/2lo4ok5.jpg)
And there it is. Defeated. Only a wooden stick and a flower plate remain.
I feel twice as heavy.
Well girlies, look at your sandwich.
Now back to mine.
Now back at your sandwich.
Now back to mine.
Lucky you, it isn't mine, but if you manned the fuck up and stopped eating salad in a bread, you could make one like mine.
Look down, back up. Where are you?
You're on your kitchen, holding the sandwich your sandwich could be like.
What's in your head? Back at me.
I have it, it's the ingredients for that heart-attack you desire.
Look again, the heart-attack is now a liver failure
Any death is possible when your sandwich is a man's sandwich and not a lady's.
I'm in an ambulance.
(http://i55.tinypic.com/jach8g.jpg)
Kids. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. GWAHAHAS WILL FUCKING CUT YOU WIDE OPEN
Well girlies, look at your sandwich.
Now back to mine.
Now back at your sandwich.
Now back to mine.
Lucky you, it isn't mine, but if you manned the fuck up and stopped eating salad in a bread, you could make one like mine.
Look down, back up. Where are you?
You're on your kitchen, holding the sandwich your sandwich could be like.
What's in your head? Back at me.
I have it, it's the ingredients for that heart-attack you desire.
Look again, the heart-attack is now a liver failure
Any death is possible when your sandwich is a man's sandwich and not a lady's.
I'm in an ambulance.
:getdown: :getdown:
This is one of the best posts I've read on this forum ever. Ever. :o
Judgement time.
Mr_Bob made a case of himself being a man worthy of having a say since 'Mr' is a formal title of a man.
JT - Makes a smaller, less refined sandwich, but has a much more manly recklessness in the creation. Slapped in pizza, potato chips, salsa, and Jack Daniel's. Just oozes a nonchalant, "throw whatever we got in the fridge" type of Gwahaha.
Hakurei - A larger, more impressive contender is created. Showed more consideration to taste than a 4 am sandwich hoe-down. A more classy Gwahaha is created.
Gross sandwiches are cool and all, but JT did not have to contend with size. Haku made a huge delicious sandwich and struggled with finishing it. Giving the edge to The Gentleman's Gwahaha, rather than Spur of the Moment Gwahaha.
=======================================
JT - The throw-what-you've-got-in-it approach is reminisce of the days when man ate whatever creature he caught. With the amount of time available for the showdown, I am a bit disappointed with the lack of planning. Your Gwahaha appears to be the least voluminous of the contenders. Other than that cookie, it didn't appear to give you much of a fight. I'll give you credit for putting a lot of character in your beast, but as you know, actions speak louder than words.
+ Jack's
+ "Because internet."
+ Cigar, for flavour
- Not enough fight
- Cookie
Haku - You had the idea of making a tasty Gwahaha from the beginning. I like that kind of respect for your opponent. Also finding a time to make it without your mom there shows you wanting to fight your own battles. But in despite your careful preparations, why didn't you figure out how to do the bacon in the meantime? What did your dog think of your Gwahaha, did it want to join its master in the quest to slay the monster? A man's best friend by your side through the trials would not have penalised you. Impressive range of ingredients and I think the drink was a nice subtle addition along the way. Overall it's something I'd try sell as a meal in a restaurant if I could.
+ Tasty
+ Chicken cordon bleu
+ I want to try have what you had
- Ending pose could have been better
- Celebrating early
- No dog, I am disappoint
At the end of the day whether it's love or a heart attack, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In the category of Most Delicious Sandwich the winner is
HakuSM
While Haku wins the right to be a MEMBER, both of these guys have earned themselves a warm welcome to the Brotherhood of Stuffmen. You have tried to walk the path of the Founder Stuffman and made your gastric victory. I'd have you guys proudly wear a Gwahaha title, but make do with IP for today.
Many thanks to our contestants, judges and audience.
Remember kids: Don't try this at home!
Well done and well earned, Haku! Celebrate with a salad.
Ahaha yeah right :3
Also
EAT SHIT
BECOME PRINCESS
I'm so screwed in the next challenge I just know it
Ahaha yeah right :3
Also
EAT SHIT
BECOME PRINCESS
I'm so screwed in the next challenge I just know it
Because Haku couldn't keep his mouth shut.
All IPs are now required to eat shit. You have 5 days.