Maidens of the Kaleidoscope
~Beyond the Border~ => Sara's Audio-Visual Import-Overflow Retail => Topic started by: Kilgamayan on April 29, 2018, 11:46:02 AM
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>implying the NFL isn't rigged
The draft ended last night, so I decided to not be a lazy procrastinating fuck for once in my goddamn life and renew the fantasy league! I even remembered to change interceptions back from -1 to -2. You can all laud me with praises at your earliest convenience.
So we're all in agreement that Josh Rosen and Lamar Jackson will become quality NFL starters while Baker Mayfield and whichever sorry fuck the Jets drafted will be busts, right?
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...It's time already? It's only been 3 months.
Well, whatever, maybe this will be the year I finally join in on the fun. Probably. Maybe. ...We'll see?? :V
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Suggestion box now open for Saquon Barkley themed fantasy team names. :V
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Saquon Small Step
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All 4 QBs will be busts obv
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There were 5 taken in the first round though :V
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Minor details lol
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Saquon Shut Up and Jam! Gaiden
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PANTHERS TOOK A WR IN THE FIRST ROUND AND EVEN THOUGH HE PLAYED AT FUCKING MARYLAND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER THAT WE PICKED HIM AND YOU KNOW WHY!? BECAUSE STEVE FUCKING SMITH SAID THAT HE REMINDED HIM OF HIMSELF AND I'LL BE GOOD GODDAMNED IF THAT ISN'T JUST THE SWEETEST MUSIC TO MY EARS! MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN A PIG IN SLOP TO HEAR THAT KINDA PRAISE FROM SMITTY! CAM NEWTON WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE US TAKE A WR THAT HE ACTUALLY STARTED TYPING LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON INSTEAD OF THOSE AWFUL LETTERS HE WAS SO FOND OF! NORMALLY I'D BE FURIOUS THAT THEY SKIPPED AN OT IN THE FIRST ROUND BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DIDN'T SEE ANYONE THIS YEAR THAT BLEW ME AWAY AND FRANKLY EVEN IF WE GOTTA MAKE CAM RUN FOR HIS LIFE BEHIND A HODGEPODGE O-LINE WE'RE STILL BETTER OFF THAN THE FUCKING SEAHAWKS!
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https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-cleveland-browns-1827964939
IT BEGINS
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Oh man be sure to link all of those as they come out for me.
Also: I'm in if yall need someone to even league out.
Edit: I have learned enough about sportsball to learn that apparently my nearly entirely random team and habits have managed to exceed the Cleveland Browns. I am not sure how to feel about this.
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https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-cleveland-browns-1827964939
IT BEGINS
Glory be. :V
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https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-new-york-giants-1827992694
So, yuyukos, are you Sara, Pablo, or Antti?
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https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-new-york-giants-1827992694
So, yuyukos, are you Sara, Pablo, or Antti?
100% Sara here boss.
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I don't even know what to say this year except Fuck The Falcons Forever And Ever Amen
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I don't even know what to say this year
May I suggest: lots of alcohol-fueled words about the panthers
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May I suggest: lots of alcohol-fueled words about the panthers
I drank so much alcohol after the WUG concert that I don't even wanna think about alcohol for the next forever and a half
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This was me last year
This week, but I can do my post SB write-up right quick:
Fuck the Falcons and the city of Atlanta forever and ever Amen. All these pundits out there thinking that the Falcons are gonna be good this year are completely fucking delusional. This is a team that once scored 2 points in a playoff and are the owners of the biggest comeback DEFEAT in Super Bowl history and you think they're gonna bounce right back? Fuck outta here! You saw the Panthers choke after their SB loss and that wasn't an actual historic beatdown. You think Matt Ryan gonna stay calm and collected? Freeman signed an extension and then got hurt. Their incredibly ridiculous stadium origami roof still doesn't work. You think they're gonna stop the Bucs this year? Winston got the most terrifyingly underrated receiving corps in history and they're getting ignored to slob the Falcons' knob yet again. Falcons staying the hell home this postseason.
Wow Vic you are so Fucking Stupid but this time the Falcons are truly gonna Stay The Hell Home This Postseason especially if Julio Jones doesn't wanna actually play for them (and it's pretty clear he doesn't)
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https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-indianapolis-colts-1828021280
Caleb's story, oh my.
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I need you to understand I still cannot get over how incredibly Fire Emblem Bortles name is.
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Had a couple of who-cares teams go by before the always-quality Jets entry (https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-new-york-jets-1828127277).
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Had a couple of who-cares teams go by before the always-quality Jets entry (https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-new-york-jets-1828127277).
holy shit this Jets take is gold :V :V
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Young Purvis liked the jets, because I liked their color scheme =[
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Today's Bucs (https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-tampa-bay-buccaneers-1828155391) article is wonderful, as much as Jameis Winston is probably the easiest target in the NFL for this sort of thing. BE WARNED that it does contain an unmarked graphic picture of Jason Pierre-Paul's exploded hand, though.
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I think this is the first one where the fan testimony doesn't involve a story of some 350+ pound person at a game acting being drunk and loudly confrontational.
Also holy shit why did they post that hand? What happened to that hand?
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JPP blew it up in a fireworks accident in 2015 (https://deadspin.com/report-jason-pierre-paul-seriously-damaged-hand-in-fir-1715870503). The injury by itself was ridiculous (and ridiculously gross) by itself, and the fallout involved (a) his team having no fucking clue what was going on, and (b) a lawsuit against a well-known NFL reporter for Tweeting medical info (https://deadspin.com/jason-pierre-paul-is-suing-espn-because-its-reporting-w-1785963477).
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When we drafting?
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https://www.gq.com/story/jalen-ramsey-trash-talk-nfl-interview This is required reading for everyone.
When we drafting?
September 2, 8 PM US Eastern. I have no idea what time that is in Elevenland, unfortunately.
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9 AM on a Monday when I don't have work, so that's cool for me
Only 1 dedicated TE slot pls
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You will have to pry my Evan Engram/Jack Doyle combo out of my cold dead hands.
(I will look into it if enough people prefer 1 or don't care either way)
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As always, roster spots should ideally be determined by the number of players we have
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Date and time currently work for me, but if we have to change it, just as long as I know ahead of time.
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We can do multiple W/R/T or W/T or R/T spots or whatever, that's fine. But having more than one dedicated TE exclusive spot is an exercise in frustration beyond what I currently enjoy in Fantasy
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Vic Hates Tight Ends
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Just channel your inner Jet and draft two tight ends in a row early.
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Just channel your inner Jet and draft two tight ends in a row early.
I did, and if Greg Olsen hadn't broken his foot it would have been an even greater success than what I managed to pull off
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https://sports.yahoo.com/report-browns-josh-gordon-facing-jail-time-doesnt-pay-child-support-153152235.html
C'mon man :|
EDIT: Also, today's WYTS (https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-los-angeles-chargers-1828411776) made me feel bad for PX.
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Wait wait wait wait.
What the FUCK was Jordan Peterson doing talking to the Seahawks? What the actual fuck could he have to say that would have anything to do with Foobaw?
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Pete Carroll, the Seattle head coach, is, like, a legitimate 9/11 truther.
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https://sports.yahoo.com/report-browns-josh-gordon-facing-jail-time-doesnt-pay-child-support-153152235.html
C'mon man :|
EDIT: Also, today's WYTS (https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-los-angeles-chargers-1828411776) made me feel bad for PX.
Nobody ever chokes as hilariously as the Chargers. Someone should write a book about all the stupid ways the Chargers have managed to lose games.
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Are you kidding me? This guy looks like he covers up a sexual assault every HOUR. Michigan State just offered him a chancellorship. This state has done one hell of a heel turn over the past two years. Is there something in the water in that state? Oh right.
Time to bust out one of my favorite stats, which is that the Lions have not had a running back rush for over 100 yards since Thanksgiving 2013.
I emigrated from Ukraine to Detroit with my parents in 1991, in order to escape the oppressive, depressing, collapsing empire of the Soviet Union. Then we became Lions fans and felt like we were instantly back in the old country.
Last year, Blake fucking Bortles won more playoff games than this entire slapdick franchise has in the last 52 years.
Hit Bull Win Steak:
Stafford is 6-51 against teams with a winning record in his career.
We’re the Tiffany Trump of the NFC North; we’re not even relevant enough to be Eric.
:V :V :V
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"Hit Bull Win Steak" is one of the most low-key NC phrases around, mad respect
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I just realized that I'll be camping at Mount Monadnock during the draft WHOOPS
Guess I'm mobile-drafting this year! Hell yeah.
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Jets players were on the bus when they stopped, told Teddy Bridgewater he?d been traded, he waved goodbye, then they drove off, source said.
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If I were Taysom Hill I'd be pissed
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"Cleveland Browns player" and "insider trading" are not phrases I thought you could ever even madlibs together into a headline.
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"Cleveland Browns player" and "insider trading" are not phrases I thought you could ever even madlibs together into a headline.
Yeah, it's far more likely to have been "Cleveland Browns owner" :V
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My favorite part is that the only reason I recognized his name was because of this (https://deadspin.com/mychal-kendricks-on-potentially-joining-the-browns-s-1826522182).
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He's the Other Kendricks Brother
The good one plays for Minnesota
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I've changed one of the TE slots to a WR/TE slot, since we didn't have one previously.
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I've changed one of the TE slots to a WR/TE slot, since we didn't have one previously.
Happy Vic Noises
How many do we have, anyway?
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Looks like the same 8 as last year.
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Khalil Mack to the Bears for two firsts (plus maybe some other things). What the fuck? This makes no sense for either team.
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lmao remember when they signed Gruden for 10 years lol fuck the Raiders haha
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Do the Raiders have some deep shit on Mack or something.
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Would anyone be upset if I called dibs on Bortles?
I...I just need an FE heavy infantry in my team. I don't even know if he's he's any good, I just love the name.
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Do the Raiders have some deep shit on Mack or something.
it's gotta be some OJ type shit that somehow the entire rest of the league doesn't know about
Gruden never met Mack. The team hadn't negotiated with Mack since February. It's like they're trying to burn every bridge possible so they can leave for Vegas with the fans saying "Good riddance!"
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it's gotta be some OJ type shit that somehow the entire rest of the league doesn't know about
Gruden never met Mack. The team hadn't negotiated with Mack since February. It's like they're trying to burn every bridge possible so they can leave for Vegas with the fans saying "Good riddance!"
I could believe this
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Would anyone be upset if I called dibs on Bortles?
I...I just need an FE heavy infantry in my team. I don't even know if he's he's any good, I just love the name.
It's very unlikely anyone else will draft him, even Edible. You're probably safe to grab him.
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I can see him getting drafted in a 2 QB league, but not by me <_<
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blanket
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Probably not gonna win any matches this year :V
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YURU DRAFT
GREETINGS FROM JAFFREY NH
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Someone please post a picture of the main Yuru Camp in the thread
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l i f e g o a l s
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Diamond level because I'm the best lol
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There is more Nadeshiko than Aoi itt and that is unforgivable
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I wonder if yahoo sports gives medals for injuries? I have the feeling we're all going to rack up a ton this year.
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Yahoo predicts I'm gonna finish 8th and go 2-12 lmfao
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(https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/jfhxtx3eu23r73uk63yi.jpg)
Damn (https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-new-england-patriots-1828719849).
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TONIGHT
YOU
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I'd like a shootout, but we're probably not getting one.
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Oh! Let's not forget:
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
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I'm going to immediately curse both myself and my team
Jacksonville Jaguars over New York Giants
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Panthers over Cowboys
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Baltimore over Buffalo
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Detroit over New York Jets
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That game was super awful. The refs had more yards than the Eagles did.
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Dear fantasy,
It's week one and my opponent has already started an injured player
Worried nyoro~n
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Hey man, I only check every so often, so I forget =[
Thanks for helping me catch that.
(Who even is everyone this year? I never remember the team names)
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Is This a JuJu Ref? - yuyukos
SubterraneanDrifters - You!
Yohane Little Demons - Idol Trash Weeb Shit #1 (PX)
Misaki Nekoarcs - Vic Viper
Gotta GoriGori - kagiyamahina
Bomb Through Patchy - Hainiryuun
Bubuu Desuwas - Idol Trash Weeb Shit #2 (Edible)
Hail Renko - Me!
Also, Purvis, is there a reason you have Saquon Barkley on the bench? I'm not judging, but I am curious.
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Bomb Through Patchy is me
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Of course! That's why I totally had you listed that way. <_< >_>
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GB over CHI
Godgers don't fail me now damnit. :V
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Oh no it's football
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Football is fear!
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Wasn't the Saints defense supposed to be good? How did RYAN FITZPATRICK get
45 TDs on them?!?!?!
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He's from Hahvahd, that's how.
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I'm going to immediately curse both myself and my team
Jacksonville Jaguars over New York Giants
Success!
Baltimore over Buffalo
Wow oh jeez this game happened :V
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:( Browns
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Picking against 5 INT Peterman was the easiest decision ever
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GB over CHI
Godgers don't fail me now damnit. :V
And this is why I didn't homer. GB, at best, was a 10-6 team coming into the season. Now we're competing for the #1 pick.
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Uh oh Rodgers
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Also, Purvis, is there a reason you have Saquon Barkley on the bench? I'm not judging, but I am curious.
Maybe at the time. Hell if I can remember now.
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Ho snap Rodgers
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Forgive me Father for my lack of faith. I will never doubt Godgers miracle powers again
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Nonbelievers, a passage for you:
'My name is Godgers, king of kings;
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
:V
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Ah yiss, underperformed by a bit over 25%
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:( Browns
It occurred to me this morning that if Gonzalez's kick wasn't blocked, the AFC North would have 3 undefeated teams and Pittsburgh would be winless.
So, once more with feeling:
:( Browns
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It occurred to me this morning that if Gonzalez's kick wasn't blocked, the AFC North would have 3 undefeated teams and Pittsburgh would be winless.
So, once more with feeling:
:( Browns
They have 4 undefeated teams and the Steelers are winless :D
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What the fuck just happened to the Lions
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If the Jets actually have a legitimate offense, they're scary. That defense was already good.
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What the fuck just happened to the Lions
Matthew Stafford doing his best impression of Nathan Peterman
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The lions lion'd. Nothing new.
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Aaaaaaaaaand the Nathan Peterman experiment has drawn to a close.
We hope.
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Bills FO needs to be shitcanned for that entire debacle
You have to know peterman is a dumpster fire if you're gonna start him, if you're planning on tanking games that's one thing but at least follow through
The fact that they pulled him after one game to start their rookie is an embarrassment
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Taylor, McCarron, and Kaepernick should file a class-action against them tbh
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How bad is McCarron that the Bills said "nah, we'll stick with the guy who threw the most picks ever in one half of football". With Carr proving himself to be David Carr's brother we'll probably see McCarron this year
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Whoof, glad I'm not up against AJ Green in either league this year
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I see it's gonna be a repeat of last year for me. Playing the top scoring team nearly every week and half my roster on IR 3 weeks in.
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Rams over Cardinals
Chiefs are gonna beat the Steelers this week btw, I don't make the rules
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I went up against AJ Green in my pay league ;_;
Denver over Oakland
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I see it's gonna be a repeat of last year for me. Playing the top scoring team nearly every week and half my roster on IR 3 weeks in.
Hey sounds like me as well
Also I've been playing Madden 17 and this is why you don't let me play Madden (https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DnCPZjVU4AERDmW.jpg)
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Saints over Browns
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Browns releasing Josh Gordon.
What the fuck?
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Browns releasing Josh Gordon.
What the fuck?
Maybe he fell off the wagon again.
NYG over DAL. It's time to be a homer.
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Browns releasing Josh Gordon.
What the fuck?
Rumor is that his hamstring injury came from filming a promo hype video after hours at the Browns facility rather than during like "practice or a game" or something
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lmao Winston is never starting another game for Tampa Bay ever again
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Man am I glad autodraft gave me the QB I wanted the most and turned out I was actually right about something like this for once.
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It's week 2 and we already have 2 ties wtf
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Denver over Oakland
We're in for a bad time.
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It's week 2 and we already have 2 ties wtf
thinking.emoji
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Holy fuck, I dodged a bullet :V
Also, the Jags beat the Pats for the first time ever in the regular season. It feels gooooood.
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ALL RIGHT SEABASS JUST KICK A PAT
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Well, I'm a fucking moron.
I hope whoever gets Gordon enjoys him.
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I hope whoever gets Gordon enjoys him.
:V :V :V
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I mean.
If D-Jax is gonna do this all year, then I guess I can't complain too too much.
But I'd still rather have not done what I did. <_<
EDIT: rofl Corey Coleman got cut to make room for Gordon. Poor guy.
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Anybody want to trade for David Johnson? #1 Pick of the draft? Anybody want him?
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Suuuuure :V
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Yeah I'll give you Derrick Henry
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Anybody want to trade for David Johnson? #1 Pick of the draft? Anybody want him?
This Todd Gurley pick sure feels good right about now :V :V :V
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browns win browns win browns win browns win browns win browns win browns win browns win browns win
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Hmmmmm, do I REALLY need a kicker???
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no
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no
I had already did The Thing when I posted that
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Baltimore vs Denver
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Vikings over Bills
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Vikings over Bills
It's YOUR fault this is happening!
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I think I won our mini-pick 'em :V
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I think Im done watching football until they change the roughing the passer rule.
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Reminder that Yahoo experts are bollucks and why do they all have jobs?
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I think Im done watching football until they change the roughing the passer rule.
I fucking loathe this rule. It's inconsistently called and just feels awful to watch.
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Tom Brady playing Not Very Good tonight
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Eyeing that week 5 matchup :V
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Eyeing that week 5 matchup :V
With the Panthers? Coming off a bye? lol
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With the Panthers? Coming off a bye? lol
I meant fantasy. In reality, I continue to pray for a swift and clean death for Eli's career that will reward the Giants with draft picks.
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If the Steelers win we have 4 1-1-1 teams
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Panthers signed Eric Reid
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Good for them imo.
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Goff has got me 4 TD's in the first half. How will I manage to find a way to lose this week?
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Good for them imo.
Same.
Holy shit can people just like not run on the Rams or something? 20 yards from Cook as the Vikings leading rusher, wow
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Well, I mean, Aaron Donald.
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There's a bit of game script there too. Hard to run on the Rams when you're having to keep up with their offense scoring TDs each possession. Vikes RBs had 13 rush attempts combined, and Cousins threw 50 attempts.
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You ever completely fuck up your fantasy team right before kickoff?
Yep
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Can't fuck up your fantasy team if you forget to set your lineup 8)
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I think it wouldn't have mattered tbh <_<
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What the fuck Saints
https://sports.theonion.com/man-can-still-win-fantasy-football-this-week-provided-t-1829268802 me
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Welp
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I blame myself for looking ahead past Purvis, I deserve this L.
Fantasy gods, I repent! :ohdear:
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Step aside, Jack Doyle, it's Eric Ebron time!
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Facing Ebron is both this league and my money league what the fuck
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Barf.
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Barf.
Oh no, you only won by 90 points
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pfft
The barf was more for summarizing my general opinions on football this weekend, specifically relating to one jacksonville team
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Juuust lost to PX. I can't even be mad about that, it was heckuva close =]
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The Jags signed Ereck Flowers. I mean, I kinda just feel bad for Bortles here, no one deserves to have this done to them.
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I doubt he'll start, but our o-line has had a ton of injuries this year so it's possible he does. Shiver.
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> Bengals
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>jaguars
:|
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>Panthers ;_;
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I mean yeah both of those losses were embarrassing but the last two minutes of Pit/Cin was one of the most Bengals things I've ever seen
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Cinci kinda got screwed because an obvious pick play wasn't called, so I don't feel quite as strongly about it
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Godgers godgering was never in doubt
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>Denver DEF 32 points
Well, I can see how this week is gonna go
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I like how my entire team got injured at the same time
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You're still going to win unless Ridley smashes the Giants <_<
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I went to sleep with the Panthers losing at halftime so I'm sure there wasn't any kind of crazy comeback right?
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Amari Cooper to the 'Boys for a first-rounder. Jon Gruden did good? ???
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Amari Cooper to the 'Boys for a first-rounder. Jon Gruden did good? ???
Exploiting Jerry Jones is sort of neutral.
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Yohoho :V
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That's right fuckos, IT'S ME YOUR #1 FANTASY FOOTBALL PERSON
This isn't going to last so I'm taking the time to celebrate before my team begins its annual collapse to the Mariana Trench.
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Yet another week of being done in by the same player in both this league and my pay league. Kareem Hunt is good at carrying the handeggball.
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lmao Dave Gettleman is less than halfway through the season and yet the Giants roster is already destroyed
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It's a good thing Gruden is being such a shitheel, or Gettleman would be feeling way more heat at present.
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Tanking the Raiders during their final years in Oakland is the biggest middle finger to the fans imaginable. Every single one of them should abandon this franchise immediately and permanently
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Holy shit that Osweiler-to-Grant-to-Parker completion
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Fuck off Drew Brees
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Now to see if Tom Brady can beat the rest of his team
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Man, Hue lasted way longer than I could have imagined.
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They kept Hue Jackson on through all the shit years, and now they have Mayfield and x>0 wins and they can him? Sure is Cleveland in here.
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Factory of Sadness officially hiring again
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Showerthoughts:
Tyronn Lue fired.
Hue Jackson fired.
Terry Francona should watch his back? :V
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That'll teach me to forget to check my lineup before kickoff :V
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Bold strategies in Renko vs. Dia of grabbing as many players as possible on the same team as the opponent's big scorers so everything cancels out
EDIT: Secondany bold strategy from me in particular of Starting Three Browns
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Was travelling all day and couldn't pull arob out of my lineup again :V
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Looks like it's not going to matter unless Elliott goes ham on Tennessee!
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You're still in first place by a point :V
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And now, a return to Dez Bryant.
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Crimony, the Saints are suddenly even more terrifying.
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Both my teams lost tonight lol football is terrible
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Welcome to living in Ohio.
I'm sorry.
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And now, a return to Dez Bryant.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled return to Dez Bryant to inform you that Dez Bryant has possibly torn his Achilles.
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Holy shit, I was sure by now that McCarthy was immortal.
Hopefully Rodgers wins the next, like, five Super Bowls.
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I am so so happy right now
6 years late, but it finally fucking happened
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God what the fuck
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Dolphowned
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Pick city in this SNF game.
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(https://i.imgur.com/TS8lMqk.png)
Matchup of the year right here
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Playoffsssssssss :V
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Man, tonight had to sting pretty bad for Vic.
Time for Patriots/Giants III!
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Welp.
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I'm coming for that back to back Kilga :V
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lel (https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1075467860879818752)
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Pretty sure gruden is trying to open a portal to the hell dimension
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Well, the Raiders do need a place to play next year, so
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Well, the Raiders do need a place to play next year, so
:dealwithit:
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Doesn't the NFL have a 'conduct detrimental' to the league, because that's what Gruden is doing to the Raiders and anyone who ends up watching this tire fire.
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(http://i64.tinypic.com/144csuf.jpg)
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Don't wave that flag just yet, TG3 got ruled out after I woke up this morning to check the lineup.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkyUKjRNQOk
Mahomes just converted that 2PT:
mood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWwOJlOI1nU
whew I can release the clench now. :V
good games everyone and Kilga.
In lieu of compliments, please provide 1 "Fuck David Gettleman."
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In lieu of compliments, please provide 1 "Fuck David Gettleman."
Fuck David Gettleman even though I don't think Barkley was actually his fault >_> <_<
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jfc what a day of football
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looking at the rams play today, ez pats ring