JoJo's Bizarre Grail War - A Fate/Z-Machine Adventure

[Hello Purvis]

>Ponder ways to become waifu-tier hot.

>Man wouldn't that be the second worst use of a wish?

> Nonsense, we already are!

> When are we next required to go into work?

>You're goddamn right.
>It is friday, and you have the weekend off. In theory, though, something like this won't be complete over a weekend. You're going to have to call some time off, or possibly just quit.

>How quickly can we inscribe the proper letters to use our Wall spell? Is this something that can reasonably be done on the fly, or does it realistically need to be prepared in advance?
>Likewise with the Freeze talisman?
>Are in control of precisely what sorts of hazards are created by Forbidden Zone and their location? Or does it just make terrain in the general area more hostile in an unpredictable fashion?

>Do we know what kind of materials we'll need to complete the Grail ritual? And if so, how many of these do we have easily at hand?

>You can inscribe them within a couple seconds. You keep a few prepared, usually.
>A freeze talisman takes you a minute; you aren't good with kanji.
>You can direct the effects of Forbidden Zone if you like, but it can be faster if you don't. But with control comes better effects.
>You have what you need. The central thing is that you require is a catalyst, and you've seen it in your dreams. A sliver of ancient, razor sharp metal that you obtained a month ago via the occult underground. At the time, it was merely a curiosity for its age and possible connection to some lost magical tool.

>_

[Monarda]

>Become hotter !
>Also make sure to grab our portables ! Since we cannot take the consoles.

[DracoOmega]

>What do we know about this catalyst and its origins?

[Hello Purvis]

>Become hotter !
>Also make sure to grab our portables ! Since we cannot take the consoles.

>Vanity is a sin
>That might not be a bad idea...

>What do we know about this catalyst and its origins?

>You're certain it's from a spearhead or an arrowhead of some kind, presumable sheared off in some way. It's made of iron rather than steel, so it's also got some oxidation issues. You haven't been able to put an exact date on it, but you are certain it's probably well over a thousand years old. A slight aura of something earthy and planty hangs around it, you haven't been able to dissect that any further yet; it's delicate and would die if done incorrectly. The seller assured you it was English in origin.

>_

[Monarda]

>Well grab them, also take the charger too, make sure to get our best games.

[DracoOmega]

So an English Lancer or Archer. I'd be half-tempted to guess Robin Hood, if not for him having already been used in the franchise.

>How long will it take us to perform this ritual? Could we theoretically begin right now?
>Do we have any other prior commitments for the day?

[DracoOmega]

>Also, what do we know about how the last Grail war ended?
>For that matter, what date is it?

[Hello Purvis]

>Well grab them, also take the charger too, make sure to get our best games.

>Obviously.

>How long will it take us to perform this ritual? Could we theoretically begin right now?
>Do we have any other prior commitments for the day?

>You aren't sure. It'll take a while to make the circle. Making circles is such a pain.
>No.

>Also, what do we know about how the last Grail war ended?
>For that matter, what date is it?

>You know that it was won by some dark horse that no one had ever heard of, who managed to make it markedly less bloody than the previous grail war. Though as you understand, there was still a need for the Mage Association to slide in some explanations for magical phenomena leaking into everyday life; but it wasn't necessary for them to explain away something like a thaumaturgical explosion that killed hundreds like last time! Apparently, there was no expectation of another grail war any time in the current generation, and some were saying it was the last one to happen. Which makes this whole scenario even more weird...
>It is June 2nd, 2017

>_

[Monarda]

>Why don't we have an device fo facilitate that then ? We need to think ahead and make the process efficient !
>Also... what is the room we are in like ?

[Von Stein]

>>Realize pain is ahead of you and put on your most gringeworthy but personal smile inducing memelordwear.

>>And yeah, call knows where we live so I guess ritual undergoing will be a thing.

>>That said how are we actually feeling about this whole mess besides confused? Worried, excited, scared, all the above?

[DracoOmega]

>Do we know any specific figures from the past Grail War by name?
>Are we acquainted with any magical contacts that might be more familiar with this history than we are?

>Can we make the circle in our own apartment or will we need to go elsewhere?

[Hello Purvis]

>Why don't we have an device fo facilitate that then ? We need to think ahead and make the process efficient !
>Also... what is the room we are in like ?

>Yer a magus, Harry.
>You're in your bedroom, which is a mess.

>>Realize pain is ahead of you and put on your most gringeworthy but personal smile inducing memelordwear.

>>And yeah, call knows where we live so I guess ritual undergoing will be a thing.

>>That said how are we actually feeling about this whole mess besides confused? Worried, excited, scared, all the above?

>You don a solid pink shirt that reads: "NO, I'M PATRICK!"
>Who knows where you live now?
>You are well aware that you're contemplating entering a literal battle royale, where six other people, and their ridiculously powerful legendary hero familiars will be out for your blood. This is a sobering thought, at least. However, it is also a chance to win your heart's desire by risking it all.  And even if you die, you will die a true magus, tampering with voices and beings beyond your control. How do you feel?

>Do we know any specific figures from the past Grail War by name?
>Are we acquainted with any magical contacts that might be more familiar with this history than we are?

>Can we make the circle in our own apartment or will we need to go elsewhere?

>Sort of. You are aware that the head of the Tohsaka Family was involved. There was rumored to be some representation of the Matou Family (whom you never heard of before). Rumors suggest the Mage Association sent someone, but you've seen no hard evidence of such. You imagine they would send a person or two. You haven't precisely heard the Einzbern Family was involved, but you can't imagine they didn't send someone. Their representative must have been low key. From what it sounded like, the whole thing was a clusterfuck and key information is being controlled. It also seems the winner had no intention of boasting about their victory, which seems to be the norm. As far as you can tell, the understanding of magecraft was not significantly furthered by the excursion, either. Or if anything was learned, it is being hoarded. Which wouldn't be a surprise.
>None that you know personally.
>You do have a room for that sort of thing. It's supposed to be a second bedroom, but you use it as a lab.

>_

[DracoOmega]

>Stupid old money traditionalists. You better believe that if WE further the understanding of magecraft through this whole affair, there's gonna be a giant post on the Darknet occultist bbs about it the moment it's over with. Information Wants to Be Free!
>...at least where it doesn't violate taboos that are dangerous to our own health, that is.

>If we have nothing else to do, then let's set about making that circle. This is all dangerous nonsense, of course, but like... how does one resist the lure of THIS kind of magic, when it comes looking for you? Besides, this is already a mystery to be solved and it hasn't even started, yet.

[Hello Purvis]

>Stupid old money traditionalists. You better believe that if WE further the understanding of magecraft through this whole affair, there's gonna be a giant post on the Darknet occultist bbs about it the moment it's over with. Information Wants to Be Free!
>...at least where it doesn't violate taboos that are dangerous to our own health, that is.

>If we have nothing else to do, then let's set about making that circle. This is all dangerous nonsense, of course, but like... how does one resist the lure of THIS kind of magic, when it comes looking for you? Besides, this is already a mystery to be solved and it hasn't even started, yet.

>If nothing else, you don't think the occult underground would frown upon loosened secrecy.
>You set about making the circle. It's...an interesting experience, to say the least. Normally, circles require checking and double checking and then triple checking while you're squatting on the floor the whole time with achy knees and the like. But not this time. You don't need to check twice, you know what you need to do, and when you make a mistake you know and can correct it quickly. It consumes vastly less time than you anticipated.
>In the end, the hardwood floor of your lab is covered with what is essentially India Ink. Thankfully, you know of some rituals to fix that once you're done, you do want that deposit back someday. Frankly, this is the best circle you ever made. It may be the best one you ever will make.

>_

[Monarda]

>Well, look at the bright side, maybe the familiar that we get will be husbando material !

[DracoOmega]

>Ey! We're totally a lesbian, thank you very much

>Deep breath
>We're really doing this, aren't we?
>I mean, it's dangerous and probably crazy, but how can one possibly be okay with not knowing.

>...
>Let's do this

[Tashi]

> Or bisexual.

[DracoOmega]

This is also acceptable

[Monarda]

>Doesn't mean we can't have a husbando AND a waifu !
>Also, remember to leave a note saying that if we died in the end, we died happy.

[Hello Purvis]

>Well, look at the bright side, maybe the familiar that we get will be husbando material !

> Or bisexual.

>Ey! We're totally a lesbian, thank you very much

>Deep breath
>We're really doing this, aren't we?
>I mean, it's dangerous and probably crazy, but how can one possibly be okay with not knowing.

>...
>Let's do this

>SPECTRUMS ARE CONFUSING AAAAAAAAA
>You're doing it. The dreams burn in your your thoughts. The words demand to be spoken. You place the metal shard in the circle. You let the words out like opening a jar filled with intonations from a dead age. You can feel the floodgates open, drawing your mana from you. The circle flares to life, opening up to places unseen. The world whispers around you. Then a shape resolves into the center of the circle. At first just a figure of light, features resolve themselves, as if the excess light were being carved away by a sculptor's tools, taking on details, then colors.
>Tall and slender, her body is lean and athletic in a way you could never be. Her hair is short and a bright fiery reddish orange, her skin pale. Her clothing is...drab, almost. Tones of green and brown. A quiver hangs from her hip, a bow across her shoulders in a leather sheathe. A green cloak is draped across her shoulders. Her eyes are dark, and fall on you, darting here and there. She feels as tightly strung as her bow must be, as if she could explode into some acrobatic display at any moment.
>The two of you observe each other in silence for long moments. Then she speaks, you only just realize that you couldn't. "Are you my master..." she says, then squints at you. "Patrick?"

>_

[DracoOmega]

>"Um. I'm Lily, actually. And... yes?"

[Kilgamayan]

I knew that shirt would come back to haunt us the instant we got our Pokemon.

[DracoOmega]

Ahahahaha. It never even occurred to me that could be what she was referring to.

[The ⑨th Zentillion]

>Who is this fiery-headed bowmaiden...?

[Monarda]

>Note to self: Remember that Servants do not know memes... yet.

[Hello Purvis]

>"Um. I'm Lily, actually. And... yes?"

>"What an unorthodox tactic..." she says. Then she nods. "Well then, I am Archer. The pact is sealed. Let us bring hell upon our enemies."

>Who is this fiery-headed bowmaiden...?

>That is an excellent question.

>Note to self: Remember that Servants do not know memes... yet.

>This could get problematic.

>_

[DracoOmega]

>"Sounds like a plan to me!"
>"But, um... I, er... I actually don't know which heroic spirit you are...."

[Hello Purvis]

>"Sounds like a plan to me!"
>"But, um... I, er... I actually don't know which heroic spirit you are...."

>"...That would be a problem, Master," she says. "I am Robin Wood."
>You have a very funny feeling in the back of your head.

>_

[DracoOmega]

>Funny feeling? Funny how?

[Monarda]

>Analyze funny feeling.