Maidens of the Kaleidoscope
~Hakurei Shrine~ => Patchouli's Scarlet Library => Kosuzu's Grand Bookstore => Topic started by: Tengukami on September 20, 2010, 03:16:17 PM
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/09/sound-of-city-chapter-1.html
Been working on this off and on during the summer. Ruro's the only one who's seen the whole story - she did such an excellent job editing Permission that I asked her to go over this one, too. A new chapter will be posted every couple of days or so.
I do hope you enjoy this. Feel free to discuss, speculate, groan or rage as the mood strikes you. Thanks!
Links to the chapters in this thread:
Chapter 2 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg445524.html#msg445524)
Chapter 3 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg446275.html#msg446275)
Chapter 4 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg447098.html#msg447098)
Chapter 5 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg449080.html#msg449080)
Chapter 6 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg450375.html#msg450375)
Chapter 7 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg451165.html#msg451165)
Chapter 8 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg451768.html#msg451768)
Chapter 9 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg454584.html#msg454584)
Chapter 10 (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg455320.html#msg455320)
Final Chapter (http://www.shrinemaiden.org/forum/index.php/topic,7187.msg456038.html#msg456038)
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This is so cool. :* I find Aya's annoyance at being considered "not very bright" adorable, once her centuries of life are taken into context.
And it looks like she has her DS-edition pointy ears, too. No wonder she has to keep those hidden.
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I find this really intriguing! I'm jealous that you've already got to read it all, Ruro. :P
Can't wait for more, Ammy.
okay I seriously need to get to work aaaaa
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Oh, this intrigues me. There are so many places it could go.... I wonder where Aya's journalism will take her?
I'll be warmly waiting for the rest.
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Very intriguing! I'll probably hafta keep track of this one.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/09/sound-of-city-chapter-2.html
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I really like this. The feel of the people is fascinating, makes me care about each one.
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Glad you all are enjoying it so far! Forgot to mention: if you notice there's a red thread running through the names of the characters here, it's not by accident.
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ah, that was pretty good. I like this look on Aya, pretty refreshing from the usual paparazzi. Great job showing the world through Aya's eyes
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Ah, I finally got a chance to read.
I like where this is going! I want to read moooore~ :*
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/09/sound-of-city-chapter-3.html
A bit shorter than the previous two, namely because the chapter that comes after it is a bit involved. Enjoy!
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Man this makes me care about her.
I feel like shes a relative or something whose just gone out on a job interview or a big test or something.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/09/sound-of-city-chapter-4.html
Just in time for the weekend: Aya goes on her first real assignment, which takes an unexpected turn. Enjoy!
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?I'm sorry, you reminded me of someone for a moment. Don't worry, she was one of my best friends.?
*~*suspicions abound*~*
I like Koji, did I mention that? He's so refreshingly free-spirited. Hitomi too.
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Koji is based on my best friend from high school - similarly anarchistic and bad with women. I'm surprised you liked him.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/09/sound-of-city-chapter-5.html
Aya makes some friends, and discovers the downside of journalism as a job. Enjoy!
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Hitomi's choice of asking Aya why she went to Japan instead of "Mongolia, Bhutan, Algeria or Guyana" and not a more conventional "United States, Russia, England, or Australia" (or something along those lines) is telling, I think. I have always liked characters whose thinking is not exactly linear. :3
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/09/sound-of-city-chapter-6.html
Aya covers a press conference, and is hit by an unexpected reaction. Fortunately, a co-worker is there to stick up for her.
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Ow.
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Don't worry. Aya gets better. Physically, anyway.
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oooh, this is getting interesting. Quite liked everything so far, it has a very refreshing feel from most fiction
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Bird Flu? :flamingv:
But yeah. Interesting to see Aya being forced to do things as work instead of as a hobby. And interesting to see her reacting to humanity as well.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/09/sound-of-city-chapter-7.html
Aya has a guest over, and she tries special secret soup for the first time.
Bird Flu? :flamingv:
But yeah. Interesting to see Aya being forced to do things as work instead of as a hobby. And interesting to see her reacting to humanity as well.
I admit it, I chuckled heartily on the bus when I read this. And thanks.
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Aaaaaaah slow down, I haven't set aside enough time to read this through all the way yet ;-; And you just keep on truckin'!
Actually no, don't slow down. I like long stories. Keep goin.
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For you, I'll wait for your mark. No rush.
I want to gauge how long I should leave each chapter up, so it's good I get feedback like that.
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I really liked this.
Especially how there was a miscommunication that wasn't a big deal, that doesn't often happen in fiction.
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Well the closer I catch up, the more likely I'll run out of story if something should happen IRL for you that causes a slight hiatus.
That being said, I have nothing but free time lately, so it's really nobodies' fault but my own if I end up reading all the way up to the end of a story while it's still in progress.
THAT being said, next chapter plz :3 I'm catchin' up.
{Edit}
Oops, I caught up
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Ok, I'm hooked.
Maybe I shouldn't have read all of these in one sitting.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/10/sound-of-city-chapter-8.html
Aya visits one of mankind's crowning achievements, and accepts a mysterious invitation.
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Hm... Is Aya suffering from Banality? Figured Yukari would have mentioned that though.
And I somehow see this zoo trip ending oddly. Which should probably be expected given the participants.
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Hm... Is Aya suffering from Banality? Figured Yukari would have mentioned that though.
Yep.
?The outside world is fine in small doses,? Yukari Yakumo had told Aya back then, during an interview about her encounters outside the border. ?But I could never live there. It's just too boring.?
And I somehow see this zoo trip ending oddly. Which should probably be expected given the participants.
The zoo's an odd place. I've never really enjoyed going there. Can't say I know why.
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ah, once again great job with Aya's first impressions.
Her sudden illness is pretty interesting. Wondering how it's going to play seeing as Aya has learned to "deal" with it.
Anything that relieves the boredom must be a blessing for Aya at this point.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/10/sound-of-city-chapter-9.html
Aya goes to the zoo, and the break she was looking for finally comes her way.
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?Ha, no. Decided to be natural. Just regular brown eyes.?
Oh man, this made me laugh back when I read it and it makes me laugh now.
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Hm. Mistakes were made on Koji's part. Though I can't say I'm too surprised.
I am surprised at the scoop. I wonder what Aya's plan is, and how stupid it would be if she couldn't dodge bullets....
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Not being able to dodge a single line of fire, yeah - that'd be pretty atypical. Hopefully won't meet anyone who fires curving ammunition at her.
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great, now I think of Shou as a yakuza doing her criminal things while Aya tries to get the scoop
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It is the Palanquin Ship, after all.
Crime Lord Byakuren? Now there's an idea.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/10/sound-of-city-chapter-10.html
A major story is broken, but will fences be mended?
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It brought a smile to my face.
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Koji mentioning the harbor and the great view you get of it, combined with the fact that that's twice now that Aya has flown while potentially in sight of him, makes me wonder now.
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http://tengukami.blogspot.com/2010/10/sound-of-city-chapter-11.html
So here it is.
I don't know why it took me so long to finish this story. Maybe because I didn't want it to end. Posting the final chapter gives me a bittersweet feeling even now.
It's meant a lot to me to have you guys for an audience. Thanks for reading this piece with me. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask; I'd be more than happy to discuss anything in or about this story.
Thanks again, and enjoy.
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Wait, what?
It's done?
D:
/me reads
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Damn, that was a nice story.
Like you said, kind of a bittersweet ending - and only because it's done :C
By the way - this story (and Iced's WWC spy-entry) have brought my opinion of Aya up enough for me to like her as a character, and not just rage against her because of how much of a pain in the ass she is to fight in SWR/UNL.
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By the way - this story (and Iced's WWC spy-entry) have brought my opinion of Aya up enough for me to like her as a character, and not just rage against her because of how much of a pain in the ass she is to fight in SWR/UNL.
Well good! I've never played against her in the fighting games so I couldn't attest to it, but I'm happy the story had that effect.
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Aya was always an excellent character, but I still found my opinion of her going up and up as I read this story, first as I was proofreading and second as a reader. Somehow, I think the defining moment for me was the line:
>She stepped onto the sidewalk, lifted her face to the sun, and walked home, just like any other person on the street.
I fully expected her to say "screw it" and fly off-- but she didn't. And to me, that showed me just how much she had... grown? Learned? over the course of the story. And her last letter makes the entire ending so wonderfully bittersweet.
I can't overstate how much I enjoyed reading this story, Ammy. Thank you for this.
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The pleasure was mine. This actually started out from a WWC: "death of a loved one". But then the story changed as I started outlining it, and it kind of got away from me, and well ... here we are.
It's a bit more subdued than I expected it to be. There was a scene I cut out, in fact, where Koji and Hitomi had taken LSD, and Aya tried it as well. At one point in their trip, she tells them she can fly, and says, "Watch!" and does it. But of course by morning Koji and Hitomi are convinced they were just hallucinating. This was a tongue-in-cheek jab at the whole anti-drug hysteria about LSD making people leap off buildings and such because they believe they have the power of flight. I ended up cutting that out because for one, I wasn't really confident on how casual soft drug use would be taken, and second, I couldn't find any concrete research on the effects of LSD on birds. But most of all because it seemed like it would've been a long way to go for that joke, and it would've been shoehorned in there.
But I was sure that Aya would want to try and blend in as well as possible. At the same time, her instincts pull her in the other direction. That's sort of why the harbor played a big part in this.
Incidentally, I lifted the names of every other character from some of my favorite Japanese authors - Hitomi Kanehara, Koji Suzuki, Hideaki Sena, Ryu Murakami, etc.
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I was hoping for more, but it was still a good ending, and a nice sendoff all together. I've always liked flavor pieces like this, and the polish that went into it shows.
It gives me more desire to kick past my block and finish my own short.
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I was hoping for more, but it was still a good ending, and a nice sendoff all together. I've always liked flavor pieces like this, and the polish that went into it shows.
Thanks, that means a lot. I agree this could've been fleshed out more - going to the beach, or a road trip some place, or more journalism assignments, maybe chatting with Yukari and giving her an "update", Mork and Mindy style. There's a lot of possibilities with the whole "Touhous in the outside world" format.
When I take another run at this style again, I'll definitely breathe more dimensions into it.
As far as the polish goes ... after writing a rough draft, then editing it, I sent it to Ruro for her edit, then gave it another edit of my own, and then edited each chapter again before posting. You can't be too thorough, largely, and getting another set of eyes on it always helps.
It gives me more desire to kick past my block and finish my own short.
Glad to hear that!
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ah, this is one of those stories which only bad thing is that they ended.
It was quite enjoyable while it lasted, a very refreshing view on Aya. Really makes me want to write that idea I had with the Tengu trio