Author Topic: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!  (Read 248972 times)

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #150 on: April 13, 2011, 05:32:35 AM »
You know the phrase "You see to believe"? Gensokyo is based off DISbelief, as in, the things people do not believe in. It makes a bit of sense that every resident is made of disbelief, and only those who believe can see them.

That or they have such a high level of magical power that human eyes cannot comprehend it.

You know, I'm a bit surprised by that. It reminds me of a setting where magic can only work on people who believe in it, otherwise they're immune. When the Seagulls Cry - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umineko_no_Naku_Koro_ni

I'd say I don't get it, but that's not entirely true. It's more like I can't quite comprehend the logic behind a world where magic, in spite of being run of disbelief, can be used on disbelievers, and the creatures are powered by the disbelief of people and yet ironically magic can only be seen by believers.

But I think as long as I understand the demons are invisible to non-believers the details for why won't be important.

Kips McKipzerson

  • I never did learn
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #151 on: April 13, 2011, 05:38:33 AM »
Fuck, I remember seeing a movie one time.
Basically there were demons or something killing people in the real world, even though the people couldn't see them. I believe it was filled with crackpot conspiracy theories, that the demons were paid by the goverment not to get revealed, so the bodies were modified after their souls were sucked to make it seem like they died in gunfire or something. The fact that the main character was one of the few people that could see demons (and only one to kill them too), makes it so that, again, "You see to believe."

That also furthers the fact that there are things you see that you cannot believe, and vice versa. Really, I could go on a whole philosophical rant, But sadly when my brain actually DOES work at full capacity, its only for a short while, and I feel like taking a nap.

Unroyal Paladin

  • A paladin, although not yet approved to be royal.
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #152 on: April 17, 2011, 04:20:14 PM »
I already have a story going, but...  :blush:  I had another idea that I haven't materialized yet, and is currently just a *cough* skeleton *cough* .

LULLABY TO HELL
_______________

The Prismrivers were always known of causing a mess everywhere they pass, but now they really went and did it. They created a music piece, which effect is to raise the dead. They didn't do it too well, fizzled up in the middle, and along new Humans which have been revived by the effect, Skeletons and Undead started to roam Gensokyo, and Reimu was forced to go and beat those zombies off Gensokyo. Komachi started seeing NEGATIVE VALUE lifespans above some humans and all skeletons, reporting it to Shikieiki. Meanwhile, Yuyuko and Youmu do actions too, since the spirits were suddenly disappearing from Hakugyoukuro.

From Orin's side, she's not too happy about it - it means more work for her, because every corpse revived as a skeleton doubles the amount of corpses she has to burn in the blazing fires, but too many corpses burnt there will cause the flames to grow out of control. Its a struggle of balance for her.
What's strange was, that Reimu first thought that the incident maker was actually Orin, so she got underground first, and made a mess there.
Next, Reimu really went to Hakugyoukuro, and after a pointless Danmaku battle, Youmu got to say that it wasn't her. The same happened with Yuyuko, except that Yuyuko was more playful with words before the battle, a thing which made Reimu suspect a little bit too much. Yuyuko's ability didn't help the negotiation.
*After a little bit whacking in danmaku from Reimu*
Yuyuko told Reimu that spirits are disappearing from Hakugyoukuro, probably as a side effect, and that it isn't their doing as they would cause unnecesarry trouble.
Meanwhile, the Prismrivers were going through Gensokyo, particulary above the human village, playing their newfound piece of music. This made a whole hell of a mess in the human village, the dead reviving and returning to their families, so many reuniting people, and also the skeletons from the Prismrivers' little screw ups in the notes, all made noises coming from that direction.
That was what Reimu heard on her way back, and she wasn't happy from what she saw.
She raised an eyebrow at the sight of the Prismrivers, who as a response, sweated badly...
After a whole hour or two of Reimu beating the **** out of the Prismriver sisters, all three of them went back with shame of their little incident.

((For teh surprise, Orin isn't the main character. Although the title is 'Lullaby to hell'.))

Heres the comment from the Prismriver sisters Aya got during the incident: "Bring out yer dead!"  :D

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #153 on: April 19, 2011, 04:01:26 AM »
I'm not sure if this is the right place to show it, but I'm thinking of going back to one of my old stories. This is a rough draft of a new chapter, so I was hoping to get some suggestions, or at least know if my approach is correct. Spoiler tags because it's not finished. EDIT: by suggestions, I mean style-wise. I already know the direction of the plot, but could use some pointers about good writing.

Spoiler:
The two girls found themselves at the entrance of an abandoned power plant overlooking the sea. It took some effort to reach, as the roads were little trod except by the occasional pokemon trainer; most travelers see no reason to visit, and even trainers looking for electric types tend to prefer to get their pokemon elsewhere. They entered the doorway, the doors long ago having fallen off their hinges, and entered the gloom of the plant’s main lobby.

“Hello? Anyone home?” Cirno yelled, but nothing responded back.

“Let’s keep going.” Mokou said, passing the reception desk into a side door labeled AUTHORIZED PERSONEL ONLY. The pair found themselves in a dark hallway.

“Anyone here?” Cirno asked the darkness, which responded with a definitive silence.

“Charmander, give us a light.” Mokou said, releasing Charmander from its pokeball. The lizard’s flame lit up the room. It was a fairly long hallway, silent except for the cackling of Charmander’s flame. Cirno was the first to break this silence, rushing to the first door she found, which was labeled MEN.

“Mokou, what’s this thing?”

“That’s a bathroom.”

“No, not that, this!” Cirno was pointing to a line of porcelain bowls attached to the wall of the bathroom, each one possessing its own metal lever. Mokou, although somewhat familiar with recent trends in plumbing, had never seen these before either.

“I don’t know. It looks like a funny toilet.”

“Hm…” Cirno said. She grabbed the level and pressed it down. Nothing happened. She pressed the lever down again. Nothing happened. She started pumping the level up and down furiously, before crossing her arms and whining, “I think it’s broken.”

“Probably. I doubt anyone’s been here in years,” Mokou said.

“This room’s boring,” Cirno pouted.  “Let’s try another!” The ice fairy raced out of the bathroom and went to a room marked GENERATOR. This room was huge, and it was full of strange machines. There was a particularly large one set into the middle, the generator itself. Sunlight shined down from occasional patches in the ceiling, where age and a lack of maintenance allowed the ceiling to collapse. Across the room from the pair a single monitor was lit. A pokeball-shaped paperweight rested on the desk next to the computer, which flashed error codes across a blue screen. Cirno approached the desk, and started pressing keys on the keyboard. The screen stayed static. She frowned, and furiously bashed the keys. “Mokou, can you make this thing wo-” but Cirno was cut off by a screech, as the paperweight opened its eyes.


EDIT: Adding more of the chapter:

Spoiler:
“Charmander, use ember now!”

“Char!” Charmander threw flames from its tale onto the living pokeball. The pokemon exploded in Cirno’s still dazed face, blasting shards of ice fairy in every direction, including Mokou’s. Frozen splinters embedded themselves in Mokou’s face, to which the girl didn’t so much as flinch. Charmander looked up to its master, tilted its head and asked “Char?”

“She’s fine.” Mokou answered, mostly to herself as she began picking the shrapnel out of her forehead. “She’s always fine.” Mokou took out her pokedex, and scanned the pokeball that just attacked them.

“VOLTORB,” a mechanical voice began. “The ball POK?MON. It bears an uncanny and unexplained resemblance to a POK? BALL. Because it explodes at the slightest shock, even veteran TRAINERS treat it with caution.”

Suddenly, all the computer monitors started flashing static at Mokou. She glanced left and right before whirling around to face the threat. But she was alone in the room. She returned to the monitors and saw a shadow flicker behind the static of one. Slowly, shaking slightly, she crept to the offending screen. Just behind the static was a muffled image of something. Mokou could almost make out what it was. If she was just a little closer…

A bright orange pokemon exploded out of the static at lighting speeds. Mokou fell backwards with a yelp, her pokedex clanking on the floor.

“ROTOM, the Plasma POK?MON. It can possess a trainer’s POK?DEX. It then proceeds to haunt its host until it steals the trainer’s soul.” The mechanical voice said. It then began laughing as it slowly found its way into the air. “Tremble in fear, mortal, I will haunt you for eternity!”

“Is that a promise?” Mokou asked, regaining her composure.

“Yes mortal,” It continued in the pokedex voice. “You’re mine until the day you die.” The pokedex glowed yellow and hurled lighting in all directions.

“Deal.” Mokou said cheerfully approaching the device.

“No, run away in fear, you fool! Can you not see I am a being far greater than yourself? Fear me! Hey, what are you doing?”

Mokou grabbed the pokedex out of the air and began banging it against the nearest wall with a little to much enthusiasm. The pokedex responded with a huge zap to the girl’s chest. “Stop it! Why aren’t you dead, mortal?”

The girl beamed back “Who said I was mortal?” and with one last slam the pokemon flew out and collapsed. With a tossed of a pokeball, the Rotom was caught.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2011, 02:44:24 AM by capt. h »

Bias Bus

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  • if you're better than me
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #154 on: May 04, 2011, 04:19:44 PM »
A section about the WitchSpecies in my original setting.

Spoiler:
Witches are magical beings given rise from the care of Aradia a powerful demi-goddess who studied under the god of magic and thus was blessed with tremendous magical capabilities and prowess. When the demi-goddess came to Earth, she shared her knowledge and powers with a select few of young maidens who were, in turn, also blessed with its power. These teachings would later snowball into the creation of witches who would come to inherit the gifts from the ancestors who apprenticed under Aradia. The birth of the witch, however, proved to be a mistake during the ancient times where superstition was just as rampant as their interest in witchcraft. In these days, The Holy Order of Tengoku was in control of the world and saw the creation of the witch as a horrible act against god. Witch Hunts were staged and many of Aradia's students (along with their friends and families) were captured and killed.

This angered the older witches and would later spark an uprising between Witches and the Order. This uprising would draw the line between witches a humans and seperate them from each other all together once things settled. After the rebellion, witches cut themselves off from human society and, to this day, remain at odds with both humans and those associated with the Order. Young witches are in fact taught by their superiors that the Order is an evil organization and should never be trusted.

As of this day, the portrayal of witches has lightened up to a degree and humans are, generally more accepting of them after the Order was pushed aside and control of the world was given to the Worlds' United Federation. Witches are allowed (and even encouraged) to live alongside humans and can form a friendly relationship with them if they so desire. A majority of the Yasha see witches in a good light and are often associated with them through their relationships as their familiars. Even so, despite this widespread acceptance toward them, Witches still prefer to live away from human civilization and within their own communities where they can govern themselves accordingly rather than adhere to human customs. These communities are all overseen by a council of the wisest and oldest of their kind. This 'council' governs most of the witches in both how they can conduct their magic and to what rituals or spells are forbidden from them. Although, what seems to fall under these rules blurs heavily as the head witches themselves are regarded as twisted and don't seem to adhere to these rules themselves...

There are 4 ranks of Witches. The beginner level of witches (listed below as an 'Occultess') has to master a latent technique known as the Witch's Eye before they themselves can call themselves witches.

Occultess
-Basically, a student witch, one who (usually) has yet to master the power of the 'Witch's Eye', a critical attribute that is required of all witches to learn in order for them to be realized as a full fledged witch. Many Occultess usually apprentice under higher ranked Witches and rarely act on their own or of their own voilation (which is due to their lack of magical power). In the past, an Occultess was, more often than not, a servant to her teacher as opposed to being a student. Very rarely will a bond form between an Occultess and a Witch but, there have been a few exceptions...it often depends on the nature of the teacher and the student to ensure a healthy relationship between the two of them. Although the tradition of working under a more powerful witch still exists, many new generation Occultesses prefer to work/study solo to gain their witchood on their own. Some witches do frown upon this practice and believe that youngsters should follow their elders rather than branch out on their own. The higher ups, however, see this as a...fresh change from the usual method from centuries past. To them, an Occultess working on to gain her witch hood on her own is a welcome symbol of independency and a sign that she will be a much more capable Witch once she is realized as one. 

Witch
-A fully recognized witch and one who has far more privlages in witch society than the low ranked Occultess. By far the second most plentiful witch around, second only to an Occultess which consists of both young witches and those who are just getting into Witchcraft. A Witch usually has a title that reflects what form of magic she specializes in, although a few will choose not to have a title to preserve 'originality', something alot of the new age witches feel has faded over time within witch society.
 
Uber Witch
-The second most powerful witch, and the overseers of witch society. To become an Uber Witch is basically impossible through dedication and has to be decided at birth whether or not a witch can become one of the esteemed Uber Witches of her society. This birth right is determined if an Occultess has more than one Witch Eye (normal witches are born with only one), some are able to create their own Witch Eye, but this tends to be just as rare as having multiple Witch Eyes. So far, no other Uber Witches have been born naturally, the only ones in existance are, infact, the very first witches in history...other wise known as Aradia's Students from when she taught humans magic. These witches were able to gain their power through the fact that they were able to CREATE their own Witch Eyes as opposed to having to deal with only one.

Eld-witch
- A witch that has exceeded all aspects of the above three, having attained what many would describe as godhood through the aspects of magic and witchcraft. These types of witches would have replaced the Uber Witches as the overseers but this was all but halted when it was known that Eld-witches usually tend to abandon the Code of witches and become abominations of chaos. So far, only one Eld-witch is known to have been the most active, to which was, Cinquelle the Witch to the 5th Dimension. However, the Uber Witches tell of other Eld-witches who were also Aradia's students but split off. It is believed that they are so powerful that they are considered manifestation of the concepts they embraced (Cinquelle for example is now considered the 5th Dimension incarnate).

Terms and Techings

Witch Eye: Also known as the 'Magic Eye', is a sort of birth mark that witches are all born with and use to their advantage when casting spells. The Witch Eye is very similar to the Brain Eye that Psychics can utilize in order to tap into their psionic power. In fact, this is a copy of such a technique, the first Witch's Eye to appear coming from a witch who was good friends with a Psionics user, said user told the witch of the many uses and functions of the Brain Eye and thus she was able to formulate the Witch's Eye by pouring her magical energies into the brain eye she had mastered. The Witch's Eye is crucial for the recognition of a young witch as the eye itself helps them see the flow of magic itself in order for them to manipulate it at a greater level. Humans can possess a Witch Eye, but won't become witches due to their lack of potential in spellcasting (for this reason, a Witch Eye in the possession of a human is known as a Spellbinder).

Witch Ladder: A magical technique (often mistaken as a seperate device) used by experienced Witches to ignore magical boundaries and cross over into other realms through the use of dimensional magic. A Witch Ladder can only be used if a witch has opened her 'Witch Eye', this is due to the fact that a witch must be able to 'see' the magical boundaries that exist between other realms. Once she has seen them, she can use her Witch Ladder to penetrate the border and open it up to allow safe travel to the target realm. A Witch Ladder functions alot like that of a normal dimensional portal however, the portal itself seems to be a little more complex than this. For example, an experienced witch can use her ladder to form numerous paths to either one world or other worlds...at the same time. If the witch using this is powerful enough, the ladder can remain open for as long as she wishes and can allow for her familiars and servants to enter the world of their own accord. A Witch Ladder is unique to each witch and is distinguishable by the appearance of the portal that she opens, said portals appearing as magic circles adorned with magical runes and designs.

This technique is well known for allowing a safe and easy passage to and from the Jigokusekai and is the only secondary means to reach the Jigokusekai. Because Witches are magical beings, they are immune to the effects of the Devil Mana and the Jigoku Tsuki that present such a large threat to humans who can easily be corrupted by the mana and the hell moon. Even though it is known to make bridges between the Jigokusekai and the mortal realm, a Witch's Ladder can be used to enter other realms as well.

A secondary concept exists alongside the Witch Ladder, such is known as a 'Witch Ball'. A Witch Ball is essentially a pocket dimension a witch can create while she is travelling through her ladder. This is usually done if a witch wishes to have a place to rest in between her travels through the realms but has since been known to be useful when a witch wishes to build her own personal haven, much like a secret base or hideaway. This pocket dimension is unique to the one who creates it and as a result the one who created it is nothing short of a god in this dimension. Anything she says, goes and by whatever wish she wants is granted, so long as it is within her magical power. A Witch Ball can be expanded boundlessly to suit it's creator's tastes and others can be seized if the witch invading the ball has enough power to dominate the victim. For this reason, a Witch Ball is often coated in an invisible spell that repells witches who do not know the pattern of their Witch Ladder. A witch who knows the pattern and is generally trusted by the witch inside the ball, is granted access. Humans are incapable of entering or creating Witch Balls of their own but are able to sent to one if the witch wishes to have him/her present in her Witch Ball.

The Eld-witch, Cinquelle used her Witch Ladder/Witch Ball to open a path to a boundless void and used her magic to create the 5th Dimension.

Familiar: Entities contracted to a Witch through a 'pact' of some sort, although the creation of familiars through magical means isn't uncommon among witches. Familiars are connected to the witch via magical means, and basically share their energies with their parent witch. For this reason, a witch can easily discipline her familiar by shutting off the flow of magic between them, thus, subjecting them to an agonizingly slow death. Interestingly enough, if a witch were to be killed, her power will still remain in whatever familiar(s) she had with her prior to her death. However, the magic residing in said familiar(s) will be similar to a flame within a furnace as it will be constantly burning to help sustain the familiar's functions.

Rouge Familiars (known as Wiccas) can help sustain themselves by 'eating' magic and converting it's power into the same energy that keeps them alive. Wiccas can even form contracts with each other to help sustain multiple entities. This is usually only possible if the familiar making the contracts is especially powerful and has enough magic to sustain others following under him/her/it. It is believed that a Wicca can even BECOME a Witch if it is powerful enough and has more than 5 familiars. Witches have been known to seek out Wiccas and devour them for the power they hold within them. Once eaten, the power of the previous witch may very well be passed on to the one who absorbed it...

This is basically the gist of it. I plan to add more on the later as I find more stuff from my previous writings and databases.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2011, 04:26:19 PM by Fattybus »
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capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #155 on: May 08, 2011, 03:08:28 AM »
Here is my next chapter for my Mokou, Cirno, and Pokemon story. I could really use an editor, and some suggestions for lengthening improving the chapter.

Spoiler:

Mokou sat and gazed at the sea. Her Charmander tugged at her sleeve towards the setting sun in the opposite direction. Indeed, the colors were beautiful; the land was painted gold under the scarlet sky. But Mokou didn?t turn her head.

?Charmander, I?ve seen the sun set thousands of times. Do you know how many decades it?s been since I?ve seen the sea??

The lizard tilted its head. ?Char??

Mokou patted the lizard on its head. ?You enjoy your sunset, I?ll enjoy my ocean.? With that, the girl went back to watching the navy waves crash against rock, spitting white foam in the air. And for a moment, everything was perfect.

?Hey Mokou! Look! I caught a Voltorb!?

Mokou sighed. She turned her head just enough to catch the blue-haired girl in the corner of her eye. Cirno was charging from the decrepit entrance of the power plant to Mokou, pokeball in hand. She looked awful. There were huge cracks running down her arms and legs, and a good portion of her face was missing. The damage was freezing over, but she still looked like she was hit by a bomb. Which, to be fair, is exactly what happened. Though Cirno was too busy showing Mokou her new pokemon to care.

?Look at him! Isn?t he awesome?? Cirno said, shoving the pokeball into Mokou?s face. ?I?m going to name him Explody!?

Mokou rolled her eyes. ?Yes, ?Explody? is awesome. Can we go back to Cerulean now??

?No way! I have to train him first! We have to go to Route 12.? Cirno said.

Mokou began unfolding the map of the region, noting that Cirno wanted to travel pretty far off course. ?Why are we taking this detour??

?Because we need the Fishing Guru?s brother to give us a fishing rod, and he lives on Route 12,? Cirno said matter?of-factly, placing her hands on her hips. ?Otherwise, we won?t be able to catch water type pokemon, and it will be much harder to train Voltorb.?

?And this guy just gives fishing rods away?? Mokou raised her eyebrow. Cirno?s understanding of the world seemed lacking at best.

?Yep! Now onward to victory!? Cirno placed one foot forward and pointed straight ahead, in some kind of battle pose. She had a certain determination about her, which would have been more dramatic had it been called for. But Cirno?s unbridled enthusiasm for pointing in the wrong direction was adorable instead. Well, almost adorable. The still-missing skull fragments sort of ruined the moment.

?That?s north.?

?Yep!?

?Route 12 is south.?

?Yep!?

?So why are you pointing north?? Mokou asked, though honestly, she knew the answer would be stupid.

?Because we need to go through Rock Tunnel to get to Route 12,? Cirno said with a frustrated tone. ?Honestly, you?re the one with the map.?

?Or we could go south along the coast. We?re already halfway to Lavender, so it would probably be faster.?

?Nope! We?re going to Rock Tunnel.?

Edit: More chapter

Spoiler:


Mokou rubbed her temples, before giving it. ?Well, let?s see what pokemon are there. Hand me your pokedex.?

?What?s wrong with yours??

?It melted.? Mokou said, taking out the shredded blob of plastic that once was a pokemon encyclopedia.

Cirno giggled. ?I thought you were supposed to be the responsible one.?

?Shut up.?

?Get angry when it called you stupid??

?Not stupid. A foolish mortal.? Mokou chuckled. ?So what does it say lives in Rock Tunnel.?

?A bunch of Geodude, Graveller, Golem, Zubat, Golbat, Crobat, Machop, Machoke, and Machamp. A couple Onix as well as Steelix, and the odd Cubone.?

?Onix?? Mokou snapped. ?You mean the twenty-foot rock snakes??

?Thirty? Cirno corrected. ?Thirty-foot rock snakes. Don?t worry, they?re small-fry compared to the Machamp.? 

Mokou stared at Cirno a minute before asking, ?What could they possibly do that?s worse than a thirty-foot rock snake??

The pokedex was the one to answer. ?MACHAMP the Superpower POK?MON. Using its heavy muscles, it throws powerful punches that can send the victim clear over the horizon. One arm alone can move mountains. Using all four arms, this Pok?mon fires off awesome punches.?

The two stood in silence for a moment. Mokou broke the silence with a smile. ?You want to catch one of these things??

?Sure do!? Cirno said.

?Well then, let?s go!?

« Last Edit: May 08, 2011, 05:23:25 AM by capt. h »

Bias Bus

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Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #156 on: May 08, 2011, 08:29:32 PM »
A short scene from a space opera type of story that...I probably won't write.

Spoiler:
This was crazy. Absolutely madness. How could she hope to stand up to a fleet of giant mechs with just her bare hands!? This had to stop, Yuuko was strong yes, but not THIS strong. "Yuuko-sempai!!" Rimi screamed into the headset, her desperation to drill whatever sense she could into the tigress driving her to near madness as she watched from her seat in the ship. "This...this is impossible. There are too many Shell Units and the Eusliesum Guard platoon will arrive shortly with back up!  If we don't pull out, we'll be slaughtered!"

There was no answer, probably because Yuuko was staring blankly into the communicator she wore on her wrist.

"Yuuko-sempai, did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I heard ya." Yuuko answered, showing absolutely no real concern for why Rimi was so worked up.

"Then get your ass back in the ship!"

"Nah, I think I'll take the 'dismantling of mechs with my bare hands' for 1000, Alex~"

"Wh-what?" The hacker stammered, her eyes almost losing focus from the utter surprise at how dumb and irrational her leader truly was. But still, who the fuck was this Alex she spoke of? "Yuuko, I'm telling you as a subordinate and as a friend, get back here or you're going to get yourself killed!"

An uproarous laughter crackled through the headphones Rimi wore, the sound of it alone enough to make her eardrums explode into ribbons. After regaining her sense from the deafening sonic boom of a laugh she could hear her superior's voice. "...Die? Hah, Death can't touch me anymore, I've kicked death's ass so many times he can't even take a shit sitting down!"

"Ugh! You're being retarded!" Rimi fumed, her hand gripping the headset so tightly that the pressure would break the device in two, had it not been made of metal. "You're about to fight a fleet of armed mechs UNARMED, go charging into one of the most heavily fortified Strongholds in this entire quadrant, fight an S-ranked Captain of the Galactic Military and you don't even have a single plan of attack!"

"Don't need one." Yuuko remarked bluntly "Plannin's for folks who don't know if their gonna to win, Charging in is for those who know damn straight that they're gonna win!"

- And the one after that ... -

Spoiler:
There he lay in the chaos of twisted metal and debris, a product of the Destroyer Queen; Yuuko Hoshitora. His body burns, nothing can move, it's hard to keep his eyes open, he can feel his beastial powers disappearing, the thick lion like mane fading into his human flesh like a smoldering flame about to go out. He knows what all of this is, and what it means. It is the coming of his death. A death that his body and soul has evaded for well over 50 years now, frozen constantly in a state of a youthful appearance. Yet, despite this, he fears not for his permanent sleep. After all, he can finally rest after all this time of living and fighting wars. Indeed, death shall be his peace and it shall be his paradise.

Still, there was something he had to ask Yuuko and now seemed like a perfect time to pose his question. "Tell me...Hoshitora..." Ryon spoke, his voice barely audible to the chimerical humanoid that stood over him like the reaper she was. "...Now that you've destroyed half of my defenses, pierced through the fortress that could not be penatrated and now are steps away from the Princess of Voids, the daughter of the Majin God; Asmodeous...what do you plan to do from here on..."

"Ara...that's a good question..." Yuuko replied in her usual tone. It was amazing how so jovial she could be even after fighting something that had 10x the amount of power she had. "I dunno, really, I'll think about it as I go."

Ryon laughed, or at least as best his dying body could allow. This was so like her; to be impulsive and yet not regret a minute of her decisions. Perhaps this is why he grew so fond of her during their time together in the Majin War 50 years ago. However, in this battle, only one was the victor, and only one was going to live to see tomorrow...and it wasn't going to be him. "You never were good with planning..."

"I guess," Yuuko shrugged nonchalantly, "But I was a soldier, I did the fighting, not the planning."

"Quite true..." Ryon whispered, his calm response taking a turn for the worse as his mouth spewing forth blood upon uttering a deathly cough. It won't be long now...he could feel the heat from his body leaving him by the second. A heat that was taken from him by the woman he thought he'd never see again. "...Looks like...you'll be the only one of our platoon left alive..."

Yuuko looked back, "Seems that way."

"...The Council, won't sit well with my death..."

"Screw them."

"Things are...going to be rough for you and you're crew from here on..."

"Bring it on."

"...I love you..."

"...I know." Yuuko kneeled down and brought her lips to his cold ones, embracing them in a final kiss that Ryon had wanted since he had met her 50 years ago. "Sleep tight, I promise to see ya later, once all this is over, kay?"

Ryon smiled, closing his eyes. "...I know. You always...keep...your promis..es..."
« Last Edit: May 08, 2011, 08:40:57 PM by Fattybus »
No Math Zone - Tumblr (slight nsfw) | Legend of a Hot-Blooded Pig

"The only guy you know to draw fat Touhous." - Erebus

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #157 on: May 09, 2011, 12:49:23 AM »
I've suddenly been hit with an idea. So, here's the thing: Yukari reads the first book of The Hunger Games, and on a whim, she chooses residents of Gensokyo to participate in the Game, overseen by none other than herself. For character parallels, Rumia = Katniss, Mystia = Gale, Wriggle = Peeta, Suika = Haymitch, etc. Go look at Wikipedia if you don't understand anything I'm talking about.

I'd like to ask you all this question: would it work?

Crow's Dumping Ground of Art

"So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, because my faith is on solid rock; I am counting on God."

TAKE IT CACODEMON!!

  • OKAY THEN I'M A LEGAL AIDE
  • AND ERIN BROCKOVICH IS MY NAAAME
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #158 on: May 23, 2011, 09:45:47 AM »
Ugh.

Basic plot I'm novelizing from an RP I did: Koishi, Elly, Sanae, and Tewi (they formed a Ghostbusting team during Ten Desires, long story) go down to Former Hell when they find out the Demons (not the cute moe kind that Reimu beats up - the really nasty, DooM worthy sadist ugly bastards Reimu would actually made sure she'd kill) are trying to recapture their lands. Cue mad rush to reach the Palace of Earthly Spirits.

Sound familiar?

It seems every Touhou plot I think of has already been done. >_>
Sonata of Scarlet Sunflowers, a Flandre x Yuuka story. | Laziness of Daemonic Wastrels, wherein The Dude, Frylock, HW Guy, and David Wong get their asses kicked in Gensokyo.  | T.O.U.H.O.U.: Land of Shadows, a S.T.A.L.K.E.R./Touhou crossover. | Abomination, a monster story.

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #159 on: May 23, 2011, 10:22:17 AM »
Doesn't really sound familiar other than the fact that- ooooooh! Wait, all I can think of is Red Pyramid by Rick Riordan. Nevermind. Are the demons the demons from Makai?

Crow's Dumping Ground of Art

"So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, because my faith is on solid rock; I am counting on God."

TAKE IT CACODEMON!!

  • OKAY THEN I'M A LEGAL AIDE
  • AND ERIN BROCKOVICH IS MY NAAAME
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #160 on: May 23, 2011, 10:29:08 AM »
No, just demons from another Hell. Koishi and crew eventually help Shinki repel their invasion.

It's just that people are going to probably get annoyed by the superficial resemblance to A CERTAIN TOUHOU FIC
Sonata of Scarlet Sunflowers, a Flandre x Yuuka story. | Laziness of Daemonic Wastrels, wherein The Dude, Frylock, HW Guy, and David Wong get their asses kicked in Gensokyo.  | T.O.U.H.O.U.: Land of Shadows, a S.T.A.L.K.E.R./Touhou crossover. | Abomination, a monster story.

Kips McKipzerson

  • I never did learn
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #161 on: May 23, 2011, 05:11:39 PM »
Okay, so I've got an outline for the Kogasa oneshot that shan't be a oneshot no more.

Spoiler:
Kogasa travels to the Human village, stays there for a day in an alley, men try to beat her up and "take her" as they said to her, Reimu comes in kicking ass, she's buying groceries. It starts raining, You find your umbrella in HER hands, and you're pretty much dragged alongside her to the shrine for next chapter.
i literally thought this all up on the spot :V

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #162 on: May 24, 2011, 01:12:14 AM »
To Jack: White Rose? Yeah, that'll be a tough one to surpass.

Crow's Dumping Ground of Art

"So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, because my faith is on solid rock; I am counting on God."

Alfred F. Jones

  • Estamos orgullosos del Batall?n Lincoln
  • *
  • y de la lucha que hizo por Madrid
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #163 on: May 24, 2011, 06:23:16 AM »
To Jack: White Rose? Yeah, that'll be a tough one to surpass.
Pfft, all you have to do to 'surpass' White Rose is to update on a semi-regular basis. BV

That does sound like an interesting plot, though, Jack! Why not go for it?

TAKE IT CACODEMON!!

  • OKAY THEN I'M A LEGAL AIDE
  • AND ERIN BROCKOVICH IS MY NAAAME
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #164 on: May 24, 2011, 06:29:33 AM »
Sure, why not. Aside from Former Hell getting set on fire, Koishi mindraping an enemy and getting called out on it, and the Daemon March, it... doesn't really resemble White Rose.

Also, I'm worse at updating stories than anyone else. Hell, I haven't updated Laziness for a while  :V
« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 06:35:04 AM by JackMackerel »
Sonata of Scarlet Sunflowers, a Flandre x Yuuka story. | Laziness of Daemonic Wastrels, wherein The Dude, Frylock, HW Guy, and David Wong get their asses kicked in Gensokyo.  | T.O.U.H.O.U.: Land of Shadows, a S.T.A.L.K.E.R./Touhou crossover. | Abomination, a monster story.

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #165 on: May 24, 2011, 09:54:56 AM »
Quote
Koishi mindraping an enemy
PLEASE do! :getdown: That's something I like to read.

EDIT: Oh, I remember what I was supposed to write. This smells of a Touhou/Disgaea fic!  :colonveeplusalpha:
« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 10:45:55 AM by Immaterial Crow »

Crow's Dumping Ground of Art

"So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, because my faith is on solid rock; I am counting on God."

TAKE IT CACODEMON!!

  • OKAY THEN I'M A LEGAL AIDE
  • AND ERIN BROCKOVICH IS MY NAAAME
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #166 on: May 24, 2011, 08:10:31 PM »
PLEASE do! :getdown: That's something I like to read.

EDIT: Oh, I remember what I was supposed to write. This smells of a Touhou/Disgaea fic!  :colonveeplusalpha:

She's not a psychobitch like the Hearthumping Koishi, though.

I might have her be something like the TF2 Spy. YAY CLOAKING AND BEING ABLE TO DISGUISE YOURSELF!
Sonata of Scarlet Sunflowers, a Flandre x Yuuka story. | Laziness of Daemonic Wastrels, wherein The Dude, Frylock, HW Guy, and David Wong get their asses kicked in Gensokyo.  | T.O.U.H.O.U.: Land of Shadows, a S.T.A.L.K.E.R./Touhou crossover. | Abomination, a monster story.

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #167 on: May 24, 2011, 08:46:40 PM »
Nue's a better disguise-artist, I think ... :3

Anyway, who's up for proofreading chapter 5 of A Different Story of an Eastern Wonderland? I've been ... bad at finding someone. (I've already had one person, but I just like having multiple proofreaders.)

Bias Bus

  • It's unpleasent
  • *
  • if you're better than me
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #168 on: June 22, 2011, 10:56:28 AM »
More on my original setting. This time focusing on the infernal realm and it's make up.

Spoiler:
Jigokusekai and Demonic Ranks

More commonly known as the Netherworld, Underworld, Tartarus, Makai, or simply just Hell. The Jigokusekai is a near boundless infernal realm that is, essentially, another universe comprised of different demonic lands that is intertwined with the mortal realm. The Jigokusekai was originally never connected to the mortal realm until after humans began meddling in the occult and dark arts which helped reveal the path to the demonic world. As of now, ancient gateways known as the Great Gates are seen as the only known relic that gives light to the fact that humans may have known about demons and their world far longer than first believed. Getting here usually requires one to venture to the most remote regions and pass through a Great Gate. However, if the individual passing through is human then they have only a limited of time to remain as they are, for after several days (Max = 4 days) the Devil Mana that saturates this realm's atmosphere will begin to warp their bodies, slowly transforming them into a Yaminingen.

Other beings are generally unaffected by the corrosive properties of the Jigokusekai and can exist there without any ill effects to their bodies. The only known beings to be effected adversely to the Jigokusekai's atmosphere are the Yousei whoes entire body may corrupt into a Pixie if she feels the need to molt her original form, but even then this is due to a matter of choice rather than it being a sort of 'countdown' when compared to a normal human who will transform no matter what the circumstance.

There are also various secrets hidden within the Jigokusekai that cannot be found anywhere else in the mortal realm, however uncovering these secrets requires a firm will to survive and an even firmer strength of body and soul.

Great Gate: A Great Gate is a portal that leads to the Jigokusekai. No one is certain as to how long the gates have existed in the mortal plane or if they were put here by some other force, but what is known is that these gates are used now as a means of transport to and from the Jigokusekai. Although, it was once believed that the Great Gates all lead to the same point in the Jigokusekai, however this was proven false during the Great War of Astaroth, when the gates were used by the Talos to enter the hellish land. The Talos all ended up in different locations in the Jigokusekai, giving rise to the fact that the Great Gates all lead to different 'points' in the Jigokusekai. It is speculated that some Great Gates are locked (via a seal known as an Old Lock) specifically for that reason. The seal on a Great Gate can only be broken by an Arcane Key, these Arcane Keys can be used to seal the open gates as well, but each key is different and requires to be inserted into the right door for it to be sealed or opened again.

Devil Mana: An energy that exists in all demonkind, and is what saturates the Jigokusekai down to the very soil and it's universal structure. Scientifically called 'Mephistotrons', Devil Mana is the sole driving force behind demons and their magical prowess, it is how they are born with a natural ability to use and control magic and is also how their bodies are able to recover from wounds and regenerate over time. Devil Mana also holds the key to their ageless lifespans as well. Although it originates from demons, those who dabble in the dark arts can access it's power as well, the mana itself being what powers a lot of spells of darkness, necromancy and witchcraft. However, there exists a problem. Devil Mana, while harmless and natural to demons, can corrupt those who do not have Devil Mana that exists naturally within them. Overexposure to Devil Mana can result in grotesque mutations in humans and even the transformation into a Yaminingen, the first stage in becoming a demon. Devil Mana also effects non-human races, but only seems to amplify certain characteristics rather than invoking mutations or transformations.

Transformation Cycle of a Yasha

-Yaminingen: Humans who were exposed to Devil Mana and transmogrofied into demons. Yaminingens are a sort of 'larval' stage for a Human turned Yasha, during this stage they become nothing more than feral monsters only driven by instinct and the will to survive. Over time, however, if their resolve allows it, they will regain their sentinence and become a Yasha otherwise they will forever remain a Yaminingen.

-Yasha: Average every day demons, considered 'canon-fodder' and are generally the demons seen as commoners in the eyes of the higher ranking demons. Even so, the Yasha are the most commonly sighted on both the mortal and nether realms and have become rather integrated with human society over the ages of being associated with them through obscure occult arts and magic. The many different races that populate the mortal realm to this day are thanks to Yasha settling down in the human world. In terms of strength, Yasha are far more powerful than the average human, having slow regenerative properties and a natural affinity for magic. The average Yasha lives years longer than humans, the oldest known living to be 8,000 years of age before passing on naturally.

-Raetsu: These demons are far more powerful than your average Yasha, but still are not the most powerful demon one can truly go up against. Unlike Yasha, Raetsu depend on the Devil Mana of the Jigokusekai to keep their strength up and solidify it for when (or if) they become Ashura. If a Raetsu were to leave the Jigokusekai, all of their mana will escape and their power will plummet to that of a mere common Yasha. Going back to the Jigokusekai or absorbing magical beings can replenish the Devil Mana lost. Raetsu who have exceptionally high amounts of Devil Mana are known as Exalted Raetsu and are believed to be able to exist in both the mortal realm and the Jigokusekai at will because of the vast amount of Devil Mana they house in their bodies. Some have even incorperated spells that are able to keep the Devil Mana in their body so that they can keep their reserves of power even though they have traveled to a foreign realm with little to no Devil Mana.

Raetsu class demons is also where the demonic hierarchy begins.

-Demon Lord
-Overlord

-Ashura: Demons who have passed Raetsu level reach Ashura status through the means of absorbing enough Devil Mana from other higher ranked demons. Needless to say, Ashura are immensly powerful and can only be found in the Jigokusekai. Ashura have no problems with traveling to and from the mortal realm and can stay there as long as they wish, the mana they hold being stabilized from their evolution from a Raetsu. Because Ashura are far more powerful than a Raetsu, they are ranked demons higher among demons and control far more aspects of their territory than an Overlord. Ashura are also usually the ones who are able to participate in the higher powers associated with Demonic Hierarchy that exists in the Jigokusekai:

-Great Marshall
-Great Earl/Earless of Hell
-Grand Duke/Ductchess of Hell
-Grand Baron/Baroness of Hell
-President of Hell
-Prince/Princess of Hell
-Emperor/Empress of Hell

Jigoku-gami: Although it is rare, there are demons who are able to bypass even the Ranks of Ashura, at which point they become; Jigoku-gami (lit. Hell God). Jigoku-gami are few in numbers, but their influence and presence is absolute, a single Jigoku-gami have the power to end all things in an entire sector of the infernal cosmos, or create it anew if what little generosity they have allows it. Even the mightest of Ashura kneel before a Jigoku-gami...

Geography of the Jigokusekai

General Overview
- As explained at the beginning, the Jigokusekai isn't just one world with vast amounts of areas. It is, in fact, a collective of different worlds all combined into one universe separate from the mortal one. As of the present day, the mortal world is connected to the Jigokusekai through the means of inter-dimensional gates. However, this was not always the case as pathways leading to the Jigokusekai only opened once humans saw the need to enlist demons as their aids in the occult arts and witchcraft. Much like our own universe, the Jigokusekai is just as boundless, consisting of various celestial bodies that float aimlessly in the abyss of the demonic universe. The Jigokusekai is divided into 'Sectors' which are essentially, large regions in space. Devil Mana is also very important to the structure of the Jigokusekai, the space in and around constantly changing depending on the amount of Devil Mana in the immediate area. An imbalance of Devil Mana can result in cosmic anomalies, such as Wormholes, or could even lead to the deterioration of space in that area.

Circles
- A section in the Jigokusekai in which demons live. A Circle is basically a 'planet' that has the means to support demonic life, each Circle is usually dominated by one ruling demon that is at least of Overlord status, however, there are instances of demons combining their Circles with one another and forming pacts of mutual existence. Combining Circles is a rather literal action that consists of literally crashing the worlds into one another and fusing them together. Dimensional manipulation is usually required so that the fusion isn't dangerous to life within the Circle. Alongside the Ruling demon and his/her party, is the work of another lesser powerful demon known as a Demon Lord. A Demon Lord controls a section of the Circle and works alongside the ruling party in compensation of having a piece of the Circle under their control. Depending on the size of the Circle, many Demon Lords can exist within one Circle, but one defining trait among them is that a Demon Lord must either hold enough power to be considered as such or be of noble status.

Ashura class demons control not one, but multiple Circles, the rank in which they are in the hierarchy determining how many Circles in their area of space they have under their dominion.

Jigoku Tsuki
- Literally meaning, Hell Moon, a Jigoku Tsuki is a planetoid that gives off light and orbits the Circle much like a moon would to a larger planet. In most senses, the Jigoku Tsuki is the main source of light in a fair amount of Circles within the Jigokusekai, meaning that it is eternally night within these areas. Occasionally, the Jigoku Tsuki will cross over and appear in the mortal realm, but only during the night will one be able to see it. When the Jigoku Tsuki manifests into the mortal realm (Known as a Nethernight), the night sky changes to a crimson red and a number of strange things begin to happen. For one, the amount of Devil Mana in the mortal realm (usually at an all time low of 5%) skyrockets to a staggering 67.7% when the Jigoku Tsuki manifests in mortal realm. This means that humans have a 60% chance of transforming into a Yaminingen if they venture outside long enough. Most Yasha respond to the Jigoku Tsuki in a number of ways; Nues become more beast-like, Ningyos power over water increases, Hare become horny, etc. The Jigoku Tsuki is also seen as a symbol of ill-omen, in fact the main reason for this is due to the Great War of Astaroth being fought during a time when the Jigoku Tsuki had manifested into the mortal realm for an entire month. Circles that have a Jigoku Tsuki as it's main source of light are known as 'Night Worlds'.

Jigoku Taiyou
- Literally meaning, Hell Sun, a Jigoku Taiyou is a flaming, star creature that is the counter part of a Jigoku Tsuki. Much like it's nocturnal counterpart, a Jigoku Taiyou gives off light but, is far larger than a Jigoku Tsuki and usually has several Circles orbiting around IT instead of the other way around. A Jigoku Taiyou is an aimless being that wanders the infernal cosmos, taking the Circles that orbit around it's burning form on along with it in it's travels across the Jigokusekai. All Jigoku Taiyou are able to create their own energy, but will not abstain from eating things if they so wish. It is not uncommon for a Jigoku Taiyou to swallow Circles and Jigoku Tsuki's caught in it's path. Much like the Jigoku Tsuki, a Jigoku Taiyou is the main source of light in the Circles it has orbiting it. With a Jigoku Taiyou, there is a sense of day and night for the Circles it has orbiting it, being the light given off by a Jigoku Taiyou is far brighter than that of a Jigoku Tsuki. Circles that have Jigoku Taiyou as their light source are known as 'Day Worlds'.

Jigoku Taiyou usually don't have the luxury of crossing the border between the infernal realm and the mortal one, as their sheer size and mass cannot be easily transported through a single dimensional portal. In order to teleport a Jigoku Tsuki into the mortal realm, it takes a massive amount of Devil Mana (mana from several planets worth) to create a portal big enough to fit a Jigoku Taiyou through and even then, it's not guaranteed to hold as the influx of energy has to be stable and steady to hold a clear path. If the path shuts while the Jigoku Taiyou still inside, then it will destroy itself in a Supernova taking the Circles that foolishly tried to move it. It is speculated however, that, if a Jigoku Taiyou were to cross over and appear in the mortal realm, that the effects of it on the humans will be positively disastrous. A Jigoku Taiyou is essentially Devil Mana incarnate and gives off a far more than a Jigoku Tsuki ever would, for this reason, not only would it transform the humans exposed into Yaminingen, but it could very well corrupt the entire planet and transform it into a makeshift Circle. The corruption does not stop here and could very well spread to neighboring planets in the solar system, even reaching the Sun and twisting it into something vile and horrible. Some say that the normal sized Jigoku Taiyou could very well swallow the sun and drench the solar system in Devil Mana, as a result.

Because a Jigoku Taiyou is actually a living creature, there can be times where it can grow moody and will...eradicate life on the Circles it has around it without a moments notice. Because of this, demons under the rulers thumb keep close watch on the Jigoku Taiyou they are orbiting. It is possible to kill a Jigoku Taiyou but it takes a demon of very high power to do so without sustaining injury to him/herself. Jigoku Taiyou eventually die on their own when their bodies can no longer produce Devil Mana to sustain itself. If the Jigoku Taiyou doesn't detonate in a massive Supernova upon it's death, then Circle(s) orbiting it will become a 'Dark World', which is essentially a Circle drenched in eternal darkness until it finds itself orbiting either a Jigoku Tsuki or another Jigoku Taiyou. Demons living in a Dark World adapt quickly to the lack of light and thus, they develop much sharper senses over time. Dark World native demons are considered 'Superdevils' because of their exceptionally keen senses.

In most cases, a Jigoku Taiyou doesn't appear to have much of a shape beyond that of a sphere (like most stars), however there are some that have different shapes. The only known humanoid shaped Jigoku Taiyou is located in the Olden Nexus sector of the Jigokusekai.

Olden Nexus
- A timeless sector in the Jigokusekai that is composed of all things that were around when the Jigokusekai first came into existance. Demons and objects located here are well in the eons of age and have may have seen the first glimpses of creation when the Jigokusekai was just coming into existance. The first demon ever created is said to still live on here as the oldest known Jigoku-gami and is thought to be the very origin from demonkind itself.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2011, 06:22:32 PM by Fattybus »
No Math Zone - Tumblr (slight nsfw) | Legend of a Hot-Blooded Pig

"The only guy you know to draw fat Touhous." - Erebus

Tired/Warm

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Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #169 on: July 01, 2011, 07:57:57 AM »
!!!

Ah, did I notice elements of the Hierarcie Infernale (excuse my butchered french remembering of the title of that particular grimoire)/ the Key o' Solomon/Paradisio/Purgatorio/Inferno mixed with elements of Buddhist cosmology? I notice that Yasha and Asura are fairly generically demonic in this, which is an interesting touch. Anyway! Do go on. I like!
 :*

Awesome sig courtesy of Squawkers23! Thanks!

Oh, you're looking for words? My writing is here.
Do you remember me? I also remember you - and though we haven't met in so many days, I still know you and love your memories. If you stumbled upon this - good luck, in whatever you might do.

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #170 on: July 02, 2011, 06:31:12 PM »
So I've been working on this idea I've had for characters for Touhou but have been wanting help making them well rounded and authentic. In my quest to make them I even started looking at it as if it were to be made an actual game. So could you please tell me what you think and what I should alter?

Touhou: Quarantine Termination
(Thanks goes to a poster on another forum named Kirin, for helping me with making names for the characters and attacks)

Ittan Momen: No name yet, character is an Ittan Momen from Japanese mythology which is a youkai that looks like a long strip of fabric or smoke in its depictions. She spends her days floating on the breeze with not a care in the world, mostly just sleeping and singing to herself but when she runs into a person she gets real excited and greets them politely before attempting to hug them, but she often times almost suffocates the person she's hugging, if someone refuses her hugs or evades them enough then she will get upset, thinking they don't like her, and will then initiate a danmaku battle in an attempt to force them to give her a hug. A notable characteristic about her clothes is that she wears one of those cloths that cover the front and back of your body (Like the one Ran wears http://images.wikia.com/touhou/images/6/64/Ran.png) that's back half is much much longer than usual and that is prehensile, allowing her to grab things (Or people).

Chimura Genko (Means Dancing Child of the Earth Village): Chimura is a Dogu created by a person to guard a temple along with three others but she was considered a bit of a failure by her creator as she isn't very powerful. Chimura therefore instead visits all of Gensokyo and returns to the temple to share what news she has learned. She has a very spirited personality and channels it into two things she loves, dancing and racing, her specialty in battles then is her great speed. I imagine her sometimes doing that one legged sideways hop that Kabuki dancers do and doing pirouettes around the screen. In reference to how Doguu have large eyes she wears goggles on her head and puts them on when she races/fights. She'd usually be seemingly oblivious to the world, dancing whenever she feels like it regardless of occasion, but at times she'll use this as a way to surprise people by making them think she's not paying attention to things. Her special ability is that she can take illness or negative emotions from someone and place them in a pot which she then destroys thereby eliminating it. She has a clay horse for a pet that also serves as her mid boss, later in the game she becomes the mid boss for Futoseki (Profile is further down) while riding this horse.

Aoi/Aka Manto: No name yet either, an Aoi Manto or Aka Manto is a youkai that waits in a bathroom for someone to enter to which they ask whether they want a blue cape or a red cape and then strangles them for the former and slashes their neck for the latter. She is rather impatient and has grown to hate the traditional way her kind deal with humans because it takes too long and isn't flashy and pretty enough for her tastes, so she decided to ditch that and instead hunt people actively. To this end she made herself a magician so she could draw attention and look glamorous too. She's also one of the more dangerous characters in that she kills humans actively and is very aggressive about it but at the same time she's also a suffering artist, since she kills the people that see her tricks, she doesn't get to know whether they were good or not nor does her reputation get around much because of it, so she's always trying to come up with new magic tricks. In the scenario I have for all these characters, she would be using a mountain pass as her place to practice new tricks since it's away from prying eyes when she runs into whoever the player is playing as. Either she'd be eager to test her new trick or she'd be angry that someone found her before she finished it, I'm not sure which. One of her secrets is that she carries a magicians wand that has instead of white ends, a blue and red one, she can remove these ends and inside the red one is a knife and in the blue one is some cord tied into a noose. Her special ability might be to phase in and out of reality or perhaps she simply knows allot of magic. The phrase she lives by is Matsu Tsumi which means, "To wait is to sin."

After watching some vids I've felt inspired to make more spell card attacks. For one thing my Aoi Manto's danmaku will be different depending on the color, if blue then they're circles and move slowly but if red then they're shaped like a blade and move quickly, add to this her ability to change what color they are, perhaps with a tell of her changing the color of her cape. I've got one where she creates a sort of blue laser noose around you that slowly closes in while her bullets come at you from the outside until eventually the noose disappears. I've also been thinking of one where she throws black cards out around the field which then flip to reveal either a blue side or a red side and then fire a bunch of danmaku from them depending on the color. Also, (Getting inspiration from DD's drawing) I think an attack where she poofs out of existence then poofs back in in order to rush you with the knife she has in her wand, while her cape drops cards from itself which fire danmaku in her wake would probably be a good attack as well, this could go in line with the attack idea I had earlier with her making several puffs of smoke to make it so you don't know which one she'll come at you from.

A very kind person named DDdreamer has offered to draw these characters for me and has already drawn the http://dddreamer.deviantart.com/#/d3iyxix Please visit her profile and look at her art if you have the time.

Hokabe Futouseki ( Means "Guardian wall of unbeaten stone".): I've had this character idea in my head for a long time and just recently got the inspiration and motivation to really work on this idea. Essentially this character would be a Nurikabe, a wall youkai that was said to appear before travelers at night and stop them from passing, having the ability to extend forever in distance and height. I decided to use the legend of Benkei to help me mold this character's design, she guards a bridge at the entrance to a Buddhist temple (More specifically, the wall that encircles it) where her creator lives.

In terms of appearance she would wear some traditional samurai armor except with no helmet, she would have only one eye, the other being covered by an eye patch, and the eye she does have would usually be half lidded (Like the eye of many depictions of Nurikabe), I got a suggestion for her hair to be a wild and spiky ponytail which sounds good to me, I think it would be a dark gray color like stone, she would also be very flat-chested. She also carries a naginata called 'The Marlin', that is actually two things in one, it can be a naginata or a fishing pole which she uses to fish from the river her bridge goes over. For personality, she would be very confident in herself, very calm and not easily riled up, very happy with the simple things in life however she also has a great liking of personal items as she believes they can give you a connection to the person they belong to so whenever someone wanders by the temple and attempts to get in she asks that they leave or beat her in battle first and if they lose they have to give her something of theirs. If this were a game then she'd have made it to 999 items before Reimu or Marisa beat her.

As for ability, she would be able to make walls appear from the ground, this would feature heavily in her danmaku battles. For one phase I have the idea of her making a mass of bullets that form a maze that you would have to navigate while shooting her (She doesn't move from her position and can't even fly, she get's up high by creating a wall beneath herself), another thing would be her sending out several walls lined up side by side towards your side of the screen that you would have to focus on destroying in order to escape. Another is two walls coming in from the left and right that would decrease the space you can move. She would also be able to swing her naginata at you if you get too close to her. After being beaten, she would not disappear but instead be knocked unconscious while standing upright (A detail about her is that she sleeps standing up) to mimic how Benkei died standing.

Here I have some names for her spell cards.

Puzzle Sign: Maze of Fifteen: This is the attack where she creates a maze made of danmaku bullets.

Wall Sign: Twin Parallel Roads: Is the attack where she summons two walls to close in on the player to restrict their movement.

Falling Sign: Sky Compression: The attack where she summons walls to move down towards the player to crush them.

Ananta & Nitya Hogasha (Names mean "infinite or endless" and "always and eternal" respectively while their last name means "guardian or protector"): These two would be shishi, lion statues that are placed outside temples and shrines. Ananta is the elder sister and is the open mouth shishi (The open mouth represents Ah, the first sound in the Japanese alphabet) and Nitya is the younger brother and is the closed mouth shishi (The closed mouth represents N, though it's pronounced Un, which represents the last sound in the Japanese alphabet). Ananta is very loud and is the one that does all the talking for the two, Nitya never saying anything or at best getting one or two words out, she would have a Misandric streak to her and be very hard on her brother. Their abilities are "creation" and "nonexistence", Ah being the first sound of the alphabet made me think Ananta should have the ability to simply create things (To an extent of course) while N being the last Nitya should have the ability to make things not exist. Ironically, Ananta is in the habit of making things just so she can destroy them while Nitya struggles to make things the hard way because he likes to create. The two can also combine their powers to make illusions, things that exist while at the same time don't exist. They both guard the temple proper.

In terms of appearance, Ananta wears a Sugegasa, one of those symbol like hats you see people wear and Nitya wears a Roningasa which obscures the top half of his face. On Ananta's hat is the symbol for Alpha and on Nitya's is the symbol for Omega, another thing is that they both have on their sleeves, half the symbol for infinity, when they wish to combine their powers they hold hands and their sleeves line up to make the full symbol (Insert Wonder Twin joke here). I think color wise that Ananta should wear orange and purple, orange is the color Buddhist monks wear and purple represents rebirth in India (The closes I could get to creation being symbolized as a color) while Nitya would wear orange and white, white symbolizing death.

Once again, as for fighting, I don't have as much an idea for these two except that they would fight together obviously and that Nitya's ability to make things not exist would manifest itself in him creating small blackhole like things that suck in bullets, perhaps having him weave across the screen doing this or setting up some around the area. When one twin falls then the other will go into a rage, Ananta showing a "tsundere" moment where stutters then swears their attacker will pay, while Nitya either says nothing or perhaps just shouts "REVENGE!" but in either case you would briefly see his eyes flash in a bright color through the eye holes of his hat before he starts attacking.

Buddhist Monk: No name for her yet, this is the person that created the Hogasha siblings, Futoseki and Genko. She has been around since about the time when the Hakurei Border was put up and has been stuck in Gensokyo since then due to it. Perhaps her parents were part of the group that made it in the first place. But eventually she was the only person left at her shrine/temple. So she decides that come hell or high water, that she will bring down the barrier separating Gensokyo from the outside world. Her special ability is to transfer things like life, spirits, and energy, so she made made the shishi, nurikabe and doguu to protect her, and keep her company and she then set about the preparations for tearing down the barrier, for a couple years she set up all the elements for her plan which involved her spending many many years slowly collecting energy into a giant pot which would eventually have enough energy for her to use to break the barrier. I'm debating whether the reason she's still alive is either she sealed herself away to collect this energy over time or she had Ananta use her ability to create and had her make a new body for herself which she then used her powers to put her soul into. Basically in this story it would be close to the time when she would have enough energy to finally pierce the veil and either it's become so much energy that people and youkai are starting to notice or she flubbed a little and some of the energy leaked out, either way it would get the attention of Reimu who would then go to investigate.

For her appearance I haven't thought up much except that she would wear some sort of altered Buddhist clothes and carry a khakkhara with four rings. I was thinking that after her incident is over that she is reminded of what kind of life she is supposed to live as a Buddhist by Reimu pointing out what the four rings on her khakkhara are supposed to represent one being that she needs to be removed of her desires in order to avoid suffering. But she's also told that she could just leave Gensokyo by going through Reimu's shrine which leads to some despair on her part over all the years she spent on her plan but she decides to stay because she'd have to leave her creations behind if she were to leave.

EX Stage Boss: No name yet but this character is a three eyed oni that has been imprisoned and sealed in the mountains around the Buddhist temple, after the earlier events the large amount of energy that the monk character was collecting ended up being released in a huge blast that caused the seals on her to be destroyed. She has a really unhinged sort of personality, but not in the nice crazy way but in the brain damaged way. Sudden pauses in sentences, forgetting what she's doing, ect. As for some physical characteristics, her right eye looks crazed in the style you see in cartoons and anime where there are extra circles around the iris, I'm thinking her having manacles like Yuugi and Suika but hers actually serve a function in that she has some on her legs that are attached to each other by a short chain so she can't run fast and she has one attached to her left arm and left horn which is short enough so that it keeps her arm from moving lest she pull her head down (It keeps her arm behind her back), she's supposed to have the same kind on her right horn but she actually broke it off herself so she could move at least one arm. Reason she can't break them is because they've been cursed so that only someone else can remove them. As said before, she has some brain damage due to a fight from a long time ago which is why she was sealed up because she's now a loose cannon. I'm thinking her special ability is the power to control pressure, any kind of pressure, from air pressure to spiritual pressure, this power is used most often for her to control wind, fortunately she's not as strong as she was before her injury due to her not completely understanding her power anymore. I think she should carry a sake jar around with her in an unusual way, the horn that she broke off is still attached to the end of her manacle, I think she would use the horn as a plug for the jar and she uses her power over pressure to keep the horn in place.

The time line for this could be broken down this way.

Someone senses a disturbance due to the power the monk is gathering going out of control a for a short moment.
This someone then goes out to investigate by heading in the direction of the disturbance.
They fight the Ittan Momen who is just wandering around who asks to hug her but is denied and so a fight breaks out which the Ittan Momen loses.
They enter a pass between mountains and first run into Genko's horse then Genko herself.
Genko recognizes the person due to her knowledge of the goings on in Gensokyo, asks why they're there and then panics a bit, being worried they'll ruin things for her creator, she then fights them.
Genko loses but run off to warn everyone back at the temple.
The person then continues through the mountain pass and runs into the Aoi/Aka Manto. Depending on the person the Aoi/Aka Manto either gets angry that someone has intruded on her before she's perfected her new trick or attempts to ask them to pick a blue or red card (To either strangle or knife them) and gets told off by the person who says they aren't stupid enough to answer that question.
The two fight and the Aoi/Aka Manto loses and is forced to tell the person what she knows about the pass and what she should expect and she tells them about the temple.
Person runs into Genko again who has prepared for war and is riding her horse but is again defeated.
Person meets Futouseki who compliments them for the things they've heard (Or berates them) about them and then tells them to fight her and talks of her excitement of gaining her 1000th item.
Futouseki then loses and the person goes into the temple area.
The person finds themselves suddenly in what looks like space and is assaulted by many enemies but eventually is confronted by Ananta and Nitya who had been creating an illusion which they dispel because it wasn't working which reveals them all to be right in front of the temple.
Ananta and Nityat then fight the person and lose.
Person gets into the temple and finally finds the monk who talks about why she's doing it and then decides that she can waste a little bit of the energy she's gathered to defeat the person (She's not very strong normally).
The monk is defeated and the pot with the energy goes wild and destroys most of the temple.
The person gives some sort of talk about how what the monk was doing was wrong and the monk then apologizes and becomes determined to follow a different path with her creations by her side.
Some time later the monk requests help from the person because of disturbances occurring near her temple which turn out to be the three eyed oni who is destroying things.
The oni is beaten and the people of the temple decide to see if they can't do something to fix her at which point the story ends.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2011, 09:09:55 PM by Specter Von Baren »

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #171 on: July 06, 2011, 01:00:26 AM »
I'm doing a chapter for Cirno in Autobiographies of Interesting Characters. I need to make the character deep and 3 dimensional. I have her chapter ready, but I need someone to judge the character depth and help me make Cirno a deeper and more interesting character.

Making a good story will take a back seat to making a good character, and the chapter is mostly about building Cirno's character.

Would anyone be interested in editting the chapter?

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #172 on: July 06, 2011, 02:56:16 PM »
I'm doing a chapter for Cirno in Autobiographies of Interesting Characters. I need to make the character deep and 3 dimensional. I have her chapter ready, but I need someone to judge the character depth and help me make Cirno a deeper and more interesting character.

Making a good story will take a back seat to making a good character, and the chapter is mostly about building Cirno's character.

Would anyone be interested in editting the chapter?

I can take a go at it.

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #173 on: July 06, 2011, 08:29:40 PM »
Ah, I forgot, but how do you want me to respond to your E-mail?

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #174 on: July 06, 2011, 08:34:51 PM »
Ah, I forgot, but how do you want me to respond to your E-mail?

The easiest way is to query me on http://webchat.ppirc.net/?channels=scarlet-library but you'll have to tell me your IRC name for me to query you. I'll try to be on in about 45 minutes to an hour as capt EDIT: and I should be on most the night (although the chat room may be in the background). At around 9:00 EST.

If that doesn't work for you, then replying with a PM would also work.

And thanks!
« Last Edit: July 06, 2011, 09:34:27 PM by capt. h »

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #175 on: July 07, 2011, 12:51:58 AM »
The easiest way is to query me on http://webchat.ppirc.net/?channels=scarlet-library but you'll have to tell me your IRC name for me to query you. I'll try to be on in about 45 minutes to an hour as capt EDIT: and I should be on most the night (although the chat room may be in the background). At around 9:00 EST.

If that doesn't work for you, then replying with a PM would also work.

And thanks!

Okay, I tried clicking on your your name so I could get to your profile so I could hopefully find the PM option but when I do it says I'm not allowed on that page and you don't have your E-mail put up so... And after trying to just send one I'm told I'm not allowed to send PMs either. I don't get it...

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #176 on: July 07, 2011, 01:08:27 AM »
Too new. You probably need to post more. I think you can send PMs after 10 posts.

EDIT: I'm still in the chat if it's easier, but you can probably wrack up enough posts in a minute here:
http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/board,12.0.html
« Last Edit: July 07, 2011, 01:10:06 AM by capt. h »

Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #177 on: July 07, 2011, 04:47:38 AM »
*sigh* (Rubs forehead) Such an inconvenience, and I'd rather send it to you through a PM, I feel like I'd be able to give a better play by play description of what I thought of it that way.

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #178 on: July 07, 2011, 05:04:35 AM »
I suppose we could do it here.

There are spoiler tags, but I'm not sure how to explain them because if I write them out they'll disappear and make spoiler text. You can probably copy the quote to get the idea.

Spoiler:
Quote this, and copy the boxes around this sentence for spoilers.

It doesn't particularly matter though. This time, I'm doing it for myself (making my own reference materials), so I don't mind spoiling everything here. I'd rather do the back and forth publicly than not finish up Thursday night.

You can probably fill the ten posts by spamming this board fpor five minutes: http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/board,12.0.html

Anyway, it's too late for me to work on the chapter tonight (It's 1 AM), so we can get back together tomorrow.

capt. h

  • Only sane townie
Re: Aya's Writing Workshop - Bring us your story ideas and outlines!
« Reply #179 on: July 08, 2011, 05:46:49 AM »
Specter von Baren - As I said I would in our PM's here is my opinion of what you have brought - 

Concerning your story

1. I am very American, and 0% Japanese. I can not give advice concerning names or anything that that I know directly references Japanese culture, because the best I can say is that as an American I find it strange, unnecessary, and unbeneficial to your characters, since as an American reader I cannot relate to Japanese culture.

2. I can not advise or give advice concerning danmaku in written form. Danmaku is a visual medium by nature, and I can not do its visual essence justice in text form; I'm not sure anyone can. That is one reason why I have chosen to avoid the spell card rules as much as possible when writing fiction.

3. Show, don't tell. I can only get a vague feeling for your characters and their quality from your descriptions. It would be a good idea to have the characters talk a little, so that I can get a feel for their personalities and their voices. I have their informed traits, but I need to know how you will bring the traits together to judge the characters properly.

4. Are you sure you want one of your characters to be based on the power of hugs? It's hard to take such a character seriously, and I don't think you are writing a comedy.

5. I do like the red card = knife, blue card = strangle thing.

6. I'm a little concerned about your monk and your oni. The oni sounds tortured, so it depends on the direction you want to go I suppose, but it seems like as the story progresses, your protagonist is facing increasingly crippled and weakened characters.

Anyway, these are the mental images I get when I picture your characters

Ittan Momen - I picture this character working best as, I guess the word would be a yandere. Hugging people to death and attacking them when they refuse, she's probably a psychotic version of "I don't have any friends. Will you be my friend?"

Chimura Genko - My first impression is an extremely flamboyant character that often breaks out into Michael-Jackson-eque dance moves to narrowly dodge. Not bad company, but has a very different understanding of norms of behavior which involve unnecessarily dramatic posturing, and very much a character that lives in her own little world. Not a fan of her ability.

Aoi/Aka Manto - I don't see a reason for the bathroom backstory. I picture this character as the hammiest character ever. Incredibly overdramatic, views the whole world as her audience to a never ending show. I like the idea of magic on top of magic tricks, so that even the mages can't figure out what's going on, and I like the idea that the tricks kill. For this character to be relevant, you need to either 1. establish inherent limitations in magic which she seems to overcome with trick, or 2. establish that she is unsuccessful because all her tricks can be easily explained by magic, even though they aren't. She herself though might consider herself the best magician ever, and everyone who criticizes her magic as naive.

Hokabe Futouseki - I picture a good nature and devoted guard. Generally friendly, but she will protect her charge to the death. If I understand her correctly, she should casually, constantly be building walls and using them for every purpose imaginable.

Ananta & Nitya Hogasha - I'm not sure if I would use a silent character in the medium of writing; because dialog is such an important dimension in establishing character. I picture Ananta as a loud mouth that tends to cut her sister off, while Nitya is usually trying to get her sister to so some restraint.

Buddhist Monk - I'm not seeing much character here, but from your description I would say revenge is the primary quality, and a hatred for the land of fantasy. She would need to be given a reason for that hatred. You need more depth.

Three eyed oni - This character sounds like a troll in the traditional sense. By that I mean a hulking, hideous upright monster thing that has little intelligence or personality. You probably don't need more depth if all you want is an ugly monster to put before the heroes, but if you want to give this character some character, you should probably get rid of the brain damage. You need to decide that you want this monster to be nothing more than a monster, and you need to decide if you want to end your story with everyone fighting a plain old monster. I don't think I can justifiably call this character an intelligent being in its current form.

What I'm getting at is, are you sure you want your Ex-boss to just be a godzilla, or should your Ex-boss have some personality?
« Last Edit: July 08, 2011, 05:49:50 AM by capt. h »