Author Topic: Interdimensional Voyage of a Ghostly Passenger Ship ~ FEEDBACK WANTED  (Read 4944 times)


Greetings, as a new member, I thought it would be nice to share one of my fan fics~

                                              Interdimensional Voyage of a Ghostly Passenger Ship

Murasa Minimatsu spent most of her life out at sea with her father. Together with the crew of the 'Minimatsu Ship', they traveled across the sea searching for unfound land, satisfying their desire for discovery. Murasa?s Father was the captain of the ship. To Murasa, he was her hero and teacher of life's purpose. It was more than a ?father-daughter relationship?. They were great companions, Murasa being his ?right hand?. As a result of his teachings, Murasa knew how to operate a ship and could even replace her father as captain if need be. Although Murasa had mastered life at sea, she could never become accustomed to the life of a land-dweller. She always hated it when Murasa had to visit her mother. Her house resided deep in a village far away from the ocean breeze. 
On a particularly stormy night, Murasa was lying in bed. Her eyes were fixed to the ceiling. She thought of the time when her father informed of something very special several years ago. She remembered it as if the whole event occurred again. Both Murasa and his eyes met face to face. The man let out his right hand and positioned it within clear vision of Murasa eyes, a small chest resting on its palm. She knew his father was gesturing her to open it. Her reaction was of a child opening a gift, its content was attractive but the child would not know what it is. Murasa father explained to her that this was the family heirloom of the Minimatsus, a wooden dipper, which possessed an intricately detailed design that virtually no one could recreate it. Legend tells that when used correctly, it can collect a boundless amount of water and release it at will. His finals words that day were,? Someday, I will pass this down to you as a symbol of claiming the title of ?Captain?.?  Murasa closed her eyes in satisfaction and continued to wait for that special time when someday she will become Captain as she slept peacefully, If you were to see her that night, you could see her in tranquility. But there was something else, the silhouette of a shadowy figure nearing her, engulfing her in darkness.
Dawn had arrived and a sudden burst of coldness hit Murasa face. Surprised by this, she immediately lifted her eyelids only to be shocked to see her father tied to a pole. She scanned around her surroundings dazed; Murasa was on the front deck of the ship. She saw her fellow crewmates walk towards her father. In an attempt to stand and move, it failed. Something was preventing her from moving her leg. Shocked, Murasa averted her eyes to her ankle and saw a chain bound to it. There, Murasa sat helpless and could only watch. She could hear every word spoken to him. They reassured him that it was a mutiny and demanded that he hand over the Minimatsu family heirloom to them as ransom for her daughter. At first he was hesitant, but it was inevitable that Hina?s father would give it up, knowing his daughter?s life was in jeopardy. He reached into his hidden pocket and let out the chest. A crew member snatched the chest from his hand in one quick motion. Crew member #1 opened the chest and looked at its content; he nodded and spoke to Murasa?s father directly,? We now have what we want and have no use for you and your daughter anymore. Furthermore, we cannot risk having both of you onboard anymore. Thus, we are you throwing both of you overboard and to ensure that there will not be any repercussions we have bound and anchor to your daughter and will do the same to you.? Their crew who had betrayed them marched towards Murasa and picked her up with ease. She cried like a damsel in distress. Both of them exchanged their last words as Murasa saw his father slowly shrink in the distance. He abruptly vanished as Murasa fell into the currents of the sea. With only a few moments above surface to see the once respected faces of the crew members of the Minimatsu Ship, she now saw those faces as greedy and corrupt. Murasa let her burden of an anchor drag her into the glimmering depths of the sea, knowing it was pointless to struggle. She saw the light at the surface slowly fade, the shadow of the bottom of the ship shrunk from her vision. Murasa closed her eyes, knowing they will never open again.

The depths of the ocean, only marine life have witnessed its awe-inspiring sight. However, no place on earth can be called heaven, for it was fraught with unsightly content that chaos and evil had left behind. A tiny amount of innocence was still there. A tiny trickle of light which gently descended from the ocean's surface, it touched the tip of a sunken anchor and began to emit a luminous glow. The light spread from the anchor and continued along its chain, until it finally reached the tender skin of an innocent girl. The light immersed her entire body, repelling all marine predators who swarmed around her. The girl's sentence to an eternal sleep was lifted. Murasa?s eyelids slowly adjusted. She could see the sun's light shine through the ocean's surface. At first she thought she had passed over to the afterlife, having never seen the ocean's brilliant deep before. Bittersweet it was, for her dream to become a reality. She stood on her feet and took in her surroundings with joy. The deep sea truly did awe inspire her. Bitter it was for her to see a school of fish gather in an area not far from her position. Curious, Hina walked towards the school of fish. As normal fish would behave, they scattered instantly in fear of danger. Hina's brain was shocked to see this image, an image that would scar her forever.
There laid the corpse of one of the Minimatsu Ship crew members, half disembodied and rotten from the fish that have eaten it. The illusion that she was in heaven shattered, Hina realized she is still on this earth as a spirit. Her father once explained to her that spirits exists here because they still have a worldly attachment or a task they need to accomplish. The emotion of joy in Murasa?s eyes started to fade as she tried to wander as any ghost normally would, trying to discover why the gods would do something so cruel as to prolong her suffering. What was her purpose to stay here? Murasa noticed that her right leg would not move. She saw the chain, still bound to her ankle. The anchor that killed her was the anchor that would not let Murasa rest. She sat down and brought her knees to her chin, arms cradled around them. Murasa buried her face and cried. She despised the people who betrayed her for something as petty, which were to her, as fortune.

« Last Edit: October 03, 2010, 11:43:45 PM by Scariet »


  • Though the sun may set
  • *
  • It shall rise again
Re: Interdimensional Voyage of a Ghostly Passenger Ship ~ FEEDBACK WANTED
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2010, 05:09:18 AM »
Are you planning to continue this on, or were you intending to make this a standalone origin story for Murasa?

Regardless, I recommend you get accustomed to the way the forums butchers typical word processor formatting. As it stands now, that's a pretty sizable wall of text, and it could turn a lot of readers off. Be wary of that.

Otherwise, keep up the good work :D