Author Topic: That's your Touhouroscope for today  (Read 14478 times)

an unmatched sock

  • Um...what's this?
  • Should I be concerned? I think I should be concern
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #150 on: November 22, 2013, 06:07:20 PM »
Why do I feel like all of these disasters are going to be traced back to me at some point because of my apparent future...

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #151 on: November 25, 2013, 06:38:21 PM »
Favorites usually depends. . .
1.Yuuka
2.Mugetsu
3.Mai
4.Yuki
5.Nitori
6.Shou
7.Flandre
8.Mamizou
9.Cirno . . . .
10.Yumemi

Future: GODDAMN KIDS! That's what you get for moving in right next to a college campus, alright. RIGHT across the street is a DEN of CONSTANT NOISE that's played at ALL hours of the night. They might be a smart bunch for just being kids, but it's still a frikkin' FRAT HOUSE filled with LOUD ANNOYING BRATS who can't SHUT UP even when it's FOUR IN THE MORNING! You start off PLAYING NICE because things like showing up to their door wielding a CHAIN SAW isn't very SUBTLE and isn't very LEGAL either. So you report their LOUDNESS to the college, hoping the campus police will SHUT them UP. They try, but as soon as they're gone, the STUPID KIDS in their STUPID FRAT HOUSE start partying again as soon as they're gone. The same thing happens with the local police. NEXT you go to CONFRONT them yourself and it goes JUST as POORLY as you would have thought. Your house is EGGED in the wee hours of the morning, and you angrily COUNTER by covering all the doors with duct tape. Soon, it's total war with pranks affecting both sides.
 
Then it comes. Tensions have risen way out of hand and  both of you welcome dusk by raising battle flags over your respective houses. They whip in the wind and the occupants of both massive domiciles stand watching the other. Every last door and window on each house from the basement to the attic is open, armaments at the ready behind them. Suddenly, with tensions boiling over, a lone shot breaks the silence and a rotten tomato is launch from the frat house, unceremoniously striking the side of yours. With the first round fired, your temper boils over and you grin a bloodthirsty grin. You unleash a massive barrage of toilet paper, covering adjacent trees, beat-up used cars, and a poorly maintained pot garden. They counter with a shell containing rubber cement and glitter which dresses your dining room up like a cheap hooker. Not to be outdone, you fire a volley of paint balls, ruining wardrobes from Salvation Army and worn upholstery from the 70's that's never had its beer farts aired out until now.

With odds slowly tipping in your favor, you let loose a massive barrage of M-80's. The fatal blow is struck and the entire structure of the frat house dips on one side. Earth begins to pour in at the base, sending panic throughout the ranks of those still fighting. A klaxon blares, filling the silence as the guns go quiet. The house begins to noticeably sink into the ground as clamoring voices can be heard inside the doomed building. Suddenly, furniture is flung out the windows as the evacuation begins, followed by the frat kids diving for garage sale couches, worn-out futons, and bean bag chairs. The only person who stays behind is the football team's backup quarterback, who is apparently the leader of the bunch. He grabs the flag and defiantly roars "GO GEODUCKS!" referring to the college's mascot. The entire surviving crew of frat boys would be weeping over his demise if they weren't cringing about their oft-bemoaned mascot. The night is quiet for once, and you sleep for 16 hours. You rise at nightfall - still a little sleepy but in otherwise good condition - to find the frat kids still licking their wounds. With their frat house gone, there's no way they'll cause trouble again, so you claim your victory and let them leave in peace. A mockingbird who wakes you up at 5 the next morning isn't so lucky.
 
Death: Retirement's kinda boring and you tinker around a bit with your house. Since it worked so well as a fort and a warship, you attempt to turn it into a rocket as well. You don't know much about rockets and it shows. You are 74.
 
Last Words: Who cares?! You don't die cheering for a giant phallic mollusk and that's just dandy with you.
 
Number: Class of '37.
 
Color: BLACK because it's the SOUND of QUIET!!!
 
Ah why the hell not?
1. Reisen Udongein Inaba
2.  Tewi Inaba
3.  Toyosatomimi no Miko
4.  Kaguya Houraisan
5.  Byakuren Hijiri
6.  Eirin Yagokoro
7.  Ichirin Kumoi
8.  Reimu Hakurei 
9.  Koishi Komeiji
10. Sakuya Izayoi

Future: "Hello, Mr. Fitzgerald, this is MewMew from Luna Pharmaceuticals and I have some important information for you. My understanding is that you have been taking our heart medication for some time now, yes? Well, as it turns out, we didn't fill your last refill order properly and your meds have been swapped with meds for ADHD. On the upside, you'll be able to pay very close attention to your heart attack. Have a nice day." *click*

"Hello, Mrs. Johnson, this is MewMew from Luna Pharmaceuticals. Yes, well, we're calling in regards to your mother's antibiotics. Yes, I understand that it's quite important that your mother receive this medication considering that she's recovering from surgery. Sepsis is quite the concern for recovering patients despite all the efforts surgeons go through to avoid such things. Well, as it turns out, we recently discovered the funniest thing about the antibiotics. It seems they don't buddy up so well with the painkiller meds that she's on and may cause her to have a severe case of restless leg syndrome, which can be quite difficult to deal with when recovering from hip replacement surgery. Well, we could always use repeat customers! Ha ha! Okay, you have a good day now. Buh-bye." *click*
 
"Hello, Senator Franklin, this is MewMew with Luna Pharmaceuticals. How are you today? Good, good. Well, senator, it seems like I have some bad news for you regarding your medication. Yes, I know you want to keep that rash in check, but stick with me here, this could be important. Indeed. I'd be worried too. Well, as it turns out, a team of Harvard-educated doctors are releasing a study that has found that our product actually causes Tourette syndrome as a side effect. Yes, I understand that you have a major speech forthcoming that could have incredibly profound ramifications on the socioeconomic structure of this country. We were just calling to remind you that you signed a waiver since this is a drug that's still in clinical trials and you're on your own. Good luck!" *click*
 
Your boss finds out about your crank calls and you wake up 4 days later in an abandoned warehouse in Sri Lanka with an empty syringe in your rump.
 
Death: Overdose at the age of 39.
 
Last Words: "This one's called the Jimi Hendrix Experience for a reason, dude."
 
Number: 420
 
Color: Trippy hippie.

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

Cheez8

  • Derp Imminent
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #152 on: November 25, 2013, 09:21:58 PM »
...You know, Tohosort really doesn't work very well when your opinion of a character or two changes just a tiny bit halfway through. Lemme tinker with the results for a sec.

1. Satori Komeiji
2. Tenshi Hinanawi
3. Parsee Mizuhashi
4. Kyouko Kasodani
5. Rin Kaenbyou (Orin)
6. Medicine Melancholy
7. Chiyuri Kitashirakawa
8. Mystia Lorelei
9. Utsuho Reiuji (Okuu)
10. Lyrica Prismriver

Not all of these were that far off in the Tohosort results, but I ended up replacing three of the ones that it told me were in my top seven with two from a 15th place tie and 33rd place.
Someday, I'll have a clue what I'm doing.

Edible

  • One part the F?hrer, one part the Pope
  • *
  • It's the inevitable return, baby
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #153 on: November 25, 2013, 09:30:06 PM »
The good news is that it also wiped out your job.

wtf I liked that ;_;

Quote
With work out of the picture, what to do with your time becomes a pretty easy choice - help those who could use a helping hand.

I guess this means the internet got knocked out.  How horrifying.

Quote
WICKED AWESOME red velvet oatmeal butterscotch cookies with French vanilla and fudge swirl frosting like the mothafuckin' FIST AH DAH NOATH STAH!

YES ALL OF MY DREAMS

Quote
This time, you beat her by raising $1,839,327,298 to her $1,839,326,993.

SUCK IT BITCH

Quote
Completely exhausted after 47 straight days of labor, the two of you collapse on each other. You are both brought to a hospital where you compete with one another to see who can make the most ornate origami flower display for recovering victims. The two of you get hitched later I guess.

 :toot:
 
Quote
Death: At 110 while attempting to fight off dozens of sharks in the arctic ocean in order to save an entire cruise ship filled with blind, deaf, disabled, and mentally handicapped people with terminal cancer.

TOTALLY WORTH IT

I'm gonna gum so many of those sharks to death they won't know what bit them.
 
Quote
Last Words: "Yeooouch! Seafood soup is NOT on the menu!" Puns would've followed. Your mind is more than a bit addled by dementia at that point.

Further last words probably involved "glub" and "blub" in various combination but I guess you don't really speak underwater so they don't count.
 
Quote
Color: White

THE BLOOD OF ANGRY ME- wait wrong color

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #154 on: November 26, 2013, 08:00:45 PM »
wtf I liked that ;_;
As someone who has had 7 different jobs since graduating college, who is actively looking for number 8, and who has more free time at work than at home, I'm completely unfamiliar with the concept. Sorry!
looked for something different, found this. seems silly.
1. Youmu
2. Flandre
3. Alice
4. Reimu
5. Eiki
6. Satori
7. Suwako
8. Chiyuri
9. Koishi
10. Remilia

Future: Ah, summer. A break from school. A break from the rigors of life. A break from being poor, too. Nothing like earning a spot of spending money on the side! 'Tis the season of part-time jobs and mowing lawns. You happen to be quite good at both. But someone else beats you to the punch every time. Regardless of what the job may be, every job for someone your age group has already been snatched up. All by the same person. His work ethic is commendable, but his greed most certainly isn't. He becomes a frequent sight, always sneering at you with an egotistical, mocking look painted on his ugly melon.

There he is. There he is. There. He. Is. Everywhere you go. Bussing tables. Trimming bushes. Stealing your money and your very future away from you. Always with a smug grin on his face. Always beating you to the punch. Time to punch back. A new day dawns, and you walk down to the biggest supermarket in town, awaiting the moment when it will open and always vigilant of your malefactor. Suddenly, the lights flicker on, the automatic doors slide open, and in you go. Then out. And back in. For the next few hours, you repeat this cycle. Sure enough, your presence alone seemed to be enough to attract... him here. You casually greet him, resisting the urge to punch him into low Earth orbit, and say that you just applied for a job. He responds by saying that's exactly what he's about to get. You let him enter and wait, only to see him emerge half an hour later. Sure enough, he produces a company shirt and a key for opening up early. But you aren't frustrated. Quite the opposite. The trap has been laid and set. You scamper home, only to return in the dead of night with a shovel and more pluck and grit than that supermarket could ever hope to handle.

Morning dawns on the supermarket. But you aren't there. You're far away. On a hill. In the neighboring town. Why? Your "friend" is about to find out. You spy him through a pair of binoculars as he walks towards the door in that goofy company shirt you have to wear. As he nears the entrance, a low rumble stops him in his tracks. However, it quickly subsides, and he dismissively walks to the door. He unlocks it and walks in. Slowly, the door swings shut. And just as it clicks close, a thunderous roar echoes throughout town. Fissures erupt through its parking lot and the entire structure fractures and splits, throwing detritus every which way. The earth opens up and suddenly all of it disappears. The entire supermarket and parking lot are swallowed whole in the 10 story deep sinkhole that you dug last night, calculated perfectly. It takes a full three weeks for the rescue crew to dig the kid out, who is more than set in terms of food. And for three weeks - three short but glorious weeks - you earn your pay and earn it well.
 
Death: Meh. Life's OK after that. You still get hit by a bus when you're 92 because dementia has really gotten to you by that point.
 
Last Words: You can only recount this one story to your grandkids over and over. You get hit by the bus and go flying through the air and land on top of a car, setting off the alarm and recount this one story to the alarm over and over. You are rushed to the hospital and recount this one story to the paramedics over and over. You lie on your deathbed surrounded by family still happily recounting this story over and over. At the funeral, the priest recounts the one story over and over. At the eulogy, your children recount this one story over and over. Then everyone goes home. Then the youngest of all the grandkids asks all the others "did Gran ever recount this one particular story with you?"
 
Number: Minimum wage
 
Color: Greenbacks

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

MewMewHeart

  • Hermit Mode on!
  • Just chilling like a hermit.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #155 on: November 27, 2013, 01:03:36 AM »
Future: "Hello, Mr. Fitzgerald, this is MewMew from Luna Pharmaceuticals and I have some important information for you. My understanding is that you have been taking our heart medication for some time now, yes? Well, as it turns out, we didn't fill your last refill order properly and your meds have been swapped with meds for ADHD. On the upside, you'll be able to pay very close attention to your heart attack. Have a nice day." *click*

"Hello, Mrs. Johnson, this is MewMew from Luna Pharmaceuticals. Yes, well, we're calling in regards to your mother's antibiotics. Yes, I understand that it's quite important that your mother receive this medication considering that she's recovering from surgery. Sepsis is quite the concern for recovering patients despite all the efforts surgeons go through to avoid such things. Well, as it turns out, we recently discovered the funniest thing about the antibiotics. It seems they don't buddy up so well with the painkiller meds that she's on and may cause her to have a severe case of restless leg syndrome, which can be quite difficult to deal with when recovering from hip replacement surgery. Well, we could always use repeat customers! Ha ha! Okay, you have a good day now. Buh-bye." *click*
 
"Hello, Senator Franklin, this is MewMew with Luna Pharmaceuticals. How are you today? Good, good. Well, senator, it seems like I have some bad news for you regarding your medication. Yes, I know you want to keep that rash in check, but stick with me here, this could be important. Indeed. I'd be worried too. Well, as it turns out, a team of Harvard-educated doctors are releasing a study that has found that our product actually causes Tourette syndrome as a side effect. Yes, I understand that you have a major speech forthcoming that could have incredibly profound ramifications on the socioeconomic structure of this country. We were just calling to remind you that you signed a waiver since this is a drug that's still in clinical trials and you're on your own. Good luck!" *click*
 
Your boss finds out about your crank calls and you wake up 4 days later in an abandoned warehouse in Sri Lanka with an empty syringe in your rump.
 
Death: Overdose at the age of 39.
 
Last Words: "This one's called the Jimi Hendrix Experience for a reason, dude."
 
Number: 420
 
Color: Trippy hippie.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD -can't stop laughing-
My danmakucopter goes pew pew pew!

Check out my newb PAD box it's a thing right?

Sakurei

  • Banned
  • Frequently repeated unapologetic hostility
    • My Blog
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #156 on: November 27, 2013, 04:51:15 AM »
Future: Ah, summer. A break from school. A break from the rigors of life. A break from being poor, too. Nothing like earning a spot of spending money on the side! 'Tis the season of part-time jobs and mowing lawns. You happen to be quite good at both. But someone else beats you to the punch every time. Regardless of what the job may be, every job for someone your age group has already been snatched up. All by the same person. His work ethic is commendable, but his greed most certainly isn't. He becomes a frequent sight, always sneering at you with an egotistical, mocking look painted on his ugly melon.

There he is. There he is. There. He. Is. Everywhere you go. Bussing tables. Trimming bushes. Stealing your money and your very future away from you. Always with a smug grin on his face. Always beating you to the punch. Time to punch back. A new day dawns, and you walk down to the biggest supermarket in town, awaiting the moment when it will open and always vigilant of your malefactor. Suddenly, the lights flicker on, the automatic doors slide open, and in you go. Then out. And back in. For the next few hours, you repeat this cycle. Sure enough, your presence alone seemed to be enough to attract... him here. You casually greet him, resisting the urge to punch him into low Earth orbit, and say that you just applied for a job. He responds by saying that's exactly what he's about to get. You let him enter and wait, only to see him emerge half an hour later. Sure enough, he produces a company shirt and a key for opening up early. But you aren't frustrated. Quite the opposite. The trap has been laid and set. You scamper home, only to return in the dead of night with a shovel and more pluck and grit than that supermarket could ever hope to handle.

Morning dawns on the supermarket. But you aren't there. You're far away. On a hill. In the neighboring town. Why? Your "friend" is about to find out. You spy him through a pair of binoculars as he walks towards the door in that goofy company shirt you have to wear. As he nears the entrance, a low rumble stops him in his tracks. However, it quickly subsides, and he dismissively walks to the door. He unlocks it and walks in. Slowly, the door swings shut. And just as it clicks close, a thunderous roar echoes throughout town. Fissures erupt through its parking lot and the entire structure fractures and splits, throwing detritus every which way. The earth opens up and suddenly all of it disappears. The entire supermarket and parking lot are swallowed whole in the 10 story deep sinkhole that you dug last night, calculated perfectly. It takes a full three weeks for the rescue crew to dig the kid out, who is more than set in terms of food. And for three weeks - three short but glorious weeks - you earn your pay and earn it well.
 
Death: Meh. Life's OK after that. You still get hit by a bus when you're 92 because dementia has really gotten to you by that point.
 
Last Words: You can only recount this one story to your grandkids over and over. You get hit by the bus and go flying through the air and land on top of a car, setting off the alarm and recount this one story to the alarm over and over. You are rushed to the hospital and recount this one story to the paramedics over and over. You lie on your deathbed surrounded by family still happily recounting this story over and over. At the funeral, the priest recounts the one story over and over. At the eulogy, your children recount this one story over and over. Then everyone goes home. Then the youngest of all the grandkids asks all the others "did Gran ever recount this one particular story with you?"
 
Number: Minimum wage
 
Color: Greenbacks


I gotta be really bulky if I can dig a hole like that in a night. Lovely. I like how I become one of those old people I always wanted to avoid becoming. Telling about their past, infinitely repeating the same stoy over and over again.

I like money, alright.

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #157 on: December 02, 2013, 07:15:16 PM »
1. Yuuka
2. Chen
3. Youmu
4. Patchouli
5. Marisa
6. Yuyuko
7. Seija
8. Seiga
9. Cirno
10. Merlin P.
Lots of people with Yuuka at the top! As much as I "understand" Yuuka's appeal, I'll never "get" it.
 
Future: Life kinda stinks when you're bullied all the time. At your age, it'll be more than just embarrassing, too. It's a depressing look at humanity as a whole. But the tables are about to turn. See, on one night, you walk through a rough part of town only to stumble upon a feral cat. He's relatively young and is clearly out of it's goddamn mind. His beady eyes are fixed open in an exaggerated perma-stare, tufts of fur fly whenever he runs (which is almost always), and he's more jittery than a panicky chihuahua after twenty cups of espresso. Yet despite how dangerous and volatile he is, you take pity on him and offer him some leftovers from lunch. He drags them over to what seems to be a salt lick. Upon scarfing down his only meal of the day, he calms down (sorta) and rubs against your leg. You collect the crack to prevent it from being out on the streets and your new friend (or crack junkie in need of a fix) follows you home. You name him Boo as both a nod to Baldur's Gate and because he is completely unable to handle any sort of auditory stimulus without flying off the handle. 

Over a week's time, the two of you bond and you formally adopt him. He now shadows you wherever you go because he loves you so much (and is a coke fiend). Now life in this dangerous part of the city has become drastically easier. Part of it is because companionship gives you hope, but part of it is because you have 15 pounds of concentrated psychosis at your side at all times. You soon encounter the thugs that trouble your neighborhood so much, and it isn't long before you have an altercation with them. The little beast stands shakily (and a bit hallucinatory) along the sidelines as you start to get pummeled, but you realize that this little guy is trouble because of his addictions. Desperate, you drag out the bit of cocaine remaining in your pocket and fling it at your assailants. The damage it does is negligible at best, but Boo's eyes practically bug out of his skull. In a flash and with a most terrific screech, the tuft of fluff flings itself at the thugs. The screams of your attackers soon join the cat's screeching, and before long, they're reduced to a 700 lb. pile of scratch marks. His habit satiated for the time being, Boo returns to your side. As he rubs up against your legs again, it hits you: You effectively have a crack-based pokemon.
 
Death: Boo confronts you late in his life and tells you that he's been going to rehab and doesn't need you as a negative influence anymore. The two of you have had some good times, but he can't truly be free until he's free from his dealer. You beg him to stay, but he doesn't heed your pleas. He dons a fedora and picks up his two suitcases and slowly and mournfully heads out the door. He doesn't look back as your pleading becomes desperate. A symphony begins to play, adding extra drama to an already tearful scene. An ambitious trombone player tries a bit too hard to hit triple forte at the climax of the sorrowful tune and the end of his instrument suddenly becomes a projectile. The slide rockets from his trombone and catches you in the throat. Boo still gives the eulogy at your funeral. You will be 48.
 
Last Words: Despite taking a respectable amount of brass traveling at barely subsonic speeds to vital air passageways, you still do a better job of saying "NOOOOOO!" than James Earl Jones did in Revenge of the Sith. At least he was cool in Field of Dreams.
 
Number: 17 grams
 
Color: Orange

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

Fuyuumi

  • A fairy pichuu'ed me.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #158 on: December 02, 2013, 07:43:32 PM »
I'll try it...

1. Sakuya
2. Alice
3. Marisa
4. Youmu
5. Cirno
6. Reimu
7. Remilia
7. Flandre
8. Reisen
9. Tewi
10. Suika


Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #159 on: December 02, 2013, 11:08:52 PM »
Between the berserker Boo and being speared on a spit valve...

speared on a spit valve! Now that's a way to die (as long as I'm not the overenthusiastic trombone player at another's funeral!)
The ultimate joke would be making Wriggle an EX Boss, but there being a game-breaking bug in her final spellcard that made it impossible to catch.

Think about it for a second...

Shadoweh

  • I will ahn~ vote count for you
  • *
  • The STRONGEST Day Effect
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #160 on: December 03, 2013, 02:35:39 AM »
Lots of people with Yuuka at the top! As much as I "understand" Yuuka's appeal, I'll never "get" it.
Look at those pajamas! How can you not love them! They make me sleepy just seeing them! zzzzzzzz


Kitten4u: "I'll say it plainly: THERE IS NO WAY SHADOWEH IS SCUM!" - A Balanced Game of Mafia

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #161 on: December 03, 2013, 07:07:01 PM »
Here is my list...of dooooom!
1.) Cirno
2.) Remilia Scarlet
3.) Flandre Scarlet
4.) Reimu
5.) Patchouli
6.) Alice
7.) Sakuya
8.) Marisa
9.)  Reisen
10.) Wakasagihime

Future: "What a terrible tragedy! Look at this mess. How could you have allowed it to happen? You're telling me that an argument with your television set compelled you to read a 500 year-old tome that prophesized the discovery of a sarcophagus containing change for a buck-fifty, a pile of laundry, and a Cabbage Patch Kid doll. You unearthed the sarcophagus yourself and the Cabbage Patch Kid told you that a great many werewolves would attack your clan if you didn't poison the river in order to prevent them from crossing. You then consulted a traffic light, which told you that mirrors and some prescription drugs contained silver, and you then dumped every last mirror and medicine cabinet in upstate New York into the Hudson River. The cosmic drug cocktail eventually spilled well into the Atlantic ocean stunted the entire fish population of the northeast coast. The mutations gave the fish wings and now school after school of fish have been found fluttering about from Jersey to Newfoundland. A number of pilots had to contend with this and had to make emergency landings as a result. Sure, everyone's OK, but there's been G-20 summits and United Nations meetings in the area. This means that important people have been on these planes. Really important people. Since the airports had so many planes pull emergency landings, all of the presidents, prime ministers, ambassadors, and other delegates have all been using the big inflatable slide to get off of them. This has caused them all to rediscover their childhoods and now they're running about the general assembly room, playing video games, and trying to hook up the old VCR so that they can watch The Brave Little Toaster for the 15th time. All of the developed nations in the world are in turmoil because of what you have set in motion. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Actually that was my Malk OC's fault. Maybe our Twilight 4 Ever LARP guild's current quest got a bit out of hand?"

Death: You rule the LARP scene until you're assassinated while LARPing an assassination target. You will have stuck to the LARP scene for waaaaaay too long at that point and seem to have attracted some negative reviews at that point. You are 71.

Last Words: "And lo, the Holy Matron prepared a great feast for the king, queen, and merry adventurers of Azkapandomiddleearth, and they did feast upon the Tostito's pizza rolls." Someone's mom made pizza rolls for your guild. Too bad they were poisoned.

Number: 19

Color: Chartreuse

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #162 on: December 04, 2013, 07:12:13 PM »
Monthly reports done! I think I'll reserve Blue's for something different and have that be the last one.
1. Yasaka Kanako
2. Fujiwara no Mokou
3. Kazami Yuuka
4. Kurodani Yamame
5. Shameimaru Aya
6. Hong Meiling
7. Mizuhashi Parsee
8. Shiki Eiki
9. Aki Minoriko
10. Reiuji Utsuho
Into the abyss

Future: "DAY 1458 (MAYBE) - ATE A ROCK. COULD USE SOME BOOKS." Being trapped inside a huge mountain after a cave-in has... some upsides I guess? For one, you're not getting sunburned very often. There's no noisy neighbors or traffic and you've got all the bats and creepy blind insects you could eat, too! That isn't to say that you asked for this. You just wanted to dispose of your Gran's whoopie pies. You didn't want to be rude and get caught with them in the trash, and you couldn't eat them because she mistook the salt, sugar, and flour for baking soda. You were given hundreds of the things, too. Since you couldn't afford to dump them into the Mariana Trench in a lead-filled 18-wheeler, the cave seemed like the best option until you dumped the baking soda pies onto the same place where someone dumped their aunt's pasta sauce, which was made with the amounts of tomatoes and vinegar reversed. What were they odds?! Regardless, you've been trapped in the same cave for the last several years. Surviving is all you've had time for as you are far, far removed from a world of comfy beds, grocery stores, and indoor plumbing.

At long last, an important discovery breathes new hope into your chances for escape. A stroke of luck has guided you to a stash of dynamite abandoned by prospectors more than a century ago, which has given you our first potential means of escape since you gave up on politely asking the rocks to move 15 months ago. Time to blow this popsicle stand. You C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y transport the stash to the highest, farthest corner of the cave's network of tunnels, light the fuse, and run far, far away. As it so happens, the dynamite's new location just so happens to be buried under a magazine for a fort built in WWII. That massive pile of artillery rounds also just so happens to be buried next to a stockpile of Cold War-era nuclear weapons stored in another underground bunker built in the mountain during the 50's at the height of the second Red Scare. Both have been left decaying and forgotten for decades. And you went and lit the fuse blissfully unaware of it all. Needless to say, the resulting blast provides you with a way out of the mountain. However, that statement is fundamentally incorrect because after the explosion there is no mountain to speak of whatsoever.

You emerge, and for the first time in 5 years, you see the sun! Oh, the glorious sun! How wonderful it is to see its warm light! Oh look! Curious campers have come by to see what the massive explosion was all about! Wait, why are they screaming? It's not because you haven't shaved or showered in several years, but rather because your pasty ass is so pale that they think you're the product of an unholy union between a ghost and a polar bear.

Death: At 73, you are finishing up teaching your last semester as a professor of speleology when you have a stroke.

Last Words: "Now let's talk about the dietary benefits and antiseptic properties of guano!" You've spared the rest of your class from a grisly fate.

Number: 10.

Color: We don't need color where we're goin'!

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

Edible

  • One part the F?hrer, one part the Pope
  • *
  • It's the inevitable return, baby
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #163 on: December 04, 2013, 07:43:20 PM »
Golden.

SIRookie

  • I have no idea what I'm doing
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #164 on: December 04, 2013, 08:38:51 PM »
I almost spit coffee on my laptop. That was great

Zengar Zombolt

  • Space-Time Tuning Circle - Wd/Fr
  • Green-Red Divine Clock
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #165 on: December 04, 2013, 09:21:42 PM »
But why didn't he die of Neutrino Radiation? :V

SIRookie

  • I have no idea what I'm doing
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #166 on: December 04, 2013, 09:27:02 PM »
Because if I did, I wouldn't have had a stroke at 73

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

Zengar Zombolt

  • Space-Time Tuning Circle - Wd/Fr
  • Green-Red Divine Clock

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #169 on: December 09, 2013, 07:57:40 PM »
1. Alice Margatroid
1. Yuuka Kazami
1. Yuuka (PC-98)
4. Koishi Komeiji
5. Patchouli Knowledge
5. Sakuya Izayoi
5. Satori Komeiji
8. Yuyuko Saigyouji
8. Yukari Yakumo
10. Byakuren Hijiri
(ALL HAIL THE PAJAMAS) I haven't done this for awhile. Seiga only made 12, I am sad. :<

Future: On a cold and dreary November evening, you plod down the street back to your workplace. You're returning from supper at a run-down restaurant up the street that has long since passed its prime. You approach the oldest building on the block, which stands proudly with its imposing size as it stands out amongst dozens of other old buildings on a street near the outskirts of this tired and aged city. The heavy, old door protests your incursion with a shrill squeak, and you enter. Each of the floorboards that make up the staircase leading to your place of work groan with age as you ascend to your workplace. You are greeted by a door at the third floor landing that reads "DUNN & KIRCHEWALD (PH.D.) PSYCHOTHERAPY ASSOCIATES". You push the door open, revealing an all-too familiar waiting room with padded wooden chairs lining the walls and an ornate throw rug in the center. The grandfather clock in the corner's grating ticking is interrupted as it chimes the hour. You hang your sopping wet trench coat and hat upon the lacquered wooden coat hanger by the desk at the far side of the room. "Good evening, Dr. Shadoweh. Mrs. Upton, your 6 o'clock appointment, should be along any moment now" says the sheepish secretary slouching at the desk. "Very well. Send her in when she arrives. I shall be ready." You resume your plod down the hallway lined with old paintings and another rug upon an aging hardwood floor. You come to the door to your office, crack open the ancient locked door with your key, and slowly slump down into your plush leather chair behind an ornately carved desk.
 
The rapping of the rain upon your windows and a low rumble of thunder preoccupies you before impatience begins to take hold. Suddenly, a faint knock emanates from the door. You beckon for the visitor to enter, and in comes a small, hunched figure. Mrs. Upton is slightly overweight, has messy brunette hair in a bob cut, and bears a perpetual nervous, timid look. "Please, have a seat" you say, gesturing to a worn leather chair in front of your desk. She briskly walks to it and sits down with her timid, doe-like expression fixed in place. That expression of unease would only intensify over the course of your revelations to come. "Mrs. Upton," you start. Each word chosen and enunciated well through your deep voice as it resonates through the room. "I'm afraid I have... unsettling news. After our last few sessions, we believe that your original diagnosis of early-stage paranoid schizophrenia may have been a bit... meek. After extensive analysis both here and at our laboratory, we believe that this condition has actually gripped you for some time. Not only that, but your condition has deteriorated more quickly than we realized. You have simply remained... somewhat functional. I believe your husband's death, however, was far from a mistake. What's been far more alarming is the numerous disappearances of your neighbors and the grisly circumstances in which they've occurred. However, this is merely the beginning."
 
"I've spoken with a friend of mine who is investigating these crimes, and he also happens to possess a knowledge of the occult. It seems the death of your husband and these disappearances may be related. These odd occurrences have shared a few disturbing trends." Your voice slows, yet strengthens, further punctuating the weight of your words on this frail flower sitting before you. "You see, Mrs. Upton, the evidence at all of these scenes point to the diablerie of a most vile cult, and all tales of this cult speak of their ability to manipulate and entrance another to do their wretched bidding at the cost of the puppet's very mind and soul. And as it just so happens, the fingerprints, tools, and even blood left at the scenes of these crimes all point to one. Single. Person. Mrs. Upton, you are responsible for the death of your husband. The same applies for the dozens of disappearances around your home, too. Why, the very reason you're here is tied to the destruction of your mind through the cult's awful machinations. And I'm afraid this madness will only assault your mind further. For you are not alone. No. Someone, something must always be watching you for such precise control. The noises you hear, Mrs. Upton, late at night, when no one's around, are quite real. Many eyes are watching you. Always watching you. Rats. The rats in the walls are watching you! They're the conduit between you and the one eating away at your soul! And you can never hope to escape their maleficent gaze! 'How do you know all this,' you ask? Well, my dear, I lead the very cult behind your pitiful state, and I myself have controlled your every move without you knowing for years! All while you so desperately clutch to the last frayed strands of your humanity! AHAHAHA-"
 
"SHADOWEH!" your colleague, who apparently eavesdropped on your private session, shouts from across the hall. "Mrs. Upton is only here for her last session to treat her mild postpartum depression, so cut that crap out!"
 
Death: Eventually, your pranks cross one of your patients the wrong way because they genuinely have a serious mental condition. You are 60.
 
Last Words: "For the love of God, Montresor!" Yes, for the love of God.
 
Number: 45
 
Color: Green Greens
 
I'm curious to see where this goes...
1. Ran Yakumo
2. Hata no Kokoro
3. Rin Kaenbyou
4. Suika Ibuki
5. Star Sapphire
6. Cirno
7. Youmu
8. Reisen
9. Nazrin
10.  Chen

Future: Life? Meh. It's okay, I guess. But somethin's missin'. Maybe it's because you're older and you're aging a bit. Maybe it's because you've done so much but only have so much left in the tank, too. Either way, somethin's gotta change. Work and dating just aren't going in your favor, so you want to devote yourself to something outside of your many hobbies, but just aren't sure what. Then it dawns on you. Why not an orphanage? Plenty of kids the world over could use a caring home, and you're just the kind to provide them with a way to get there. But this isn't going to be an ordinary orphanage. No sir. Work may have sucked for decades on end, but it more than paid the bills. Time to put that stash of cash and your drive for your escapist hobbies to good use.
 
Day one. Three unfortunate souls drag their feet to the classroom and take their seats. You stand at the blackboard, fresh piece of chalk in hand. As you finally garner the undivided attention of these reluctant new students of yours, you turn to the blackboard and scrawl "Lesson 1: How to be Batman" upon it. Despite clearly lacking any sensitivity or tact considering the events of the kids' lives, the move works and their eyes glow with excitement. You stay true to your words and teach much to your now eager new students. "Gym class" teaches Jeet Kune Do, "physics" means field trips to a spaceport, and "chemistry" involves constructive and comical use of C4. Used liberally. Even quiet time is typically used to hone their minds to perfection through meditation. The experiences are more than inspiring for all the young minds that pass through your doors. Many of them are adopted into homes which you screen to death and back to ensure that they'll be loved and taken care of. Those that aren't adopted think of you as a parental figure even as they age out of the orphanage. Overall, the orphanage produces more scholars and great athletes than anyone could ever expect from such a place. You might be a bit saddened that a few stay around for so long before simply going out into the world, although that's not to say that you don't enjoy having a squad of ninja around the house at all times.
 
Death: You're Dumbledore-esque status, which attracts the attention of some of the world's greatest and most positive people, also attracts some of it's worst. Worn by age, you are slain at 85. Many of your proteges contribute to tracking down the criminal and bringing him to justice. Not out of vengeance, but in order to prevent such a tragedy from happening a second time.
 
Last Words: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine." Why did you quote Old Ben? Star Wars will have been out for nearly 100 years by then and no one has taste in movies anymore. Clearly, this asshat deserves the whooping he'll get simply because he only saw the prequel series. Maybe being evil would make you enjoy the prequel series. Or maybe the prequel series is so bad that it's capable of making people evil.
 
Number: 6
 
Color: Bibbidi Bobbiddi Blue
 
Got room for one more?
1- Yuyuko
2- Satori
3- Yukari
4- Byakuren
5- Reisen
6- Marisa
7- Reimu
8- Sanae
9- Cirno (yes I know someone did this before, shut up)
10 - Nitori
The following views are not related to Red's thoughts on medical companies trufax 4 realsies.
 
Future: In the near future, you will have a frightening episode of low blood pressure which will cause you to pass out. You will be successfully rescusitated, but the entire process is traumatic at best and in the end, the doctors are unable to identify what caused the issue in the first place. The issue becomes a recurring one, and it is only several years later that you finally get an accurate diagnosis by a doctor intrepid enough to stick with the issue long enough to connect the dots. You have Addison's disease, an orphan disease that cannot be cured, but can be treated. The fact that the entire process and medications has cost you a boatload of cash and you are stressed out of your eyeballs has left a lasting impression. Frustrated with the entire process, you vow for changes, even if you have to do it yourself.

Taking a vein from your own experiences, you start your own business producing orphan drugs. Instead of running things like a business, you instead run production like its a research project and therefore cut out tons of extra spending on sales and middle management. This leaves technicians to do their work while what management workforce remains focuses on the legalese. The increased focus on production instead of sales is benefitted by your company's focus on treatment of specific illnesses for which you are the first to actively produce treatments for. Business goes well and before long you begin to produce more commonplace pharmaceuticals, yet your original model for how to run the biz spills over into everything else your rising company makes.

This series of events continues for some time and eventually you've become a permanent fixture on the global health care system which greatly benefits from it. The price of pharmaceuticals drops and equipment manufacturers can afford to produce simplified versions of their devices for developing countries. The stuff your organization makes reaches millions of more people than they did before. The entire new culture makes the entire process from diagnosis to recovery easier, cutting back on mistreatment and waste. You revel in the progress, which technically comes at the expense of a handful of formerly affluent CEOs. In order to help ease the tension between you and them, you frequently attend parties at their luxurious abodes. Of course, you organize the parties without them knowing and invite several hundred people whose lives you've changed for the better. These shindigs typically end with riot squads and tear gas breaking them up.
 
Death: You've got the best treatment that doctors and medicine could ever hope to provide! At worst, your systems give out when you're 99.
 
Last Words: "Dear diary: Today I got stuck in a ditch, fell into the toilet, and seem to be dying of a heart attack. I'm pleased to say these didn't all occur at once."
 
Number: 14
 
Color: Mother of pearl

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #170 on: December 11, 2013, 07:51:22 PM »
1. Yukari
2. Yuyuko
3. Youmu
4. Remilia
5. Flandre
6. Byakuren
7. Toyosatomimi no miko
8. Reimu
9. Marisa
10. Satori
Hit me, assbutt.

Future: That's IT. That DOES IT. SCREW this stupid bank job. You are SICK and TIRED of COOKING THE BOOKS for some CUT-RATE CROOKS! 15 years at this place has more than frayed your nerves. Time to go. Time to do something - anything - else, especially if it means not taking any crap from some fatcat bankers. The entire system inside and out is filled to the brim with jerks trying to make a buck off anyone or anything. Forget it. Time to move on. Or is it? Well, yes and no. You're certainly done with being employed there. But you haven't even applied for work elsewhere. Strangely, it never even crossed your mind. What are you going to do with yourself now that you're free of that dump?
 
Why, go right back to it, of course. This time, with a bit more 'productive' intent. See, you know the place inside and out. You know every last aspect and detail of the entire building. It's layout. When it opens and closes. The codes used for the doors and how they change. You even know that someone hid the last of the chai latte packets in the second break room. Go back to the bank and work? Sure! But you're going to tear it apart in the process! After a little bit of research in your apartment, it's time to start sending out invites to your new bunch of goons who are going to help you rob the bank blind! However, everything is set on the condition that YOU and ONLY YOU be the one to physically open the vault.
 
With you at the helm of this little heist, everything goes smoothly. Putting up a front of an overnight systems update means no one's even thinking of work when you break in. Your disguises as maintenance personnel mean that you can go anywhere in the building, too. The place is abandoned and you have access to everything! With your crack team busy messing with security and passcodes, you make your way to the vault only to discover that it has far more layers of protection than you remember. Fingerprints, retinal scanners, voice matching, multiple codes and more. It'd take a master hacker a week to override all of these things. But you sorta wanted this to happen anyway. Finally, the opportunity arises for you to do what you wanted to do in the first place. This is YOUR revenge. You're gonna have things YOUR way for once here. If anyone is going to inflict any sort of damage on this place, it's going to be you. Out comes your secret stash of explosives, out comes the detonator switch, aaaaand...
 
Death: *BOOM*. Seems you inadvertantly used 100,000 pounds of explosives instead of 100. Well, no bank, no problem, right? You will be 42.
 
Last Words: "I'm only supposed to blow the bloody doors off?!"
 
Number: $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
 
Color: Green

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

Reddyne

  • Give me love and money. I have the rest already.
  • *
  • Love and money coming from you is what I need.
Re: That's your Touhouroscope for today
« Reply #171 on: December 16, 2013, 06:26:52 PM »
OK. I'm aiming to finish things up around New Year's (there's like 3 left). Thanks for giving me something to do in this dull job of mine, guys.
01. Kotohime
02. Yuyuko
03. Kaguya
04. Meira
05. Youmu
06. Reimu
07. Eirin
08. Yumemi
09. Meiling
10. Komachi

Future: Who's the meanest motha fuckin' cop in town? Not you. Not by a longshot. Hell, considering your waistline, you're the softest cop in town. The only thing intimidating about you is the amount of mousse you invest in your mullet haircut. Even your aviators don't look tough considering that you're inside all day. In the mall. One that just happens to be in the ritziest section of town. Crime is practically non-existant here, too, considering how its stuffiness makes it so well-insulated from outside influence. You'd be no match for someone who actually posed a threat to the peace kept there, but you're a PRO at intimidating 11-year-olds who might just be harboring some intent to shoplift. It's a good thing, too, because the mall's some 8 stories tall and you've got a lot of ground to cover in your self-driving Segway for lazy people.
 
Then, one day, it happens. The fire alarm sounds, but that could signal far more trouble than a simple fire. Shoppers panic and chaos erupts. The rules of chivalry are completely thrown out the window as the men scramble for the exits, crashing through ladies in heels. High-end smart phones and designer jewelry go flying and more than one custom-tailored dress shirt is wrinkled and several bouffant hairdos are ruined. People slowly begin to pour out into the streets and parking lots. You and the police, the fire department, medical personnel, SWAT, and a bomb squad are all dispatched to check the entire building. However, no harm of any kind has taken place anywhere. To the surprise of many, there is no damage to the mall at all outside of displays being knocked down. There aren't any major injuries outside of some bruises and some tweaked ankles thanks to all those high heels, too. No fire damage, no collapsed walls or ceilings, no armed robbers, no looting, no water main breaks or electrical failures. Nothing! Everyone is safe and everything is where it should be. Once the all-clear is sounded, employees return to work and shoppers filter back in. But amongst all the return to normalcy that the returning peace grants, something is out of place. No, something is missing. You return to the food court to notice that your lobster dinner covered in hot fudge, marshmallows, and raisinets is gone. It was the only thing that was stolen. You rear back to face the heavens and let out a most mournful howl of despair.
 
Death: You attempt to run down an escalator that is going up in an attempt to catch a thief who is making off with an Eddie Bauer sweater vest, cigars, and chardonnay. You trip and fall down the escalator for 7 hours. You are 49.
 
Last Words: "Bury me with Rusty." Rusty is your police dog brought on to help you sniff out batches of weed left in the trashcans. Rusty does NOT appreciate your last request.
 
Number: Precinct 129
 
Color: Copper

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16