Douchebag in GensokyoChapter 8 It took a while, but I eventually reached the place the Yama was talking about. Those stairs were a pain in the ass, they were all made of stone and kinda small, so I was afraid that I would slip and bust my head on them or something.
Then I remembered I was dead.
Anyway, I got to the massive doors the Yama talked about. And, while I was walking, I kept thinking about what she?d said??Learn compassion, learn respect.? And I started thinking that it was a bunch of bullshit, I know what compassion and respect are, I just don?t give a fuck about them, if you can?t deal with an ALPHA don?t scrap with one, you know what I?m sayin??
Just then, the doors opened. And I saw, like, rows and rows of those trees with the pink leaves. Off in the distance, there was this mansion, it looked like one of those old Japanese castles. I started walking towards it, ?cause it was the only interesting thing around.
After a while, I finally got there, and I was able to get a better look at the place. It was big, like, it was the biggest house I?d ever seen. I walked up to what I thought was the front door and knocked on it.
The door opened and there was this pale girl with white hair, dressed in some kinda green schoolgirl uniform. She had two sheathed swords hanging at her waist, I guess they were those samurai swords you see in movies and shit. There was also some kind of white blobby looking thing following her.
The girl gave me a once-over and said, ?Can I help you?? And I said, ?Yeah, the judge lady told me to come here?? Then the girl said, ?Oh, you must be the man Lady Yuyuko was talking about. Come in. Don?t touch anything.? Then the girl opened the door and I walked in.
When we got inside, the girl pointed down the hall. ?Lady Yuyuko is down there, in the banquet hall. She?ll want to see you right away.?
I walked toward this banquet hall place. When I walked in, I saw that the banquet hall was a large room with a really big table in the middle of it, like one of those really long conference tables, only this one was made of wood. I also saw that some of the screens on the wall had been taken down, and there was a view out into this zen garden, one of those with the rocks and the sand that are supposed to look like, I dunno, mountains in the sea or some shit.
Anyway, there was a woman sitting at the edge of the zen garden, eating something. She was the only person here, so I supposed she was this Lady Yuyuko the girl had talked about.
I was going to walk over and introduce myself when the woman turned around and said, ?I was wondering when you?d show up.?
The woman got up and approached me. ?I am Yuyuko Saigyouji, mistress of this mansion. I already know who you are, Mister Bagliaduccia. The Yama told me of your sentence. My job is to facilitate your betterment as a human being, and to ease the transition into non-life. Until then, you are welcome to stay in my home.?
Then the woman sat back down and said ?But you must be tired after everything that?s happened to you. Please, sit down so we can talk.?
And I was thinking, you know, how could I be tired? I was dead. You don?t really get tired. But the lady was nice enough, she had this sort of ?mom? thing going for her, and I sorta wanted to talk to someone. So I sat with her.
I started to ask her some questions. ?OK, so what is this place?? And she replied with, ?You are in Hakugyokurou, my?well, I guess you could call it my palace.? And I said, ?Palace? Are you some kinda queen or something?? And she said, ?You could say that. I?m the ?ghost princess?, though what I rule over isn?t entirely clear to me. Like I said, my job is to assist souls such as yourself who have been given the opportunity to better themselves. As I?m sure the Yama has explained to you, if you succeed in becoming a better person and reducing some of the weight of your actions, you will ascend to heaven. If you fail, you will be judged as unrepentant and sent to hell. If you do better than expected, you might even be reincarnated.? Then she smiled and said, ?Doesn?t that sound like fun??
I asked another question, ?OK, so if I better myself, I come back to life?? ?That?s about the size of it.? ?Well, shit, how do I do that??
Yuyuko looked ahead, focusing on the zen garden. ?Well, according to the Yama, you?re a young man who thinks of himself as a superior being.? And I shrugged and flexed my guns and said, ?Hell yeah, that?s ?cause I am!? But then Yuyuko shook her head. ?If you?re a superior being, why are you dead??
That got me. I thought about it for a second, and said ??cause those rabbit bitches killed me.? Then Yuyuko said, ?Why did they kill you?? And I said, ??cause they?I dunno?? ?Let?s think about the last few hours of your life. You tried to rape someone.?
And I got pissed, ?cause that was so much bullshit. ?Hey, I didn?t rape nobody! She wanted it, she was just scared of me, ?cause??
And then Yuyuko got mad. ?No Bobby. She didn?t want to sleep with you. You forced yourself on her, and yes, she was afraid of you, she was afraid you?d assault her. It?s not because she was ?afraid of your power? or whatever nonsense you cooked up to make you feel better after striking out. And then, to make matters worse, you tried the same thing on the Princess! Her attendants honestly thought you were attacking her! Now do you see, Bobby? Your big mouth and your oversized ego got you killed! It?s not because of them, it?s all on you!?
And then she stopped ranting. And I swear, I heard a little voice in my head say, ?She?s right, you know.? And there was another voice, that said, ?Shut up, they were bitches and they hated me!? But then the other voice came back and said, ?If you had only acted nicely, you wouldn?t have ended up like this.? And then the other voice, ?Shut up! Shut up! That?s not true!? But I noticed something funny?the other voice, the one that was telling the other one to shut up, it was getting softer.
For a while I was quiet as the two voices in my head fought it out. Eventually, the first voice won. Then Yuyuko said, ?What?s on your mind, Bobby??
And I said, ?I think?I was a douchebag?? Yuyuko smiled and said, ?Good, Bobby. Anything else?? And I said, ?I should?apologize? And I shouldn?t act like that, ?cause it only gets me into trouble?? And now Yuyuko was nodding a lot, and she said, ?That?s right! You?re always wondering why people don?t respect you, right? Well, can you tell me why they don?t respect you??
And I thought some more, and then I said, ??Because I don?t respect them??
And then Yuyuko, she just jumped up and hugged me! Then she said, ?That?s right, Bobby. You see, you?re already making progress.?
Then she let go and got up. ?We?ll leave it there for the night. Youmu will show you to your room.? And I said, ?Huh? We?re not done?? And then she sort of giggled and said, ?Of course not. It?s been a fantastic first day, but I need to make sure the lesson?stuck. So. I expect to see you here, bright and early.?
I spent the next while learning about stuff like, how to not be a dick and respecting other people and shit. I actually felt sort of bad, ?cause it was dawning on me that all this time I was being an asshole. I mean, I don?t like it when people are assholes to me, so why would other people like it when I?m assholes to them?
After a while, I was sent back to the Yama, and Yuyuko came with me. I sat down in the same chair I was in when I first came here. The Yama started talking. ?Bobby Bagliaduccia, you were sentenced to purgatory in the hopes that you would reform your life.? Then she turned to Yuyuko and asked, ?Mistress Saigyouji, in your opinion, has Bobby reformed?? Then Yuyuko nodded and said, ?Yes. I believe he is a better man than he was when he entered my home.? Then the Yama continued, ?In your opinion, do you believe that he has exceeded the expectations set upon him by this court?? And Yuyuko nodded again.
The Yama nodded, too. Then she said, ?Very well. Bobby Bagliaduccia, this court finds you to be reformed. You are to be reincarnated into your previous form. Please go through the door behind you and talk to Komachi, she will bring you to the other side of the river. From there you will be free to choose your own path.?
I couldn?t believe it! I was going to be brought back to life! I thanked the Yama (I know! Me, thank someone?) and then I turned to Yuyuko. But before I could react, she had me in one of her bear hugs, you know what I?m talking about. Then she said, ?Good luck, Bobby. Remember what I taught you.? Then she gave me a peck on the check and sent me on my way.
When I got outside, I saw the woman with the big tits from earlier. I supposed this was the ?Komachi? I was supposed to talk to. She saw me and said, ?Well, look who Madame Butterfly dragged in. I guess you made it, Romeo. Hop on, this won?t take long.?
We got on the boat. As we were nearing the other side, I thought about the way I treated her when I first met her. I summoned up some courage and said, ?Hey?? She turned around and said, ?Yeah?? And then I said, ?Listen, I?m?I?m sorry for the way I treated you last time. I was acting like an asshole. I?m really sorry.? And then she sort of blinked and said, ?Oh?OK, apology accepted, I guess.?
The boat bumped up against the other side. Off in the distance, the gray ground gave way to a green grass field, and beyond that I could see a forest. I got out of the boat and started walking towards the forest.
I heard Komachi say, ?Hey.? I turned around. Then she said, ?You know, you?re?kinda cute when you?re not being a douchebag.? Then she paddled off.
I shrugged, turned around, and walked towards the forest, ready to start over again.
-------------------------------------------------Ah, what a long, strange trip it's been. Well, not really, but play along.
So Bobby. He starts off as a douchebag, gets killed because of it, and becomes a better person. Maybe I'll explore this character some more, who knows. Pretty good for what started off as a joke because I was bored.
Right now, though, I suppose you're aching to read that snippet I mentioned earlier. And so, with no further ado...
-------------------------------------------------Forces 'a NaturePreviewIt truly is an ingenious device, thought Eirin. She checked the clock, and was surprised to see it was almost two in the morning.
But further exploration must wait until after I get some sleep?She decided to go outside and stretch her legs.
Fantastic. If we had one of those things on Luna, it could change the face of Lunarian medicine forever. Then, more bitterly,
But I?m not allowed on Luna anymore. And good luck trying to build it here. There?s only so much I can do with technology from the last century?The realization that she was not alone snapped her out of her thoughts. A large, hulking frame was leaning against a pillar, his eyes fixated on the zen garden. As large as he was, in this moment, he looked?small. Fragile.
Well, he did lose his best friend today.?Hello, Heavy.?
Eirin?s voice snapped the husky Russian out of his reverie. ?Is rather late for you to be out, I think,? he said. Eirin came back with, ?I could say the same for you.?
But Heavy had gone back to staring at the garden. Eirin approached the man. ?You can?t blame yourself for what happened. It was just?just Medic?s bad luck.?
Heavy heaved a sigh. ?I suppose. But?? He shook his head as his thought trailed off.
Eirin pushed onward. ?But what??
Heavy turned around so he was facing Eirin. ?Heavy Weapons Guy is supposed to stay with Medic. We make good team. Heavy is supposed to support Medic whenever he in trouble. I?I failed. And he is dead.? Heavy turned back to the garden. ?He is dead, and is my fault.?
Eirin felt sympathy for the man. But, at the same time, she was confused. Heavy was no stranger to war. He knew the risks. And he had said so himself, Medic was not his first partner. So why was he so upset? Then a thought struck her.
Maybe?Eirin decided to broach the topic carefully. ?Heavy?Medic was?he was more than your friend, wasn?t he??
Almost imperceptibly, Heavy nodded. In a deep whisper, he said ?I love him.?
Eirin could see that he was about to break down. She threw her arms around him. ?Oh, Heavy?Heavy, I?m so, so sorry.?
The mammoth of a man clumsily returned the hug. ?I am sorry, too.?
-------------------------------------------------YEP THAT'S RIGHT IT'S A FUCKING TOUHOU/TF2 CROSSOVER AND
HEAVY AND MEDIC ARE GAY.It's actually something I had been toying with. I think it would be cool to explore what would happen if RED all of a sudden found themselves in Gensokyo. I also wanted to explore the relationships between the classes as if they were real people.
The idea that Heavy and Medic are gay was sort of inspired by
a TF2 webcomic where the BLU sniper and RED spy are lovers.
I love fandom.
