Tell Me Why I Should Remain Your Head Admin

[helvetica]

Things have happened and things have changed.  I don't know if it'll ever go back to how it was, or if I even want it to.  When April 1st rolled around I was just expecting a little humor, maybe a little overreaction, then some gratitude and things back to normal.  What instead I got was a view of how MotK really feels towards the idea of "community", how the users feel about the staff, and how users felt about eachother.  What I saw broke me in ways you can hardly imagine.

I've poured my soul, my finances, my freetime, everything, into saving MotK from ruin and attempting to build it up as a community I could be proud of being in.  I didn't take this position on for fame, or to feed a need to have power, or anything like that.  I took the position because at the time the community was teetering on collapse and I had the resources to give back to something I loved.  But in the end I feel I've failed as stewart and as head admin of this community.

I feel I failed as an admin to keep the two facets of this community, MotK the forums, and #shrinemaiden its IRC sister, together as one whole.  Originally my home was IRC and I joined the community that way, and frankly I spent too much of my energy catering to them at first.  I let the forums decay because frankly I felt I had no reason to care; all of the people I socialized with were on IRC.  After seeing how far the forums fell I made a promise to not neglect the forums again, and attempt to rebridge the gap.  To treat all of MotK as equal, not just the part I like interacting in.  But April Fools proved I failed just as miserably.

At first I thought it was kind of funny how much you guys were overreacting.  We sold ourselves well, maybe too well, but in the end we thought it was just a harmless tease with a good result in the end.  What I personally didn't expect, was the amount of vitriol to surface.  After a while it became more and more apparent this wasn't just posturing and off the cuff remarks, but sentiment that has been brewing for a while now.  Sentiment I definitely feel I didn't deserve.

AF, you said horrible, vile, untrue things about me.  Things I cannot easily forgive, and may never.  I will fully admit I called for your head several times, but in the end I decided to let you go.  I would be just as bad of a person as you are if I chose to abuse my position for personal vendetta.

As for the rest of the people who chose such awful words for me, I cannot describe how much you hurt me.  I have done everything I could to not be this "power hungry tyrant" people seem to think I am.  I spend most of my freetime working for this site, and in the end you guys.  Hell even after I said I was gone I have secretly been working behind the scenes making sure things work.  And yet I don't get anything as much as a thank you.

Now I will clarify myself.  I don't do this for gratitude, but to get nothing but bitching and moaning and complaints over everything I do gets old.  Even despite the brand new theme and months of work I spent working on the upgrade all I got was a "this was a terrible joke go kill yourself".  When I offered to move #meido to PPIrC, I didn't do it because I wanted to control #meido.  No, I did it because I spent a long time building a stable IRC home for MotK and providing all the bells and whistles.  To be brushed off as "seizing power" hurt me immensely.

But above all, none of you had the decency to lay your grievances to me personally, instead choosing to whisper behind closed doors and behind my back.  I do not demand, nor expect, respect because of my position, nor do I want it solely because of that.  I do not want to be feared or worshipped, just treated with decency.  If I have a problem with you I will bring it up with you privately, not whisper nasty things to other people.

You set me on a pedestal all alone with your actions.  You act as if I am some scary untouchable person, someone who will smite you for looking at me funny.  You know how alone that makes me feel?  How isolated and detatched from the community I desperately want to be a part of?  Noone even says hi to me unless I start the conversation, noone talks to me unless there's something broke.  And to hear I make you "censor" yourselves when I am around, makes me feel awful.  What's the point of working for the community when you just get shunned and separated in the end? =/

Kanako, UK, and others I put on my "hate list" (except UD and Mima, go fuck yourselves), I was just joking.  I apologize for any grief I caused.  I purposely intersparsed people I liked in the list to try to make it obvious it was a ploy.  Nemoma, I know I've already apologized in private, but I'd like to repeat myself openly.  As for everyone else, I admit I was a bit overzealous with the joke, and given the chance I'd probably not make it so believable.

But at the same time you guys need to lighten up immensely.  I tried to make it absurd and obvious it was a joke, and to see so many people fall for it and then be angry about it afterwards made me really depressed.  So what we had a little humor at your expense, was it really that awful to be without a forum for a day (and then to get back a shinier upgraded one)?  Get off your high horse for a second and calm down.  Maybe the joke was in poor taste, but the responses after it was revealed it was all a ruse were far worse.

Is that what you really see me capable of doing?  You truely think I would ever do something like that?  For what I do here I should be making a lot of money, but I don't do it for that.  Nor do I do it for fame or ego or anything really beyond giving back.  Realize I'm a human being, and a member of this community just like you.  Ask yourselves these things next time before you fly off the handle and say things that are very hurtful =/

Tell me why should I remain (or not remain) your head admin.  Here's your chance to really tell me if you want me to stay or go.  If you don't want to openly voice your opinion, then feel free to PM it to me.  But do not just cower in a corner and whisper behind my back because it is pointless and insulting.

[Nat Tea]

You're the one that made MotK how it is today, you made change.

My selfishness would tell you to stay, but my true feelings would say to do what makes you feel happier.

I still don't know what to say, I'm not good with people and I've always made decisions for everyone else.

I just don't know.

[Furienify]

I've only known you for a brief while, TSO, but I've honestly had no problems with your adminship here. Though I haven't been around long enough for most IRC drama, #meido appears to despise me too, so at least you don't have to be alone for that one.

For the pedestal: honestly, I don't find you unapproachable at all. I'm not sure why anyone would, you were far less intimidating than any of the other mods/admins back when I first joined.

At the same time, it's been very clear to me from the start that this issue has been taxing for you. I can see why. With that in mind, I want to say (and please let me justify this): I wouldn't have been surprised if MotK had actually been taken down on April 1st. You seriously seemed like you could have been pushed to the edge.

I gathered this just from two interactions/observations of you: first, way back when, there was that CPMC drama thread that Letty started. I was actually going back to read it today (unsure why, but it was in the archives) and I noticed all the signs that I missed that you were, definitely, very pissed off. I couldn't blame you. The signs were so obvious, too, but I had no idea what was going on at the time. Retrospect is 20/20 I guess. The second was just from an IRC conversation where you slipped some things in passing.

So with this in mind- all the bad things people may say about you, the cold way people treat you, all of it- I wouldn't have been surprised if you pulled the plug. Not because I think you're evil or terrible or anything. It's for the very reason you said- you're a human being. I could honestly see myself getting pissed off and just dropping it when things got as bad as they sometimes did for you. Shit happens. Sometimes a lot of shit happens.

Regardless of all this, I really would welcome you back. Not just to get the dating game off Ruro, either. Compared many of the other mods, you're very much more human and approachable (this is just personal opinion!). You've worked your ass off for this place, too, and I really appreciate that. My small danmakufu entry in the recent contest is a result of that. I seriously could care less that you're unpopular: so long as you know that some of us here appreciate you and we don't have to have conflicts like this anymore, everything's peachy.

[ES-Anthy]

To be honest, It really isn't right if the person who made all of this just ended up handing the torch to someone else. I never really took a position when the 4/1/10 or 1/4/10 incident came around, I just ended up being one of those people who just never really said anything about this.

I do support you remaining the head admin, for the fact that you made all of this. If you choose to pass it on yourself, that's your decision and honestly I'll support either way.

Sorry if my post is rather odd, I'm not good with conflict or people either.

With one last thing, I think the reason why so many people went into a shitstorm about it was because the lot of us don't know the term of overkill. :V

[trancehime]

You know what? During the entire fiasco, I was willing to turn everyone against me to try and justify that you didn't deserve any of this. I didn't, because in the end, I thought people were smart enough to resolve things on their own, and I already knew that that was a joke anyways. I think what I have said alone will suffice that I pretty much believe that you should stick around, people being ungrateful, unsufferable fucktards will never change. It's painful, I realize this - I've seen how much you've suffered, TSO, ever since I joined motk and #sm those years ago. There was a precedent for that style of joke, people found it very distasteful - can't say I blame them, sadly - but still, what really disgusts me is that even AFTER it was revealed to be a joke, people couldn't be relieved about their shit being saved and then taking it like a good sport. They had to be insufferable assholes about it. You could do nothing, so I don't see why you should have to feel remorse or sadness about that.

I reitterate, people being insufferable asses will never change. Afterwards, it seems many people want you back. It is of your own volition whether you want to turn away or not, but I'm thinking that many people here will still want you back.

Honestly, in making this thread, you're probably going to cause a lot of the virulence that died down to suddenly spring up again, but that's probably because... Of other things. Anyway, be prepared.

I'm not going to be one to impose what you should do. As I've always told you, just do what you believe is best for yourself.

[Dead Princess Sakana]

I dunno if you should go back to being head admin, that is for you to decide.
It's your decision whether the outcome is worth all the trouble, work and probably headaches you've got to go through.

But I'd definitely like to see you stay in the community.
That is, of course, as long as there are people you like here, and things you find fun to do.
It always hurt to see the person responsible for giving everyone here this great place to stay being the one shut out most from the community.

Maybe you should just become a normal member for the time being, so that you can take part in things without having that cursed head-admin-stigma floating over everything you do.
That may sound a bit too optimistic, but it may get people to realize that you're as much of a normal human as everyone else.
Of course, it would be even better if you could take part in the fun even as a head-admin.

[communist unity (comm-unity)]

_{This is probably a bad idea as it's 3:36 AM in the morning, but let's do this.}

Kind of sad seeing some of the disrespect you've gotten; there's legitimate criticism, and then there's just being an ass.  In most cases? It's usually the latter. Starting up a proper webforum and IRC server is quite the task, and getting an actual community for those is a pretty respectable accomplishment -- it's probably more than I could ever do on my own self-motivation and work. and I respect you for that, you've given us a nice forum here. That's something to be proud of.

I'll admit I was pretty annoyed at the joke as well, with the whole downtime part of it; I dislike most april's fools jokes in general though, that's just me. Of course, that pretty much went away when it was revealed that the downtime was actually legitimate, as you were upgrading the entire forum.

Sadly, there's always going to be assholes and ignorant kids who hate positions of power solely because they're positions of power. You've just got to ignore them, then they can go cause trouble and get their jollies somewhere else. I highly doubt that most users here hate you, TSO. There's just happens to be an extremely vocal minority that do.

As if you should stay or not, personally I think you should remain head admin, moderator, or at the very least an active member of the community. If the pressure gets too much you can always take a little break and hand the duties to one of the other staff. Ultimately though, it's up to you. It's your choice, not ours.


_{(Personally? Anyone who doesn't forgive TSO for what may or may not be a slightly tasteless joke by now is seriously kidding themselves and needs to seek professional help. It's was a relatively joke on april's fools; it's not like TSO  killed your dog or something. Chill out.)}

[Gappy]

I'm not sure if you know this or not, but after appraising things, it seems those who think negatively of you in particular are only in the minority. A very small (but loud) minority. Most users have only heard of you by name and thus know little to nothing about you. And there's a good number of users who actually think very highly of you and are appreciative for everything. And the few people I've asked about you specifically as an admin can't name any specific faults at all (at least, backed with evidence. Such people still call you a tyrant, but they have no proof to back up their claims). The best they can come up with is 'the staff in general'  (and for this they can actually provide evidence, but not to your name specifically), which I guess means there's a little infamy-by-association going on here. Problem is, you're not seen around the forum much and thus the impressionable newcomers only hear the worst about you from said loud minority, however baseless.

As for people who think negatively about the forums and staff as a whole, there are far more of those, but as I said, not many pin it particularly on you.

You must understand, the April Fools joke you yourself contrived did not paint you in a good light at all. While people were sceptical at first, we staff did a good job at convincing people it was real. Once they started believing it was true, it is no surprise they came to think you were cold-hearted enough to do something like that. Now we all know it was a joke, no? No harm done. We did go a little overboard and most of us staff members have gone about making both personal and formal apologies. Maybe a little help and effort from all of us together can help push everyone along to get over that little episode.

In answer to your question, harsh as it seems, I don't think anybody here can really tell you the answer. It is for you and yourself to decide whether or not to return as the head. None of us can decide for you, tell you what to do, or give you a reason to. We can give you our opinions and support, but in the end it is your choice.

Myself? Despite what happened, I decided to stay. It took me some consideration, introspection and general support and advice from friend to realize that, in the long term, I would better serve the community as a staff member than leaving outright. As such I owe everyone an apology for my rashness and lack of foresight. In the past 2 weeks I've seen that wrongs can be righted. That you and other fellow staff members fulfil promises. And everyone has begun moving forwards. You proved yourself right when you told me 'things can be fixed'. Now I believe that. And I believe things on your end can be fixed too. It just requires the willingness to reach out on both sides. And now that you've put all your troubles on the table, hopefully others will come along and put theirs on the table too, and, somehow, we can all reach at least a compromise. You know full well us staff are here to help you do just that and bridge whatever gap you perceive to exist between you and the community. So take heart, TSO!

EDIT: I would also like to add that ever since becoming a staff member I got to see more of what goes on behind the scenes, all the active work and effort that goes into keeping the forum ticking over nicely. It's a privilege to be able to get to know and understand you and the other staff members better. However, unfortunately, that privilege is only allowed to the few who have access to the staff forums. Which is why I, again, emphasize that all that needs to be done is to reach out and allow people to understand, to make people aware and to allow them to overcome the baseless prejudice and misconceptions about you and the staff.

EDIT2: Actually, Sakana suggested a really good idea. Why don't you take a break from being admin for a while and try going about as a normal member? Post in the forums and come on #touhou-meido as a member, rather than an admin. Show everyone that you're as human and friendly as the rest of us, as you've shown me and the rest of the staff. As I said, reach out and help people overcome their baseless prejudice and misconceptions.

[Hello Purvis]

I've always been straight with you we've spoken, but admittedly we've not spoken much.

Furienfy has said a lot of of what I thought about the incident itself; it did feel like you were on edge enough to do it. You have, from what you've revealed to us, a hell of a stressful life. I would not have been surprised if that stress had gotten to you, and when disparate mods and admins whose opinions I trust, were fully acting as though it were the case, I was pretty much fooled. The doubt it was real turned to hope it was fake and the grim feeling it probably wasn't. And, yes, that engendered some black thoughts about you, as up til that point I had believed you a benevolent leader and felt betrayed. I don't remember how much or how intensely I vocalized them. Either way, I owe you an apology for that.

Do you want to return and chill with peoples here? I presume you do, or this thread wouldn't exist. I would like to have you back. If someone does not, well, that's their issue. You have as much right to be here as any of us.

Should you be head admin? Well, do you want to be? From what I understand, you hate the stress of it. I don't think anyone would be upset with you if you declined to do it. If you want to, I have no problems with it.

Anyways, you would like us to speak up? I suppose I shall say a thing I've kept to myself for awhile. Since the whole incident with whether to move #meido to ppirc, I think you have been too quick to declare people hate you and are trying to undermine you. You cite that people talk behind your back as a reason. That, unfortunately, is natural. we expect people to hold grudges when we say bad things to them, especially things that are bad and have some aspect of truth to it. I would say most of the people here do this, myself included. I am very aware of how hard it is not to hold a grudge when someone says unpleasant things about me, and I know that just disinclines people to do it. But I'm drifting from my point. I think you are too willing to decry others as hating you. I felt this personally when you declared CPMC and #meido as some sort of rebel secessionist faction that is out to get you. And that made me feel rather unfairly demonized. I am sure I'm not the only one who felt this way and did not deserve it.

However, despite this, I would still like to see you come back.  If you still wish to be head admin, I am happy to have you in the throne. If not, I am fine with this too. But, whatever you choose, I do want you to stay. You deserve to be here if you want to.

[Tengukami]

I know I already said words to this effect on the staff board, but I'll say it again, publicly.

You made for us a home that's everything I could ask for in a Touhou community. Without this place, I'd have to go back to Poosh, and I'd rather eat my own hands than go back there. For this place and everything you've done, I'm very, very grateful.

I do think you might be letting a few very loud people drown out the whole, in this case. The prevailing attitude towards you is a positive one, as far as I've seen.

If you feel you need to take a break, no one would hold it against you. But I think nearly all of us would be sad to see you go permanently.

[E-Nazrin]

Oh, no. Why did it have to start again this way?

Phew... I've had this on my mind for a few days as well, and I was hoping to coordinate a better way to manage it, but... it looks like things broke. I could suggest some rules of engagement, but I'm not sure how well they'd work.

Here's to hoping this doesn't blow up too badly, or at least much worse.

..... I would like to be harsh about this, and hopefully fair, if I can handle it. But what with having emotions and all, I can't entirely guarantee it.

So I would like to ask: May I be harsh?

As part of this, here's part of the 'rules of engagement' I had in mind that I would like to be applied to my posts in this thread: If I word something here unreasonably, please, would one of the moderators take the offending segment, put it on pastebin or something, and try to reword it into something more neutral, while making the changed text also a link to the original version on pastebin for those that want to see it?

Gap and Purvis have outlined large parts of what I would like to say here - that some sort of civil discussion here should be able to come up with a better solution than lingering resentment, and that, sorry to say it, Fate is not entirely blameless in this matter.

I want to work this out. I really do. I've been scheming in the background the past few days about how to go about this. Discussed it with a few other staff members, for that matter. This really isn't how I wanted to start it. But I'm going to try and see it through. Let's see if what I've learned is of any use.....

[N-Forza]

Honestly, I don't see where the hate is coming from. Maybe I'm oblivious, or maybe it's just because I don't talk in the IRC channels, and I was fairly busy during the whole April Fools' fiasco, but I rarely see any criticism, constructive or otherwise, levied at you outside of these kinds of threads. I understand you're stressed from real life and the whole April Fools thing went over like a lead-filled balloon, but like Purvis said, I think part of the problem is paranoia. Even to those who are belly-aching about the way you handle things, if they're just being jerks, ignoring them would be the best course of action, because they're probably hypocrites anyway. You aren't going to make everyone happy regardless, and if they were REALLY unhappy with you, they'd leave the forums or IRC entirely.

So basically, from my point of view, a lot of people need to chill out. Just forget the April Fools fiasco, be more open about opinions, stop acting so uptight, and don't make accusations without evidence. Not taking things for granted is important too, but it's poor form to go fishing for compliments too, unless it's an extreme case like this.

[Solais]

Well, maybe I should tell my story, how I got associated with things here. I'm not a good speaker, by nature, but I try what I can. I was here for three months when I first got to notice you, and that specified minority did urged me to hate you. I felt comfortably in the safe heaven of CPMC, what you then tried to destroy. Then, my other safe heaven, #meido. I felt that I hated you, and I was afraid to ask you, "why?".
It was the very friends and supporters of you in this forum - those who make me feel that I'm lucky enough to call them friends too - who told me the answer to my question, "Why?". They were the one who taught me how to see the reason beyond everything that seems wrong. And in the end, during this whole April Fools mess, I could say out loud, that I don't hate you, but respect you deeply enough to show my signs of respect - to call you a "she" , as I have told all members of #meido, that this is the greatest sign of my respect for you, just because of the fact that we don't really know each other. And I do feel that I owe you a great apology for my hatred in the past.

I don't write this in the behalf of me - as I barely know you - but all those I've seen being depressed, even after all those weeks you've left. It's not just me I want you to come back, but all those who already voiced their opinion in this thread before me, I'm nothing but a part of the great thing what you have created.
And just like the others said, the choice is yours, but I suggest too, that maybe you should be just a normal member first. Maybe all those newbies who don't know you and are in the same pool as I was, would know that you're not the tyrant what the minorities make them to believe, but a very decent girl. Just like what the great Hungarian ruler, King Mathias the Righteous did.

[FinnKaenbyou]

And here I was about to start a Post Here To Wait With Open Arms For TSO To Return thread on CPMMMMC.

TSO, I think you're really underestimating yourself. You haven't realised just how many people here are rooting for you, hoping that you'll come back and become part of the community again. If people had really been so thoroughly disgusted by the April Fool's joke, isn't it more logical to think they'd have just voted with their feet and stopped visiting? And yet we're still here, because just like you we value this community.

Personally, I owe you a good deal of gratitude. You were the first and loudest voice trying to help me when I was being distraught. You honestly wanted to help me, so I know for a fact you're a good person. You just seem horribly insecure and afraid you aren't doing a good job.

I wonder, though. You're afraid that people don't see you as a person, just a puppeteer running things behind the scenes. So prove them wrong and start joining in with the stuff everyone else is doing. Play along with the text adventures in RPG, read stuff in PSL, comment in TARC or post in CPMC, anything like that. If a temporary step-down from head admin is necessary to really get that going, then I'm all for it. (Emphasis on 'temporary', though.)

In short, I don't want to see you so thoroughly unhappy about how things are going, TSO. And no-one else here does either. I won't lie, most days I would look at your profile and see if you had come back to post yet.

A little exercise, if you'll forgive me. TSO, just read this page for a while. Read all the words people are offering you, words of thanks and congratulations for what you've made of MotK. Now, pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for every happy poster. You deserve commendment like that after all your hard work, even if you yourself find it hard to believe sometimes. =3

[Nemo★Ma]

Remember, to be an admin of a forum, firstly you must become a member of the forum.
The reason why lots of people falls for the trick on April Fools is because they believed the ragepost and you are really selling the domain for $1200 (A large amount of money).

However, if you spend more time on the forum, like random posting or replying, maybe people will not fall for the joke because no one will going to sell her only home for some money.

Recently a member called Komari*Kamitika posted something "silly" in CPMC about putting stars in your nicknames.  Which I found to be very interesting.

So why not just relax, (maybe put stars in your nicknames as well), and having fun, not as an admin, but a normal member. Not only on IRC, but the forums too. All the management can wait.

PS: Thanks for the usergroup, and I forgive you after reading this post, people generally has stereotypes against admins. It's the admin's job to break this stereotype.

[Helepolis]

So basically, from my point of view, a lot of people need to chill out. Just forget the April Fools fiasco, be more open about opinions, stop acting so uptight, and don't make accusations without evidence. Not taking things for granted is important too, but it's poor form to go fishing for compliments too, unless it's an extreme case like this.

Winner post of the thread so far. Not because I am praising Forza.

But because I have been saying the same opinion around on forum, PM, irc (whether it be #sm , #danmakufu or #meido). Ever wondered why Keine isn't in #meido since a few days? Because of no appreciation and uptight behaviour. Humans value/react to something when they lost it or about to lose it. And the april fools joke had proven it perfectly. Think about it for a moment.

[Momiji]

Yay!!  I'm glad you decided to post.  ^.^


(You know my opinion.  =] )

[theshirn]

Oh for the love of-

I will preface this with two remarks: one, I usually don't find practical jokes funny, and two, I missed the whole "fiasco" (stupid lack of interwebs grrr).

OK.  TSO, I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've seen bad admins, I've seen good ones.  I know what can happen when you get a jackass in authority.  I know what kind of forum that degenerates into.  I also know that a good admin is often all that stands between a forum and utter crap.  And I say this, and I wholeheartedly believe what I say:

MotK is a good place.  Even with all the forum drama, the occasional flame war and the odd idiotic member (banned and not), MotK is still one of the few forums on the internet I've found that I've stuck with for more than, say, a month.  I've been here over a year now, and I don't see myself going anywhere soon.

Running a forum is no easy task.  You need to pour heart and soul (and cash) into it in order to get returns.  And it can hurt when people don't appreciate it - but I tell you, here and now, that I do.

I'm not sure any of this makes you want to remain head admin for the forum.  But even if all it does is bring a smile to your face, it was worth the time.

[Seian Verian]

I... Don't know much about this situation honestly. Everything I know, I've heard from other people, thanks to missing the April Fools fiasco, which means I may be missing large pieces of the puzzle. Truthfully? I don't know you, or really, much of anyone, except just a couple of people. Despite that... I still can't stand to see you, even someone I don't know, like this. If you really feel like these things have been happening, then try to talk with those who haven't done it themselves. They might not want to respond to being called to it, I of all people know how difficult it can be to start one of these conversations.

Those who continue to be unreasonable, despite everything? Those who just insult you for no apparent reason? They aren't worth your time. They may well be just the kind of jerks who like to take advantage of someone being in a fragile or overwhelmed emotional state, and try to make it worse. I'm not saying that they are, as such a judgment may still be hasty even for someone who knows them. However, with all the people here that are trying to help? I don't think you're nearly as hated as you seem to believe. As people have said, it's probably just an incredibly vocal minority. Funny how those seem to apply in so many things.

Anyway, I dunno if my post is welcome, or really says anything worthwhile. But I just wanted to let you know that even someone like me, a stranger, is here to try to help. Whether or not I ever succeed is a different story, but... Yeah, I should just stop talking now.

[Sapz]

I was originally going to make a long-ass drawn out explanation about what I felt happened, but given how the points I was going to make have already been made I'll keep it simple. I fell for it completely; this was primarily due to not knowing you well enough to be an accurate judge of whether or not you'd actually do something like that. I apologise for doubting you. I'd like for you to stay - you've been the driving force behind what is by far my favourite forum, and I owe you a pretty huge 'thank you' for that. I can't really advise you on which you should pick, but I'm confident you'll be welcomed back with open arms should you choose to return.

[Edible]

If I didn't want you to stick around, I would have stopped supporting you, and this site, a long time ago.

And that's all I feel I need to say on the matter.

[Chainsaw Guitar]

Okay, I don't think there is anything I can say that can possibily convince you to stay as I am not a good speaker. But I love listening to what other people have to say, no matter how idiotic it may be. Hell, there are some users here that are rightfully banned that I miss. So please don't go. Like others have said; just take a break from your responsibilites, and post here as a normal member. Avoid the IRC for a while too. I know from personal experiance that that IMs are not a good place to be when you're stressed out or whatnot.

[Drake]

I'm also not going to respond with loads of text. In this situation I feel that it would just be a waste of time reading the same things over and over.

If anything, you posting this huge wall just solidifies my belief that you're a rational admin who I would continue to support. I like having you as an admin, and I was quite disappointed when it was revealed that you were really leaving after the prank was over. I am going to say that having added a few extra admins might reduce your load by a lot (though being the runner of the site is still stressful). I definitely do not want you to leave, but if you do need a month or whatever to recuperate I can totally respect (and encourage) that decision. Even saying this, I can tell just how much of a blow the responses from the prank must have done. It's not like you're a robot or something, admins have feelings too. I would not be surprised if you did in fact just leave. You're probably right in that your disposition towards many of the members here has changed and might not ever recover. But regardless, I would be devastated if you would leave, just as I would by any of the mods here (except maybe Edible, don't see him doing much lately; maybe being promoted will change that, dunno :P).

Please stay.

[Nobu]

Do what makes you happy TSO. Anything else I could say has probably already been said. And the amount of text in this message is not indicative of the amount I care (if anything, the amount of text in our regular disputes is indicative of that. :V ). Didn't want to retreat to the books without saying something at least. Stay a while.

[Ghaleon]

I personally enjoy the site, and the staff. Honestly I'm pretty upset with the people who were bashing TSO during April first. I can appreciate and respect their distaste for the joke (If I had to scramble and backup a buncha art or fan-stories, or whatever just IN CASE it wasn't a joke, I'd feel like my whole day was wasted). But it's just a bad joke. I saw some (key word some, not many, so fret not TSO) acting like doing such a thing would be typical behavior on your part. Like you were some kind of monster. I asked several times WHY they thought so little of you OTHER than April first, and they all just repeated april first over and over. GG

So honestly, I don't really think anybody has a legitimate reason to hate you TSO, and I think the reasons why people appreciate you are obvious. Reading your post I see you mention that you do this, and don't get a thanks, or how you never get people just wanting to talk to you. I just want you to know that I think it does happen, you are just being blinded right now because you're upset like any other reasonable person would be after what happened.

The thing is you ARE the admin, and it is VERY difficult to compliment you without being seen as a suck-up, I've tried to in the past with my letters to the editor post (not you personally but the people managing the site, I don't think I even k new you were admin at the time). I've even sent you a PM or two in the past about stuff unrelated to your duties as an admin. You responded yes, and I appreciate it, I understand you must get alot and be pressed for time. But I'm just saying that you can't say the effort is not being made, and I sincerely doubt I'm the one exception in the whole community.

I also recall you seemed to post more often when I was a new member, I remember one thread about Advance wars, and you drew us a loli-brenner or something, that was epic. Anyway, I'm not saying this to criticize that you aren't "there" enough for us. But that the few times you can be, people enjoy it, that's why you should say.

As for being admin, I'm not staff, so I don't know all the mechanics and whatnot. I think asking non staff that isn't really something they can answer fairly. All we can do is say we love the site, and that staff as a whole seems to do a great job maintaining it. Whatever is being done now is clearly being done right. So changing things is probably not a good idea.

I personally have oodles to say, and I'm quite upset that talking about April first is a no-no. I think it's important and that people should discuss it. I think the drama that might ensue should be said. People don't like people talking being their backs, so why keep these issues under a rug?

I wish the people who had a problem with TSO, or any staff member can really say why in a constructive way. I can appreciate people not liking them for personal reasons or whatever, but I think people should be mature enough to know that they work for the benefit of the site and the community, so constructive criticism will help a helluva lot more than personal angst.

The people who bashed TSO, you know who you are, honestly I hope you feel ashamed. But notice how you haven't been banned, or snowballed. Please take the opportunity to collect your wits and really say your grievances in a mature manner so we can resolve this. I don't want to lose TSO, nor do I want to lose Letty (where's letty? wahh), or videogamer (err..wait. nm >=P) or any other (real)member because of this whole fiasco.

[Azure Lazuline]

People have already said most of what I was going to, so I won't be redundant. There's one thing you overlooked, though.

As for the rest of the people who chose such awful words for me, I cannot describe how much you hurt me.  I have done everything I could to not be this "power hungry tyrant" people seem to think I am.  I spend most of my freetime working for this site, and in the end you guys.  Hell even after I said I was gone I have secretly been working behind the scenes making sure things work.  And yet I don't get anything as much as a thank you.

I'm not going to defend the people who said bad things about you. However, I will take this opportunity to say that it was NOT everyone. I suggest you read what other people have said in that infamous topic, ignoring the trolls and drama. There were plenty of people that complimented you on the new layout, and plenty of people that said you're a great admin. I would give direct links, but obviously that's impossible now.

Your judgment was clouded by rage, and so was everyone else's. That is not an insult, and your anger was justified. However, I suggest you calm down, take some deep breaths, and read what everyone has to say (both in the old topic and this one) without letting your emotions take over.

[Garlyle]

So you probably don't care too much about the opinion of someone who makes like maybe six or seven posts a day and stuff, and isn't around the IRC, so maybe I miss a lot of things that go on... but.

MotK is chill.  It's one of the only places I know where something like Letty's Snowball Challenges are actually met by people laughing, kicking back, and enjoying popcorn.  Most places I've gone, half the community would revolt at the sight of one and storm out on the basis of "mod control" and shit.

I mean, I can't speak to you personally, and maybe this is a case of "it's all bubbling under the surface", but to me, at least, MotK is chill, casually, friendly, honestly, genuinely, ultimately, enjoyable.  Adverb adverb adverb, etc. etc. etc., I like it here and you've done a good job making it a place I can like.

[The Greatest Dog]

Alright. I'll admit it. Before this entire ordeal occurred, I didn't even know that you, TSO, were the admin here, let alone even know who you were. I spent most of my time in HME! and very rarely ventured out into other parts of the forum...

But I had come on that day, reading "Pack up your bags!" or something to that line, and I had immediately congregated along with everyone else to read what you were doing. Unfortunately, I had only finished reading the first page of replies before you apparently pulled the plug for the day, so of course I wouldn't know what everyone else was thinking about the matter. I know that someone, though, had mentioned that it's just a joke, which I had the hope that it was... And there was also the fear that it wasn't.

I hadn't known who you were. The only people who I could recognize would maybe be Baity or Bananamatic. Of course I wasn't sure what to expect of you during the time, only then realizing that you could potentially be pissed off at everyone who's pissed off at you - all for events which I hadn't heard of. Then the site came back, I noticed the new shininess, and once again congregated to a new thread. I read the entire thing, for which 20 new posts were appearing at a time, but it was clear that some people really didn't go well over with. I was fine with it, since you were doing it all for us and I had other things to do for the majority of the time frame. I didn't quite understand why the certain few people were still being asses over a simple joke.

Anyways, I don't want you to leave, but at the same time I don't want you to persist doing something you don't have the desire to. Just keep in mind that the vast majority of the people here would have left already if we thought you were a tyrannical arse.

[Wylfred]

I could take my time to write up a wall of text but this line can sum up my feelings more then any text wall can.

Eggs today are better than chickens tomorrow.

That is all I have to say on the matter. (Yes it does have meaning.)

[Alfred F. Jones]

What Edible said, really.

If I didn't want you to stick around, I would have stopped supporting you, and this site, a long time ago.

I don't think I would have been quite as excited to work for the sake of the community if I hadn't had your example to look up to, TSO. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions in the past... ah, two years? Since I finally decided to register in '08 on old MotK have shown that you're a keystone of our community here, that you really care for all of us. Anyone who can't see that is blind or lying. Whatever action you take, as long as you're happy, is totally fine with me.