SECRET AGENT EDIBLE: PART TWO: HELECTRIC BOOGALOOPOLIS"WHO DO YOU WORK FORRRRR!!!!!" I asked the cat, gently.
Wait, let me back up.
...
...
The safe's contents were but a mystery to me, like the secrets of the ancient Aztecs. I had to disarm the safe before I could discern who offed Agent Helepolis. Fortunately, I had my dossier of Helepolis on file and worked through the obfuscating clues he had left me. I decided to work backwards, because that's what a good agent does. Working in the correct order is almost always a trap. And a trap in my line of work can mean death... or worse. Because I'm an agent, and traps that lead to death or worse is what I do. Or more specifically, what I disarm.
Last Seen at Reitaisai #?Reitaisai was some yearly hullabaloo in Japan where a bunch of yahoos worshipped some priest and the countless hat-laden monster girls he spawned. My spies on the island had placed him there in 2012, during a tour of the nation. I was able to question a native who told me that the ninth annual Reitaisai had taken place that year. I jotted down "9" as the fourth answer.
Potential languages I know?Agent Helepolis was always a whiz with languages, and his European background gave him access to many more than your average (agent) Joe. I recalled that he was fluent in Dutch, Turkish, English, Japanese, and German at a minimum. Since I couldn't think of any other languages, I decided "5" must be the third answer.
Panel # sister flan does guts poseThere was only one "sister flan" I knew of, and it was in my Japanese spy's report manga. Agent Warugaki provided me
in astounding detail his interactions with Agent Helepolis during his stay in Japan. I found the correct panel referencing the so-called "guts pose" and collected the second answer.
Remilia ScarletHelepolis really put the hammer down on this one. What the fuck was I supposed to gather from just the name of some ancient vampire broad? AND SHE'S WEARING A HAT. ALL OF THEM WEAR HATS. But she's not tied to a number! I even had my agent check her age (an extremely perilous activity, I assure you). So I was stumped. What could possibly be the first digit? I knew this was a trap! The answer suddenly hit me like a train to India whose brakes were on loan to a space station. She was the culprit of the sixth Touhou game, and was the sixth boss in that game! Clearly the answer, then, must be six.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPCLICKThe safe opened like a welcoming lover.
A voice: "YOU KNOW TOO MUCH, AGENT EDIBLE!"
Suddenly, a crash! A ninja assassin had entered my window and nearly made off with my head, her blades sweeping down like a ravenous guillotine. I managed to leap out of the way just in time. Apparently the assailant was of the strike-once-and-run variety, as she left as quickly as she came. Knowing this might be my only chance to get a real lead in Helepolis' killer, I grabbed my sidearm...
... and gave chase!
Seconds passed as I used my legs and knowledge of the terrain to corner the fleeing ninja. But she leapt into another building! I leapt after her!
"This is it, missy."
Now, where was I... oh, of course.
"WHO DO YOU WORK FORRRRR!!!!!" I asked the cat, gently.
"Meow," she replied, not giving a shit at all.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't pull the trigger.
I returned to my office, wondering what bastard would send a cat to do a real assassin's job. Wondering what bastard killed poor Helepolis.
Then I remembered - the box! Maybe it would have the answers...
Sunglasses? And... an... oh. Oh. of course. I understand, Helepolis.
I understand everything. Wear your armour...
So I took my armor from the safe. And I became Helepolis himself.