Maidens of the Kaleidoscope

~Beyond the Border~ => Daiyousei's Cold Storage => Topic started by: FinnKaenbyou on April 22, 2011, 10:48:04 PM

Title: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: FinnKaenbyou on April 22, 2011, 10:48:04 PM
Are you being let down when it matters most by your spellcards? Is your partner dissatisfied by the length of your laser? Premature panicbombing putting a downer on your evenings out?

Projectile dysfunction affects more than 40% of Gensokyo's population. Demand better, and try out our new herbal formula! Containing over a dozen natural ingredients, it's been scientifically proven to improve reactions and general danmaku ability by up to 38%1! And it's almost completely safe, a small minority undergoing side effects2!

Call now, and order your bottle today for the low low price of 24,999 Yen! Yagokoro Laser Extender - because every woman appreciates a good twelve inches in her laser!


-----

1. Tests may have been performed within the company, rather than by a qualified pharmaceutical firm.

2. Side effects manifested in only 49% of test subjects, and include: headaches, sweating, dizziness, nausea, fainting, kidney failure, lung failure, heart failure, hitbox failure, zombie plague, dead parrots, an inability to move in more than 8 directions, short-term memory loss, death, half-death, a maniacal urge to cleanse the world with fire, armpit hair, baldness, sudden hair growth, depression, repression, compression, opression, breast growth, breast shrinking, sudden vitamin deficiencies, sudden anaemia, sudden complete lack of blood, short-term memory loss, temporary blindness, permanent blindness, blindness-that-isn't-as-temporary-as-the-first-one-but-still-isn't-permanent, desire to eat any inanimate object in sight, irresistable urge to repeat anything said in your vicinity, curves in your lasers, blackmail photos being sent to the media, sudden poverty, inability to fly, uncontrollable sobriety in oni, allergy to sunlight, allergy to moonlight, allergy to pollen, allergy to antihistamines, short-term memory loss, and expanded hitbox.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Byaaakuren on April 22, 2011, 10:51:22 PM
Sounds sweet! I'm in. Do you accept credit cards?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Spidere on April 22, 2011, 10:53:43 PM
I've always preferred

EXTENDZ?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Iced Fairy on April 22, 2011, 10:56:20 PM
Quote
1. Tests may have been performed within the company, rather than by a qualified pharmaceutical firm.
For science?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Sect on April 22, 2011, 10:57:23 PM
So, this medicine... it is ingested, right?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Suikama on April 22, 2011, 10:59:09 PM
So, this medicine... it is ingested, right?
It is ingested through a bodily orifice other than oral
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: helvetica on April 22, 2011, 11:01:15 PM
If your danmaku lasts more than 4 hours please consult a physician immediately.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Sect on April 22, 2011, 11:01:45 PM
It is ingested through a bodily orifice other than oral
Y-you mean the ear, right? Right?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Byaaakuren on April 22, 2011, 11:03:59 PM
What's your refund policy?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Shizumarashi Mayuzumi on April 22, 2011, 11:05:30 PM
allergy to antihistamines

OMG TSO's a test subject
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: HakureiSM on April 22, 2011, 11:06:30 PM
BIG YOUR SPELL CARD

BECOME A REAL MAN
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: FinnKaenbyou on April 22, 2011, 11:10:35 PM
Sounds sweet! I'm in. Do you accept credit cards?
YES! Just send your bank details to yagokoro@eient.ei!

So, this medicine... it is ingested, right?
All true scientists will tell you there is only one route to your hitbox. And your digestive system isn't it.

What's your refund policy?
If you aren't 100% satisfied, we will get you in touch with our Nigerian correspondent, who is sure to have a way for you to reclaim your cash!
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Fetch()tirade on April 22, 2011, 11:14:46 PM
I am a Protoss (http://wiki.teamliquid.net/starcraft2/Extended_Thermal_Lance), and I approve of this message.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Suikama on April 22, 2011, 11:15:08 PM
Y-you mean the ear, right? Right?
(http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/9050/reisenswr.png)
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: axman36 on April 22, 2011, 11:20:04 PM
Will this miracle product allow me to in fact fire my appendix directly at the enemy as a means of danmaku?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Byaaakuren on April 22, 2011, 11:23:54 PM
If you aren't 100% satisfied, we will get you in touch with our Nigerian correspondent, who is sure to have a way for you to reclaim your cash!

That Nigerian better be a prince
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: helvetica on April 22, 2011, 11:27:49 PM
OMG TSO's a test subject
:O!
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: XephyrEnigma on April 22, 2011, 11:33:36 PM
That Nigerian better be a prince

Incoming 419 scam  :ohdear:
well, not incoming but you get the idea.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: FinnKaenbyou on April 22, 2011, 11:34:46 PM
Will this miracle product allow me to in fact fire my appendix directly at the enemy as a means of danmaku?
Why stop with your appendix? With Yagokoro Laser Extender, every part of your body is potentially a deadly weapon! What better way to rub in your enemy's defeat than to beat them over the head with your own heart?

Warning: This attack induced cardiac arrest in 97% of test subjects.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Sapz on April 22, 2011, 11:54:57 PM
Take it from me, folks - this stuff works like a charm. I was skeptical at first, but wow! The change was immediately noticable. Compare:

Before!
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o142/Sapzdude/Beforelaser.jpg?t=1303516512)

After!
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o142/Sapzdude/Afterlaser-1.jpg?t=1303516564)

Truly a quality product, 10/10! Would buy again.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Thata no Guykoro on April 23, 2011, 01:08:14 AM
That Nigerian better be a prince
Aren't they a republic?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Whatthe on April 23, 2011, 01:41:35 AM
With Yagokoro Laser Extender, every part of your body is potentially a deadly weapon!
Did Don Knotts take Yagokoro Laser Extender?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Byaaakuren on April 23, 2011, 01:51:28 AM
Aren't they a republic?

I can't trust anyone but a Nigerian prince to give me money.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Ryuu on April 23, 2011, 02:39:40 AM
ilu rou
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: E-Nazrin on April 23, 2011, 03:22:52 AM
Do you have similar products for, ah... danmaku other than lasers? Y'see I don't use those often so...
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Aba Matindesu! on April 23, 2011, 07:03:37 AM
My bubble production isn't as good, will Yagokoro Laser Extender help with it?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Infy♫ on April 23, 2011, 10:35:51 AM
How about my piano?
How do I big it?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Prody on April 23, 2011, 10:55:51 AM
Quote
dead parrots
NOOOOOOOOOOO

AAAHHHHHHHHH
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Menorah Jams, Pham on April 23, 2011, 11:55:03 AM
Is this something a mohel would use?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin on April 23, 2011, 09:55:14 PM
Hello ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he stopped using ladies scented bullets and switched to Old Flower, he could danmaku like he's me.

What's in your hand? Back to me. I have it! It's an oyster, with two copies of that bullet-hell game you love. Look again: the copies are now diamond-shaped bullets! Anything is old possible when your man danmakus like Old Flower and not a lady. I'm on a broomstick.
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Suikama on April 23, 2011, 09:57:02 PM
C-C-C-CROSS EXAMINASHUUUN!
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: ♛ Apher-Forte on April 24, 2011, 05:49:05 AM
Will this miracle product allow me to in fact fire my appendix directly at the enemy as a means of danmaku?
is this some kinda Story of Riki reference?

Take it from me, folks - this stuff works like a charm. I was skeptical at first, but wow! The change was immediately noticable. Compare:

Before!
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o142/Sapzdude/Beforelaser.jpg?t=1303516512)

After!
(http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o142/Sapzdude/Afterlaser-1.jpg?t=1303516564)

Truly a quality product, 10/10! Would buy again.

best product.

This product is obviously endorsed by Barry Scott
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: WHMZakeri on April 24, 2011, 07:06:47 AM
Hello! I'm Kogasa Tatara and I support Yagokoro Laser Extender. I used to think laser was difficult, but I was wrong.

(http://i55.tinypic.com/123qgdz.jpg)

Before, my Danmaku was weak, and easy to dodge. My opponents often had to do little to dodge my bullets. I felt inadequate as a youkai, and was ready to give up on scaring humans again. But not anymore. With Yagokoro Laser Extender I was using attacks well beyond the level of a stage 2 boss, It wasn't long before I was making spellcards worthy of appearing in the Extra Stage.

(http://i56.tinypic.com/20626hg.jpg)

With Yagokoro's help, I was able to gain the confidence I needed to make many powerful spellcards that the old me would have been jealous of.

(http://i54.tinypic.com/23qxldh.png)

Wow! I didn't even know I could make that many bullets at once. I guess it is true, more color is more power.
Thank you, Yagokoro! I know who to call for help next time I'm in trouble!
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: DarkslimeZ on April 25, 2011, 06:00:07 PM
And here you thought no one would notice that you put "short term memory loss" into the side effects list twice.  :3
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Janitor Morgan on April 25, 2011, 07:02:22 PM
And here you thought no one would notice that you put "short term memory loss" into the side effects list twice.  :3

Looks like you...

*shades*

...forgot to count one.

(http://i31.tinypic.com/zmxtw1.png)
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Marin The Magus on April 25, 2011, 07:47:48 PM
Yagokoro laser extender? Pfft....
EVERYONE SHOULD  USE KOISHI'S EMBERS OF LOVE! For everyone who likes circle-like bullets and hates curvy lasers ;)
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Janitor Morgan on April 25, 2011, 09:09:18 PM
Yagokoro laser extender? Pfft....
EVERYONE SHOULD  USE KOISHI'S EMBERS OF LOVE! For everyone who likes circle-like bullets and hates curvy lasers ;)

But is Koishi a licensed physician? Yagokoro Laser Extender comes from a reputable source, so we can be assured of its quality.

Basically, what I'm asking is...are Koishi's Embers of Love safe? :ohdear:
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Byaaakuren on April 25, 2011, 09:52:19 PM

Basically, what I'm asking is...are Koishi's Embers of Love safe? :ohdear:

If it's not, I want a refund!
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Conqueror on April 26, 2011, 11:52:55 AM
Quote

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3 Times as potent as regular Extender!

Brand Yagokoro 80/650 mg 10 pills Herbal ?2,999 ?24,999
Brand Yagokoro 80/650 mg 20 pills Herbal ?4,999 ?42,999


You can't get this meds elsewhere

And other popular medications that last all game! No prescription needed!
Save up to 80% compared to your Local Ph4rm4cy.
**With Fast Discreet Shipping to All Locations in Gensokyo**
And Good Customer Service!
0rder Now Click Here ---> http://genuineyagokoromeds.inabatewi.net/g00ds/


Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Aba Matindesu! on April 26, 2011, 11:55:55 AM
It's a 404, are you sure it's not .genso or .eien?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: Kips McKipzerson on April 26, 2011, 11:56:38 AM
Exlucisve

Mister Advertiser, You misspelled a word. That doesnt seem like something the Brain of the Moon would do, eh?
Also the website links nowhere. Do I really need to buy a Gensokyo-Warner router?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: XephyrEnigma on April 26, 2011, 07:47:19 PM
Mister Advertiser, You misspelled a word. That doesnt seem like something the Brain of the Moon would do, eh?
Also the website links nowhere. Do I really need to buy a Gensokyo-Warner router?

Perhaps this product is so revolutionary, it does not need a website?
Title: Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
Post by: ♛ Apher-Forte on April 28, 2011, 01:39:34 PM
Perhaps this product is so revolutionary, it does not need a website?
According to reliable informants, its website runner is apparently a royalty of Nigeria.
HMMM, this sounds like NATIONAL ENDORSEMENT.