First of Granite, Early Spring 207Serp stood back and observed her work. Her target had been one of the engravings of Purvis that decorated the dining room. Over the last few days, Serp had heard other Suika remarking on how heroic it made their mayor look, and how it was such a wonderful likeness. Tomorrow morning, though, they'd all have to notice how the engraving's pupil's had been colored green, and big pointy ears had been drawn on the sides of its head - yes, the engraving now depicted Purvis as a Parsekkuri.
Serp tucked the piece of green chalk stealthily into her blouse and looked around the dining room again to make sure it was empty of any possible witnesses, then squatted down over the engraving to complete the defacement.
"Hello, Lover!" Purvis suddenly appeared behind Serp and greeted her. Serp jumped about a foot in the air, then abruptly shifted her feet to try to hide the defaced engraving.
"P-p-p-p-purvis! What are you doing here so late!?"
"Midnight snackings! Also, makings offerings of Beer Axe again."
"Wh- again? And doesn't it belong to the Baroness now? O-okay, okay, I accept, just don't look down...!"
And as quickly as that, Purvis was gone. Serp wiped the sweat off her brow. "Whew, that was close... now, where were we?" She squatted down over the engraving again.
Fourth of Granite, Early Spring 207
Serp and the Parsekkuri diplomat walked together down the main hallway of the fortress. "The Parsekkuri conquer and control everything we lay our green eyes upon," the yukkuri bragged. "Our army is so big that the waters run sour for miles where we march!"
They came to the entrance to the fortress. "Trees and bushes. That is all we ask. A token of submission to the will of Parsee. Take it easy on the forestry."
Serp took a few steps off, and turned her back on the Parsekkuri. "Submission? That's going to be a problem..."
"Choose your next words wisely, Serp. They may be your last as leader of Beer Axe." The Parsekkuri fixed Serp with a steady green gaze.
Serp slowly turned back to the Parsekkuri, then made a small gesture with her hand. The Royal Guard drew their weapons and the Parsekkuri stumbled backwards, eyes wide. "Madwoman! No one, Suika or Parsekkuri, draws weapons on a diplomat!"
"Trees and shrubs? You'll find plenty out there. You shouldn't have threatened my people." Serp stood firm.
"This is blasphemy! This is madness!"
Serp glanced behind herself and saw Purvis give a small nod. "Madness...? THIS! IS! BEER AXE!" Serp kicked the Parsekkuri in the chin, and it went rolling out of the fortress and down the hill, making a
yu yu sound as it went.
Sixteenth of Granite, Early Spring 207
"Serp! Parsekkuri on the horizon!" A panicked Suika flew into Serp's office. Serp nodded and stood up. She had been expecting this.
"Assemble our military. I will meet them in the barracks."
When the next messenger found Serp, she was giving a pep talk to Beer Axe's small army. "Fellow Suika! We are outnumbered a hundred to one by the loathesome Parsekkuri forces! We can neither give nor expect any quarter! Most of us, in all likelihood, will die, but we will die gloriously, for the sake of-"
"Serp, wait! They're traders." The messenger's announcement stopped Serp in her tracks.
Later that day, Serp met with the Parsekkuri traders. "But but but I kicked your diplomat! I made a badass speech. It was badass, right, Totaku?" Totaku looked over from where she was haggling with the other trader and nodded absently before going back to her work.
"Oh, we hate that diplomat. She's a jerk. And if you don't want those trees, then we don't want them either. Take it easy."
"... Then I guess we're at peace. That works." Serp looked oddly disappointed.
Eleventh of Slate, Mid Spring 207
"Migrants!" The messenger Suika shouted at Serp.
"Draft them. Yes, all of them. The Baroness is bitching about not having a big enough royal guard."
She was keeping up her books in her study when another Suika showed up at the door. "Who are you?"
The Suika folded her hands and put on a contemplative look. "A fine question. Who am I? Who are any of us? What is it that makes us who we are?"
Serp scowled. "What, another crazy one? Get out of here and go report to the captain of the guard. In Beer Axe, we work for our living."
The new Suika responded, "What is Beer Axe? Is it these stones, or is it the Suika that live here? Or is it the land that you built-" She was cut off by Serp shoving her out of the room and slamming the door.
"Bah, I can't work with her rambling distracting me." Serp went back to her books.
Fifteenth of Felsite, Late Spring 207
"So, the problem is that we're producing food more quickly than we're producing barrels." Serp pushed her recordkeeping notes aside and rubbed her forehead. "Alright, I need to see Jan-san about this."
She found the legendary carpenter sitting atop a pile of barrels in what had been her workshop room, leaning back with an exhausted look on her face. "I made a good load this time." Jan-san looked proud.
"It's not enough. We need more... Wait, you, uh, "made" all those at once? That doesn't seem physically possible. Well, regardless, more barrels, get to it."
Serp walked out of the room, the sound of Jan-san hard at work echoing behind her. "HRRRRRNK...!"
"Now, we need to consolidate our food supplies. Totaku!"
The cook/trader was lounging around in the kitchen. She looked up when Serp approached.
"Totaku, we need to start cooking more of our stores. Can you handle that?"
"Sure! Here, I made this booze roast earlier today!"
"Booze... roast? I see. Well, keep up the good work." Serp decided not to try to work her head around how a liquid could be made into biscuits and steaks. After all, cooking was other people's job.
Eighteenth of Hematite, Early Summer 207
Purvis and the noblewoman met in the noblewoman's room, which just so happened to be a bed and some furniture strewn in the main hallway of the fortress. The noblewoman, for her part, looked harried and unstable, and she had just opened her mouth to give Purvis a piece of her mind when Serp came around the corner and saw the two of them standing together.
"Hey! Hey! You are stepping away from my Purvis!" Serp snatched Purvis away and held her by the throat, pulling her away from the noblewoman. "Stay with your own consort!"
"HRM HARUMPH HAH HERM HMPH." The noblewoman folded her arms.
"You'll get your tomb soon enough, Baroness-"
"Countess now!" Purvis managed to choke the correction past Serp's grip on her throat.
"Countess, as I was saying, your tomb is on its way. If you have any more questions, ask me first, or I'll send you there personally!" Serp gestured threateningly.
"HOOM HARUMPH HOO HAH." The Countess stalked off.
Serp stared after her, then abruptly realized that Purvis's face was turning blue. Serp let go of Purvis's throat and scowled. "What are you doing there, you lazy drunk? Go make some mechanisms or something."
Fourteenth of Malachite, Mid Summer 207
Serp stood on the second floor of the tower under construction, watching the swimming pool be filled, when she saw the migrants approaching in the distance. "More of them...? This fortress is becoming popular. Zengar, draft them too."
Third of Galena, Late Summer 207Alright, I'm going to go out of character here, 'cause I'm not even sure how to work this into a story. See, one of the champions has a baby, and she lost track of her baby at the same moment as she got her arm broken. Normally, when a dwarf loses track of her baby, she'll cancel her job and look for it. But since this champion is in bed with a broken arm, she can't do so. Furthermore, a baby won't eat or drink unless its mother feeds it, so this baby isn't doing so well right now.
This isn't too unusual by itself, but now the baby is crawling around the bottom floor of the tower I'm building. The tower is splattered with vomit from all the Suika that have been coming up into the light, getting nauseated, and throwing up everywhere. This baby was dehydrated and hungry. Then, it crawled through a puddle of vomit. Now, it's not dehydrated anymore. I'm sure you can do the math.
---
And with that, half my turn is done. The fortress is getting pretty big - I'm getting a lot of slowdown on my laptop when I run it. We may have to start cutting down on our pet population. Also, I wanted to try out the Bridge of Death on the insolent Parsekkuri trader, but she took another route out of the fortress that was briefly opened up due to construction. We should get a chance to try it out in pitched battle pretty soon, though, if her words are any indication.
We also now have a Philosopher, who's up to be named. She's unlikely to be killed off, since the Philosopher never demands any rooms or funiture. The Countess, on the other hand, is Very Unhappy and I fully expect her to go berserk soon.
