Author Topic: Dolphin Rider Koishi - The End  (Read 304538 times)

Drake

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #120 on: January 28, 2011, 02:10:08 AM »
Again, I absolutely love your Rinnosuke.

A Colorful Calculating Creative and Cuddly Crafty Callipygous Clever Commander
- original art by Aiけん | ウサホリ -

Marokuu

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #121 on: January 28, 2011, 09:03:54 AM »
Wow you made me feel really bad for Tewi and almost made me shed a tear.

Masterful writing that's all I can say.
My first attempt at storywriting, looking for critique

Avatar schizophrenia? I don't know what you're talking about.

Kasu

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #122 on: January 28, 2011, 05:31:50 PM »
That was a pretty heavy chapter.  And it didn't help that the song I was listening to added to the atmosphere. :ohdear:

Great as always though. :3

Apparently, Thomas the Tank Engine isn't one to take crap from anyone.

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #123 on: January 28, 2011, 06:15:15 PM »
This is not a complaint, but sometimes a character doesn't need a tragic backstory to be an utter jackass: sometimes a douchebag's a douchebag. That said, Tewi's backstory actually made me feel sorry for her (a remarkable feat, considering that she's one of the few characters that I actively dislike).

KrackoCloud

  • I don't mean to be greedy...
  • ... but white rice is my favorite food.
Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #124 on: January 29, 2011, 01:39:26 AM »
I just finished catching up, and I love this story. Especially the Mokou arc.

Here's wondering how much this version of Sakuya will stray from her usual, elegant portrayal.

FinnKaenbyou

  • Formerly Roukanken
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  • blub blub nya
Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #125 on: January 29, 2011, 09:03:44 PM »
So apparently people were made too sad by the last update. Here's to rectifying that. :V

-----

It was a strange feeling, waking up to the sight of the setting sun.

Koishi had just about collapsed into bed the moment she?d changed out of that horrible bunnysuit getup. She had dreamt - or at least, she thought she had. She couldn?t recall any useful details about the dream, so maybe she hadn?t. It was hard to tell.

For some reason, there was a laugh stuck in her mind for a moment when she woke up. Youthful, but wisened; not so much laughing at her as laughing with her. It drifted away a few seconds later, along with her recollection of it, and passing it off as just a little dream she pulled herself out of bed and stretched. It was a good thing there was no class tomorrow - it was going to take a while for her to get her body clock back in order after a night like that. According to the dim light of her alarm clock, it had just turned five.

?Morning, Koishi-sama~.?

?Um, but Orin, isn?t it evening right now??

?Figure of speech, Okuu. Figure of speech.?

The two pets continued their unintentional comedy routine. The M-1 Grand Prix was theirs for sure, she could taste it.

Next on her list was waking up Sango, who was passed out on a bed in the other room. The dolphin had managed to catch enough sleep to keep functioning through the night, and she?d boasted to Koishi that she?d be fine until this evening, but the sound of the youkai?s snoring had woken the Siren up once or twice. Koishi?s suggestion of moving out of the bathroom had produced immediate and satisfying results, so she no longer had to worry about a slumbering dolphin in the bath when she washed her face in the morning. Koishi paid for this through the inconvenience of walking an extra five steps or so to wake her up in the mornings - she briefly wondered the irony of having to wake up her supposed protector.

Stepping through the corridors, still absently rubbing at her own eyes, Koishi found Sango lying fully-clothed on the bed, jacket and all. Apparently sleep had crept up on her during her guard shift. Koishi made to prod her at the side and bring her slowly back to the land of the living, but an obnoxious buzzing noise beat her to the punch. Sango?s eyes fluttered open, unfocused.

?Uh...whuh? Boss??

Still half-asleep, Sango?s hands started to run across her body in an attempt to find which pocket she?d placed her phone in. A few seconds of rummaging turned up no useful result, but whoever was calling was adamant enough to keep going no matter how long Sango took. The beeping got louder and louder the longer Sango left it unanswered, but she was still too tired to give herself more than a casual inspection.

?Mmh, ?zaround here somewhere...?

Koishi sighed. Nitori was the only person with Sango?s number, and she wouldn?t call unless something really important had come up. For all they knew Sakuya was in danger right now and this was the call for backup, so Koishi couldn?t sit and wait for Sango to wake up enough for it. She reached down, grabbing at the chest pocket the noise was coming from, ready to snatch the phone out and answer it on Sango?s behalf.

This would have been an excellent plan if Sango hadn?t taken that exact moment to sit up.

?Ah-!??

She had grabbed something. Something soft and sensitive, something behind the jacket. Koishi?s face froze in embarrassment, the rest of her body likewise caught in place. Anything resembling logical thought vanished from her mind there and then.

?Ph...phwee...??

Sango seemed more stunned than anything. Her eyes were starting to open up properly now, the sensation of being touched waking her up properly. She looked up for a moment at Koishi, just awake enough to be puzzled by her bright-red face.

She understood why the moment she looked down and saw Koishi had managed to grab at one of her breasts.

?...Ph...ph...?

Koishi felt a hand smack against her face, knocking her a step to the side.

?PHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!?

Sango sounded like she was on the verge of tears, her hands suddenly running over her chest. Tears began to form in her eyes, and she glared in Koishi?s direction with a look of hurt.

?K-K-K-Koishi-san! What the hell did you think you were doing!? Having your way with a pure, innocent maiden in her sleep!? I mean, I know you think I?m adorable, but that?s just...just...!?

Koishi raised a hand out, looking to get a word in edgeways, but Sango had already started on a barrage of accusations and panicked mutterings.

?No-one?s ever touched me there before! Ever, ever, ever! I was saving myself in case I ever met a guy I liked, but...I?ve been deflowered now! No man?s going to want to touch these damaged goods. Maybe if I was busty like that girl from last night, but no, apparently the youkai gods decided Sango Tororetsu was gonna be born flat! I hope you?re ready to compensate, Koishi-san! I?ll...I?ll sue you! For all that you have!!?

She couldn?t be listening to what she was saying, surely. Now she was just spouting gibberish, her brain overheating as her face went a painful-looking shade of crimson. The beeping from her jacket continued, rising to the point where Koishi swore she saw a vein popping out of her companion?s head.

?You?ll get put into prison, and you?ll never see the light of day again, and-GYAAH, WHAT IS THAT RINGING NOISE!??

Sango rummaged into her jacket with ease now, grabbing at the pocket she?d placed the phone in. She was vaguely aware that her hand was now in the same place Koishi?s had been.

The realisation of the facts dawned on her slowly and painfully.

?...Oh.?

Koishi could see the epiphany in Sango?s eyes, and nodded in agreement. There had been nothing to it; just a simple misunderstanding between two girls. It took a few seconds for Sango?s anger to fully dissipate. She pulled the phone out of her pocket and held it up to the light.

Then, with a look of shame on her face, Sango passed the phone on to Koishi.

?You answer it. I need to go take a quick bath.?

With that, the dolphin rose to her feet and made her way out of the door, starting on her undressing before she?d even made it to the bathroom. Murmurs of ?This wouldn?t have happened if I?d been sleeping in the bathtub!? echoed down the house?s hallways, leaving Koishi almost as nervous as Sango was. Maybe the youkai didn?t get the concept of clothing or things like that, but being touched in sensitive places was a universal embarrassment.

After what must have been a minute of ringing, Koishi finally saw fit to open the phone and put it to her ear.

?Yes, professor??

The voice on the other end sounded frustrated. Given that she?d been on hold for so long, it was understandable.

?Took you long enough. Was I interrupting anything??

Koishi flinched. The professor couldn?t have picked a worse time to make a quip like that, not in the slightest. A few seconds of nervous silence followed, and Nitori?s voice went from grouchy to just plain awkward.

?Oh, uh. Then, well...guess now I?ve got your attention, I?d better give you the lowdown.?

The Siren nodded. Anything to distract her from current events would be wonderful.

?So have you found out some more info on Izayoi??

The annoyed tone made its way back into Nitori?s voice.

?See, that?s the thing. I took a look through my database again, and there?s no history of Izayoi as a family name in Gensokyo.?

Koishi raised an eyebrow. By now she?d come to assume that Nitori was some endless supply of knowledge; seeing something that truly stumped her was a first.

?Maybe she?s a foreigner? Blonde hair and such, and she played the part of the foreign bimbo a little do well.?

?No can do, kid. The Sirens are all girls who were born in Gensouto, and they?ll all be in Gensouto when shit goes down. Or did last night not prove my theory to you??

Koishi nodded along at that, even if Nitori couldn?t see it from the other end of the call. Statistically the odds of finding a Siren at that casino were next to zero, and yet they?d found one just as the kappa had planned. With a result like that, Koishi was pretty much sold.

?OK, fine. That leaves us with Sakuya Izayoi being a pseudonym, right? Can you try and sort it by power and figure it out from there??

?You kidding? Do you realise how many people live in this city, Koishi-san? There are probably two or three families with some form of time manipulation. We can?t just go up to every single one and ask if there?s a daughter in the house with a penchant for gambling!?

She sounded desperate, concerned for Sakuya?s immediately safety. Perhaps rightly so - the mob probably wouldn?t be too happy with their losses, and they?d be out looking for her right now.

?On top of everything else, we don?t know if the Claw are onto her as well. Maybe they had an insider at the casino or something - I can?t be sure, but what matters is that you find some other way to track her down.?

That one left Koishi pausing for a moment. The answer seemed so obvious to her that she couldn?t understand why Nitori was putting the question to her. She became aware that in the midst of all of last night?s action, she?d never had the chance to bring up the errand she was performing for a local bakery. It hadn?t seemed important back then, and by the time she realised it had more relevance than she thought she was too preoccupied to do a thing.

?...I think I might have an idea how to take care of that, professor.?

Nitori let off a little gasp. She hadn?t been expecting an answer from her, at least not right away.

?You didn?t grab some hair from her, did you? ?Cause if so I could probably run a DNA test and-?

?Not quite. It?s a little more...traditional, but it works.?

Nitori seemed outright baffled now. Koishi grinned slightly as she passed the story on, feeling that she?d gained a slight victory over the woman who?d failed miserably to teach her mathematics.

?...I see. Well, I have to say, that?s quite a coincidence.?

Nitori didn?t sound as surprised as she should have been after she?d heard the tale from Koishi. The Siren just shrugged in response, again as if she was talking to someone right in front of her.

?I know. You?d almost think someone planned all this out in advance, wouldn?t you??

She heard a snicker from the other end of the line.

?Just about, Koishi-san. Just about.?

Faintly, Koishi could have sworn she heard a woman laughing to herself as she closed the line, enjoying the sight of a good plan coming together.

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #126 on: January 29, 2011, 09:22:36 PM »
Dammit, Koishi, you should've went to hell with the phone and thrown Sango down on the bed and ravished her or something. In a swimsuit, if that would've made Roukan feel better about writing it.

So, yeah, huge coincidence, but that's okay, because Shoujo's all about divinely ordained coincidences up the wazoo. No need for leg work for magical girls, nosiree (unless the leg work coincides with skimpy outfits).

This is not F/SN. Sango is not strengthened by the power of sex. :V

That said, perhaps an eroge version could be arranged
« Last Edit: January 29, 2011, 09:26:51 PM by Roukan And So Ken You »

Drake

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #127 on: January 29, 2011, 10:13:12 PM »
I?ve been deflowered now!

A Colorful Calculating Creative and Cuddly Crafty Callipygous Clever Commander
- original art by Aiけん | ウサホリ -

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #128 on: January 29, 2011, 10:28:11 PM »
This is not F/SN. Sango is not strengthened by the power of sex. :V

That said, perhaps an eroge version could be arranged

Sure, why not?

Sango: Ph-phwee! My heart's just not ready!

Koishi: ...
1. Th-this was just a misunderstanding!
2. Just calm down, and let me guide you...
3. STICK IT IN.

Does 1 inevitably lead to a bad end? :[

Also stick WHAT in? Actually, I don't want to know. Don't answer that.



And really, dolphins aren't powered by sex? Tell that to all of the innocent men and women they sexually abused underwater over the years. :P
« Last Edit: January 29, 2011, 11:07:52 PM by Roukan And So Ken You »

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #129 on: January 30, 2011, 12:59:16 AM »
Quote
Does 1 inevitably lead to a bad end? :[
If you play your cards right, it leads to friendship. If you don't...

GuyYouMetOnline

  • Surprisingy not smart for lynch dodging
Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #130 on: January 30, 2011, 01:19:37 AM »
Ah, good old comic relief. Question, though: if there's only two or three families with time manipulation, why can't they go through all of them? That's not really a huge number. Although it looks like they might not need to, so whatever.

Other question: If people usually can't see the magic stuff in the world around them, why does Sango need to conceal her fin? Wouldn't people just see her as a normal-looking girl?

For the former, by families we mean family names. That includes cousins, aunts, nieces, sisters, daughters, the works. Hundreds of people at the least. Questioning the entire family would be too high-profile for the Pearl.

For the latter, animal youkai taking human forms isn't per-se magical, it's more a natural ability that evolved over time. [This is only true for straight animal youkai; other races like the kappa either look human enough to get away with it or need to shapeshift.]

Taking this form along with humans used to be the norm, but after the War of Cataclysm they've decided to simply live among humanity in animal form. Two reasons:
1 - Keeping mankind from growing suspicious about the existence of youkai, since that could end up bringing them aware of magic all over again
2 - Free meals, a place to sleep, and a master who'll pet you whenever you ask for it? Hell yes. (Also, ever wonder how cats can just disappear from houses and never come back? They're just going home after having mooched off of you for a few years.)
« Last Edit: January 30, 2011, 08:24:13 AM by Roukan And So Ken You »

Esifex

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #131 on: February 01, 2011, 11:30:19 PM »
:wikipedia:

That's all fine and dandy, but mind you, the story will weave its own path. A lot of the authors here who have already hammered out a distinctive style are typically, at this point in their game, planning and plotting out how they want their story to end, even if they don't have the time to write it to the conclusion in one go yet.

Tossing ideas around as guesses and taking shots in the dark at who you think will do what or whatever is a-okay. But need I remind you that this is the internet - and though this is a Literary Subforum, and we specialize in the written word here - and tone of voice does NOT carry through text. Be wary of how you phrase things lest you come across as the pretentious twerp who barges into peoples' stories and tries to tell them how they should write it.

In short, welcome to the forums. Please read the guidelines before you trod on any more toes.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2011, 11:33:53 PM by Psychifex »

GuyYouMetOnline

  • Surprisingy not smart for lynch dodging
Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #132 on: February 02, 2011, 02:19:18 AM »
Well, um, anything offensive was unintentional (I'm autistic, and as a result, I tend to completely miss implications like that). I'll try to be more careful with how I phrase things. Thank you for pointing that out.

Now, I do think it's good to throw in ideas and theories and that stuff; I know I want people to do that with my stories. This isn't the only story I've reviewed in that manner, actually; most notably, I've given similar reviews to Imperfect Metamorphosis, an ongoing Touhou story posted on fanfiction.net (and if you haven't read it, you should go do so right now, because it is excellent), and that story's author has more than once thanked me for giving that manner of review. I suppose, though, that other peopole may not like that style, so let's ask the person whose story I'm talking about. Roukan, when I give reviews, I like to include my own ideas about what's going on and things I'm hoping happen later on. Is that something you're good with, or would you like me to leave that part out?

Anyways, Psychefex, thanks for the tips, and don't think I'm blowing off what you said. That's just the kind of thing I'd like people to do for my stories, so, naturally, I do it for theirs. If that's a problem, though, I'll cut it out.

I'll give a suggestion on this part. Though I know you [and indeed some other writers] may appreciate readers adding suggestions and ideas, some writers will take offense. They've already planned their story out, and take someone else making suggestions as a sign of 'hey, I think I can write this story better than you'. In general it's safer not to make those suggestions in case you get misinterpreted as saying that - it's the internet, after all, and misinterpretations are pretty commonplace.
As it is, I've got a pretty good idea of where things are going. If I run low on ideas and need help I might ask, but otherwise I'm fine with what I've got.


In that case, I'll cut the suggestions.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2011, 08:08:29 PM by GuyYouMetOnline »

FinnKaenbyou

  • Formerly Roukanken
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  • blub blub nya
Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #133 on: February 15, 2011, 10:18:44 PM »
Before they could make their way to the bakery, Sango had one thing she needed to clear up.

?Sign this.?

She still sounded stern as she handed the document over to Koishi. It had been written on a long line of toilet paper while Sango was hiding in the bathroom, and stated in long and arduous detail how they needed to agree to never wake each other up again. From sheer frustration, Sango?s pen had pierced the paper several times, leading to rushed rewrites and repetition, to the point where it was barely legible.

Koishi needed a moment firstly to comprehend exactly what she?d been handed, and then another to realise Sango wasn?t kidding with this. She sighed to herself, taking Sango?s pen (she?d found it lying on the bathroom floor - something Koishi had forgotten to pick up?) and carefully writing her own name at the bottom of the roll.

?Uh...sorry about that.?

Koishi couldn?t think of any other way to bring down the awkward atmosphere, and so she tried her best to utter an apology. Sango let out a deep, heaving sigh as she took the paper back, and did the only thing you could really do with toilet paper - flush it.

?...I, uh, probably overreacted a little. It?s just that...well, you may have noticed I?m not so good at this whole social thing.?

She sat at the side of the bath, her arms crossed and her eyes distracted. She glared sharply at a particular floor tile, not looking up to Koishi as she spoke.

?My folks were both big names in the White Pearl - well, as big as a little group like ours can get. If it weren?t for the fact they?re pretty old and grey now, they?d probably be helping me here as well. They told me a bunch of stories about you humans - about all the amazing things you did even without magic. Stories of love, glory, triumph, beauty, all that stuff.

But, well. The rest of the pod didn?t exactly agree with my family?s views. They called us human sympathisers, and not as a compliment - your kind still has a nasty habit of hunting us dolphins down and...yeah. This is pretty much the first time I?ve had anyone I could even call a friend, so even with other dolphins I?m not used to having someone to talk to. It?s not any easier with humans, trust me.?

Surprisingly, Sango looked perfectly calm as she spoke - perhaps she?d had plenty of time to come to terms with this. Pulling her head up, she managed a smile as she looked brightly into Koishi?s eyes.

?But, well, I believe in those stories. I think you humans are flawed, and you make a few really dumb mistakes now and again. But somewhere, deep down beneath everything, you really do have the world?s best interests in mind.?

The dolphin stood up from her makeshift seat, standing eye-to-eye with Koishi now. She placed a hand on the Siren?s shoulder, looking into her eyes for some form of conviction.

?I trust you, Koishi-san. Don?t let me down, okay??

Koishi wasn?t sure how to reply. Placing her trust of humanity in Koishi?s hands? Wasn?t Sango overdoing this a little? What if Koishi messed up? What if there was another misunderstanding about phone calls and misplaced hands and-

Stop. You?re worrying again, aren?t you?

The word jumped into her head, cutting her thought process short. Sango?s glare was as intent as before.

You?ll be fine, Koishi-san. I?ve seen enough of you to know that.

That was enough to relieve Koishi of her concerns. She wasn?t quite able to trust herself, but if Sango could find something worth having faith in then she could as well. The Siren nodded, the solemn look leaving her face.

?Alright. I?ll do your folks proud.?

?You?d better, or my old man?s gonna jump outta the sea and kick your ass!?

-----

She?d taken this trip to the bakery dozens of times before, but this one felt different from every time before it. She?d never come here for any reason other than to chug down a quick excuse for a breakfast, so this was her first time seeing the bakery in the evening. The sun began to set in the distance, hitting the building at just the right angle to turn the walls a radiant shade of crimson.

Tacky wasn?t the word that Koishi was looking for. Distressing seemed closer to the mark.

?Y?know, I should just stop doubting myself. I KNEW I sensed something here earlier. Sakuya hangs around this place so often she?s left a mark on the place - magically, at least. I caught it yesterday, but I didn?t press it...?

Koishi was only paying enough attention to catch the rough subject of Sango's rant. Her attention was focused on the frankly puzzling choice of paint. Was it designed to turn that colour in the sunset? Was the Scarlet Bakery supposed to be some ingenious pun?

She shrugged the thought off. In the end, even if the decor was questionable, the food was second-to-none, and that was all a bakery really needed. More importantly, all of this was irrelevant compared to the hunt for Sakuya.

Koishi walked up to the doorway, once again checking that the store was open. They?d made it here within fifteen minutes of closing time, which was a relief. She poked her head through, trying her best to act casual. She knew Sakuya would recognise her as the bunnygirl from last night, so it was best to just play it slow-

?What in the name of all that?s right and logical do you think you?ve been doing?!?

The sound of an argument breaking out in the backroom killed off that idea in a hurry. It was the voice of the woman who?d taken the counter yesterday - Patchouli, had she called herself? It was difficult to believe that a girl in such poor health could shout with such volume, and sure enough she spluttered slightly as she caught her breath.

Koishi knew she wasn?t meant to eavesdrop on conversations like this, but there was more at stake than simple manners. There was only one person Patchouli could be so angry at, and Koishi needed to get hold of that person no matter what. She entered the store completely, the argument drowning out the sound of her entry as Sango followed behind.

?I?ve been raising money. And if you?re done with the counting, I think you?ll agree that this is a generous sum.?

Sakuya?s voice carried through, but only barely. Compared to the livid Patchouli, she sounded almost eerily calm. Koishi knew she was in the presence of not only an angry fellow employee, but she was also in the possession of millions of yen. None of it rightfully hers, and its owners would very much want it back. Staying so utterly calm in a situation left Koishi unsure if she should be impressed or just plain disturbed.

Wait. Raising money?

This was something she?d never considered. Sakuya had won herself a fortune, but what exactly did she plan to do with it? Koishi had assumed she?d blow it on the usual suspects - big houses, flashy cars, trips to resorts across the world, things like that. From the way she?d said she was ?raising? money, Sakuya seemed to already have a plan for how every single yen was going to be spent.

From the tone of her voice, Patchouli didn?t approve of this plan.

?Don?t you realise this is just another false lead?! You?ve visited every specialist in the nation by now! What will it take you to accept that there is no cure fo-?

?Don?t say that.?

Again, an utterly cold remark from Sakuya, silencing Patchouli mid-sentence. Even from a whole room away the words were enough to chill Koishi?s blood. There was a grim determination in Sakuya?s voice - one that wasn?t set to listen to rhyme or reason.

?I owe her my life, and it?s a debt I intend to repay. No matter what it takes. Do you understand??

There was no response. Koishi could make out a grunt of some sort on Patchouli?s part, but words had failed her. Even from here Koishi could tell that nothing the asthmatic had to say would sway Sakuya?s conviction. Silence hung in the air for a few seconds, with Koishi and Sango doing their best not to disturb it.

?Well, now that?s been cleared up I have a meeting to attend. Apologies for my disappearance, and I will be back on duty as normal tomorrow morning. Good night, Patchouli.?

Footsteps made their way back out of the building through the back door, a tinny ringing signalling Sakuya?s exit. Wordlessly, Koishi looked over to Sango.

Do we follow her?

Sango nodded. They were losing their trail fast, and it was too dangerous to leave Sakuya unguarded. Before anything else Morichika would be after her, and on top of that there was the ever-present risk of the Black Claw finding another Siren on the loose. That meant there could be two different parties both baying for Sakuya?s blood, so any time leaving her unguarded was a risk.

The pair broke for the door at once, set to loop around and follow Sakuya to wherever her destination was. They weren?t as subtle with their exit as they had been with their entry, and the loud ringing from the door was more than enough to alert Patchouli of their presence.

Or at least, their former presence. By the time the employee made her way back into the main room, there was only a slowly closing door to greet her.

-----

Koishi and Sango couldn?t afford to be aggressive here. Sakuya was smart, and if she caught the sight of them tailing her any chance of trust would be out the window. Just trailing behind her would be too obvious, so they had to find another way of keeping track.

Fortunately, one of them had just the right tool for that.

?She?s really getting into the darker part of town, isn?t she, phwee? ...Next left.?

Sango?s inbuilt Siren-sonar was working its wonders again. They couldn?t see her, but they were just close enough that the dolphin could still sense her presence. Following behind from a safe distance, the pair found themselves well off the beaten track, twisting and turning through some of Gensouto?s less cheerful streets.

The sun had just about set by now, and only the occasional light from a window stopped Koishi from walking head-on into a wall. There were no streetlights in these alleyways - another area forgotten by the building planners, it seemed. The smell of cigarette smoke made Koishi cough a little, but Sango was outright choking on the fumes. She?d never experienced the joys of second-hand smoking before, and it was an experience she?d rather remained forgotten.

The path Sakuya took was deliberately complicated and ornate. Sure enough, she was suspicious of being followed, and more than once the Siren had set a trap and turned the path around on itself to see if there was anyone behind her. Only the most skilled of rogues would have been able to follow her unseen - assuming they weren?t cheating dolphins who saw all of this coming well before they had any right to.

?I feel almost bad for her, phwee...think she?s giving up. She?s heading outta the alley now.?

Giving Sakuya the usual thirty-second head start, Koishi and her steed were all too glad to be out of the backstreets. They weren?t in the nicest part of town, but there was no need to worry about some random passer-by stabbing them for a laugh. Koishi wasn?t very familiar with these parts, so it was a relief she was following rather than leading.

After a good half hour of walking, Sakuya finally made it to her destination. Koishi and Sango finally caught up with her, keeping behind a nearby pillar and only poking out to look once or twice. Sakuya was standing at the entrance to a private medical clinic, one that from the look of the faded neon sign had seen better days. The doors took painfully long to open for her despite supposedly being automatic. Sakuya simply shrugged and stepped inside, visible behind the glass door for a few seconds before walking out of sight.

Sakuya?s two newest fans followed in behind her, sharing in the long, dull wait for the front door. It creaked as if the mechanism running it was three times older than it really was. Maybe while they were here Koishi would suggest that someone oil this thing up a little.

Immediately they were faced with a receptionist, looking utterly unprofessional. She was more preoccupied by the flowers on her desk than the large pile of papers that she was expected to file through. Worse, there was a little note written on the flowerpot blatantly stating ?WARNING - SUZURAN FLOWER, HIGHLY POISONOUS. DO NOT TOUCH.? That was perhaps enough to explain the gloves on the receptionist?s hands.

Suddenly, Koishi could understand why this clinic wasn?t Gensouto?s favourite.

After a good ten seconds of shuffling, the receptionist finally noticed there were even more patients to be seen to. She jerked to attention, fiddling with the red ribbon in her hair and trying to act as if none of the above had ever happened.

?Uh...good evening, and welcome to the Asakura National Health Clinic. Do you have an appointment, or is this your first time??

There was makeup all over her face, Koishi could see. She?d overdone it, to the point where she looked more like a doll than a person. Not the time or the place to mention it, unfortunately.

?Hello. I was here along with Izayoi-san? She just came by, I think.?

A look of understanding jumped to the receptionist?s face. Her lips formed a perfect o as she nodded, her hand still absent-mindedly playing with the flowers.

?Oh, you?re with the rich girl? Yeah, she?s seeing Dr. Asakura right now. Down the corridor, third room on the left, but it?s pri-?

Koishi and Sango were on their way down the corridor before the receptionist had even finished speaking. The woman was left to herself once again, looking at the flower-pot for a moment as if for solace.

?...Suu-san, why are all the customers so rude today??

-----

Koishi had never been fond of hospitals, and clinics were only one step down from that. The too-clean smell of antiseptic hung in the air, and the bright white walls almost burned themselves into her eyes. Sango sniffed at the air and seemed to find it to her liking, but had turned her head downwards to look at the immaculately clean floor instead. With the inside this well kept, it was a very good question as to why the outside hadn?t seen any repair for some time.

Each of the rooms for appointments was linked to this corridor by a door and a window, with curtains available in the event that a patient wanted strict privacy with their doctor. The third door on the left was locked tight, but the curtains hadn?t been set up, allowing Koishi and Sango to see inside with ease.

Sakuya sat in a rigid-looking chair, her eyes fixated on the doctor. A glimmer of hope hung in her eyes, but beyond that her face showed no sign of emotion. Across from her, a woman in a long white labcoat was counting through the money one last time, a look of amazement fresh on her face. Even doctors didn?t see this much money - at least, not all at once. At several points Koishi saw the doctor adjusting her glasses slightly, blinking, confirming that what she was looking at wasn?t some sort of hallucination.

Sound didn?t travel through the window, so Koishi and Sango were left to try and interpret lips as the pair held a discussion. Neither of them were fluent with it, and a lot of complicated scientific words were being thrown about. They were only able to pick up on several words that were repeated several times over - ?scarlet?, ?genetic code?, ?DNA?, and ?revolutionary research?. The last one in particular seemed important to Sakuya, causing her to nod violently every time it came up.

The doctor sighed. She seemed guilty, for reasons that Koishi couldn?t quite place. Was Sakuya terminally ill? Had she just been told that she was going to die unless some miraculous treatment came through?

As if to answer Koishi?s question the doctor turned to a nearby closet, pulling it open while looking at Sakuya head-on. As a man stepped out from the inside, pointing a gun straight at Sakuya?s head, Koishi felt her stomach fall through the floor. Two words slipped out of the doctor?s mouth, and Koishi knew what they were even without hearing them.

?I?m sorry.?

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #134 on: February 15, 2011, 10:40:24 PM »
And now it's Sango's solemn and sworn duty as an oceanic creature to shout out "It's a trap!". Oh, and silly dolphins with their silly anti groping contracts: doesn't she know that all Koishi needs to do is flush that thing down the toilet, and then the little dolphin would be in her hands?

Also, you like making Rikako a villain, don't you?

GuyYouMetOnline

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #135 on: February 15, 2011, 11:12:39 PM »
You know, for some reason I think Sakuya can get out of this just fine on her own (time powers and all that).

Anyways, you've got me wondering a few things. One ongoing story question on my mind is just what the Claw wants the Teardrops for. If they only wanted to make people aware of magic, simply showing it in public would be enough, right? So clearly they have some other goal. The obvious one, of course, is unsealing the Ravager, but I don't think they'd be that dumb (since, you know, they'd inevitably end up failing to control it). So I'm not sure what their objectives really are.

Anyways, you've also got me thinking about who the remaining four Sirens are, so...

*Cue theme music*
[announcer voice]It's time to play 'Guess the Sirens'![/announcer voice]

Sorry.

Anyways, here are my own current guesses:

Nue: Given the whole 'Yukari planned all this' think, it's important to think about what skills people would bring to the group, and call me crazy, but I'd s ay that having a shapeshifter around (and one who can conceal what others look like, at that) would come in handy.
Youmu: Sword skills, plain and simple.
Kaguya: The team doesn't have a true 'spellcaster' type yet (Koishi's the closet, but she's clearly an all-rounder type). Also, there's the whole relationship with Mokou. The only problem I see here is that Sango didn't sense a Siren when the group passed by Eientei previously, but it's very possible that Kaguya simply wasn't there at the time. Still, though, this is the one I'm the most uncertain about.
Satori: I really shouldn't have to say anything about this one.

Yeah, so those are my current guesses. They are, of course, likely to change as the story progresses. Anyways...

[announcer voice]Will the next contestant please come for-*shot*

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #136 on: February 15, 2011, 11:20:52 PM »
My thoughts on who could be the other Sirens were shot dead with the reveal of Sakuya: I was thinking Ex-Bosses.

So, my guess will be along the line of (D&D) elements:
Spoiler:
Mokou's obviously the element of Fire, so I'm guessing Murasa as element of Water, Unzan Aya as the element of Air, Namazu Shikeiki as the element of ROCK eh, someone as Earth, and Koishi as the Fifth Element: Lilu. Then, the five elements combine to form the element of Magic, who is... uh... someone. Let's just say Marisa, I guess. And Sakuya's the element of Time.

Yeah, that's totally right. Uh huh.

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #137 on: February 16, 2011, 02:08:07 AM »
...and now I'm caught up with all your stories and all I have to say is I think I love you well done, you really are outstandingly good at this.

That and Sango's a great character =]
« Last Edit: February 16, 2011, 02:09:54 AM by Kyoukaishi »

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #138 on: February 16, 2011, 02:25:48 AM »
Okay, another theory for the Sirens, only instead using the Elements of Harmony from "My Little Ponies: Friendship Is Magic"!

Yes, I seriously am going there.

Obviously, Sakuya represents loyalty. Really, there's no need to explain that one. Mokou represents either generosity or kindness, most likely kindness due to the big sisterly attitude she's taken with Cirno and Koishi. So, the ones that are left are honesty, laughter, generosity, and magic.

So, for honesty I think Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, or, rather, Shikieiki Yamada, is a good fit: her ability to see things in black and white won't allow her to disguise the truth. For generosity, it's also an obvious choice: Shou Toramaru; she is a disciple of Bishamonten, or Vaiśravaṇa, who, according to my Wikipedia search, is often depicted with a mongoose ejecting jewels from its mouth, a symbol of, guess what, generosity. For laughter, it was a difficult one, until I remembered that one of the more successful participants in the M-1 Grand Prix was the shrine maiden Reimu Hakurei. As for why I didn't consider her partner Marisa Kirisame for that role, it's because she's the only one left for the element of magic: Patchouli has been seen already, and discarded as a choice, Byakuren is obviously Shou's mother (natural or adopted is the question) and thus eliminated because magical girls aren't allowed to be old, and Alice, being a puppeteer, is automatically evil.

And Koishi's the element of, I dunno, talking to animals or something.

... Swimsuits. Koishi's the element of swimsuits.

EDIT: This was done in good fun, and no offense was meant.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2011, 02:38:38 AM by Sect »

GuyYouMetOnline

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #139 on: February 16, 2011, 04:12:22 AM »
...There's something wrong with you. Really.

Marokuu

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #140 on: February 16, 2011, 11:00:21 AM »
Dangit Sect I think you've gotten one too many Orins to the head.

In other news there's one thing that I just noticed that's bugging me; is Koishi human or not? Sango said "You humans" in this episode but I'm fairly sure Koishi was stated to have her third eye earlier.

I'm certain the whole magic being hidden thing was explained earlier but I forgot :fail:
My first attempt at storywriting, looking for critique

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Esifex

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #141 on: February 17, 2011, 07:11:47 AM »
Humans are quasi-magical as well, but they just can't tap into it because their minds block it out. Once Koishi was made aware of it, she couldn't stop seeing it everywhere - especially since her near-death experience jarred her perception a little and she started seeing signs of the magic everywhere... namely, funky shades of hair color.

Marokuu

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #142 on: February 17, 2011, 11:53:06 AM »
Humans are quasi-magical as well, but they just can't tap into it because their minds block it out. Once Koishi was made aware of it, she couldn't stop seeing it everywhere - especially since her near-death experience jarred her perception a little and she started seeing signs of the magic everywhere... namely, funky shades of hair color.
So does that mean Koishi is a quasi-satori? And cirno was a quasi-fairy for example?
My first attempt at storywriting, looking for critique

Avatar schizophrenia? I don't know what you're talking about.

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #143 on: February 17, 2011, 04:33:01 PM »
I thought everyone was human with hidden magic powers...?
And yeah, what Esifex said about the signs of magic stuff.

Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #144 on: February 17, 2011, 04:46:50 PM »
As I understood it, Koishi, Cirno, and Mokou are all human. However, their latent powers resemble that of the satori, ice fairy, and pheonix.

Marokuu

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #145 on: February 17, 2011, 07:41:03 PM »
I was thinking something like that but it was nagging me... thanks for the clarifications :)
My first attempt at storywriting, looking for critique

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FinnKaenbyou

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #146 on: February 25, 2011, 11:41:43 PM »
I've been leaving poor Sakuya at gunpoint for days. Think she deserves some closure. :<

-----

This was bad. In fact, this was worse than bad. This was about as bad as things could possibly get. Sakuya was being held at gunpoint, and there wasn’t much either of them could do to stop it.

Sakuya, as usual, seemed the least shocked of anyone in the room. She glared down the gun barrel with an expression that read more like disappointment than fear. She gave the doctor an angry glare. She’d been betrayed, in the worst way possible.

Koishi felt her chest tightening up. She looked over to Sango, sending a desperate thought across to her.

Can’t she use her time-powers or whatever it was she did last night to get out of this?!

Sango didn’t respond for a moment, simply biting her lip. The slow shaking of her head did nothing to calm Koishi down.

If she could, I’m pretty sure she’d have done it by now. I dunno if she’s even aware she can do it.

Now Koishi was just plain confused. She looked over to Sakuya, then to Sango, then back to Sakuya.

But she did it last night, didn’t she? We saw her! We felt it!

Sango sighed forcefully. Koishi could see her hands balling up, almost set to punch through the window.

Koishi-san, sometimes people find ways to access their powers by accident. In a little good-luck charm, or some sort mental ritual or something like that. It’s likely Sakuya just thinks that whole ‘focus on the card thing’ makes her luckier, and she doesn’t even realise she’s changing the deck.

Koishi needed a few moments to digest what Sango was telling her. All it did was make the gaping hole in her stomach even deeper. She didn’t need Sango to finish the line of thought for her - if Sakuya didn’t know about her own powers, there was no way she could bail herself out of this situation.

Koishi’s hand reached down into her pocket, where the Teardrop had been lying dormant for weeks now. If they went in the normal way, the goon would have more than enough time to kill his target, so their only hope was a surprise attack from out here.

Wait, you can’t-

Sango didn’t even have time to get the thought across before Koishi had pulled the Teardrop from her pocket. The gem seemed to understand the need for haste, and only a single glove appeared on the hand she’d clenched it in. It would be enough.

She gave the dolphin insignia a tiny click.

“Iruka Shot.”

The declaration was small, understated. The sound of shattering glass that it promptly produced, less so.

Everyone in the room was too far away to be affected by the exploding window, but the noise caught all of their attentions. The doctor’s face morphed into shock, the goon’s head jerked around, and Sakuya wore an expression that could almost have been mistaken for surprise.

The small ball of energy caught its target in the head. Koishi had made sure to undercharge it - after all, killing was the one thing she’d never stoop to - and it’d leave the target with at the most a nasty bruise.

When he instead turned into a pile of mackerel, things grew slightly more awkward.

“Uh.”

Koishi managed a muttered display of shock at that. The surreal nature of the moment was trebled by that moment, and the effects were instant. Now Sakuya was definitely looking out of her depth, and in response to all of this madness the doctor had done the most sensible thing possible and passed out.

The immediate danger past, Koishi leapt through what had once been the window, taking care not to land on any of the largest glass shards on the way in. Sakuya blinked rapidly, trying to somehow get her bearings in this totally alien situation. The face of her saviour rang a distant bell in the back of her head, and a name absently fell off her tongue.

“...Flopsy?”

Koishi resisted the urge to shiver. That was not a name she wanted anyone calling her again within this lifetime. Still, she had to nod in response so that Sakuya didn’t think she’d been saved by a total stranger.

Sadly, the fact she knew Koishi did nothing to relieve Sakuya of her current stress. She’d caught a sight of the orb as it flew towards her aggressor, and it was nothing natural. Not only that, the man it had hit was...no longer a man. In fact by now a puddle had formed along the floor, and the fish sunk into it and promptly disappeared.

It took all of her mental fortitude to stay conscious, let alone offer any sort of coherent response. Koishi had to shake her a little.

“Call me Koishi. You okay?”

Sakuya absent-mindedly nodded. Her eyes fell on the briefcase again - still full to the brim with gang money. For a moment Koishi thought she was about to take it out with her, but instead she scribbled a note on it and left it on top. Then she quickly took Koishi by the arm, and started pulling her out of the room.

If it wasn’t for the fact they’d already attracted more than enough attention, Koishi would have spoken up about how she was meant to be the one saving Sakuya, not the other way around.

Sango followed on from behind, her face still frozen in a shocked glance. The trio darted out the clinic once again, passing a stunned-looking receptionist on the way out. They caught her muttering something about world domination to her flowers and wisely decided to ignore her entirely.

Even after they’d cleared the clinic they didn’t stop running - there could easily have been another goon in the clinic to clean up in case his partner failed. It wasn’t until they were well around the corner and certain no-one was following that they stopped to catch their breaths.

“It’s funny,” Sakuya said to herself, still slightly delirious about what she’d just witnessed. “Every time I run into you, I need to run for my life from someone.”

Koishi had to laugh at that. It was funny, and more importantly everyone was safe and she could relax. The tension that had built up inside her over that dilemma seeped out, and she could breathe again.

Sango, on the other hand, was less than pleased.

“K-Koishi-san, what did you do that for!? You’re not supposed to use magic in public! What if they caught you on camera?!”

The dolphin was beside herself with distress. What Koishi had just done violated every rule the White Pearl had. The doctor might have been exposed to magic now, and if anyone caught footage of it there would be uproar. That’d lead to all sorts of risks, because once these exposures started they could spread like wildfire, and half the nation could be aware of magic again within the week. If Nitori heard about this, she’d be giving Koishi hell for sure.

Yet Koishi didn’t cower. She didn’t even flinch from Sango’s rant, looking her straight in the eyes.

“I thought I told you, Sango-san. I’m not letting anyone die on my watch.”

Sango started on an answer for a moment, but it died in her throat. In the end, Koishi was right - if they hadn’t stepped in somehow, Sakuya would have a bullet lodged in her head right about now. Maybe Koishi wasn’t the most forward-thinking person Sango had met, but she couldn’t deny that she’d saved a life right there.

Sakuya blinked at the word magic, and still seemed just as confused as before.

“Well, I’d just like to say that I’m personally in favour of her actions, whether you account for my opinion or not. Now, would you care to explain what you just did to that man?”

Again with the explanations. Koishi sort of wished they could skip this part, but she was a little curious as well. Unless her glove just gave her the power to turn people into fish, they’d unintentionally made a big discovery.

“...That wasn’t a man,” Sango said, putting her temper to one side momentarily. “That...creature was with a group we call the Black Claw...and they apparently have ties with your gangster friends.”

-----

“What do you mean, she escaped?”

It took big things to shift the smile from Rinnosuke Morichika’s face. Learning that millions of yen had evaded him for the second time was a sufficiently large event for that response.

The woman sitting across from him did not appear as angry as her compatriot was. Her expression was one of simple frustration as she tapped incessantly against the table, not bothering to pay attention to the petty art Morichika had insisted on hanging up. She’d have been able to draw better, with her eyes closed, after a dozen shots and a dose of morphine.

“My apologies. The group who helped her escape last night apparently followed her, and eliminated the guard I sent to apprehend Miss Izayoi.”

‘Eliminated’ wasn’t the right word, per se. Her subject had fled the scene and reported to her immediately; Komeiji and her White Pearl cohort had stepped into her plans once again. If they hadn’t intervened, she’d have simply had the fishman retrieve the body and return it to her, and she’d be able to extract the Teardrop from Izayoi’s lifeless body.

But of course, thanks to a more-than-convenient appearance at last night’s casino game, that had all fallen apart.

It was Kawashiro running this operation. She was well aware of it. They’d bumped into each other more than once in the corridors, and she’d seen the resemblance instantly. Kawashiro wouldn’t recognise her - she’d had some of this new-fangled cosmetic surgery humans were so in love with, and taken specific measures to hide her power just like the kappa had.

But she couldn’t act. Not without putting everything thus far in jeopardy. She had to maintain her human contacts, keep an eye on where the Sirens would be emerging, or else she would be handing over the war to Kawashiro for nothing. She’d have her fun eventually - patience, patience was what she needed to show here.

It was also precisely what Rinnosuke was lacking, but the loss of fortunes has a habit of making people impulsive.

“So, what are you doing to make up for this? How do you plan to get me my money back?”

The woman shrugged, nonchalantly. This man was too simple-minded for his position sometimes. It had been easy to win his trust; she had both money to finance operations, and if necessary she had men to carry them out. Or at least, creatures who looked enough like men to fool him.

“I’ll pay back your debt personally. Cash, of course, just how you like it. But leave the hunt for Miss Izayoi to me.”

The amount lost would be a sizable chunk of her finances, but it was payable. The last thing she needed was to have Morichika turn on her now. At the sound of her offer, the man’s expression loosened slightly. This was the first time she’d let him down, and if she was willing to pay for her short comings he was willing to give her a second chance.

“...Alright. If there’s anything I can do to help you track that bitch down, let me know.”

There. That was just what she’d been looking for him to say. He had a personal grudge against Izayoi now, and they knew where she lived. If she asked he’d probably send dozens of soldiers into the streets to fill her with lead. Too aggressive, in her opinion. Too blatant. She didn’t need any of that unnecessary distraction, and in a more practical sense the police would undoubtedly get a solid charge against Morichika if they were too forceful with this.

She would only ask one thing of him, and it would likely make all the difference.

“Tell me, where can I find this Tewi girl of yours?”
« Last Edit: February 26, 2011, 08:44:25 AM by Rou You Can »

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #147 on: February 26, 2011, 12:06:08 AM »
Okay having the goon burst into a pile of fish might have been the greatest thing I've read all week.

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GuyYouMetOnline

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #148 on: February 26, 2011, 05:04:12 AM »
Yeah, I thought Tewi'd probably end up getting mind-leeched.

I have to say, though, that I did not expect Sakuya's freezing time, getting up, walking over to the dealer, and putting the fifth king on the top of the deck to have happened without her realizing it. Especially since it really felt like she was planning that all along. She used that first hand to goad Tewi into payback mode, resulting in Tewi signaling the dealer to draw her in with a high-value hand before dropping the royal flush. That, of course, resulted in her getting four-of-a-kind kings. It seems odd to me that she'd go through all that and then just hope that the fifth king was dealt, even if she does think she's got something that helps her get lucky. So I'm not ready to rule out that she has at least some knowledge of what she can do.

And you're really got me trying to figure out who the Black Claw woman is. She's obviously someone from the school, but the question is: who? This, of course, is made difficult to figure out by the fact that there are a lot of candidates there that we simply haven't seen yet, so it's more than just a 'which one of these people is it?' sort of thing. However, that plastic surgery comment makes me wonder. I'm trying to identify which characteres have some type of appearance-altering ability; that's the sort of thing that's likely to translate into plastic surgery. On the other hand, this woman is fully aware of what she is, so if she had such an ability, she wouldn't need plastic surgery. Which leads me to look towards PC-98 characters who've appeared in the Windows games, a list which, as far as I know, consists only of Reimu, Marisa, Alice, and Yuuka. I don't know what PC-98 Yuuka looks like, but I do know that the appearence of the other three changed from the PC-98 games to the Windows games, which makes it likely that Yuuka's did, as well. And of those four, I think Yuuka's the most likely candidate. Don't think I've finalized my theory, thoughs. This is just my current thoughts; I haven't arrived at a final theory yet.

Anyways, good stuff as always, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Sakuya is aware that if she focuses just right on the deck, she can make insane things happen. As far as she's aware, she's just really lucky.

That would mean she is aware that she's doing something, though, right? So she has at least some awareness, just very little. Enough to come up with her plan for winning, but not enough to realize what she's actually doing.
« Last Edit: February 26, 2011, 02:44:11 PM by GuyYouMetOnline »

Cystral Dragon

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Re: Dolphin Rider Koishi
« Reply #149 on: February 27, 2011, 06:44:39 AM »
Persona 4?
No really! When I watched Koishi enter the mind I thought of the shadows from Persona 4! Trying to see everybody with ordinary hair color is hard though. I think the oh so mysterious teacher is Keine. Why? I tell you: 1/2 Youkai. I think it would make an interesting view point too.
Well I should've made it Prince of Void.