I still see them in my dreams.
All I ever see is a road, and Mama and Papa are walking along in front of me. I can't make out what they're saying, but from the way they're holding each other's hands they clearly enjoy each other's company. A pair of wisps, their own nyuudou, float by their sides, occasionally rubbing up next to each other.
And now matter how much I run, I can't catch up to them.
Their voices get less and less distinct, until I can't even hear them any more. They walk off, into the horizon, never to be seen again.
Leaving me alone.
"Wait! Please, don't go!"
I scream. It's the only other thing I can think of that would help. But if I can't hear them, of course they can't hear me. They keep walking on, ignoring me completely. I push myself harder, running faster still, but if anything that just makes them fall further away.
They're dots in the distance now, and soon they won't even be that. They'll be gone forever. No more smiling faces, or comforting hugs, or bedtime stories. Nothing.
No.
No.
"No!"
I jolt awake again. The dream isn't new to me, I've been having it ever since they passed away. But every time it just feels so real, so genuine, that I find it hard to believe I'm simply imagining it.
The first few times, it was unbearable. I would simply curl up into a ball and weep to myself until noon, lying in the shelter we used to call home. The loneliness was almost enough to crush me.
"It is alright, child. Relax, take deep breaths."
A familiar voice rises to my ear. Immediately the fear of the dream starts to fade, and I start following Unzan's advice. My head clears, my heart stops pounding, I fight away the urge to crumple up and cry again.
"Another early morning? My, Ichirin, you're such a punctual girl, aren't you?"
Byakuren enters as well, almost on cue, carrying another bowl of her trademark Bland Grey Goop. I don't see her as 'that woman' or 'the hunter' anymore - after all the grace and help she's offered me, it seems unruly to still hold a grudge.
"Then again, you were rolling around a little. Hopefully some good breakfast will perk you right up before we go on our big trek today!"
She places the bowl next to me, and in those cheerful hazel eyes I can make out the faintest hint of understanding. She's well aware of what happened to me, and she's doing what she can to help me through these tough times.
And, well, who am I to stay so upset when there are people around me who are so concerned for me?
"Ah...thank you, both of you..."
In my dreams, I'm afraid of being abandonded. Being left alone in the world, with no-one to guide me or confide in. But really, I have nothing to be afraid of, now that I have Unzan and Byakuren.
They're not exactly a family, but they'll do.
---
"Alright, Ichirin. This is it."
The walk through the forest took the pair of us a couple of hours. For a while, I started feeling jealous of Unzan for getting a free ride beneath this cloak Byakuren had me wear, but it's not as if he does much in terms of walking anyway. I quite like the headdress that Byakuren gave me to cover my face, actually. Maybe I'll wear it more often after we make it through this.
Well, if we make it through this.
This entire area in the mountains has apparently been claimed by the human village here. I don't have anywhere to run or hide, and the village is built into the mountain pass that's the only way out. Clearly it was a deliberate choice of location - blocking the Kumoi clan inside and making sure that we couldn't go anywhere without them knowing. It worked.
I wasn't completely surprised when Byakuren told me that I was the last of the clan. I remember at some point Mama and Papa just stopped talking about uncles and aunts and cousins. I never thought about it at the time, but it made more sense now than it ever would have before. I cried, of course, but Unzan and Byakuren were there to help me through.
And now I'm going to spite the humans who took my family away by slipping through their net.
"Remember the story. I found you stranded in the forest, starving, so I'm bringing you here to see if I can get in contact with your parents. Understand?"
I nod. It's not exactly a complicated story, or even a believable one, but it's all we have. I only need them to believe it for a few minutes, and by then I'll have already made my escape. If it goes wrong - well, that's not worth thinking about right now.
We give each other one last nod of confirmation as we approach the gate. A young man is standing guard, wielding a makeshift spear that looks like it couldn't cut wheat. His eyes immediately turn to her with awe and respect.
"Ah, Hijiri-sama! It's good to see that you've returned in one piece. Did your hunt go well?"
Byakuren looks at the man with a smile that seems honestly genuine. It frightens me a little seeing how she can feign happiness with such ease.
"You won't have to worry about the last of the Kumoi anymore. But besides that, there is another matter I must attend to."
Her hand reaches to my shoulder, holding me tightly. Even if it's just an act, her hand still feels warm even now.
"This young girl was lost in the woods. She was on the brink of death when I found her, but I've nursed her back to health now. Are there any missing children right now?"
The guard's emotion is gleeful as he hears of my apparent death. I feel bile rising in my throat at the thought of it.
"Ah, great news! As for the kid, can't say anyone's missing off the top of my head, but you'd need to see the elder to be sure."
"I see. Thank you, sir."
Byakuren bows to the guard, nudging me slightly on the shoulder to follow suit. I bend my neck downward slightly, though beneath everything I'm wearing it's probably hard to tell. Then Byakuren pulls me away further into the village.
I keep my head down as we walk onward. The humans are going about their daily lives, muttering about the little annoyances as they make their livings. I overhear a few of their conversations, and immediately wish I hadn't.
"Hey, you hear about Motaro? He's still bragging about that one youkai he killed last week."
"What, again? He conveniently seems to forget that there were a dozen men helping him when he took out that Kumoi thug."
"Eh, in the end it doesn't matter that much. A dead Kumoi's a benefit for all of us. Let the kid have his day."
Beneath the cloak, my hands are clenched as tightly as I can manage. It takes all the self control I have not to order Unzan to beat one of those housewives to a pulp. All that would do is grab the attention of the whole village, and then not even Byakuren would be able to save me.
After a few minutes walking, we come up to the elder's residence. It's only slightly larger than the other homes here, but it's enough to show his status. Byakuren leads me inside, and convinces the locals present to grant her an audience.
This is all part of the plan we set up before we entered. The next step is the dangerous part.
As the two of us enter the building proper, the eyes of the village elder fall on us. He is a scrawny man, with an unkempt beard and a tired face. As he turns to Byakuren he seems more relieved than anything else.
"Ah, Hijiri-san. Welcome back. I take it your hunt was successful?"
Hijiri bows to the elder, letting go of my hand as she does so. She once again wears a smile that is sincere, but not authentic.
"I've taken care of your youkai problem. The Kumoi clan will never be a trouble to your people again."
The man smiles, his teeth a faint shade of yellow. His relief is visible as he leans further back into his chair.
"Oh, so it is done? To be honest, the idea of attacking the youkai had never been mine - they had done us no harm, so it seemed only fair to let them be. But this is a grudge that has continued for generations - my father fought the Kumoi, as did his father before him. Such a shame that all this bloodshed is for no real reason."
For a moment, Byakuren almost agrees with him, but she catches herself before she can start.
"A good ruler bows to his people, does he not? If you hadn't ordered it, the villagers would probably have attacked by themselves anyway, and with no proper organisation there would be terrible losses."
"True, true. I suppose you would know this better than any of us, Hijiri-san."
Despite his apparent opposition to the deaths of the Kumoi, the elder discusses the matter with a cheerful smile. She has pleased him, she has passed his test.
A trap. Like she had expected. If she'd agreed he would no doubt have called her a sympathiser, and that would be it. Were there no humans on this earth who had the decency to give youkai the time of day?
"Well, one more thing I'd like to ask. Who was that child who came in with you?"
"Ah, this is-"
She notices something strange in his choice of words.
"Wait. 'Was'?"
Byakuren looks to her side, expecting me to be waiting patiently for her to finish her conversation before leading me out of the village.
Except I'd made a break for the exit the first chance I saw. Patience is not something most children possess.
---
"Who's that?"
"That kid's gonna trip if she keeps running at that pace."
"Is anyone even running after her...?"
They're focusing on me, but I'm lucky in that I don't really have the build of a warrior. If I were some seven-foot tall man with biceps bigger than my head, maybe they'd catch on to the fact that I'm a youkai, but for once my lack of physical strength is actually a plus.
There's a good twenty metres between the last of the houses and the gate, and by now everyone's lost interest in the little girl running for her life. There's only one guard between me and the exit, and he's about as poorly equipped as soldiers get.
For a moment, I think it'll just be as easy as running past him out into the wild. A hand grasping me at the shoulder tells me otherwise.
"Hold it right there, kid. You shouldn't be headin' outta town without someone to look after ya."
I struggle weakly against the man's grip, but it's no use. The Kumoi aren't a strong clan of youkai by themselves, so we rely on our nyuudou if we ever end up in a fight.
"C'mon, who are ya, anyway? Lemme take you home to your mommy."
He reaches out with his other hand, and starts pulling at the headdress. This is bad - if he sees that I'm not from the village, I could be in big trouble. I start pulling away harder from his grip, prepared to make a run for it.
All my attempted escape achieves is getting the cloak pulled off my shoulder. The guard holds it dumbly in his hand for a moment before turning to me.
"What the hell are you doi-"
Then he notices the light pink wisp trying desperately to use me as cover.
His face wrenches in the most horrible manner.
"You...you're that Kumoi bitch!"
A look of hatred rises to his face immediately, and he unsheathes the sword at his side. It's barely sharp enough to cut through butter, but he swings it with enough ferocity to be a threat regardless. I don't even have time to react. It catches me in the side of the head, and I can hear a painful crack.
That's when things go to hell.
I've never been very brave. I was always the sort of child who would run away or feel bad when someone called me names, or just put on a brave face and took it. But I've never been hurt this badly before, and my body responds by pushing itself to its limit.
And this is a human. On top of that, one of the humans that killed my clan. And Unzan could tear him apart without trying. The question of fight-or-flight isn't a question at all.
"UNZAN!"
I will him on mentally as I scream, clinging to the wound on my head. It feels warm and sticky. It hurts. My head is spinning.
I hear the guard shout out again. It's a guttural cry, devoid of reason. I can barely see right now with my head still ringing from the pain, but I hear Unzan moving in. The blade shatters, falling to a dozen useless pieces on the ground.
His battle cry catches in his throat.
"Ah-"
His courage leaves him as Unzan proves that he's no match for the power of the nyuudou. By now the pain has receded enough to let me see clearly. Good. I want to see the fear in his eyes.
He's dropped to his knees, trembling in fear. Crying. It's pathetic, pitiful, embarrassing.
It feels fantastic.
Mama. Papa. This is for you.
I raise my hand upward, goading Unzan to prepare for the big finish. I think he's talking to me. Something about telling me to stop. I don't care. He's my servant, and he'll obey my commands, dammit. The human is quivering slightly. Trying to beg for forgiveness, but the words are falling apart in his mouth. The pain and the anger tell me to laugh at him, so I do. It feels wonderful.
Now to end it. I prepare to click my fingers to order the killing blow.
Another hand clutches around mine, holding it in place.
"That's enough, youkai. You'll harm no humans on my watch."
Byakuren's voice is intense, and filled with anger. I snap back into reality. The pain fades, the rage fades, and I realise what I nearly did.
Byakuren's hand colliding with the back of my head puts an end to that, though. Along with every other conscious thought running through my mind.
What have I done...?
---
I don't wake up quite as comfortably this time.
"Ow..."
I rub at my head, feeling a bandage running around it. Looking up, I see I've been kept beneath a tree during my short time being unconscious. It's not a local tree - at least, not one I recognise from the forests I've known.
Which means...I'm outside.
"You're quite the troublemaker, aren't you? Had to convince the guard you were dead as I pulled you out."
Byakuren is sitting next to me, using the tree to keep herself in the shade. The sun is setting in the distance, turning the sky a beautiful shade of orange.
I pull myself up slightly, looking at Byakuren's face. She looks serious, severe, and as she sees me get up she turns her attention to me.
"Do you realise what could have happened? You told me earlier that your clan did nothing to upset the humans, but you nearly killed a man. And you were enjoying it, Ichirin."
Her words are painful, each one stabbing into me like a knife. Especially because I agree with every single one.
"I...I'm sorry..."
It's all I can think of to say. I don't know what I was thinking - after he hit me all my higher thought just fell out the window, and killing him was all that came to mind.
Unzan is floating a little further away from me than usual, silently displaying his disapproval. The bond between Kumoi and nyuudou is strong, typically, but the nyuudou is not simply a toy. It has opinions, beliefs, and occasionally objections. The last of these is what I ignored entirely while I let my bloodlust control me.
"Unzan...I shouldn't have acted like that. I used you against your will. Forgive me.
He stays silent, but his head nods slightly in recognition. It's all I can ask for right now - the rest will come in time.
Byakuren sighs.
"It's a shame, really. I had been wondering if you were old enough to fend for yourself, but it looks like I'll have to keep you under my wing a while longer."
She grins.
"That isn't a problem with you, is it?"
I don't know what answer she expects from me with that question. I respond honestly regardless.
"Actually, I was about to ask if I could travel alongside you for a while."
Her eyes widen. That definitely wasn't what she thought I would say.
"You're travelling around and trying to help youkai, aren't you? I...I don't want anyone else to lose their Mama and Papa like I did, so I want to help."
Byakuren is quiet for a moment. I don't think I've ever seen her so outright stunned before. But eventually, her shock gives way to a smile.
"You really are a good child deep down, aren't you? I'm sure your parents would be proud of you."
She knows the right words to cheer me up, doesn't she? I think I'm crying already.
"Yeah...I hope so."
