(11:08:23 PM) E-Nazrin: @whatis #touhou-meido UK
(11:08:26 PM) Keine: E-Nazrin: "UK" is (#1) property of Serpentarius, or (#2) wanting to be played with, or (#3) into being tentacle raped, or (#4) into being helpless, or (#5) into egg laying, or (#6) into being confined in tight spaces, or (#7) into vore, or (#8) into being used publically, or (#9) into being put on display, or (#10) Rin Kaenbyou, or (#11) into being molested, or (#12) moe~, or (#13) a catgirl, or (#14) into being (1 more message)
(11:08:33 PM) E-Nazrin: @more
(11:08:36 PM) Keine: E-Nazrin: dressed as a maid, or (#15) Xan's girlfriend...as long as Serp says it's okay, or (#16) into bondage, or (#17) quite busty
(11:08:48 PM) E-Nazrin: Oh, so I got the intent wrong.
(11:08:51 PM) ***E-Nazrin ponders.
(11:09:01 PM) UncertainKitten: Ho ho
(11:09:24 PM) UncertainKitten: you took my advice
(11:09:24 PM) UncertainKitten: Of course, that list is a good hint
(11:09:24 PM) UncertainKitten: Of things I like
(11:10:02 PM) UncertainKitten: But, you have an offer on the table E-Mouse
(11:10:38 PM) E-Nazrin: I have hands and the internet. I can pass on a fetish-packed cybering session.
(11:10:52 PM) Greyn: here's a little UK advice Mouse - *Rectal Thermometer* - Use it well.
(11:11:02 PM) Kerigis: D=
(11:11:05 PM) UncertainKitten: haha, you think it's simply cybering?
(11:11:08 PM) PurvisHasLeftThisTimestream: *Dear Mus: Use the box cutter*
(11:11:09 PM) UncertainKitten: I'd let you dictate what I did IRL
(11:11:16 PM) E-Nazrin: Heh.
(11:11:23 PM) UncertainKitten: Well...if master said it was ok
Yeah pretty much. Though you're not exactly helping with that apparent role reversal. I thought you were supposed to be the submissive type. Or did Serp ask for this?
And to be honest 'seduction' is kinda silly friendship-type stuff works better with less lollust mistakes and the like.
Man I'm taking this too seriously.
* E-mouse pats UK on the head and calls her a good girl.
Memetic references aside, uh... I can probably guess, but go ahead if you really want to.
... hey now that I think of it, this contest is kinda silly, actually. Relationships are supposed to be mutual things, not forced, aren't they? Whole thing's a travesty against healthy relationships, honestly. Oh, those silly Western dating schemes.
Okay, not only am I not going to make it THAT easy on you, but the result would be boring as hell and probably not the best route to take here.
To note, though, I fully understand that similarities are much better indicators of a healthy relationship, so you can work with that. Probably.
Also someone explain to me exactly how I'm coming off as tsundere here, I mean, I wouldn't put myself beyond it but I'm not sure where it's coming from offhand.
Serv... what? Yeah, that would be part of the problem, seeing as I don't like the whole "excessive submissive" thing, honestly. I prefer stronger girls, personality-wise. No shortage of those in Touhou...
I'm just... I don't know, being myself? Sort of? At least now I'm not trying to take this too seriously. I think. Hope? Dunno.
As for things I like, there are some that would be spoilers and others that would be obvious; we ARE on a Touhou forum, after all.
Oh? And I thought you were a bit meeker than that. Ara ara, what a miscalculation.
You do know that submissive is NOT weak, right? I submit on MY whims, not on anyone elses :P
I'm willing to do whatever you desire. But I'm only willing to because I feel like it. You interest me, mouse...and I'm willing to put you in control of me for awhile if you so desire.
Allow me to put it more this way. Do you think Hellsing's Alucard is weak? Do you think Umineko's Ronove is weak? Do you think that Kuroshitsuji's Sebastian is weak? Just because one serves doesn't make them a doormat.
And that would be the first thing you need to learn about me and the nature of my interest in you, got it?
Good. Was worried about that. I have trouble getting into the highly-sub mindset in a lot of ways, it confuses me. Maybe I'm just too paranoid. Get worried about the bad end potentials... and authoritarian abuse, I guess. What am I talking about again? Damn WIS dump stat.
And why do you trust me so much, so easily? That's part of what worries me. I guess we've talked for a while online, but still...
I don't really know anything about those people.
Yes, I understand that 'servitude' can work out okay, even if it's a bigger risk of nastiness. It's just that part of that is keeping the severity under control, and the degree for your antics... kinda worry me. Of course, getting meta about you serving me vs. ensuring that you aren't being overly servitudal in general enters a double-guessing infinite loop and becomes pointless. owata.gif
Well, of course you don't fully submit to someone you don't trust you dork. That's doin it wrong ^-^.
Maybe I'm still a little naive. Or maybe you seem trustworthy. Does the reason have to matter? I've deemed you worthy of taking me. And I trust my judgement.
Don't you love the paradox of this kind of thing? And yet I resolve it flawlessly by doing exactly what my master wants. Whether I have to guess at it or not is part of the game. There are so many meta levels to play with it's intriguing.
Ok, how about Sakuya then? Is she weak? Yet she's the Elegant, Perfect Maid.
You don't have to believe everything you think... and there are a lot of self-promoting illusions that can really screw people over. Trust your judgment, eh?
Meta is fun. But sometimes it just reaches levels of indecipherability that you might as well abandon it.
Unless you take a third option, then...
She's weak-willed and scares me because she does whatever Remilia wants without regard to much else. Doesn't help that she's so hostile and apparently willing to kill people. I have much the same problem with Sanae, but she's a little less violent. A little.
So no, bad example.
So be it. If I can't trust myself how can I trust others ^-^
Well, how about I turn it around on you. Would you trust yourself with your well being?
I advise you read Godel, Escher, Back: An Eternal Golden Braid
Fine. I can't vouch for this example, but Saber from Fate/Stay night?
I might if I've ever had any real experience doing it or felt I had any hope in doing so.
That reminds me, it's a pity this is a time-sensitive thingy since I'm supposed to be working on my thesis. Maybe I'll be able to bring myself to get some work done after all the normal people are asleep. And still only get like four hours of sleep argh.
I don't know how Gap does what he says he does but I'd love like hell to be able to do it without falling apart.
I can't tell if being hyper from excessive antidepressants is a good or bad thing. I'm actually sort of doing stuff now on occasion maybe but I'm acting like an egotistical idiot and I hate that. Blarg.
Oh hey, that sounds pretty neat. I'm waiting for some other books right now though and often feel like there is no such thing as free time so I may or may not ever get around to it just like five thousand other things like anything on game systems past the PS2 generation and I can't even remember for sure what the other consoles there were FUCK
Nope, haven't played that either. Despite my feeling of lacking time, I never really do anything with it. Isn't it sad?
that doesn't matter as much, actually. I'm willing to be patient and help you learn. Or even ignore it if you don't want to learn...I like you that much
Ara ara...actually, is there any way I can help you with that?
Well...all the more reason to take my offer...I'll support you...you can relax around me...I can help ^-^
Probably not a good thing. You shouldn't abuse those :S
This got a bit rambly but it is REALLY neat.
Nah, actually, just means you don't waste it on silly media. I can't come up with any other good examples you'd know. Guess you'll have to take my word for it that while I like being a tool I also like being the best tool there is and I shouldn't be taken lightly :P.
Well that was fast.
Indeed... Still, my current physiology has not exactly been kind to me. Or kind to my ability to be kind to me.
[/qoute]
What if be fair for me to ask why?QuoteThe part I don't like is the lack of qualifiers near "best tool there is." How much are you looking out for yourself, then? Where's the line (well, gradient, realistically) between use and (unacceptable) abuse? I'm not worried about standing up to others in general, I'm worried about standing up to your 'master.'
I have my limits. And prospective master would be aware of those limits and know not to abuse them.
It's kinda weird, but the idea is if you are my master, I selected you because I knew you wouldn't abuse me.
[/qoute]
What if be fair for me to ask why?
I have my limits. And prospective master would be aware of those limits and know not to abuse them.
It's kinda weird, but the idea is if you are my master, I selected you because I knew you wouldn't abuse me.
lolbipolar = sux.
More often it's the depressed part that's getting to me, but the past few days have shown the problems with the other side of it. But which is worse?
Okay, that works. Safe word and all that. Guess I have trouble accepting that amount of trust... or don't like the thought of 'use' that I'd normally consider abuse. Or unhealthy outside of the relationship? I don't know, something like that. Hm.
'course, considering this is just an online contest with minimal outside consequences and I don't think I'd enjoy subjecting you to much (especially that you haven't done already on your own, apparently), I'm not sure how much of that is just posturing. And whether it's true or not I'm not sure I'd like to take you up on it, especially in that fashion.
Yeesh...bipolar...
And manic is only a little dangerous. It can be harnessed for a great amount of...awesome I guess.
Depressive likewise, is only a little dangerous. You usually are too unmotivated to actually hurt yourself
It's the inbetween that makes bipolar deadly. Manic enough to do it, depressive enough to want to. Hurt yourself I mean.
As it happens...I've taken a few psych classes and know a few CBT things...maybe I can try to help you out a little that way?
Well, we get a bit weird here. Just know that I am not afraid to say no, I just choose not to much of the time.
At any rate, we are getting a bit tied up in the submission/dominance aspect. Let's unworry about that for now. What I'd like to know is what anime you like, if any. I mean, it's as good a place to start as any ^-^.
(9:50:08 PM) UltrosCMC: How far is this thing supposed to go? Is cybering next~?
(9:57:45 PM) UltrosCMC: *poke*
(9:57:56 PM) E mouse2000: I'm going to post that.
(9:58:41 PM) UltrosCMC: Heehee.
(9:59:09 PM) UltrosCMC: Let her know your boyfriends looks forward to seeing how it turns out :P
(9:59:12 PM) UltrosCMC: *boyfriend
(9:59:37 PM) E mouse2000: This is both wonderful and terrible.
(10:00:03 PM) UltrosCMC: *lick* I'm off for a nap. Enjoy your naughty talk.
That's the most openly deadly part, yes, but the others hurt you as well. And not all harm is physical, humiliation fetishism should show that, right? You can seriously hurt yourself with mania or depression, just not the same way; I scraped my knees badly being manic about thinking I could ride a bike down a steep hill since I did it once months ago, and if I had a car odds are good I'd be several thousand in repayment debt or dead if that incident repeated itself. Middle ground is most dangerous for intentionally and overtly harming yourself, but mania can get you openly hurt just because you're being full of yourself.
And depression meaning not doing anything is only part of it; you ARE doing something, it just tends to be, uh, hating/feeling sorry for yourself rather than anything visible or productive. So you're just lazy. Or is that one of my excuses for laziness? I don't want to know, since it probably is! Or is that just the depression talking? Either way, being depressed can easily end with being cast away as useless by social/financial standards.
They're all dangerous, just in different ways. The worse part about bipolar is that it makes which part to deal with unpredictable; mania needs to be reigned in, but doing that would make depression worse, wouldn't it? And depending on what the person is supposed to be doing, or the personality they feel they're supposed to present at the time, how certain is it that the current mood isn't a front?
..... yet, strangely... I remember doing several of the things I'm most proud of when both somewhat depressed and hyper... or at least, that I was proud of at the time, after less than perfectly glowing praise made me back away from them...
I'm a psych major looking into a tolerate/positive-psychology-esque topic for my thesis. But maybe I forgot the basics
I'm actually pretty easy to please; some that come to mind are Azumanga, TTGL (as others here are more than aware of), Ranma 1/2, Slayers, and what I've seen of Yakitake!! Japan. Probably others I'd enjoy if I bothered with it, but I keep getting distracted with what 'I'd' do with the story and wandering off to ponder for no reason. Been reading manga more, recently...
I was vaguely aware of this. I meant that they were less dangerous for a reason.
Again, less dangerous. Of course internalizing negative talk is rather bad.
Yeah...do you take lithium or whatever?
Would it be bad if I asked for elaboration?
My specialty is actually gender and affirmation and the like, but I can splash
As for your boyfriend, just let him know that I plan to so totally have you infatuated with me he forgets my name. You can be certain of this.
Well, what other things interest you?
Guess you have a point about the depression part. I guess a more valid point about that one is that it reinforces itself if left alone, where eventually you get a painful external reminder with mania whether it seeks you out or not. Still, death isn't the only (and yes I dare say it, not necessarily the worst) thing to worry about. Like murder, for example. Hm, depression is probably the least dangerous to others, but it can make you a real drain on the world in general.
Lamictal and a very small dose of antidepressants, like my mother. The antidepressant part is somewhat flexible, in case of persistent mood problems. I usually only take like 5mg but that's half of a 10 capsule so yeah. Or something.
About mixed-mood stuff I'm proud of? Well... creative pursuits, mostly. Like the climax of my 150-page fanficti... wait, damnit, where's the link for it again? Hell. THERE it is. And several highlights from Waking up from the Dream, which I am somewhat ashamed of getting involved in at first but I think I'm doing a good job with writing there, at least. Though the main highlights there, again, tend to reflect the mixed condition.
Mmm, my specialty is... I'm not sure what my specialty is, I haven't really looked at one. Probably closer to social/evolutionary psychology, that's part of what interested me in positive psychology. Morals making sense is a BEAUTIFUL thing. But to work towards that you need to work out some kinks in traditional human psychology that continue to get in the way...
I think you meant more like "I forget his name" by that word scramble, in which case no, that's probably not happening. I've met him in person, for one. :<
Do they help?
that sounds like something to be proud of. I suck at writing...
Regardless of how this goes I'd love to discuss psychology with you.
I did. I have no idea how I got what I did out of that. Ah well. And you never know...I can be...very persuasive
Heh, and I thought I was the only person who said narrow band of interests when describing their tastes. I guess we do have a bit in common. I've been avoiding MMOs since I tend to obsess. And yeah, chatting/forumness is how I talk to people. Kinna pathetic. Random video games take up a lot of my time as well. We've already discussed manga, but do you have an specific titles you like?
Ok...reading that list...you sound JUST like me. All you have to do is add an obsession with music and we're freaking twins in interest.
That's...kinda cool.
Of course, going off your meds because you 'feel better' is a terribly stupid thing to do and I'm not about to think I'm an exception to that. Though some experimenting with things might be possible, if implausible.
If you have any sort of work ethic whatsoever, you're probably better off than me in the bigger scope.
Yeah, it's nice to talk about stuff you're interested in. Granted, I'm probably assuming too many things and being overly accepting of what I hear, but...
What, you've done it before? Still, I don't think I'd be about to forget him over something like this. And goodness, what would Ruro say?
I've been liking Karin/Chibi Vampire, but the last volume isn't out yet and I just read up to the before-last one asdfxgah VIOLENCE. Law of Ueki was GREAT before it turned into a Celestial generic-superpower cockfight. At least the later segments still had some great highlights. Uh... past that I've really forgotten what I've read, because it's been a while or (insert other excuse here). She's loaned me a handful of Azumanga-a-likes with older character age groups and some overt lesbianism, but nothing too special to write home about there.
Between this and Edible's Mafia comment (what's that? discussion not having an effect on the game? Poppycock!) I'm starting to wonder if you're just pandering to me. And that specialty sounded an awful lot like just saying "TSOPAC."
I'm quite aware of this. I've been medicated with a lot of things throughout my life. As long as you withdraw properly when changing drugs it's not as bad though
About that work ethic thing...it seems to only kick in when I'm trying to please someone ^-^. Course, I'm sure you could get me to do a lot of things for you, Mouse ^-^
Listen to everything and believe none of it unless it makes sense. Or something like that
QuoteWhat, you've done it before? Still, I don't think I'd be about to forget him over something like this. And goodness, what would Ruro say?That's different.
I've heard good things about Chibi, as well as Law of Ueki. I'm curious about the Azumanga-a likes.
What specialty?
My specialty is actually gender and affirmation and the like, but I can splash
As for the mafia comment it's due to the way I'm quoting. I'm...
ACtually slightly hurt that you think I'm just pandering to you...I don't play like that. I'm an honest person who plays within her parameters.
Would you like it in red?
Fine...though that's even more insulting
I describe myself as having a narrow band of interests
I tend to avoid MMOs but have been known to be addicted to them
I play a lot of video games, especially from the RPG genre
I don't have much of a real life social life
Most of my social interaction is online through forums and chats
I love reading manga
I love watching anime
I am obsessed with music
Your "narrow band of interests" is quite similar to mine
Are you happy now? I hope you know I wouldn't have done that for just anyone...I was actually beginning to kinda sorta like you.
Go on.
I sent back at least one of them already, but... the one I still have handy is called "Ichirou," by some Mikage person. Very overt drill-hair lesbian in that, fairly typical scholastic-ronin setup, but amusing enough. And some otaku pandering, skimming back through it. S'good.
You've done that in IRC a bunch of times... sorry to be harsh, but considering the circumstances, it's at least understandable, right?
Oh, merely I didn't do it to serp. He seduced me
I get the impression you like lesbians :P
Umu...no, it's actually well documented I plan to focus on transgender issues when I have my degrees in order. It's also pretty obvious by the way I talk about gender
I've done it IRC for fun. I haven't had my VERY FUCKING HONESTY challenged. The fact I'm not dropping you like a fucking rock right now speaks rather well for how much you've taken me in.
I'd advise not challenging my honesty in the future. A pissed off UK can be a VERY determined one.
Well, I meant more it was unclear what you meant by "that's different." Ruro and such?
I guess? :S It's the main difference I could think of from Azudai, considering they're both still the "girl-packed scholastic comedy" archetype.
I guess I haven't been paying attention to that part, then. :x Sorry.
I suppose I owe you an apology, considering the main cause of that is my interpretation of Mafia as "everyone lies about everything." And to be fair, challenges to that when you were playing were more about avoiding the question than anything.
I thought the implication was that I made Serp forget Ruro. Hardly the case.
Then I misfired my guess. It's just you brought it up a lot as a key word.
s'ok. I don't think I outright say it often.
Again, the mafia comparison was mostly because of the way I'm quoting you is similar to how I do it in mafia. I also try not to lie too much in mafia. Makes it harder to keep track of things :P. But I digress. As for avoiding the question that was part of the game. The idea was to try to make your inquisitor satisfied with a half answer or not the complete truth. And "lying by omission" would be one of the lapses in truthfulness I engage in. But I try my hardest to not outright say a direct lie. It's not nice :P.
Oh. I didn't even know about that. Haremm@ster indeed... no, it was more a rhetorical question taking things too literally
Yeah, true enough. Maybe we discussed psych in IRC once or twice, but I don't recall the details... well, it's cleared up here a bit.
Since I haven't heard so much about it, maybe you'd like to outline some of the details there?
Heh... I try to do that, too. This is getting a little creepy.
I see ^-^
And you knew Serpy was my master
As for the Ruro thing, I actually don't know what their relation is :P
Sure, what'd you like to know?
Oh really? That is mildly creepy.
Maybe we really should consider each other ^-^...
As I said, I'm VERY versatile ^-^.
Discovered, rather, but same diff, pretty much.
Man, I don't even know. Start me off with the basics. What are major signs of gender identity, and what are they based on?
Nah, I pretty much told you. @whatis #touhou-meido UK was a pretty solid hint.
As for confusing...well...you know...I mean, it's not like I get into what other affairs master has. I'm just a toy...if he has other affections it's fine...as long as I can serve him.
Eh, that's not really an easy question. Gender identity is basically "Am I a guy or a girl, or something inbetween?". I mean, there's no real "signs" of it, you just...know. As for determining others gender identities, I admit most of my studies have been general psych, not focused yet. Most of my focused research was done independently, so yeah.
So I see? That's a mild reply to an offer like that ^-^. Well, suppose you did accept me...what would we talk about then? And what would we do? It's a harmless hypothetical.
The way sexual jealousy and/or monogamy follows almost entirely from genetic selfishness is kinda hilarious and sad. I at least try to have the same openness, though for more... I don't know, applied practical reasons? Not sure how to word that.
Somewhat similar here, though I did take evolutionary/social psychology courses. Applying those in especially positive ways is more of my own pursuit, and hopefully a successful focus for my thesis.
Going back to the original point, though, would you care to expand on the "in between?" I've heard a little about it from a more biological view and found it kinda interesting how much evidence there is of gender not being strictly binary (even if it usually is), but I didn't catch many details.
What we're doing right now, perhaps?
To be fair, part of the reason Serpy is my master is that he wouldn't use me unless I was his alone. Of course, he still lets me play with cybering, and with his permission I can be played with IRL, whether hybrid or completely.
(7:56:48 PM) E mouse2000: Inquiry.
(7:56:53 PM) E mouse2000: Are you flirting with Ruro :P
(7:57:40 PM) UltrosCMC: A liiiiiitle :P
(7:57:42 PM) UltrosCMC: [20:10] UltrosCMC: So, mousey mentioned you want me :P
[20:10] Rurorange: >_>
[20:11] Rurorange: <_<
[20:11] UltrosCMC: *kisses your cheek*
[20:12] Rurorange: Aaaaaaaaah I'm helping you cheat on Mousey D:
[20:12] Rurorange: .... :D
[20:13] UltrosCMC: It's not cheating if he's okay with it.
[20:19] UltrosCMC: So, how's it going?
[20:23] Rurorange: Busy. In fact, I think I have to leave this computer so I can do more homeworks :<
[20:24] UltrosCMC: Aww. *hug*
[20:24] UltrosCMC: What homeworks?
[20:26] Rurorange: Geography atm.
[20:27] Rurorange: Then, more geography.
[20:27] Rurorange: And to round it off, geography.
[20:27] Rurorange: :|
[20:27] UltrosCMC: Heh. If there's any math stuff, let me know. I might be able to help with that if needed.
[20:29] Rurorange: I'll keep that in mind :D~
[20:29] Rurorange: Well, in any case, time to go. Bite Mousey on the ear for me~
[20:29] UltrosCMC: Kay~
(7:57:46 PM) UltrosCMC: There's the last time we talked.
(7:58:02 PM) E mouse2000: Thought so~
But I think his motivations are different. As for openness...you just have to be careful what you are open to.
Haha, and you cover that argument RIGHT after I think about it :P
That explains your "Genetic jealousy" argument.
In between is just that. Someone can feel they are both, or neither, or some mix of the binary, among other things.
Well, if you'd like to use me for conversation, that's perfectly fine as well. I love to talk.
Ho? And yet Xan seemed to... heh, wow. I see. The 'permission' part is actually important in any sort of open relationship, whether it's 'use'-based or otherwise; open discussion and agreement on who enters the 'network' is an important part of limiting that jealousy. I made sure to tell my boyfriend about Ruro's antics once things started seeming actually flirty, even though he's barely interested in Touhou. Now that she has AIM, I gave them contact info on there, and... hang on.
Though I'm curious what you mean by 'hybrid' there. Playing with both Serp and someone else?
Care to elaborate on the 'what you're open to' part? Is this more about the what you're willing to do submissively or have I missed something?
Fun. Do they tend to act differently based on this? That's more what I was wondering about based on gender identity, particularly for the non-standard positions.
Well, if you're going to insist on framing it as 'use' then okay...
Oh, you actually do have a boyfriend? That's pretty cool ^-^. And you begin to get it. Permission dynamics exist in any relationship. BDSM relationships magnify them. I actually have a heiarchy for how I follow orders and what information I can reveal. Even Master isn't at the highest level.
Hybrid like me taking orders to be executed in real life from someone online.
Open to STDs and the like.
I guess they mix gender roles a bit more than the "normal" person (oh how I detest that word). I mean, the idea is if they act like themselves, they kinda transcend gender a bit. At least in my view.
Sorry, it's a bad habit...what verbage would you prefer from me ^-^?
I'm assuming/hoping you're actually on the top of that, though your chief master gets very close authority? I'm still wary of the whole setup, but I think I'm starting to understand... thanks for that.
Ahhh, I see. I'm tempted to ask you to pat yourself on the head and call yourself a good girl, just because it sprang to mind for some reason. Must be a stock response by now.
Mmm, yeah. The primary real danger... real pain in the ass, that. And since everyone basically assumes there's no way they'd personally get one, well... yeah.
Transcend gender, eh... that actually sounds like a good thing. Wonder if I should try. I mean - I identify as a guy, but I'm not very proud of that. Identify rather strongly, actually... just not as a 'typical' guy. Male, but not hyper-masculine. Screw football
I'm... not sure, but something more independent... no, something that doesn't sound unconditionally submissive. I can be kinda bad about that myself, but I have my conditions.
Nope. Confidentiality is the level 0 of my heiarchy, which master at level 1.
Actually, my own will is outside the heiarchy if anything. I can intervene on any level but choose not to as much as possible. So it's simultaniously on the top and bottom.
Well, would you like me to? I'd have to ask master's permission, but...I'd be willing to ^-^
I'm actually quite limited in my experience and am actually technically a virgin. But I am cognizant of the risks of how I like to play. So I'd shield myself
Heehee, I identify strongly as a girl, but that doesn't stop me from doing a few "manly" things. I just care about being myself.
Hummm...that's hard, because while I'm not unconditionally submissive I like projecting that look so to speak. Umu...but I don't know any other good words...I mean, I probably do but I'm not sure which ones to use really...
Umu...how about...you'd like the service of conversation from me?
Eh...that's still a little meh though.
That's... rather interesting, actually. And a good way around that worry. This is a learning experience!
Up to you. Or Master, if you prefer.
Via the obvious methods... there's really not much more to say on this bit, is there?
S'truth. I definitely have my effeminate moments as well. Plus crossplaying, even though it was rather embarrassing outside of otaku-con context... and I've made a fool of myself with it.
Really, something casual like "you'd like to chat" is probably the best route.
I suppose not. Oddly enough I'd take an "abstinence before testing" view more than contraceptive/protective
Though I'd use them as well
You've crossplayed?
/me squees
I wanna see! I wanna see!
I take it you mean "don't do anything risky until you're both tested" by this? In which case, yeah, I'd agree. Naturally, the latter is still good to have for at least reproductive purposes. Of course, the easiest solution there may be a vasectomy... though that makes babymaking more of an ordeal. But perhaps, as it should be?
It's already been linked in the Classroom, silly, you can still find it on the forums. :V Poke around, you silly.
Yes. It also gives me time to do more than read/reply to this thread and approximately two others.
More like ask, but yeah, it'd be cute. Go ahead!
Good! You should be happy too. :V
My spine is a rare and transient thing. It's probably the best thing about mania, though it tends to be accompanied by an 'inexplicable' IQ drop.
And yeah, best sort of relationships of any sort are supposed to be good for all parties involved.
I agree. Fortunately, my pleasure is derived from my ability to please whoever I'm pleasing. So if I do a good job, I get my own reward.
That is the most confusing and even enviable part of the paradox. I guess the worry is, what about the ways the person you're pleasing wants to be pleased? But we've covered that before, so meh.
Or wants to be treated, perhaps. :V
Me, I'm more of a selfish bastard... but I don't like that.
You are really beginning to get it.
And if you are selfish doesn't that make you more suited to...um...have fun with me?
I think I am, but you definitely helped. I'm just paranoid about abuse... and somewhat uncertain about whether certain 'uses' of you would be a bad idea for the user in a broader context.
Like I said - I'm not proud of it, so I try not to be if I can avoid it, especially at significant costs to others. I remember overhearing you actually being disappointed at the lowish degree of use you got at a convention meet, and I know I'm fairly shy about doing such things - especially for fear of it being bad for my general mental health. Or yours.
well...what would be a bad use of me in the way you are thinking?
As for it being bad for mental health...how do you think it would be?
I can answer both of these at once by saying "I don't want to type out the sort of examples that come to mind if I try to think about this." Easy components to explain would be (near-)starvation, the ever-fun "hanging upside-down for a few years" CT reference, improper and extended use of blood, and other 'little' risks leaning towards guro.
I do not enjoy even thinking of these, but I do not trust myself in a position capable of invoking them.
Are you saying that your taste is somewhat in that direction? I didn't figure you to be into guro if I'm right.
Of course the contract isn't so inviolable I couldn't refuse stuff like that. That's where my will being outside the system comes in.
I'm pretty sure it isn't, but I now remember how some of my first sexually-related conversations on AIM were with a bad friend that had some of those interests, and it worries me. Again, the matter is more trusting myself with that sort of authority, or responsibility. I just don't.
Objectively, I doubt I would, too, but those undercurrents of rage and ruthlessness are disturbing. Stupid maleness.
Thanks for your trust, though.
There's the problem. Is it really best to 'vent' those feelings? Wasn't that model based on Freudian assumptions? I remember a mention in one of the positive psychology books I've read that not expressing anger helps more, in the long run, or something like that. So is it really a good idea?
Actually, as far as I know expressing your anger is best, but not in the "ARGH RAGE BREAK STUFF" way. To resolve it peacefully is best and dissipates the feeling best.
So where's whipping, wax-scarring, humiliation, use as furniture, (mock) rape, etc come into play for this?
That's actually for fun.
The idea isn't that it's done in rage. It's done because it's something you kinda would like to do but can't really exercise often. But submissives like me exist for sadists to play with. It's...hard to explain.
It's...like how being used causes something to click in me that feels good, using someone causes something to click in a sadist. At least, I think that's how it is...maybe I'll ask master...
That's extremely true, in all honesty. I suppose I'm just not very trusting, and I'm being stubborn at this point.
I do that a lot. It's not always a good thing.
I do that a lot. It's not always a good thing.
Fortunately, most of the trust goes in my role. Well, yes, you have to trust me to be a good girl and to actually listen to you, but I mean, as far as I can tell it is the submissive that needs to trust more. Though I welcome arguments otherwise ^-^.
Eh, being stubborn is decent. Makes someone work harder to get you so they value you more.
But was that an admission that I'm somehow making headway?
No, I agree wholeheartedly on that count. Allowing that much control by another is almost mind-bogglingly trusting. 'Using' that trust is... more a matter of self-control, maybe. But doesn't require a lot of trust - except maybe for 'orders' that can't be observed or monitored? I guess that's relevant in your circumstances, but in person that's rarely an issue.
That isn't necessarily true. And outside of that context, it can be more problematic. For example, I pretty much refuse to do things I don't want to do - like actually do any work. :/ The problems here are rather self-evident.
Huh? That was about our discussion of submissiveness and my irrationally persisting wariness towards it.
Kinda, to a degree you have to trust them to keep your confidence and not to act up. The submissive reflects on you, in a way. (sorta like how the behavior of children reflects on their parents)
Heh, I know how that can be. But yeah, I suppose it's like any trait...has good and bad applications.
A shame. And here I was hoping...that you might like me a little more...
/me blushes at this.
Hey, it's always nice to have more friends to talk to about serious matters. And VERY good to try and learn from ones that have a different mindset than yourself.
ANY sort of relationship relies on trusting them to keep your confidence and not act up. A submissive is even easier to manage in that context since they have a consistent track record of not doing so even in atypically 'extreme' circumstances, and can more readily be relied on to continue that. Sorry, I have to disagree on this one.
I agree...but if we become friends it makes it that much harder to...pursue my liking for you..since it could ruin the friendship...and...well...
I wouldn't mind being with you...
Never said it was a LOT of trust, I'm just saying trust is involved.
We're already talking here, you silly.
It always is. I just don't find it exceptional enough to make a point of. I'm being a bit of a jerk again, aren't I?
We are...but...even so, switching modes...to at least try out being lovers would change the content and framework of our conversation...I mean, you don't DISlike me, do you?
Of course not. I thought you were the tsundere.
And you got to the dere, now didn't you :P.
But at any rate...I don't see why you can't just accept me as a valid target of affection...
I do accept that as a possibility, but I don't exactly have to follow through with it.
That's fair but...I mean...can't we at least try it?
I'll admit it's tempting, but this would be rather superficial, wouldn't it? I'm not sure that would be healthy. I'm not really interested in taking advantage of your 'usage' offering... except maybe to stir up trouble by provoking contradictory actions or orders. I enjoy meta too much.
But...I like being taken advantage of, if that makes sense. So you really wouldn't be. Contradictory orders are actually really fun too...since it's like a game of chess with me as the board...I like that sort of thing...
And you can never enjoy meta too much (another thing we share it seems)
As for being healthy, don't worry about it...and why would it be superficial? Isn't dating the period that you actually fall out of infatuation and engage in true love? I mean...all you have to do is admit that I would make a very good toy for you and that you wouldn't mind taking me.
Man, if only Kira wasn't such an asshole.
Hence my interest in psychology... especially evolutionary psychology. Knowing the oddities of what we think is good, but understanding WHY we think the way we do is even more exposing. And ways to improve on that, well...
Is it really? Based on dating sites and other conventional romancing, dating is just starting to get to know someone with the intent of getting into a romantic and/or sexual relationship. I'm not sure of that; dating, infatuation, and lust are not mutually exclusive. And don't necessarily lead into one another... especially the lust part.
And... hm. I wouldn't MIND taking you, but again, I don't like the wording of "toy." I don't particularly need help with sexual gratification, and mindgames would get boring or confusing quickly enough. Especially since we're basically doing that already.
Now, friend, that I can get behind.
Death Note? I guess you can vaguely go with that. Not the best association
Fair enough. My interpretation was that dating was to develop love after infatuation/lust.
Haha, sorry, should I pick a better word? And that's fine if you don't need sexual gratification. As for mind games, that's only one of my many talents...as you'll see if I can EVER get my freaking microphone to work.
As for friend, that's not the goal of this :P. I'd be happy to be your friend if you ceded the match, but that'd be somewhat unsportspersonlike.
Yeah. Appropriate mindgames, but terrible context. Mafia isn't much better, to me.
Yeah. Appropriate mindgames, but terrible context. Mafia isn't much better, to me.
As in singing, or is this some other insinuation?
And also invalidate the whole thing anyway. When this sort of conversation is already quite friend-ish.
Who knows. Aren't there songs about what love is? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsCXZczTQXo)
Singing, playing sax, really, music is one of my major arts.
Invalidate? How so?
It's not really collusion since it was done in thread. And sure, the conversation is friend-ish now. Without a goal do you think we'll keep talking?
Yes. We've BEEN doing that.
Well, more the collusion invaliding both of us from the contest. Sorry, that was unclear.
Nice. Organized music is actually one of my weak points. I can sing, patch pitch, and keep rhythm, but I not very good at writing songs or following music from sheet representation... still, it's very nice.
Man. It's been ages since I stopped playing violin... I kept using too fast a tempo. Heh.
I keep telling you, it's when 72 billion monkeys steal a Porsche and drive it off a cliff!
Oh? So you say I'll never achieve my goal of your heart? Isn't that a little...callous?
Wouldn't be collusion
be your friend if you ceded the match
I read it well enough, but I'm better on ear.
I do not recall this.
Well, that's what I'm supposed to be doing, isn't it :(
I look forward to any examples, should they come to light.
But you've already admitted you wouldn't mind taking me...what's stopping you?
Well if you aren't gonna fall for me whats the point? tzun~
Mostly stubbornness and game-meta. :V Also, I'm not sure how entertaining you'd be as an ID!
What, you didn't find this an interesting conversation?
Wasn't I hilarious as IM? I'd only get better
As for stubbornness...well, wasn't it you that said you wanted to at least temper that trait a bit? Wouldn't this be good practice? You don't have to give up immediately...maybe just a little bit before deadline?
I'd make it worth your while ;)
It's fair. I'm sure I know a lot of people I could have conversations like this with. It's not like I really need you for them.
I... actually don't remember. Give me examples?
It's something worth working on, but considering that I'm SUPPOSED to be stubborn here and it isn't supposed to be about making deals...
I broke the forums with my katamari.
I stickied quality threads rather often
I made good edits to titles and posts where necessary.
Oh, and I made Nobu IP. Best choice EVAR.
Also, I wrote that hilarious "soap opera"
My short run as IM wasn't a bad one.
Fine, I won't ask for deals. I'm merely saying that if you took me I'd make it worth your while. Not anything about the ID stuff. As for being stubborn being good, well, yanno, it can be unhealthy ^-^
And why are you so happy I have other sources of conversation?
Oh, right. That. :/ Not pleased with that.
We have enough stickies already, and it seems like there are a good number of people that ignore them since they tend to be static.
I can't recall any examples of post editing... are there any survivors you can find?
Mmm... probably true enough...
If overgeneralized, at least. Which I do, but in this context...
You misinterpret my dear owata-chan.
It was an accident. If I knew it'd break the forum I wouldn't have done it.
I learned though. Ask before doing batshit things
I didn't sticky often, just when it was worth it.
The BDSM thread was mostly my title changing. I cannot immediately think of any funny edits
Now now, you can't use contextual morality. That's cheating.
Owata?
And it looked like you were putting both arms in the air like "hooray!"
Katamari-ing up everything with more than two pages doesn't sound like a very good idea for preserving the particularly good threads, or even having a thread that's readable. :| If it was for kicks, sure, but it... isn't a good approach to archiving.
Are you sure? Context is always relevant. Actually, I haven't heard about that one before, go on and explain...
Owata. Only with Owata will you understand.
I wasn't archiving ^-^. I was AVOIDING threads that were to be archived, actually
Desperate argument. I was hoping you'd agree and give me the argument I'd use. Looks like that backfired.
Uwaa~ But I donnnnnnn't :(
How much did you check the ones you were rolling up before doing so? Just because it doesn't come up immediately doesn't mean a thread wouldn't be considered worth preserving.
Yeah, I'm meta about morality as well, if the sexual jealousy discussion didn't give that away.
Then discover =(
Title, first few posts, and if I remembered it.
HAha, ah well. But being so stubborn might cost you your chance at me, no?
Will google be enough for it?
Some didn't pick up after a while... meh. It's in the past now, guess I shouldn't be persistent about it.
There may be a tradeoff there! Having a 'chance at you' could definitely be interesting for me personally - maybe you too - but I'm not sure how much it would entertain others. When I'm not being a moron about it, I seem to have a decent track record with power abuse. Uncertainty!
Well, I'm an exhibitionist, and I always put on a good show. I can guarantee it would entertain everyone...if you wanted to use me out here like that. But, having a chance at me privately is perfectly alright as well...
Well...would you like to at least test me a little? And see what I can do? Right here?
And I see...I'm impossible, am I mus? That's not very niccccccce!
By various accounts, MotK isn't supposed to be a place for cybering.
I am using a somewhat more specific 2ch meaning of owata in this sense.
It isn't SUPPOSED to be but that never really stopped me ^-^. Oh dear, for someone so submissive I sure have a disregard for rules...
how sneaky, e-mouse. You were lucky to catch me with a headache yesterday. Today my clarity of mind has discovered your secret links.
And are you saying I have no life? How cruel. And inaccurate.
To be fair, there aren't really rules, just reasons to follow them. Given the lack of consequence or even warning so far, I guess the mods haven't minded too much. Is it since unregistered users can't see this forum?
Owata-chan is generally self-directed, I believe. Hence why the game kills owata-chan all the time, rather than everything.
That and the fact I put on a good show.
Ah, YOU have no life. I understand now :P.
But you said "my dear owata-chan" directed at me.
Well...at any rate...with time running out...it has become time to get a little more clever...
I do believe I'm going to have to actually...ugh...do...research rather than blandly running after you begging you to take me :S...
I actually skipped reading most of the antics in Purvis' thread, but I see what you mean.
Oh dear. That WAS unclear, wasn't it? I was simply referring to owata-chan itself: I have an unhealthy affection for some of those 2ch memes.
Oh? This should be interesting... though I expect it wouldn't be TOO difficult to find some good hints, from a number of sources...
Actually, since I'm kinda bored, I think I WILL go back and try to read that more thoroughly.
And I guess I could have been more explicit about planning to wait for your discoveries.
It's been ages since I've talked to him. I don't know anymore.
Geez, what was that? Four years ago? No, more like six. Jesus.
I'm inclined to think that most of the sexual references from the RPGWW gang are just joking around.
Actually, since I'm kinda bored, I think I WILL go back and try to read that more thoroughly.
As I said, it was a time when I was a naive little girl when it came to the internet. Guessing your marrow is intact at least ^-^
Who said anything about RPGWW? I mean, I suppose I can start going into that but I don't want to flood you too much with my research...
I do appreciate some of your work though ^-^.
At any rate, any more cans you'd like to open before I continue? I've said enough so you can set the pace a bit.
How did you like it? Though obviously I have talents outside of being a fuck toy. (That also wasn't a particularly good play)
Honestly, most of this stuff is just ancient history... for the most part, things have moved on.
I think you're going a bit far back, actually. While I still adore the humor of those times, my tastes in other fields have changed.
... thanks. That means a lot to me, actually :x
I wasn't very naive by that point, but much more reserved. Now, I openly admit to perversion, but never really act on it.
Yeah, it didn't exactly pick up. And I was not fond of the near-drowning bit.
I'm still not sure it's healthy to encourage that degree of sadomasochistic behavior, though... tying pleasure and pain has some danger risks outside of playing with that, and I simply cannot condone emotional abuse for the sake of emotional abuse.
It's quite difficult to escape one's past. While it's hard to predict who they'll become from it, you still get an insight into what might work...
I know how that is...but you are a little perverted mouse huh? Just what do you think of ^-^?
Rou's actions are his own. His fetish is his. If he can enjoy it, more power to him. That's my take. As for the earlier parts...I'm glad you liked them ;)
Let me put it this way. The pain has to be sensual in some way. Yes, I'll break this rule a little in roleplay because it's not actually my body. but honestly, I wouldn't "get off" on, say, a punch to the face. Or the spine. It's all about context. So the ties aren't as strong as I make them out to be.
As for "emotional abuse", that's also contextual. I like being called dirty names and being devalued. There are, however, hard limits on what you can insult, well known by whoever plays with me. Actual emotional abuse is avoided because I turn what some might consider emotional abuse into a kind of badge of honor. The more depraved things I'm called the more I feel I've done something right, if that makes sense. But some things won't fit the context and would be genuinely hurtful. So again, the tie is weaker than it looks.
No, that didn't really seem like fetish fulfillment, which was... a large part of the problem. But I guess that isn't the issue here.
My fetishes are mundane, but I'm not proud of some of their implications. My main issues are looking up h-images regularly and frequent sexual jokes/interpretations/imaginations. My eyes aren't exactly civil about wandering on the rare occasions I'm in public, either.
Context... is also a good point, actually. Pain in the bedroom doesn't generalize well to pain from cooking-oil spills in the kitchen, or the like. I'm no real judge of 'sensual' pain, so I can't delve further than that, but yeah. This part isn't really that bad, but I'm easily worried.
Would you be insulted if others in public called you things that you want/expect from your master or other playmates? I'll admit I may underestimate mental flexibility, but are you sure it's healthy to embrace those insults, even if you don't (think you) take them to heart? For that matter, is it healthy for your master to use such insults and hostility?
.......... thinking about it more... I suppose you COULD try to disconnect terms of insults from their conventional meaning via reinterpretation. "Slut" is an insult for fear of cuckoldry more than anything, which isn't especially valid in this day and age. That one's pretty easy to redefine. And 'put-downs' between master and servant could be retaken as 'pet names.' Possible but confusing bonus; resilience to others using that as an insult due to it losing that meaning to you. Possible problem with that: Misinterpreting their intent, or embracing it leading to them getting angry or seeking to genuinely abuse you.
So... I'm inflexible about doing so myself, and I'm not fond of the idea, but I can see that part working... to an extent. I'm definitely still worried about subtly taking it to heart and being a more passive self-esteem-less slug than I am, but it's... plausible.
Still - there's more than that to emotional abuse... give me some non-verbal examples of what you would and wouldn't tolerate, perhaps?
Heh...even though I lost a day I still managed to do a little bit of...research. I'm kinda surprised some of these people still exist, and moreso that they REMEMBER you...6 years is a long time. But yeah...there were some quite interesting stories told...it...actually increased my respect for you a bit. I desire you a little more than I thought :P.
Oh, by the way did Jeremy and Alice ever get together? And if so did the Author do anything about it ^-^? I mean, seriously that was nothing short of genius, that work ^-^.
this is an evasive answer. I'm kinda curious about what fetish would be "mundane" :P
In public I wouldn't show a reaction. I might allow myself to entertain enjoying it to myself, but I wouldn't misinterpret te intent. I basically wouldn't be insulted. As for a master that uses dirty talk, I dunno. I'm of the opinion they can comparmentalize as much as I can. Probably more. After all, in some cases they'd have to treat me differently in public than in private, so it'd be necessary to partition.
...
I don't redefine much, I just accept it. As for embracing it that just throws them more off guard if someone wishes to insult me. The more angry they get the better advantage I have ^-^
If you have learned nothing else, I'm sure you've noticed that I have a rather strong will and a fair sense of self. I just choose to submit because it makes me feel complete in a way I can't really convey with words.
How do you mean this?
Unless they're willing to hurt you in unacceptable ways, at least... but that tends to be rather projected anyway, doesn't it?
Mmm, I suppose so. Still, it worries me, especially on the broader scale... cursed paranoia. But I guess if it makes you happy and you make sure neither you or Master really hurt anyone with it... or let people get hurt, for that matter.
Things like... acting as furniture, being leashed like a dog... forgot the moderate example I came up with... or nastier stuff like being completely ignored or solitary confinement. Non-verbal, non-violent means of mistreatment, I guess?
I enjoyed those shenanigans, yeah, but I've abandoned it. Ultimately the story I had in mind is unspectacular, and, really, is more of a finale to a separate storyline that will never really see the light of day.
You actually tracked them down to talk to? Who'd you find? There's probably a few that I haven't tried to keep in contact with...
Heh, as for your fetishes, I share a couple of those...well...the first one I wouldn't mind having done unto me to be honest...
I run quickly ^-^
elaborate?
Well, being leashed and acting as furniture is just fun. I like being leashed...it's fun. But as for the other stuff, very few masters would inflict that on a submissive unless the submissive enjoyed it, which not many do I don't think. Also the fact that the masters that would are probably not very good.
Eh...I'm still working on it...but I think I've made some decent headway...I got a lot of data already, and they have a nice sense of humor.
But that doesn't matter that much, I still have to make you fall in love with me :P.
So I heard. Still, I'm a little wary of myself thinking like that... it could certainly be worse, though.
Unfortunately, sometimes this isn't an option. But that's probably the excess of media exposure speaking.
Habits from dom/sub social 'mis'treatment are much subtler than the physical parts, making them much more difficult to consciously/actively notice should they leak into other aspects of life. But the effects they have on interactions are real and can be detrimental.
Mmm, that's a good way to put it. I don't have any strong objection to those first parts, but I don't think I'd be comfortable being involved with them.
On the paranoia side, though, sometimes a master can get worse... and what then?
Ah, yes, there's two more borderline examples: 'public use' and (mock) rape. The former is just risky, but the latter... not good to encourage.
On that count, I think you were doing better earlier in the thread...
There are ways I can be come inside without necessarily risking pregnancy.
In all seriousness, I've been through enough to know how to escape and when to stop provoking. Sometimes in harder ways than others
Eh, possibly. But I've always noticed when I'm about to make a mistake like that so I'm pretty sure I can remain aware of the problems.
Paranoia is countered by the fact I can leave at any time. It's a level outside the heiarchy. My choice to leave ALWAYS exists.
AS for not wanting to do those things...that's alright...I'm willing to please you in any way that YOU want :P
The former is not one you can really do, I grant, without some VERY strict guidelines in place. I'm VERY conscious of disease in this world so I wouldn't accept such an order without those guidelines. As for the latter...even mostly vanilla couples do that. There is a DIFFERENCE between fantasy and reality.
Oh, I was? What changed?
Thank goodness for modern loopholes. However, this does not negate the shamefulness/selfishness of my own preferences on the genetic level, which is what upsets me.
Good. That calms many fears... aside from possible prevention of that if they go off the deep end. But yeah.
Honestly, I don't think you'd get very much out of it. Like I said, mundane. Leashed part I can fathom getting involved with, but it'd more involve lavishing with pet-styled affection than humiliation.
I guess I'm not as good at separating the two as I hope... and I think much of my rape objection comes from evo-psych suggesting it being a really nasty loser's strategy for breeding/passing on genes, which just makes it worse in my eyes. But I DID forget that bit with it being fairly common in that survey with a hypothetical situation with most stigma removed... and a motive to do so solely for reproductive reasons. But without that... hmmm. Still really don't like it.
I've been hoping for you to figure that out on your own, as a primary condition for my concession.
Well, it's not like I'm averse to having children myself...
They wouldn't be my master in the first place
But you forget I'm versatile, and mostly derive pleasure from whoever I give myself too
To each their own. It has the appeal of powerlessness to me.
What's this? There's a way to make you concede?
I thought it was just gonna be butting heads til the end...
I'm afraid I AM wary about it, hence my own concerns. A little unusual in that sense, to be sure, but...
Well, I was planning on it after some of the earlier discussion, but I didn't exactly make it clear. The intended conditions for concession weren't very precise, for that matter, so I'm taking it as more conventionally romantic. I was hoping you'd find it on your own without this much prodding, but after several of the others got explicit about it, I guess it's only fair...
Though I expect you'll be able to find it pretty quickly if you try the right places to look...
I... suppose that's true. Still, it disturbs me a bit.
Fair enough. I'm afraid my style would include asking what you'd want, too, though. It'd be a bit odd.
Sorry, I was emphasizing with your "genetic selfishness"
A worthy trial. See, it's stuff like this that would make you appealing as a master or even a boyfriend. To have me try to figure out what you want myself makes it so much more valuable when you get it ^-^
Heehee, then I get the feeling we'd be stepping around a lot like Ana-chan and Nobu :P. It'd be cute at least
I'm pretty sure our audience has long since tired of our shenanigans. But enough talk, hav(ry
I appear to be not so great at explicitly communicating what I want anyway, sexually or otherwise.
Hell if I know! I'm just disappointed it's over. :(
Okay, time to come clean here.
UK already had me back at:Hmm? well, it's intriguing you keep bringing up it's a contest. And don't worry about "doing things I've already done". Repeat performances are always fun ^-^. And if you wouldn't like to take me up on some of my more extreme tastes...it's ok...I'll work at your pace...after all...isn't love understanding your partner and accepting they aren't perfect, yet loving them despite that? I think you'd be very fun to be with, Mus ^-^
I also omitted a line in my chat log:Quote from: truthier(9:50:08 PM) UltrosCMC: How far is this thing supposed to go? Is cybering next~?
(9:57:45 PM) UltrosCMC: *poke*
(9:57:56 PM) E mouse2000: I'm going to post that.
(9:58:30 PM) E mouse2000: I have shamefully lost in under 24 hours thanks to honesty but your line there is probably worth it.
(9:58:41 PM) UltrosCMC: Heehee.
(9:59:09 PM) UltrosCMC: Let her know your boyfriends looks forward to seeing how it turns out :P
(9:59:12 PM) UltrosCMC: *boyfriend
(9:59:37 PM) E mouse2000: This is both wonderful and terrible.
(10:00:03 PM) UltrosCMC: *lick* I'm off for a nap. Enjoy your naughty talk.
not-edit: The BDSM stuff was interesting, but more addressing my prejudices than anything... it was probably good to talk about, though.
I see. Didn't get me ID though :P, so I didn't push hard enough.
I agree. Honestly, I wouldn't mind talking to you more after this.
Umu...as for my own honesty...I stretched the truth a little on some of my research.
Only person I talked to is Purvis. He wanted me to play a prank so I did. Oh, by the way, I bet you he already told you, didn't he?
Well, I asked Purvis initially for shutdowns since I was SUPPOSED to be the skirt :P
After seeing that Reimu one with "when you fly" and fully appreciating the layers of it, I wanted to apply some of that wit.
Ended up picking his brain for how to deal with you as a person :P. I was going to talk to Ruro as well but I doubt she'd say anything.
And he did have some stuff from RPGWW actually.
I wasn't lying when I said your character concepts with Jeremy were impressively hilarious.
I... don't remember where that came up. Remind me?
She would have been a much, much better choice in this context, considering much of the pooshlmer antics and... you've seen that image she put together about us that keeps floating around every once in a while?
Sounds about right. That's basically where we talked. Sort of - most of the group wandered over to the main forum I went to at the time... a later incarnation of which I still check in on regularly. Though I don't really post much there... I'm not very interested in what the main focus of the forum is, now.
Nyoro~n. I like that general role reversal, but I did it poorly. And meta? I LOVE meta.
Barren Path.
I agree she would have been, and I meant to but never got to it. Looks like I was too lazy.
Which is why you NEED to read Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid.
It's like, MADE for you.
...... damnit, and the very first thread of that must be gone now. :<
I'm actually a bit surprised you interrogated Purvis at the very start of this, as I think you implied.
I'm going to try to pace myself on distractions until after the thesis... though then I'll have to panic over things like finding a job... :S
Wasn't it archived?
Like I said, it was merely for shutdowns. I had NO idea you two had a connection that deep
Is this why I never see you on IRC anymore?
No, not the first thread. I think it was lost in the first CPMC wipe. Unless it got moved to Unlimited Game Works and I didn't notice?
Well, as I kept bragging about bringing him here, even though we've barely talked for years...
A large part of it. Even though most of what I've been doing with the time spent not chatting is mope around.
Might have. IT SHOULD have been archived.
Aww...chat more! We'll cheer you up!
I do have an awfully bad habit about moping in despair, but whenever I want to talk about it I just feel like I'm being an attention/affection whore :< And being uncomfortable with how far I'd want to take things...
Hmm? how do you mean this? And don't worry about talking about it...
... I can be a bit all-or-nothing about relationships, and end up having unrealistic fantasies that I don't like having, on a meta level, since I should really know better than to expect it to actually happen. Or even think about it. An invitation for disappointment.
It tends to boil down to indifferent/chatting buddies/LUST. :/ Between those I get confused and uncomfortable - especially displays of physical affection. I pretty much never experienced that before getting to see Ultros, and, well...
And I... have nothing to counter that with. :x
And I don't act on that lust without explicit permission. :V
... oh. Misread it as "Oh, kitty-chan~" so I thought that was a little more, well, intrusive than intended.
drep
I'm tired. Bug me to get on IRC tomorrow if I don't show up on my own...]
Depression sucks just FYI
Meh. It's really my own damn fault for getting afraid and worried over stupid things like failing to be externally entertaining here and feeling guilty about various other crap. We discussed some of that much already.
Of course, the real question is whether I'm actually depressed or using it as an excuse to be a worthless scumbag! Ugh.
I'm much more secretive than I'd like to be, especially about depressing topics. It's just attention whoring and me being unable to handle my own emotions. :/