Tell Me Why I Should Remain Your Head Admin

[Mima]

TSO begs for attention once more. MotK laps it up.

Kanako, UK, and others I put on my "hate list" (except UD and Mima, go fuck yourselves)

[?q]

Preface.  I have no particular emotional attachment to you or this site.  Kanako only knows why I've halfghosted here for so long.
Further, being terribly misinformed is entirely within my character.  Any slights are not intentional.

First, regarding lingering resentment from April 1.  You thought you made it obvious that it was a joke.  I would like to point out three things offhand that didn't work about the joke.
*"You sold the domain for $1200".  People who actually have experience with webspace - you and bofh, for instance - know that's a ludicrous amount of money.  People who haven't - almost everyone else - don't.
*"The front page reverted to [some unpopular anime]".  My bookmark goes to the forum index.  Judging from how many people didn't see the front page at all, many people do as well.  Truthfully, if I'm on a forum I never visit the home page because everything I want to know/see is on the forum.
*"I included people I liked on the list of people I gave EFF YOUs to".  This is probably the most relevant problem - I didn't know that.  I've been lurking here on/off for two and a half years, and I can't offhand remember anything you've posted except topic locks, gender-identity arguments, and mentioning once that you didn't have enough hours in the day to be as much of an admin as you are.  I would not have been able to distinguish UK and Mima (both divisive figures when they want to be) in terms of their standing with you.  And of course mods/admins are not generally known for being friendly people due to the nature of their job and when they have to step in.  It's entirely possible that I haven't been looking in the right places (cut by Ruro:  entirely possible), but there you are. 

Second, regarding whether you should continue to be our admin.  Your efforts have made this forum remarkably better than it was when I joined (well before the purge).  We have more Lunatics, many many many many more fanworks, and a community of people who are far and away the most honest and likable kind I've seen on the Internet.  This is a community I want to be a part of, and I'm not the one who has put so much time and money into the site.  I would think that all apparent animosity aside, you would also want to be a member of a forum that is very much in its prime.
If you step down as head administrator, you'll likely leave it all behind and not come back to it as much as you once did.  For as much effort as you have put in, that seems like a waste.  In your position I would keep my stake in the site and simply take whatever amount of time is necessary to recuperate.

Third, something completely unrelated to listen to.

[Wylfred]

TSO begs for attention once more. MotK laps it up.
 

You could have kept that to yourself Mima. No one wants to see the bloated ego. Better yet, that could have been a pm. Oh well, honest opinions are honest opinions. I salute your bravery but frown at your opinion.

[Alice Fact]

because you're TSO and I like hearing you

I went to #shrinemaiden because *goes to the website* and because *lol shmups buddies*; people like you and Nazrin and Suzie are really why I stay

[Moerin]

Gah, all these wall of text posts make me wish I was actually good with words... All I can really say is that we all care about you and miss you (apart from a very small and insignificant minority, but to hell with them).  And really, MotK without TSO just seems... Wrong, somehow.  I can't quite put my finger on why exactly I think it, but I think you're pretty much the core of MotK.  I mean, look at all the people who've said so much about wanting you back already.  They can't all be crazy, can they?  We miss you... So please, come back, TSO.  It'd put a smile on so many people's faces to see you here once again, I'm sure of it~

[nintendonut888]

Er...um.

I realize I'm one of those people who hurt you with their words. I decided to forgive and forget after I realized I'm not the only one who was hurt by the prank (though I still say permabanning me from IRC, even with the intent to undo it a few hours later is pretty cruel), but I can tell that it's not so easy here. Knowing me, going into detail about my feelings would only worsen the situation, so let me just say that I am a horrible judge of character.

Oh wait, right. You know that trial from November? The one where you personally called me out on everything wrong with me? That incident shook me in a way that was similar to how you must have felt from this one. I was depressed for about two months after that, and I wasn't sure if I'd recover. But, well, I did, and you forgave me for all my mistakes, and I feel I came a better person from it all. So, from this big bad incident, I hope you can accept my forgiveness of you too. This was a pretty big job you did on the site, and if I had known you were working so hard on it all along I wouldn't have said the things I did. So...sorry.

[Firestorm29]

I'd like to try and post these large walls explaining why you should stay, but to be quite frank there's only one response I keep on coming back to...

Why should you stay as a Head Admin? Because you care, a lot.

[edit] Maybe I should have elaborated on this alittle more... What I meant about the above is, you seem to care alot about trying to make this place and it's community the best it can be. I feel that's a really good sign of an great admin, never really have many complaints towards the stuff you've done myself.

[Ghaleon]

TSO begs for attention once more. MotK laps it up.
 

I won't pretend to know if your mutual disrespect is justified, but I want the people that dislike TSO to realize that this person probably ( I don't speak for the staff but this is common sense
IMO) was banned not because they dislike TSO, but because that post served absolutely no purpose other than to hurt and mock. There are no "balls" involved in making such a post IMO, try to keep criticism productive.

[GMOFucker: Makin' GMOs To Fuck 'Em]

People still aren't over the April Fools joke? Huh.

I don't know about head admin (I'd prefer a group of admins running a site over one major ruler), but imo it'd be nice if you'd at least return as some form of staff or something. Note that a lot of the negative things people said about you might not be what they actually think about you, when a big change like deletion of a site is about to happen, people tend to rage and become more irritable and hostile towards others (especially the person causing the deletion). But I probably can't make a good comment here though because I'm one of the 3 or so people who kind of enjoyed the prank, so herpaderp.

[Kilgamayan]

What I would say to this thread...isn't for public viewing, for a variety of reasons. I can put it up in the staff forum, in private, or keep it to myself, as you desire.

I realize I'm one of those people who hurt you with their words. I decided to forgive and forget after I realized I'm not the only one who was hurt by the prank (though I still say permabanning me from IRC, even with the intent to undo it a few hours later is pretty cruel), but I can tell that it's not so easy here. Knowing me, going into detail about my feelings would only worsen the situation, so let me just say that I am a horrible judge of character.

Oh wait, right. You know that trial from November? The one where you personally called me out on everything wrong with me? That incident shook me in a way that was similar to how you must have felt from this one. I was depressed for about two months after that, and I wasn't sure if I'd recover. But, well, I did, and you forgave me for all my mistakes, and I feel I came a better person from it all. So, from this big bad incident, I hope you can accept my forgiveness of you too. This was a pretty big job you did on the site, and if I had known you were working so hard on it all along I wouldn't have said the things I did. So...sorry.

In fairness to TSO, the first one was my idea, and the second one was a staff decision (and I made the topic). If you're going to blame any one individual for all that, blame me.

[Spidere]

I finally found this thread. I need to say to you, TSO.

If I were truly even more selfish than I already am, I would tell you that you should stay, start again. But I can't do this.

If those words said to you truly made you lose faith in this community, then so be it. I'll miss you. I know you will likely never happen upon here again, but, if you do, I want to say I've always respected you. And despite this decision, I still will.


Goodbye, Shining Olaris. I will truly miss you.

[Gpop]

Geh, I have to go to sleep soon and that's when I find this thread...

...no matter. TSO, like others say, if I hated you, if I didn't like what you did here, if I was against you, I wouldn't even be here anymore. I would probably go to some other site and start complaining on how bad this site is because of a single admin. Because that's how I usually am when I hate people.

But no. I respect you. I like you. The entire joke...I actually fell for it. That's why I called it shit really. I usually don't like falling for something that was actually blatantly obvious when you look back at it. But in return, we get this awesome upgrade that I approve 150%. Seriously, this is just awesome.

I'll admit that I am scared, but from me that's normal, because I'm usually scared of the higher-ups in general. I'm scared because I don't want to hurt you guys at all, because I respect all of you. I don't want to lose you guys. You're all cool. You've done a great deal just holding up this forum for the community. Look at how many people hang around here now.

For the IRC thing, I actually approve on moving it to PPIRC. I had no problems with it at all. It's really too bad that no one else thought of it that way. I just thought that it could probably bring more people into the channel and all, and merge it more with this community than to feel a little isolated from MotK.

I know I have more to say, but that's it for now. I have to go sleep now. Respects TSO. Don't leave us. I'll be disappointed if you did...

[Aisha]

TSO, we have never spoken, so I'm not sure if my opinion holds much weight, if any at all. From the perspective of someone who has been visiting MotK since Katchura was running the place, I believe that you have been doing a great job. I have also seen this forum stagnate and approach death (by Chinese furniture, to be precise). I believe that the domain hijack was one of the best things to happen to MotK, because it allowed you to assume control, recover the forums, and grow the community. Looking at the forum now and comparing it to how it was back then, both to when it was near its death and to how it was during that era's prime, there is no way that I can conclude that you have failed as the head administrator.

So why do I want you to remain as the head administrator? I want you to remain as head administrator simply because your actions reflect, to me at least, that you genuinely care about this community. Despite all of the personal and external bumps along the way, you selflessly continue to dedicate time and energy into maintaining and improving this site for everyone, which means a lot. I find this to be admirable, really. I can think of no one more suited to be the head administrator than one who is willing to put the community before and at the expense of herself.

At the same time, saying that makes me feel selfish, because you don't deserve the pain. Frankly, I don't know how to remedy that. In the end, if you want to remain as head administrator, then I think you should, and given that you continued working behind the scenes after April 1st, and given that you went and made this thread, I get the impression that you still want to continue.

But regardless of what you decide, thanks for everything you've done.

[orinrin]

I haven't been here very long, but I fully support any decision TSO makes.


You deserve praise, not hate. 

[Just a GBZero]

TSO, I don't know if I should be posting this here, being rather quiet and not ever talking to you before, but here it goes.

Being quiet, I'm not quite sure on how to put this, but here I go.  I've been to many forums before, with most of them I left rather quickly.  The biggest reason was the community, or lack of one in their cases.  Sure they may have had one, but it was one that people like me couldn't get into.  Here though, its different.  The people here are willing to listen, and the admins not afraid to make a joke or two. I believe it takes a real commitment to get something like that, and its not something that should go away just from a few people raging about something or another.  With the whole April fools fiasco, I only thought that the site was down, not knowing why and assuming it would be back up soon, and still don't know about it much.  But what I did notice was people afterwards angry, the type you get after you panic about something you worry about.  Actually reminded me of kids hating their parents after they get punished for doing something.  Thats about it from what I picked up, and I kinda understand where your coming from, but personally, I believe that leaving here for that reason may be a bit rash.  I would think a break from being at the head of it would be a good idea, but in the end, I hope you would go back there.  Maybe try making an account without linking back to your own, and try seeing how it is from a different perspective.  But thats just what I think, and you're free to ignore it if you want.  Thanks for making this board what it is.

Sincerely,
GBZero

Edit: And I cant believe I forgot to say this originally, Happy Birthday TSO

[Krimmydoodle]

I understand how you can feel about the thanklessness of the masses, and I'll admit, I too am guilty of never having thanked you or any other staff for all of the time that's poured into maintaining... no, guiding us, as one, into creating and maintaining this community.  Many of us honestly enjoy this community, and yes, we take it for granted and forget to offer our thanks for what you've given us.  Remember that this silent, but happy majority exists behind the vocally angry minority, and this is true not just here, but in all communities.  For every negative comment that is voiced, there's many positive comments that have simply been left unsaid, and it's for that silent majority that leaders willingly choose to lead.

Ultimately, the decision of where you go from here is yours and yours alone, but regardless of your decision, thank you for all of the work you've already put into this community.  And to everyone else, we all have to remember to thank the staff, as it's for our thanks, and the smile that puts on their faces, that they continue to do what they do.

[HolmCross]

I don't know if the opinion of a forum lurker means much and I will admit, as an admin you feel unapproachable. Like gpop though, this is mostly my issue. I'm a grunt/peon by nature and people in a position of power are, to me, mostly cold and unknowable. Maybe I should try to get to know the staff here. It's the only real issue I have with MotK, sometimes it feels like there's a second level to the community that only the elite (lit. CPMC) have knowledge of. I'm often a bit slow on the uptake, I honestly didn't even know about #touhou-meido before the April fool's shitstorm and I wasn't even even aware of said shitstorm until the forums came back.

However, in answer to you question:

Why should you stay as a Head Admin? Because you care, a lot.

I think this says it best. The fact this thread exists is proof of that. I imagine it must take some dedication and real love to keep this ragtag community together and you deserve more respect for keeping it together (this goes to the rest of the staff too  ). It kinda shames me I've never stated my appreciation for it before. It's up to you if you're going to stay as head admin, but as Berk would say  "there's no place like home"

[?lice Bl?ckb?rn]

*"The front page reverted to [some unpopular anime]".  My bookmark goes to the forum index.  Judging from how many people didn't see the front page at all, many people do as well.  Truthfully, if I'm on a forum I never visit the home page because everything I want to know/see is on the forum.

Not only that, but sometimes DNS changes propagate slowly, especially if you have a local cache that holds resolved DNS records for far too long - for instance, I never got the redirect.

[E-Nazrin]

I'm starting to become unsure whether I should hold off on harshness until I get an explicit OK from TSOPACFeito...

I'm still not happy about the 4/1 mess, and especially how it was handled. I won't lie about that. Even if large parts of it probably fall under the general headings of "generalized suspicion of authority figures" and "holding an unnecessary grudge," the sentiment remains. There are many things I could complain about regarding how 4/1 was handled, and I really think a few of them I would find difficult to brand unreasonable offhand, but...

The rest of the posts here have provided the implicit chastising I needed to remember what the actual purpose of this thread is. It isn't really for complaining about or discussing the whole April Fool's Day mess - it's about advising our head admin/chief coder what to do in response after the fact. What's happened has happened, and there's not much that can really change that (-harsh, hostile cynicism omitted-) - the issue NOW is what to do about it: How to make the most of this and maybe make some appropriate improvements or adjustments based on what happened.

... my current conclusion about what might be best for Feito to do position-wise is... difficult to articulate without bringing up a harsh point or two, I think. But the basic summary is that I think there are some implications and sources of stress that come from being the head admin that may not be healthy to try and deal with on top of the issues from Feito's real-world circumstances and the subtle, difficult-to-recognize services and sacrifices that she makes to keep this board running as it is. So I think that moving away from that position, at least for a little while, might be a good idea.
How far 'down the chain' to go in addition to that I am less certain about. Feito has more than earned administrator access from what she's done for the forums, and I think such access is necessary to continue helping with the unsung task of fighting with forum code (I may be wrong?); but removing the coding set of stresses might not be bad either, and the forum will survive for at least a while without it being regularly worked on, barring any emergencies.

Ultimately, though, it's your choice. I didn't go far into my reasoning for fear of emotional issues from being harsh, so I'm not sure what that's worth, but I've said my piece for now.

[Momiji]

The AFD thing was less prank and more TSO's reaction to certain people (specifically Mima, Kaorin/^^flandre^^, etc.) spreading around gossip, manipulation, and FUD (along with massive long-standing forum maintenance).  It caused a lot of turmoil as the crap worked itself out of the system.  Also, it was targeted at specific people, so if you felt unfairly blamed or overall confused about it it probably had nothing to do with you.  Since the idiots who were targeted by it have been dealt with now, we can get back to our regularly scheduled Shrinemaiden program, after these messages. \o/

[MysTeariousYukari]

To be honest, I don't want you to leave TSO. I am honestly happy and thankful for what you have done. For every jerk who is being so rude to you and hates you and doesn't care about what you've done to help, their is a user who is actually thankful for what you have done for us and likes you and is willing to try and help. I'm one of the thankful ones, willing to help.

In the end, I'm just one person, I can't do much, but I can do this. Thank you TSO, for everything you've done, and sorry TSO, for the fact that someone was rude to you.

[HakureiSM]

Kay, I'm slow. I missed this thread yesterday.

Anyways, I'm PMing you my opinion. I feel it's necessary, and also applies only to me. I hope.

[Valentinya]

Seriously? Some people are actually still mad about this? Well I don't hate you but I also don't like you either. My opinion of you is pretty much neutral as I don't know you at all. But I have to say

When I offered to move #meido to PPIrC, I didn't do it because I wanted to control #meido.  No, I did it because I spent a long time building a stable IRC home for MotK and providing all the bells and whistles.  To be brushed off as "seizing power" hurt me immensely.

Well I only really became active shortly before that whole IRC mess started. But from what I saw you kind of took that thread too far after people expressed that they really didn't want it to be moved PPIrC. You were kind of "beating a dead horse" there. I mean even after people stated they were against it you kept on trying to push it. But I know that how people act during drama isn't a very good judge of a person's character at all. So I don't hold that against you.

You set me on a pedestal all alone with your actions.  You act as if I am some scary untouchable person, someone who will smite you for looking at me funny.  You know how alone that makes me feel?  How isolated and detatched from the community I desperately want to be a part of?  Noone even says hi to me unless I start the conversation, noone talks to me unless there's something broke.  And to hear I make you "censor" yourselves when I am around, makes me feel awful.  What's the point of working for the community when you just get shunned and separated in the end? =/

I don't mean to make you feel bad but I also feel that way in regards to you. Although I also see Letty the same way. In fact I was so terrified of Letty when I first became active I was too scared to post outside of MMM. But like I told Kilga one day the reason I feel that way is probably just because I don't Letty at all. Same for you really. But since I got to know them I've become pretty good friends with Kilga and especially Ruro. I feel perfectly relaxed and comfortable talking around them. So I know that you guys are human and not some "scary untouchable person".

Honestly before I came to MoTK I always thought that all moderators and especially admins of any forum were either scary untouchable people or just couldn't be bothered to care. While I may not know you I have to say you certainly don't seem like either of those types of people. But like others already suggested, becoming a normal member temporarily just so people can get to know you a bit better without having to fear your position might be a better way to show others that you're not a "scary untouchable person".

Is that what you really see me capable of doing?  You truely think I would ever do something like that?  For what I do here I should be making a lot of money, but I don't do it for that.  Nor do I do it for fame or ego or anything really beyond giving back.  Realize I'm a human being, and a member of this community just like you.  Ask yourselves these things next time before you fly off the handle and say things that are very hurtful =/

To be honest my opinion was pretty much that I saw you as more then likely of doing something like that. No offense to the rest of the staff or anything but I largely hold them responsible for fueling that view of you. I won't list off any names but a few of you went to the point of telling people that TSO had been talking about shutting it down for several months prior to that day on the staff forum. That coupled with what happened before with the IRC drama made it seem perfectly plausible to me.

However my mindset from the start of the whole thing was that it was obviously an April Fool's joke. I mean come on the part about the $1200 was more then enough to give it away! Although what REALLY got me most upset were my friends (certain staff members) who were so "upset" by the whole thing. That made me pretty sad at the time. Later on the next day when I found out it was all a joke and they were only acting I was very angry with them. Well they've already apologized and I forgive them.

Spoiler:

Doesn't mean you're getting out of your punishments though. I'm still very much so looking forward to those now. 

Tell me why should I remain (or not remain) your head admin.  Here's your chance to really tell me if you want me to stay or go.  If you don't want to openly voice your opinion, then feel free to PM it to me.  But do not just cower in a corner and whisper behind my back because it is pointless and insulting.

I really can't really tell you what you should do. But while I may not know you I would still find it sad for you to go. A lot of others have also already expressed their strong desire for you to stay so I think that says right there what the majority of people think about you. As for the minority I don't even know who they are nor have I heard what nasty things they say about you. As for me I've always respected you. I've always referred to you as a "she" too. People may be entitled to their opinions but that doesn't give them the right to be downright rude and disrespectful.

[Sen]

Kanako, UK, and others I put on my "hate list" (except UD and Mima, go fuck yourselves), I was just joking.

See, it's statements like that that make you seem unapproachable.

Even if you're joking, if someone doesn't know you well, how are they going to know? I know I didn't like you at first; I never heard any comments or rumours about you or anything (since I don't go on IRC), but I still thought you were a completely and unnecessarily rude person. Especially as an admin of the site, you just didn't come off very well. By now, now that I've had a few months to settle in and know people better, I know you're just joking, but I think you're either too convincing or you take it too far. And when you're not joking and you actually do hate someone, you just look petty and little for going down to things like flaming, especially since you're the admin of the site.

Still, that's just the outward appearance. Internally, I think you're a great admin and should stay. Behind the scenes, you do so much for the site, devoting all your freetime to MotK, in spite of the stressful life you lead. Through all the things people say about you, you really do care for the site, and it's obvious based on how far it's come, and the size of the community you've built. This is, by far, my favorite Western Touhou community (far better than DStyle, although I do think the excessive DStyle trolling on this site goes a bit too far at times...). I think you should stay, but I also think it's really a matter of "do you want to be the admin?"


(PS I would like to say right here that I think the shit that you're getting for the April Fools joke is ridiculous. I just assumed the site was having problems, and when it came back up with a shiny new layout, hooray! I have no idea why people got so upset about it, the forum was down for one day)

[sammy t coleridge]

But .... the MotK Star League!

[Alice Fact]

(I have no idea why people got so upset about it, the forum was down for one day)

This is the whole point. This is why TSO freaked out in the first place.

[JT]

(PS I would like to say right here that I think the shit that you're getting for the April Fools joke is ridiculous. I just assumed the site was having problems, and when it came back up with a shiny new layout, hooray! I have no idea why people got so upset about it, the forum was down for one day)

From what I understand, staff members told people the site was going down forever, not just for one day. Not that that explains the MONSTER FAGPARADE that became of it.

This whole thing is just massively, monstrously, unstoppably gay, and I don't understand how people (TSO included) could possibly care so much about something so trivial and stupid. Why the serious faces? Aren't we all here to have fun? Stop letting stupid shit that doesn't matter get to you.

[Dizzy H. "Muffin" Muffin]

Because at the time, TSO said "I hate you all, I'm going to shut this place down and not give you any real chance to back up" and people assumed that this was meant sincerely instead of as part of the April Fools joke.

[Matsuri]

The day and over-the-top-ness of it all should have been a massive giveaway.

I do recall saying 'There's no way they'll fall for this, right?'

[Suikama]

I do recall saying 'There's no way they'll fall for this, right?'

:derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: :derp: