Author Topic: Tired of underperforming danmaku?  (Read 3294 times)

FinnKaenbyou

  • Formerly Roukanken
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  • blub blub nya
Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« on: April 22, 2011, 10:48:04 PM »
Are you being let down when it matters most by your spellcards? Is your partner dissatisfied by the length of your laser? Premature panicbombing putting a downer on your evenings out?

Projectile dysfunction affects more than 40% of Gensokyo's population. Demand better, and try out our new herbal formula! Containing over a dozen natural ingredients, it's been scientifically proven to improve reactions and general danmaku ability by up to 38%1! And it's almost completely safe, a small minority undergoing side effects2!

Call now, and order your bottle today for the low low price of 24,999 Yen! Yagokoro Laser Extender - because every woman appreciates a good twelve inches in her laser!


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1. Tests may have been performed within the company, rather than by a qualified pharmaceutical firm.

2. Side effects manifested in only 49% of test subjects, and include: headaches, sweating, dizziness, nausea, fainting, kidney failure, lung failure, heart failure, hitbox failure, zombie plague, dead parrots, an inability to move in more than 8 directions, short-term memory loss, death, half-death, a maniacal urge to cleanse the world with fire, armpit hair, baldness, sudden hair growth, depression, repression, compression, opression, breast growth, breast shrinking, sudden vitamin deficiencies, sudden anaemia, sudden complete lack of blood, short-term memory loss, temporary blindness, permanent blindness, blindness-that-isn't-as-temporary-as-the-first-one-but-still-isn't-permanent, desire to eat any inanimate object in sight, irresistable urge to repeat anything said in your vicinity, curves in your lasers, blackmail photos being sent to the media, sudden poverty, inability to fly, uncontrollable sobriety in oni, allergy to sunlight, allergy to moonlight, allergy to pollen, allergy to antihistamines, short-term memory loss, and expanded hitbox.

Byaaakuren

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2011, 10:51:22 PM »
Sounds sweet! I'm in. Do you accept credit cards?

I thank my friend for the sig <3
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Spidere

  • My magic finger will make your problems go away
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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2011, 10:53:43 PM »
I've always preferred

EXTENDZ?

Iced Fairy

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2011, 10:56:20 PM »
Quote
1. Tests may have been performed within the company, rather than by a qualified pharmaceutical firm.
For science?

Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2011, 10:57:23 PM »
So, this medicine... it is ingested, right?

Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2011, 10:59:09 PM »
So, this medicine... it is ingested, right?
It is ingested through a bodily orifice other than oral

helvetica

  • Arcade Maid
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  • United Federation
Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2011, 11:01:15 PM »
If your danmaku lasts more than 4 hours please consult a physician immediately.


Twitter: @hipsterfont | Discord: helvetica#0573 | LINE: hipsterfont

He thought that on that same day he was to take the city of Priam, but he little knew what was in the mind of Jove, who had many another hard-fought fight in store alike for Danaans and Trojans."


Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2011, 11:01:45 PM »
It is ingested through a bodily orifice other than oral
Y-you mean the ear, right? Right?

Byaaakuren

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2011, 11:03:59 PM »
What's your refund policy?

I thank my friend for the sig <3
My noob replays :V
Tumblr (I post NSFW stuff there)

Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2011, 11:05:30 PM »
allergy to antihistamines

OMG TSO's a test subject

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2011, 11:06:30 PM »
BIG YOUR SPELL CARD

BECOME A REAL MAN
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

FinnKaenbyou

  • Formerly Roukanken
  • *
  • blub blub nya
Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2011, 11:10:35 PM »
Sounds sweet! I'm in. Do you accept credit cards?
YES! Just send your bank details to yagokoro@eient.ei!

So, this medicine... it is ingested, right?
All true scientists will tell you there is only one route to your hitbox. And your digestive system isn't it.

What's your refund policy?
If you aren't 100% satisfied, we will get you in touch with our Nigerian correspondent, who is sure to have a way for you to reclaim your cash!

Fetch()tirade

  • serial time-waster
Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2011, 11:14:46 PM »
I am a Protoss, and I approve of this message.

Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2011, 11:15:08 PM »

Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2011, 11:20:04 PM »
Will this miracle product allow me to in fact fire my appendix directly at the enemy as a means of danmaku?

Byaaakuren

  • Youkai Jesus, Queen of the Monks
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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #15 on: April 22, 2011, 11:23:54 PM »
If you aren't 100% satisfied, we will get you in touch with our Nigerian correspondent, who is sure to have a way for you to reclaim your cash!

That Nigerian better be a prince

I thank my friend for the sig <3
My noob replays :V
Tumblr (I post NSFW stuff there)

helvetica

  • Arcade Maid
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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #16 on: April 22, 2011, 11:27:49 PM »


Twitter: @hipsterfont | Discord: helvetica#0573 | LINE: hipsterfont

He thought that on that same day he was to take the city of Priam, but he little knew what was in the mind of Jove, who had many another hard-fought fight in store alike for Danaans and Trojans."


XephyrEnigma

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #17 on: April 22, 2011, 11:33:36 PM »
That Nigerian better be a prince

Incoming 419 scam  :ohdear:
well, not incoming but you get the idea.
Iced-Fairy: "Danmaku is like soccer, except instead of hooligans you get fairies and the riot is before the game." 

My YouTube channel where I often screw about - Latest Upload: IN Border Team Easy Clear

FinnKaenbyou

  • Formerly Roukanken
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  • blub blub nya
Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #18 on: April 22, 2011, 11:34:46 PM »
Will this miracle product allow me to in fact fire my appendix directly at the enemy as a means of danmaku?
Why stop with your appendix? With Yagokoro Laser Extender, every part of your body is potentially a deadly weapon! What better way to rub in your enemy's defeat than to beat them over the head with your own heart?

Warning: This attack induced cardiac arrest in 97% of test subjects.

Sapz

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #19 on: April 22, 2011, 11:54:57 PM »
Take it from me, folks - this stuff works like a charm. I was skeptical at first, but wow! The change was immediately noticable. Compare:

Before!


After!


Truly a quality product, 10/10! Would buy again.
Let's fight.

Thata no Guykoro

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #20 on: April 23, 2011, 01:08:14 AM »
That Nigerian better be a prince
Aren't they a republic?

Whatthe

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #21 on: April 23, 2011, 01:41:35 AM »
With Yagokoro Laser Extender, every part of your body is potentially a deadly weapon!
Did Don Knotts take Yagokoro Laser Extender?

Byaaakuren

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #22 on: April 23, 2011, 01:51:28 AM »
Aren't they a republic?

I can't trust anyone but a Nigerian prince to give me money.

I thank my friend for the sig <3
My noob replays :V
Tumblr (I post NSFW stuff there)

Ryuu

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #23 on: April 23, 2011, 02:39:40 AM »
ilu rou

http://ryuukyunplaysstuff.tumblr.com/ read about me playing league i guess

E-Nazrin

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #24 on: April 23, 2011, 03:22:52 AM »
Do you have similar products for, ah... danmaku other than lasers? Y'see I don't use those often so...
There was something here once. Wonder what...

Aba Matindesu!

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #25 on: April 23, 2011, 07:03:37 AM »
My bubble production isn't as good, will Yagokoro Laser Extender help with it?


teets mi hao 2 2hu teets mi teets mi hao 2 2hu

Infy♫

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2011, 10:35:51 AM »
How about my piano?
How do I big it?

Prody

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2011, 10:55:51 AM »
Quote
dead parrots
NOOOOOOOOOOO

AAAHHHHHHHHH
Prody's anime list! - Prody's favourite MADs on NicoDouga! - Me when steam trading
I wonder if anyone knows the true meaning of the last song in Nanairo?
the economy the economy the economy the economy

Menorah Jams, Pham

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Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #28 on: April 23, 2011, 11:55:03 AM »
Is this something a mohel would use?

Re: Tired of underperforming danmaku?
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2011, 09:55:14 PM »
Hello ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he stopped using ladies scented bullets and switched to Old Flower, he could danmaku like he's me.

What's in your hand? Back to me. I have it! It's an oyster, with two copies of that bullet-hell game you love. Look again: the copies are now diamond-shaped bullets! Anything is old possible when your man danmakus like Old Flower and not a lady. I'm on a broomstick.