Alright, get ready, it's goddamn story time. I've thought super hard about the funniest recent experience I've been in, and I intend to make at least somebody laugh.
It's only taken a minor depression that this has caused me and an entire night staying awake, so hopefully it's worth it.
So, a few months ago, the day of the week finally decided it was a Friday, and Friday is the best day of the week.
Friday is very special to me for a few reasons. Firstly beacause it's the day of the week I get together with my best friends, almost without fail, to chill out at our local`hobby story, Epic Loot. On most weeks we get together, we play Dungeons and Dragons, 4th Edition. It's almost always a bloody great time.
But more importantly, Friday is the day I wear my cat ears out in public. I do this because I don't give a single fuck about public opinion, and because my friends totally understand my completely normal and healthy obsession with catgirls.
Anyways, the hour finally came in which we met up, and after the usual hour of goofing around and eating, we got around to playing the game.
Our group consists of (real names changed) Jimbo the Dramatic, the Dungeon Master, Bill the Quiet Party Leader, who plays Orohu the Werewolf Cleric, Sen the Actor, playing Xagmus the Drow Warlock, Mike the Strategist, predictably playing Ishmael the Human Wizard, Bob the Evil Guy, playing Drake the Gensai Psion (who is a total dick), Jack the Group Troll, playing Pride the Tiefling Rouge, Adam the Newbie, playing Axl the Dragonborn Fighter, and finally I, NekoRex the Loonie, playing Rancor the Dwarven Knight, aka The Dwarven Blur, the Beardiest Dwarf, who totally does NOT have a drinking problem blatant lies.
Together our party forms Team Can't Go Out In Public, probably the most fitting name for any adventuring party in the lands of fantasy.
Tonight our mission was to infiltrate a high-security fortress guarding the Ghost Redubber, housed in the center of the world's largest city of people who are basically the Protoss from Starcraft.
Naturally, at the hest of the TOTALLY NOT EVIL blatant lies Drake, we blew a huge hole in the roof with our Airship Cannons, thereby alerting the entire city we were here. We jumped in because we all have Rings of Feather Fall and were easily inside the compound. Thankfully we scouted the place before hand and knew where the vault was, so getting in was only a matter of killing the guards and busting the vault door down.
Behind the vault door we discovered that the actual vault was down an extremely long spiral staircase leading deep into the earth.
Being ballsy, I suggested we jump down to save time using our Rings of Feather Fall. The DM informed us that this was a bad idea, because in the center of the stairwell at the very bottom was a river of molten rock. Since I'm not an idiot, I figured that jumping down was therefore probably not the best choice of actions.
However, Pride, who apparently did not give a single fuck about magma because he had Fire Resistance, decided to jump down anyway.
As it turns out, fire resistance means jack shit in goddamn magma.
Cue an entire hour dedicated to laughing our asses off at this turn of events. Seriously, we used every single fire-related joke we could come up with. Jack could literally not stop laughing. Every time he came close to recovering from his gut-busting laughter someone pulled out another joke like singing "And he went down down down, into a burning ring of fire" or "burn baby burn, disco inferno", or other saying nonsense quotes ("Drop it like it's hot") or some other nonsense and he would just kill his sides into another bout of laughter. At some point I think I was actually rolling on the floor and laughing.
Anyway, after we wasted the entire hour laughing and eventually taking a break from laughing, then laughing again, we actually had to roll to see if Pride survive swimming around in liquid rock (he did, somehow), and then we got to the big fight of the night, which was against some very high level psionics who had bullshit charm powers, and a long row of security statues who fired bloody lasers. This fight proved too hard, so we stole the Ghost Redubber and got the hell out of there. And so ended the session.
We all packed up and left, and I decided to join my Jack for a round of late night videogaming at his house (which we do every week after the D&D meeting). We left in his car and went off home, and I asked him to stop by the library to drop some books off that I had.
This is where the night would continue it's hilarious adventure.
Coming out of the drop box lane, Jack turned down onto the left side of what he thought was a one-way road with a divider that fed into the main road.
Now, this had two major problems. First and most obviously, it wasn't actually a one-way road, which he was on the left side of. (Americans here will notice the problem here, it was the wrong side of the road). Secondly, and most importantly, a police car had just pulled out of the fenced in parking lot belonging to the police station next door. It was at this point we knew we were screwed. Sure enough, as soon as we pulled out onto the road, the cop flashed his lights, and we pulled in to the nearest driveway (which was for the municipal building across the road).
Now, we totally played it cool, but the unfortunate fact was that my friend was only on his Temps, and I have no drivers liscense to speak of. After being totally polite with the cop and compliant, we ended up having to call Jack's mom to pick us up since we couldn't drive, which she was not happy to do.
So for the next twenty minutes we waited for her to come, and we chatted with the cop, and stayed pretty cool. He ended up giving Jack a ticket (which he got off with a warning for and no fine), and his mom came. She apologized a whole bunch, and we all got out of that car to get into hers.
Marking the end of our exciting night, it was at this point Jack's mom informed me, much to my dismayed realization... I was still wearing my cat ears.
