Author Topic: Disorder of Forbidden Madness (Fanfic)  (Read 3323 times)


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Disorder of Forbidden Madness (Fanfic)
« on: November 24, 2009, 05:07:51 PM »
This is my first touhou fanfiction, so I hope you all enjoy it.

Please feel free to give constructive criticism on my writing style - I'm somewhat rusty, due to not having written a fic in over a year, so I'd appreciate it if people would help me get better.

The setting of this takes place over a hundred years from the current timeline in canon, so Gensokyo has undergone a few very large changes inspired somewhat by canon events.


       Marisa lifted the cup off the plate, taking a sip before putting it back down. Having tea here, at this place? it had become a daily ritual here, one that hadn?t changed for over a hundred years. Even as the world around her continued to change? even as the Hakurei clan continued to change? she still kept coming, day after day.

       It had been one hundred years since she had become a youkai, and yet the memory of that girl had not faded in the slightest. Watching her, then her daughter? both of them growing old and eventually dying, followed by this newest generation? she could remember it all. Marisa had begun to wonder if she had not become tied to this shrine somehow ? maybe from that promise all those years ago.

       ?If there?s ever a time when you can?t do your duty? I?ll do it, instead.? Those words had been the truest Marisa had ever been to someone. As the seasons passed, as the decades passed, it remained fresh in her mind. When Reimu had disappeared? when her child was too young? and when that child was too old, Marisa had taken action in their stead.

       Again? it was one of those years. The current Hakurei was only a young girl, around the age of eight, being taken care of by Chen, of the Yakumo? really, the only people Marisa had seen who were even more devoted than she was to protecting that family. The magician looked over at where Chen was, with some degree of difficulty, trying to teach Miku how to use Ofuda without activating them and hurting herself.

   ?She really has grown into a splendid woman.? A voice said, and Marisa sighed, looking over at her new visitor, who was drinking tea much like she was.

   ?Ran. You always did have a soft spot for her, it?s good to see that hasn?t changed? despite your constant attempts to hide it.? She teased. Whenever someone came to the shrine nowadays, it was usually Chen or her master, Ran ? the eldest Yakumo never seemed to hang around anymore, not after Reimu?s death.

   ?Not surprised?? Ran asked, smiling as she changed the subject. ?Normally people jump when someone is suddenly in an unexpected place.? Marisa laughed.

   ?After the same trick has been pulled on you over and over again for nearly a hundred and twenty years, you tend to get used to those kind of things.? She explained. ?How?s Yukari? I haven?t seen her in a good decade or so.?

   The shikigami sighed. ?You know how she is. Always sleeping, and when she can be bothered to wake up, she?s always with that Meimu girl? it feels almost like an unhealthy attachment to her, though I don?t have it in me to talk to her about it??

   The black-white youkai nodded. ?She seemed to take Reimu?s disappearance more harshly than she tries to make us believe. I?m not sure if she ever got over it. And Meimu does look eerily similar to her ? though, I think that might have been her intention in creating that girl in the first place. A replacement for what she had lost??

   ?Speaking of which, wasn?t that around the time you hooked up with that-? Marisa fixed her with a dull glare.

   ?I don?t need to hear that from you. Sure things were never the same without her, but all it really did was advance our relationship faster. We still would have ended up in this situation anyway, it just might?ve taken a little longer. Either way, I don?t regret my actions in the slightest.?

   Ran drank more of the tea and then nodded slowly. ?Well, if you don?t regret it at all, I won?t bother you about it. I am merely worried that Lady Yukari might.?

   Ran stayed longer than usual, for at least a few hours, going to help Chen before Marisa decided it was time she should be going home. She would be getting up around now, and the two of them usually spent the rest of the day and most of the night together. With that in mind, Marisa made a hasty farewell and stretched her wings.

   It has been a long time since I used to ride that broom to fly, she thought to herself, the white appendages she had gained a hundred years ago getting ready to take her into the air. For a while after, Marisa had still taken to riding the broom out of habit, but as the years went by she slowly used it less and less ? she didn?t even take it with her when she moved into her house about a decade after Reimu disappeared.

   While still recalling the memories of the past, she subconsciously lifted off and flew towards her ?new? residence.


   ??it?s been a long time.? The voice was feminine, but it definitely did not hold any of the stereotyped softness that girls supposedly spoke with. Instead, the tone seethed a vicious cruelty, the speaker?s sadism only tempered by her patience and determination. ? had better not disappoint me.?

   Another voice spoke up, one that sounded somewhat childish, but had somewhat grown out of it due to the passing of time. ?Don?t worry, Mistress! We?re stronger than they could expect. Together, we can even beat you, remember??

   The first voice laughed. ?It IS five on one, remember that. And if she?s been practicing as much as you have, that girl will be able to compete with me in power now that she?s a youkai.? A few moments passed in silence. Her mistress? power was something to be feared ? an enemy who could rival it was not something for her to think so lightly about. Eventually, the second one spoke up again.

   ?We might get hurt, but we won?t fail you.? She said. ?Together, we are the strongest!?

   ?You had better not. I?ve been lenient about your losses to others during your training, but if you screw up the real deal, you don?t want to imagine what I?ll do to you.? The second speaker gave an audible gulp of worry as she left.

   ?Alright team! It?s time to? GO!? Five voices raised in a cheer.


   Remilia wasn?t exactly sure what was going on, as she stared down at the planet below her. It had been a while since she figured out the weakness of those who lived on the moon, and returned to conquer it, but ever since it just hadn?t been the same. Patchouli and Meling stayed back at the SDM in Gensokyo, hiring more? competent maids due to Sakuya following her up to the moon, and that had caused enough of a rift.

   Torn between going with her sister and staying in the room she had become familiar with and see Patchy, something inside Flandre seemed to have snapped, and she had disappeared. Over the last fifty years or so, she had heard more about her sister, as sort of a legendary figure who was both respected and feared, and nearly impossible to find (though it was also said she had no trouble finding you). The vampiress wasn?t sure how much of these new powers Flandre had become attributed with were true, and how much were myth, but it was clear that she was no longer under her control as she had once been.

   With Reimu gone, and by now surely gone to time as well, the people Remilia could count on were steadily dropping. The shrine maiden? the gap youkai? heck, even that hungry youkai who flew around the mansion sometimes ? they all were gone. Up here, she had Sakuya and Yami? and when she visited Gensokyo, she had Patchouli, Meling, and Marisa to some extent, as well.

   Remilia held back a chuckle. She could count on Meiling? Times really had changed - the useless gatekeeper had grown quite a bit, and actually could repel intruders now? but it helped that two of the people who interfered the most with her job either were dead or no longer needed to be kept out.

   The princess of the blood-red castle turned away from the window. It had been nearly a decade since her last visit to Earth? maybe she?d stop by again, after all.

Re: Disorder of Forbidden Madness (Fanfic)
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2009, 05:18:33 PM »
Ooh. Iiiinteresting. Can't wait to see more.

And I have to say, even if you are rusty, it shouldn't take much to clean the rust off. ;)


  • Servant for Life~
  • Touhou Sweets~
Re: Disorder of Forbidden Madness (Fanfic)
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2009, 05:30:27 PM »
Thanks! I'm going to do my best!