Author Topic: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK  (Read 6041 times)

Tengukami

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Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« on: November 16, 2012, 03:22:22 PM »
REPENT, SINNER!



Have you sinned lately? Done something wrong that you feel bad about? Want to make up for it, put it behind you once and for all, and rid yourself of that nagging sense of guilt?

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!

Here's how it works:

Confess: Tell us what you did wrong. Don't make excuses or try to rationalize it away - just own up to your mistake, honestly and unconditionally. It doesn't have to be some huge bombshell, like you once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. But the fact is, we all make mistakes. Whatever you did or whoever you wronged, let it out. Shikieiki is here to help.

Do your penance: By posting your sin in this thread, you agree to receive and faithfully perform your penance in a timely fashion. Don't worry - it won't be anything degrading or humiliating. In fact, it will be something fun for you, and entertaining for the rest of us. All that is asked is that you do your penance quickly, and don't chicken out. Besides, you wouldn't confess your sin unless you were willing to atone for it, would you?

Receive absolution: If you have successfully completed your penance, Shikieiki will officially absolve you of your sin. From that moment forward, you can then release yourself of your guilt and shame, and move forward into a bright future.

So then, you filthy sinner, tell the Yama of Paradise of your sins, and begin your path to salvation!

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Kilgamayan

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2012, 04:12:17 PM »
Some of the overly brazen and efforted bigotry on 4chan makes me laugh.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2012, 04:13:48 PM by Kilgamayan »
[22:40:12] <Drake> "guys i donwloaded esod but its not workan"
[22:40:21] <Drake> REPORTED
[22:40:25] <NaturallyOccurringChoja> PROBATED
[22:40:30] <Drake> ORGASM
[22:40:32] <NaturallyOccurringChoja> FUCK YEAH

[22:28:39] <Edible> Mafia would be a much easier game if we were playing "spot the asshole"

JT

Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2012, 04:27:51 PM »
I beat a nun to death on the steps of a church with a table leg.

MatsuriSakuragi

Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2012, 04:42:05 PM »
I am a hopeless procrastinator who will take every possible chance to not work because it makes me feel better than working.

Even if I feel better after work is done.

Pesco

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2012, 04:43:19 PM »
I play DotA.

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2012, 04:46:29 PM »
I play DotA.
thread over, snowball challenge Pesco
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

[Y]oukai [J]esus

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2012, 05:01:25 PM »
I play DotA.

YJLuck vs Pescoskill.
1v1 let's do this how many times do I get a 4x/4sec stun on you?

<Nietz> Anyway, sex toys alone won't come up to 11k.
[18:48] <Warma> There must have been a new depth, where you've sunk as a person. Then you dug through that.

Rabbit

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2012, 05:05:08 PM »
I voted Libertarian a couple of weeks ago.
Too much of a good thing, and it is no longer good.

fondue

  • excuse me
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2012, 05:05:57 PM »
I was an attention whore in my classes today.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2012, 05:23:22 PM »
Some of the overly brazen and efforted bigotry on 4chan makes me laugh.

Hm. Understandable, but very regrettable. For your penance, you must start a thread on /pol/. Your OP must posit a reasoned argument in favor of affirmative action at colleges, citing at least three sources. Whether or not you reply is entirely your choice, but you do need to link to the thread or post a screencap as proof.

I beat a nun to death on the steps of a church with a table leg.

I'm sure you had your reasons. However, this is unfortunately technically a sin. Therefore, for your penance you must draw a sketch of you doing something genuinely nice for Ichirin Kumoi.

I am a hopeless procrastinator who will take every possible chance to not work because it makes me feel better than working.

Even if I feel better after work is done.

We can all relate to this, certainly. Sloth, though, is not just a sin - it's a deadly sin. For your penance, write a paragraph about why sloths are the best mammals on the face of the planet.

I play DotA.

Oh, Pesco. This is most egregious. To repent for this horror, you must play this game until you get a score of 15, posting a screencap as proof. (The controls are simple: arrow keys move the spawning crystals.)

I voted Libertarian a couple of weeks ago.

Are you trying to anger the Yama on purpose? This requires special attention. For your penance, you must write a fawning, shameless fanfic of no less than 500 words involving you and Dennis Kucinich, wherein he is your love interest, and he rejects your advances.

I was an attention whore in my classes today.

Color the Yama surprised. What more fitting penance for attention whoring than compelled attention whoring? For your penance, you must fire up the Touhou game of your choice, and play a pacifist Lunatic run until you run out of lives, and then upload the replay file here. Do make a genuine effort to get as far as you can - the Yama can tell if you're suiciding just to get it over with.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2012, 05:25:04 PM by Tengukami »

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Rabbit

  • Red Tenshi
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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2012, 05:30:53 PM »
I don't even know who that is!
Too much of a good thing, and it is no longer good.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
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  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2012, 05:32:01 PM »
Not the Yama's problem! Look it up - Wikipedia is your friend.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."


Kilgamayan

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2012, 05:35:43 PM »
Is there something I can do that won't risk my getting banned from 4chan? Because that's a nontrivial possibility with what you're proposing.
[22:40:12] <Drake> "guys i donwloaded esod but its not workan"
[22:40:21] <Drake> REPORTED
[22:40:25] <NaturallyOccurringChoja> PROBATED
[22:40:30] <Drake> ORGASM
[22:40:32] <NaturallyOccurringChoja> FUCK YEAH

[22:28:39] <Edible> Mafia would be a much easier game if we were playing "spot the asshole"

Pesco

  • Trickster Rabbit Tewi
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  • Make a yukkuri and take it easy with me
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2012, 05:38:53 PM »
Oh, Pesco. This is most egregious. To repent for this horror, you must play this game until you get a score of 15, posting a screencap as proof. (The controls are simple: arrow keys move the spawning crystals.)

Too easy

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
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  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2012, 05:41:33 PM »
Is there something I can do that won't risk my getting banned from 4chan? Because that's a nontrivial possibility with what you're proposing.

Sure, you could just post what you would write here instead.

I did this today.  I bad at this game  :3

That is indeed very, very bad. The Yama wants to see you do it again, in Lunatic mode. With Reisen.

Too easy

Congratulations, Pesco! You are hereby absolved of the sin of playing DotA. Go forth with a pure heart, into Paradise.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #16 on: November 16, 2012, 05:42:47 PM »
i slept with your subordinate

I have no name

  • Dodge ALL the bullets
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #17 on: November 16, 2012, 05:44:51 PM »
That is indeed very, very bad. The Yama wants to see you do it again, in Lunatic mode. With Reisen.
Good run with Reisen or repeated suicide with Reisen?

Iryan

  • Ph?nglui mglw?nafh
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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #18 on: November 16, 2012, 05:51:11 PM »
Remember that one time when suddenly it smelled like someone smashed foul eggs with a burnt rubber tire?


That was me.


And it felt so good.
Old Danmakufu stuff can be found here!

"As the size of an explosion increases, the numbers of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero."

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
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  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #19 on: November 16, 2012, 06:00:50 PM »
i slept with your subordinate

Somehow the Yama is not surprised. For your penance, you must create a work of visual art praising the spiritual purity of Komachi. Feel free to make it a collage of existing art, by your own hand, or both. But it must convey purity of some kind.

Remember that one time when suddenly it smelled like someone smashed foul eggs with a burnt rubber tire?


That was me.


And it felt so good.

How revolting. Clearly, your diet is lacking and in need of some serious improvement. For your penance, you are to make a salad and eat it, posting Before and After photos of the salad (yes, the second photo will clearly be of an empty bowl and not the salad itself.)

Good run with Reisen or repeated suicide with Reisen?

Congratulations, ihavenoname! You have successfully repented for your sin, and have been absolved. Go forth now, with a pure heart, into Paradise.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2012, 06:08:22 PM »
Is there something I can do that won't risk my getting banned from 4chan? Because that's a nontrivial possibility with what you're proposing.
Just use a proxy to make the post, 4ch bans are IP based
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

fondue

  • excuse me
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2012, 06:10:24 PM »

I don't know why but Ammy fits the role of Shikieiki.
Color the Yama surprised. What more fitting penance for attention whoring than compelled attention whoring? For your penance, you must fire up the Touhou game of your choice, and play a pacifist Lunatic run until you run out of lives, and then upload the replay file here. Do make a genuine effort to get as far as you can - the Yama can tell if you're suiciding just to get it over with.
Fine I'll do it after dinner :I Also here are some more sins.
-I went onto 4chan and I'm 14
-I used to not know who Bob Dylan was
Just use a proxy to make the post, 4ch bans are IP based
With some proxies and VPNs 4chan will ban you ASAP when you try to post though.

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
  • *
  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2012, 06:18:25 PM »
Fine I'll do it after dinner :I Also here are some more sins.
-I went onto 4chan and I'm 14
-I used to not know who Bob Dylan was

One thing at a time. We'll get to each one after you post your penance. Enjoy your dinner!

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

theshirn

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #23 on: November 16, 2012, 06:20:17 PM »
I have - for a very brief period of time - not wanted to horribly murder 98% of this forum.  What do I do? :ohdear:

[09:46] <theshim|work> there is nothing like working for a real estate company to make one contemplate arson

MatsuriSakuragi

Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #24 on: November 16, 2012, 06:28:19 PM »
We can all relate to this, certainly. Sloth, though, is not just a sin - it's a deadly sin. For your penance, write a paragraph about why sloths are the best mammals on the face of the planet.

I understand not your method, yama-sama, in which I must venerate the creature for which this deadly sin was named after in lieu of working on what I am procrastinating on. However, I shall respect your wisdom.

What shall I say for the sloth? Well, first and foremost, they are, by far, experts in the field of destressing and relaxation. They neither desire more than they need, nor do they work too hard for what they do not-- such pragmatic beings, they are. This is something we as humans can learn from, for we spend much of our time in pursuit of frivolous things instead of taking the time to stop and enjoy the little things in life-- delicious leaves, strong arms that have known many embraces and keep a firm grip on reality, and simply the value of just hanging around. They seek little beyond this, and take everything one step at a time. Some may mistake their slow demeanor for lethargy, when in actuality, they are very deliberate and mindful of their every movement. Once again, we humans, if you will appreciate the pun, would do well to take a leaf from their books. But that is not to say that we must disregard our duties. The wise sloth has no prior obligations, and takes advantage of this. Humans, on the other hand, always have someone or something to answer to. When we do this-- when our duties are accomplished, it is then that we can take time to learn to embrace our inner sloth-- not for laziness, no-- but for the sake of learning to enjoy life when we have no other pre-existing tasks to complete. We always seek more and more, when sometimes all we really need is some time to breathe. That is why the sloth is the best mammal on the face of this planet-- and not just the face of this planet, for there are sloths that have gone beyond this. I shall close this thought with proof of this statement:


Never underestimate your abilities. If you take everything one step at a time, like the sagacious sloth, your mighty arms can reach out for and embrace the stars, as well. Anything worth doing is worth the wait.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2012, 06:32:58 PM by Matsijiri Byakuren »

Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
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  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #25 on: November 16, 2012, 06:44:03 PM »
I have - for a very brief period of time - not wanted to horribly murder 98% of this forum.  What do I do? :ohdear:

Wow, that must have been incredibly difficult for you! However, this shows a lack of commitment to the reputation you've developed on this forum. Therefore, for your penance you must take this to the next level: compose a poem comprised of ten stanzas in iambic pentameter, expressing your love for the community as a whole.


Congratulations, Matsy! You have successfully repented for your sin, and have been absolved. Go forth now, with a pure heart, into Paradise.

"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

Rabbit

  • Red Tenshi
  • 3x More Touhou
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #26 on: November 16, 2012, 06:45:28 PM »
The creed of the Cleveland mafia is that its enemies die ignoble deaths.  No trials, no recognition of any ability they hold, not even a record of their order to be killed.  A quick, surgical procedure, a reflexive, impassive, reaction to eliminate an enemy that leaves behind only the slightest of blemishes, soon to be hushed up and covered for fear of prompting more invisible executions.  Traitors and rebels may gird themselves for the unlimited waves of soldiers crushing their apartments underfoot, car-disintegrating improvised explosive devices, and fearless, unstoppable, merciless lawyers. Yet, how they quail when oh so casually, their honored leader, god figure, demagogue, idol, chosen one, noble general, great hero, neighbor, friend, mother, father, child, or, in this case, mayor falls lifeless, a round dark hole in their forehead.

"Do not fail."

Most munitions that this assassin had dealt with previously had been subsonic, quiet, subtle machines that he was expected to keep hidden and assemble on site; other rules stated that all weapons had to be legal in the affected states, to make law enforcement think that the mafia's judgment came from the people.

Although the contract had been called off many years ago, it no longer mattered to the assassin.  She had tracked the political career of this man, Dennis Kucinich, since he was the youngest mayor of Cleveland ever, watching and waiting for the opportune moment to strike.  She?  He?  The assassin no longer remembered what it was anymore.  It didn't matter.  The only thing that mattered anymore was the target.  They called it the Rabbit long ago, and it had staked its professional career on the elimination of this one man.  With each passing moment its hatred of the man's policies grew until it was so extreme that it crossed the paradox line.

?I...can't.?

It levelled its rifle, a poor old battered thing, and fired into the crowd.

When Kucinich came to, he found himself on a hard, wooden floor.  Crickets chirped outside and it was dark, the only light coming from a small gas lamp placed by his cot.  He was both confused and slightly terrified.  His only memory was of hearing shots ring out as he stepped out of the station, then being clubbed unconscious.  His head hurt.

Then he realized he was not alone in this room, wherever it was.  Something was there with him, a shadowy figure sitting on a chair in the corner that watched his every move like a hawk.  He shuffled awkwardly from time to time, or was it a she?  It was impossible to tell.  There was an extremely awkward silence.

Finally, Kucinich spoke.

?Look, I don't know why you did this but if it's money you want...?

?No!? the shadowy figure called out, ?It's not...not like that.?

?What??

?Well, I-  You see, the thing is-?

?I don't understand.  Have I done something to you that I should know about??

Kucinich was confused.  Maybe it was one of the crazies with a gun that appeared from time to time, shooting members of Congress because they disagreed with some policy or other.  It was insane.  He was about to become the next Representative Giffords.

?Y-you did?, the shadowy figure stuttered, then mumbled something.

?I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last part.?

It mumbled again, a little more audible this time.

?You're going to need to speak louder than that.  I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong.?

?you stole my heart?, it said finally.

The silence that followed was almost palpable.

?Wh-what??

?I-I just don't understand it!? the figure ranted, ?ever since I was young I've always despised you and everything you stood for!  When you wouldn't bend to our wishes I was sent to kill you but for some reason I can't!?

Kucinich could not help but stare in absolute bewilderment.

?You have to help me!? the figure implored, ?I don't think I could bear to be away from you any longer.?

Kucinich chose his next words very carefully, ?Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't think I'm the one who can help you.  I have a family.  I have a constituency that needs me.  I can't just leave them all for someone I barely even know.

?I know that?, the figure whispered brokenly, ?and its left me in a bit of a bind.?

There was a thump as the figure laid something on the ground.  Kucinich reached out for it, and felt the heavy weight of a pistol in his hands.

?It's loaded?, the figure said.

?What are you doing??

?This is the only way it can end.  You can't stay here, and I can't stay away from you.  Now it's time to choose.  Kill me and you can leave.?

?Wait, you don't know what you're saying.?

?Choose or I'll shoot you and rid myself of these feelings.?

?There has to be another way to resolve this.?

?Choose!?

?I can't!?

?CHOOSE!?

Deep in the forest, a single shot ran out and the birds scattered.

Word Count: 863
Too much of a good thing, and it is no longer good.

Menorah Jams, Pham

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #27 on: November 16, 2012, 06:49:22 PM »
I said a Shema Yisroel before every IT cert exam I ever took despite not only being a lapsed Jew, I'm also an atheist, lean towards Palestinian statehood (although the Right of Return is a bit much) and I love pork, lobster, etc. 

In short, I'm a hypocrite despite nobody else really caring. 

Reddyne

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Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #28 on: November 16, 2012, 07:00:41 PM »
I have trusted my supervisors at work.

TA-DAAAAAAA! 61 blood donations and counting! 
Best Mile: 5:30
Best 5k: 18:07
Best Marathon: 3:23:16

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: Time To Atone For Your Sins, MotK
« Reply #29 on: November 16, 2012, 07:17:45 PM »
I like Pepsi as much as I like Coca-cola
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .