Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! And now that I've dispensed with the embarassing formalities (not to mention flying in the face of my own damn religion), let's get down to business.
This is a time all about giving, right? So I'm sitting there in my Lay-Z Girl recliner lilypad (yes, I have one, be jealous) and thinking to myself, "Who would be better suited for giving shit to poor saps than me? I'm such a nice goddess, after all, and I have oh so many loyal worshippers. It would be criminal to not throw them a bone once in a while."
So that's exactly what I've decided to do. Actually, in the spirit of the season, I invited Kanako to do the whole Santa thing with me, but the instant she got dressed up for the part she went out and
started slutting it up with a couple of the other hags. (Parents beware, this is not an image suitable for innocent children eyes!) Those three really need to get their hands on some anti-aging cream or something, because that sort of "Pleasae have sex with us! None of us have ever broken a hip, honest!" self-degradation is absolultely terrible. I'm embarassed just to look at that. It's NOT THAT HARD to look young, you stupid old fogies. Look at me, I do it just fine.
Sorry, I'm getting off track here. And, really, I shouldn't be this mean to Kanako. 'Tis the season, after all. You know what? I think my gift to Kanako this year is a promise to stop reminding her what a whoreslutbitch she is and how she completely ruined my precious Sanae for marriage as well as costing her a chance to live a life without getting assaulted by STDs every waking minute.
...Well, that didn't last long. Maybe I'll tack it onto my New Year's Resolution List instead. If I even decide anything about me is worth changing. (Hah! Like that'll happen.)
Anyway! Enough of the blue-haired bimbo. We have more important people to talk about - namely, you, the residents of this website that I must admit I'm growing fond of. I don't normally do this sort of thing, so appreciate it while it lasts. But do know that I love you all. <3 (Except for Helepolis. What is WITH you, guy? Do you want to jam your dick in 'Nako that badly? I'd think twice about that, pal, it might fall off if you do.)
'Twas a day of good tidings
And all through the board
The users were thanking
Their Moriya Lord.
Their offerings pleased her
Donations flowed in
And so she gave back
As to not would be sin.
She greeted the public
Their spirits ran high
All wanted to her blessing
And she'd certainly try.
In front was in Nobu
With banner unfurled
And Suwa was pleas-ed
Be they guy or girl.
The crowd pressed in tighter
But Suwa said "STOP!
I'm glad you all love me
But at this rate, I'll pop."
"I'm here with a purpose."
The people were still
"I have special gifts
'Twill be quite a thirll!"
"First, to New Jersey
For a fool in a dress
ID spot to you
For
doing that mess. Even I must admit
That credit is due
For such Christmasy efforts
That came from a Jew."
"Next up is Pako
A loyal one, he
Don't know why he vouched
For
that puddle of pee. Probation time's up
And he's free to go
Just watch where Myon steps
And don't eat that snow."
"But those were both easy
You knew they'd be so.
Our focus now turns
To the looney of Dough.
This guy fucked up badly
A monsterous botchBut since then, he's toned down
His ego a notch.
Behavior's been good
And no errors we see
So per that improvement
The Donut's now free."
"What else can I give?
I know just where to start.
We'll go back in time
And
look at my art.
Though Formless God won
It filled me with glee
To see all that fanart
So it all gets IP!"
"With that, I conclude
My gift-giving show
But
still more is coming
As I'm sure you all know."
The lady stood up
From her sack with a wink.
"Now, where's a close bar?
I needs me a drink."
The crowd sent her off
With great tidings and love
And she waved to them all
As a light shined above.
Her last words rang out
As she walked through the fog:
"Merry Christmas to all
From your great goddess frog!"
