Author Topic: Alice's Obsession - short story  (Read 7434 times)

Esifex

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Alice's Obsession - short story
« on: February 15, 2010, 09:47:59 PM »
Dedicated to all Alice fans out there <3~Hopefully this'll be a nice change of pace from the normal Alice-is-a-blubbering-schoolgirl behavior.



Alice exhaled slowly as she reclined back completely into the chair she was perched in. She laid her hands down on the armrests and splayed her fingers out, letting the puppeteer ringlets lead from her hands without tangling.

Even as she sank into a trance and begin to rouse all her unmotivated dolls, her thoughts turned to Marisa.

After all, if it hadn't have been for her, Alice wouldn't be sitting where she was right now, doing what she was about to do.

It was a mild irritation, of course - everything Alice did was always interrupted by thoughts of Marisa.

Ha... let's see the black-white do THIS... she thought to herself.

Behind her chair, a small army of dolls rose into the air. Each one was a direct extension of Alice's mind, as though she no longer had just one body, but dozens upon dozens of them, all floating about and being controlled almost perfectly and independently of each other.

And to think, all these are meant to be shared with Marisa...

The dolls floated around Alice, and through their eyes she saw her own body, sitting lifeless in the cushioned chair. Each doll held a small tool - some held needles, others, thread, and others still were lifting unactivated dolls.

Rather than sit and make the dolls one at a time, as she would if she were making an advanced doll - Shanghai and Hourai came to mind - she'd instead mass-produce the dolls... by using her already-made dolls.

She'll never be able to match my productivity. No, all she's concerned with is power... how unfortunate...

Despite Alice controlling every doll afloat around her, she couldn't help but grin slightly at the thought. No, Marisa could only blast through things, and never realize the consequences of her actions, or the effects she could have on others. Indeed, very unfortunate.

Of course, it was because of Marisa that Alice was making more dolls. During their last duel, Marisa had plainly incinerated a large number of them, and hadn't even thought to apologize.

"Ha! I win again, da ze~"

Such a straightforward girl, with no modesty. No humility. No... subtlety.

The grin turned into a bit of a sneer. Of COURSE she has no subtlety - she just blows everything up and sorts it out later, no matter how long it'll take her to dig through the pieces. Wonderful truths, buried just beyond sight, that you'll never see, Marisa... all because you don't think about the past, or the future... just the present!

With so many dolls manufacturing doppelgangers of themselves, and promptly threading the magewyre through them, the number of laborers Alice had access to continued to grow exponentially. She'd started with just a relative handful of dolls, and now had nearly a hundred under her control all at once.

This isn't even my limit - I, too, know a thing or two about power, Marisa... and you can't even see that, can you?

The number of dolls under her control rapidly climbed, until she had exactly a thousand dolls floating through the entirety of her house, moving on from construction to armament.

Of course, they had to be outfitted for danmaku duels - some bladed weapons were understandable on the dolls, but the rest of them would only be allowed to get away with shields and mana-foci.

And such a shame.

It could take her a century - she had the time, of course - but eventually she WOULD beat Marisa, and take her down a peg or five. The witch-magician had been on top for far too long - and she was just a human! Oh, how it burned.

Oh, and the humiliation wouldn't stop there. No, she'd be so lucky...

Nothing less than death would be acceptable for the black-white bitch. How dare she humiliate her mother - make a mockery of the Goddess of Makai, a mockery of her most powerful tome of magic!

Alice's eyes narrowed into slits. Oh, yes, she would destroy Marisa - and she'd do whatever it took to make sure she came out on top. No matter how long it took.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2010, 04:23:28 AM by Esifex »

Nobu

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Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2010, 01:06:16 AM »
I suppose if Alice was given a century to build dolls, at her pace she might be able to beat Marisa by flooding the countryside three times over. :V A nice take on Alice-neuroticism. If I may offer a bit of constructive criticism, I think if you varied the use of one of those 'completely's in the first two sentences, it'd sound a bit better. And I like the use of italics for thought.

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Esifex

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Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2010, 04:01:57 AM »
A nice take on Alice-neuroticism. If I may offer a bit of constructive criticism, I think if you varied the use of one of those 'completely's in the first two sentences, it'd sound a bit better. And I like the use of italics for thought.

Shy/Tsundere Alice bores and disgusts me - she seems more like a calculating, precise mind to me - being able to multi-task so many dolls at once would kind of denote a mind perfectly capable of figuring out what the hell she thinks of Marisa. However, being a puppeteer is always kind of creepy, regardless of the context. I mean, I know the Shanghai dolls look cute and all in IaMP and SWR/UNL, but real puppets are just ... scary. You have to be a little off to be so into puppeteering.

Also, criticism accepted, and applied - I simply chopped my overuse of the word 'completely' out. Still works without it :D!
« Last Edit: February 16, 2010, 04:05:32 AM by Esifex »

Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2010, 04:11:53 AM »
This is an abridged version of a PM-conversation I had with Esifex, but for the record, I don't consider "tsundere-Alice" and "lonely/pethetic-Alice" to be "normal Alice behavior." And "crazy-Alice," the only thing I dislike more than tsundere-Alice, is the wrong kind of "doing things differently" if you want to dedicate it to me (which is the only reason I had the aforementioned PM-conversation and am posting in this thread at all).

Esifex

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Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2010, 04:21:47 AM »
Wasn't a dedication per se, but, understood.

Hell, at the very least, it's just a bloody story.

Nobu

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Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2010, 04:53:47 AM »
:thumbsup: I think 'a little off' is pretty much a prerequisite to be a normal Gensokyo resident, hehe.
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HakureiSM

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Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2010, 06:04:02 AM »
This was uh.... pretty nice. Well written, short but not missing, clear.

Made me like obsessive Alice a bit more.
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
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Tengukami

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Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2010, 06:02:24 PM »
However, being a puppeteer is always kind of creepy, regardless of the context. I mean, I know the Shanghai dolls look cute and all in IaMP and SWR/UNL, but real puppets are just ... scary. You have to be a little off to be so into puppeteering.

As someone who was good friends with a puppeteer for Lazytown, I can attest that this is 100% true.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Re: Alice's Obsession - short story
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2010, 01:07:11 AM »
I actually like how this started out looking like another "oh-alice-is-so-tsundere-for-marisa~" fic, but then as you read on you realize it's just Alice going nuts and planning to destroy Marisa instead.

-thumbs up!-