Author Topic: What If ... v. 4.0 Shoot the Bullet (Read 119864 times)

Sssgth · « **Reply #840 on:** July 25, 2014, 05:25:01 PM »

Touhou 14.5: Beat the Shit Out of the Myouren Temple

What if Waki Miko Reimu?

Goomba98 · « **Reply #841 on:** July 27, 2014, 12:47:23 PM »

Then armpit fetishists. Armpit fetishists everywhere.

What if I summed up Touhou music by saying it has a bunch of dying bees in it?

Failure McFailFace · « **Reply #842 on:** July 27, 2014, 01:17:12 PM »

Swarms of dying bees owned by ZUN will sting you in your sleep.

What if Mario invaded Touhou? (Not Super Marisa Land)

Leon゠Helsing · « **Reply #843 on:** July 27, 2014, 03:01:29 PM »

Mario mistakes Sanae for Luigi, prompting Luigi to finally go nuts.

What if Touhou Battle Network? (*Jumps straight to bunker*)

AlterEgo · « **Reply #844 on:** July 27, 2014, 10:56:42 PM »

then this will happen

what if the god of the Hakurei Shrine was Mima all along?

Abraham Lincoln · « **Reply #845 on:** July 27, 2014, 11:55:18 PM »

Then the people who had made that speculation would celebrate in joy.
What if the next Kancolle event was a Touhou one?

Snakebite969 · « **Reply #846 on:** August 01, 2014, 10:38:59 PM »

I would consider playing it, then, as usual, not bother

What if Suika was secretly a non-alcoholic?

MewMewHeart · « **Reply #847 on:** August 01, 2014, 10:52:20 PM »

Then maybe she's not an oni secretly?

What if space age Touhou happens?

Esper · « **Reply #848 on:** August 01, 2014, 11:17:36 PM »

Then reimu asplode into pieces and Sanae becomes the new armpit miko

What if Yuuka weren't asleep in LLS stage 5?

Abraham Lincoln · « **Reply #849 on:** August 02, 2014, 12:31:50 AM »

Trespassers are still going to end up as dead meat anyway

What if the next Touhou game had vulgarities in it?

Esper · « **Reply #850 on:** August 02, 2014, 12:33:38 AM »

Quote from: Abraham Lincoln on August 02, 2014, 12:31:50 AM

Trespassers are still going to end up as dead meat anyway

What if the next Touhou game had vulgarities in it?

The gangster patch wouldn't be necessary :VVVVV

What if Touhou 15 featured Mima as a stage 1 midboss?

Abraham Lincoln · « **Reply #851 on:** August 02, 2014, 12:35:27 AM »

Look closer, it's not actually Mima, it's a new character entirely.

What if we had an Australian Touhou character?

MewMewHeart · « **Reply #852 on:** August 02, 2014, 12:54:32 AM »

It'll just be either a Crocodile, Kangaroo, or Koala, type character.

What if Touhou Dynasty warriors happen?

Esper · « **Reply #853 on:** August 02, 2014, 03:32:33 AM »

Quote from: MewMewHeart on August 02, 2014, 12:54:32 AM

It'll just be either a Crocodile, Kangaroo, or Koala, type character.

What if Touhou Dynasty warriors happen?

https://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php?topic=11434.0

You squeal in delight upon coming upon this.

What if Touhou become a popular E-Sport along the level of Starcraft spontaneously?

Lt Colonel Summers · « **Reply #854 on:** August 02, 2014, 09:40:40 AM »

Expect a lot of Korean Touhous to go "Spellcards. KEKEKE"

What if Gensokyo is a futuristic Cyberpunk?

Evil_Nazgul0616 · « **Reply #855 on:** August 02, 2014, 09:08:40 PM »

Then the kappa are regarded very highly socially, due to their knowledge of the technology.
And everything's powered by Utsuho's reactor.

What if endermen invaded Gensokyo?

Esper · « **Reply #856 on:** August 02, 2014, 11:57:36 PM »

Quote from: Evil_Nazgul0616 on August 02, 2014, 09:08:40 PM

What if endermen invaded Gensokyo?

There's an incident! Reimu and Marisa must go to Makai to fan pander Shinki back to life for one last battle!

What if ZUN retconned Mima by saying that someone else was her mentor?

Evil_Nazgul0616 · « **Reply #857 on:** August 03, 2014, 12:22:11 AM »

Quote from: Esper on August 02, 2014, 11:57:36 PM

There's an incident! Reimu and Marisa must go to Makai to fan pander Shinki back to life for one last battle!

Shinki relates to endermen HOW!?!?!?!?

Quote from: Esper on August 02, 2014, 11:57:36 PM

What if ZUN retconned Mima by saying that someone else was her mentor?

That someone else ends up being Mima's future self.

What if Shinki took over The Nether (The Minecraft nether, if you're too lazy to click on the link

.) and annexed it as part of Makai?

Sssgth · « **Reply #858 on:** August 03, 2014, 01:01:31 PM »

Minecraft mobs as Touhou enemies:
Pigmen will ram you if you attack them
Ghasts will shoot frag grenades, like in Mokou's Mt. Fuji/Fujiyama Volcano
Blazes will shoot streaming barrages
Wither Skeletons will be like Pigmen, but faster and more aggressive
The Wither would me moe-ified and become a boss fight, based around frag bullets

What if Kero Miko Sanae?

Abraham Lincoln · « **Reply #859 on:** August 03, 2014, 01:05:52 PM »

That's SanaeB in UFO. It appears to be practically impossible not to really love those circular guns with frogs as ammunition.

What if Touhou naval warfare?

Evil_Nazgul0616 · « **Reply #860 on:** August 03, 2014, 09:37:33 PM »

Murasa wins.

What if Nazrin converted to Judaism?

Sssgth · « **Reply #861 on:** August 03, 2014, 10:45:54 PM »

Cue Myouren Temple trying to take her back, with force if necessary.

What if literal religious war?

Abraham Lincoln · « **Reply #862 on:** August 04, 2014, 06:26:04 AM »

Then we get to meet Jesus

What if Shinki was Byakuren before converting to Buddhism?

snowflake247 · « **Reply #863 on:** August 06, 2014, 05:06:22 AM »

Then the next incident would entail finding whoever gave her that awful purple-and-light-brown dye job.

What if Kanako had succeeded in taking over the Hakurei shrine?

Abraham Lincoln · « **Reply #864 on:** August 06, 2014, 11:57:39 AM »

"It's a Moriya Shrine conspiracy!"

What if ZUN used timpani in his music?

Evil_Nazgul0616 · « **Reply #865 on:** August 06, 2014, 07:43:56 PM »

Then it would be Touhou boss music with a hint of Ghetsis' theme.

What if we got a hydra (not that hydra) youkai?

Sssgth · « **Reply #866 on:** August 07, 2014, 12:09:00 PM »

She would constantly regenerate health, her nonspells would be like Remilia's Curse ?Curse of Vlad Tepes,? but with kunai instead of daggers, faster and denser shots, and no trails. Her spellcards could have ?tentacles like smaller, sparser, and slower versions of those in Byakuren and Shinki's Great Magic ?Devil's Recitation? and use various fast, streamy spreads of kunai along with bubble bullets with rice attached to resemble a jellyfish.

What if Touhoumon X and Y?

Failure McFailFace · « **Reply #867 on:** August 07, 2014, 02:17:14 PM »

Touhoumon.... IN 3D!

What if the next game had 10 stages instead of 6?

Leon゠Helsing · « **Reply #868 on:** August 07, 2014, 03:19:56 PM »

Moar 2hus!

What if A Day in Remilia's Life? (i swear to god there has to be at least a walfas version)

Yookie · « **Reply #869 on:** August 07, 2014, 04:22:41 PM »

Remilia: Ah, what a nice day to cover the entire region in scarlet mist.

Sakuya: Good evening, Mistress.

Remilia: If it isn't my loyal maid Sakuya.
How goes it?

Sakuya: I made your favori~ite: adorable biscuits!

Remilia: Oh my, adorable biscuits!
Those just so happen to be the snack which I most enjoy snacking!

Sakuya: Are the biscuits to your liking, Remilia?

Remilia: Those biscuits are delicious.
How goes my score-table?

Sakuya: You still occupy the ten top positions, Mistress.
In fact, you have all the point items in your possession.

Remilia: Splendid.

Meiling: Remilia, Remilia!

Remilia: This better be important because I'm trying to enjoy my tea.

Meiling: There's a Miko on the Mansion grounds!

Remilia *spits tea* A MIKO IN THE MANSION?!
*various curses* ALREADY?? *continues cursing*
Sakuya, Sakuya! Help me stuff my biscuits into Patchy's books!
I can't let that Miko get to them!
Last time I had my biscuits, Flan stole them!
*curses wildly*
Help me stuff my point items into those fairies!
PLAYER CHARACTERS KEEP STEALING MY HIGHSCORES!

Sakuya: Lady Remilia, that Miko just took down Meiling.

Remilia: -fin useless ass Meiling. I pay her so much money to guard that gate!
Th-that's it! She just lost her right to get her own story arc in IaMP!
She's now just a stupid side character!

Sakuya: Err, Patchy's down too.

Remilia: What? God Damnit, even she?! *more curses*
She's a good friend of mine... She'll pay for that!

Sakuya: Don't worry, Milady. I'll take care of he- Oh wait, nope nope.
She's spamming bombs non-stop, erasing all my knives, I'm dead.

Remilia: WHAT? ALREADY?! GOD DAMNIT! Okay, I got this. Calm down.
I've got my spellcards -
Scarlet Shoot: Shoom, Shoom, Shoom!
Red Magic: Ching, Ching
Okay, let's do this. You can do this, Remi.
She's probably already on her last life and without any bombs.
Let's position in front of the moon, straighten my dress, look intimidating.
Here we go.

Reimu: Isn't it about time you showed yourself?
Young lady?

Remilia: I knew it. Humans are useless.

Reimu: Is that maid really human?

Remilia: Are you the- You know what, let's cut to the chase.
What are you doing here?
I just planned my scheme, wanted to enjoy tea and biscuits
- for which I rarely have the time. -
and here you are, trying to take my highscore and I just want my tea.

Reimu: Don't worry, one kill doesn't make me a serial killer.

Remilia: I never talked about - Put that script down!

Reimu: Oh, that's right. You're a bother.

Remilia: Oh, I know, I know. I have a script too.
I know exactly what you're going to say.
Ahh, fine then. God... Just let me get it real quick.

Remilia: The moon is red. I'll kill you for sure.
Looks like it's going to be a fun night.

*cue Meiling, Patchy, Koakuma & Sakuya for an awesome accapella Septette*

[Reimu gets to Scarlet Shoot, dies, cue Bomb Spam]

Reimu: Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal!

Remilia: HOW MANY BOMBS DO YOU HAVE?!

Reimu: Fantasy Seal!

Remilia: PLAYTIME'S OVER! RED MAGIC!

Reimu: Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal! Fantasy Seal!

Remilia: Can you just stop that? Oh my god.

[Remiu dies again, uses continue]

Remilia: Now what's this crap supposed to be? "Continue", for real?
Just how many times do I have to hit you?
Go ahead, kill me. I'm done. What, are you going to time it out now?
Fine then, I won't go into bat form if you bomb.

Reimu: Fantasy Seal!

*Remilia explodes into many many fragments*

Meiling: Hey there Remi!

Remilia: Shut up, you're fired.

(I love that video.)

What if we get another HrtP style game?