The Lone Wanderer from Vault 101 stared in awe at the Wasteland that presented itself to him.
He had expected it to be bad, but all his expectations were shattered by this scene in front of him.
He had been banished from his home. His best friend left behind. Another friend dead. His father missing. And now he looked upon a strange, new world, ripe with death and despair.
He was lost, and all alone.
He was nothing.
He didn't know that soon though, he would become...
VIC VIPER!
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
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"Space..." Cirno snaps out of it: "Huh?"
"The Final Frontier!" "Wasn't that Alaska?" "Oh, Cirno, just watch the movie." "Ok Letty." Nwbi was not too unfond of his position on the sidelines this time...it was a wee bit chilly though...
"These are the voyages of the starship Icicle Fall. It's eternal mission, to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to stupidly go where no Idiot has gone before."
(The theme plays it easy.)************************************************************************
Sitting in his chair, the captain, Theorist J. Flirt, looked out over the bridge. He was bored. He adjusted his hot pink uniform jacket and slapped his bare knee.
"It's a darn shame what happened to former Security Officer Khorney. I told him that bloody girl was gonna drain him, and she sure did."
The other people on the bridge looked at him, agreeing with the words of their superior officer. The command officers were wearing hot pink jackets and miniskirts, the science officer had a rainbow colored uniform, with miniskirt , and the assorted other brown people were wearing bland white uniforms, with miniskirts. Only the Captain wasn't wearing a skirt, instead choosing to go only wear one pair of pants. Sadly that pair of pants didn't exist.
"He should've let me at her, she could've done all the draining she wanted to~."
The bridge crew collectively applied their palms to their faces.
"So, where's that new S.O.B., I wonder?" Tehorist looks around to see a new person stumble onto the bridge from the escalator leading to the bridge.
"AM SOY FO BIN LAT!" The new Security Officer Bitch stood at attention.
"That's ok, just thake your position, I want to continue our exploration, this corner of the solar system just is too unfashionable." The captain motions M.J.Pee to his position. He trips over G-POP, a being invisible to the real world people if it wants to be. M.J.Pee, or anyone else, never realized what happened. M.J.Pee, only saw his life flash by him for a split second, remembering his loving wife, as he found himself disintegrated through coming into contact with a creature that could not possibly exist. But G-POP wasn't really there, and so M.J.Pee never really disintegrated. His subconcious was turned into a mangled wreck for the rest of his life.
Apotheosis runs his hand across his hair, moves his pads into position and winks at the newcomer, dutyfully. He wasn't a fan of being the ship's only human female, but the communications officer just had to be..
"Hail them, Hure," the Captain decisivly exlaims.
"Hail who sir?" Apotheosis was baffled.
"Doesn't matter, just hail them!" Captain Flirt was determined to get to the bottom of this.
Apotheosis pressed a button. "No response, sir."
"Hrm!" Captain Flirt saw victory in his grasp.
An uncredited person playing a guitar walks through the scene. One of the strings snaps, and Cadet Maset who ran onto the bridge to bring the captain his tea was decapitated right after he stumbled, spilling the tea in the Captain's lap, forcing a scream out of the latter "FFFFaaaaaiiiiaaaahhh!"
"I'm firing photon torpedoes with extreme EL FEVER!" N-Forza hits a button, and explosions fills the screen showing what is going on in front of them, and the bridge celebrates. Meanwhile a broken Dalek named Ruro floats through space, crying: "I just wanted to be loved..."
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The battle had been fierce. There had been hundreds of chinese, pouring in without end, but the American Power Armors prevailed, and in front of you laid the Chinese General, his face smashed in with the Lone Wanderer's own Power Fist...the simulation was over...General Chase appeared and approached the former Vault Dweller, preparing to congratulate Vic Viper, the soon to be
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
*************************************************************************
Captain Theorist gets up from the bed, after Purves examined him.
"All the scaldings taken care of, Purves?"
"They sure are, and I am sorry, but he's dead Thee." Dr. Purves points to Schr?dinger who is suffocating from a pillow stuffed in his face by Dr. Purves D. Phil.
Theorist looked at the still twitching catboy cadet. "Is there nothing you can do to, err, save him?"
"I am a doctor, Thee, not a torture-master." Dr. Purves D. Phil. LL. D. exclaimed.
In the meanwhile a mouse, by the name of E. Mouse moonwalked past them around the corner. It wore a white hat and a white suit, and seemed to be bebopping, straight into Dusty Jo's mouth. Dusty Jo was one of the ship's cats. He closed his mouth, swallowed and licked his chops, looking satisfied.
Suddenly he jumped on his hind legs, and started getting down with the funky beat. He was burning the dance floor like a certain former King of Pop, enticing some of the crew emembers to stop and take a look at him. He swirled, he twirled, he twitched, he itched, he performed the famous crotch grab...and forze in the middle of it. Claws. Dusty Jo stood like a statue, mouth wide open, E. Mouse standing in it now, dancing a bit more on his new found stage.
The other two cats of the ship approached the living stage and the mouse performer. The mouse finished his dance, and received much applause, and then scurried off. Dusty Jo still stood perfectly still, afraid of any movement. Muffin and UK looked at him with evil grins.
"Michael JacksOWNED!" Muffin the PUNisher looked somewhat satisfied with himself now.
UK went up to Dusty Jo.
"This will hurt you a lot more than me, nyaa~."
She yanked the male cat's arm out of his nether regions. The subsequent scream shattered a glass Seargant Sanasanasanasanasan Sansanasanasanasanasan was drinking from. His lip got a cut.
"...Something interesting happened!" The Seargant was delighted, despite the fact that he just lost a good cup of green tea.
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He looked down upon the twisted form of Ashur. He had killed this man, his wife, to steal their child, and to bring hope to the slaves of this god forsaken Pitt. He had unleashed the Trogs upon the raiders, and freed the slaves, yet somehow it all felt wrong. But this was not a battle that could be won either way. He had nothing left, but to march forward. For soon, the Lone Wanderer would become Vic Viper,
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
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Apostheosis was uncomortable again, as Pozealia, his room mate, crept closer to him, smiling. The same uncredited person from before, with guitar, ran through the mess hall, knives in hand.
"Stop it right there, young man!" The head chef calls out to the uncredited person, who trips, sending a rain of sharp knives throught the hall, hitting M.J.Pee, Seargant Sanasanasanasanasan Sansanasanasanasanasan, Cadet Maset, Schr?dinger, who is stuck in a full body cast, and the Dalek named Ruro in the throat, causing them all to bleed out slowly.
The head chef sighs and serves the couple their meal, pancakes with drawings of some person supposedly known as Rikter on them. Dr. Purves D. Phil., LL. D., D. D. was running around, comforting the dying with hugs, and collecting their blood for later usage.
"I am not interested in you, Pozealia, I am supposed to be a woman!" Apostheosis was slowly backing away from his homo sexually inclined room mate. He didn't like his job.
A shadow moved over both of them. They looked up and saw the imposing figure of Slaves, the head chef.
"He isn't here, so you two are going to be my victims."
The two of them were dumbfounded.
"
Bread." Slaves said with all the emphasize he had.
"
Garlic Bread."
Pozealia dropped his coffee cup into his lap, spilling the contents along the way, right past the skirt, and onto the panties.
He now could reach his desired pitch range with ease.
******************************************************************************
He sat on Desmond's rotted corpse, as he slowly ate Professor Calvert's brain. Those two idiots seriously needed to be iced. Manipulating this area to their whims. A well, at least the guy's brain tasted good with some ketchup. He truly was getting closer to being Vic Viper
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
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Amaterasu was filling an old fashioned black board with all kinds of highly intelligent formulas, as he took more readings from an amourphous blob next to him on the table. M.J.Pee's head was still sticking out of the mass as he slowly was consumed by it.
"HEP M, HEP M, AM DAN!"
"Quiet, Security Officer Bitch, I am almost done with my research, then you may die in peace."
"MA WAF, MA WAF, SIN O MA WAF! PEES!"
"Oh come on, it's not your first death."
"Amaterasu, I need to know what your take on that thing we destroyed earlier is~."
Captain Theorist entered the science lab.
"It was a Dalek, just some tin can from another continuity, don't pay it no mind, it's working as a server in the mess hall now."
"Oh, Doctor Who? Awesome! Have you found out anything about the wereabouts of my pants?"
"I told you, logic demands that they do not exist!"
"Logic is not always right now, is it? What is this...thing?"
"That would be Flashtirade."
"Oh, I know the amorphous blob, he owes me three dollars in Poker. I am talking about that ugly mug sticking out and making weird noises."
"Oh that's just S.O.B. M.J.Pee."
"Nasty."
At that moment M.J.Pee found himself propelled out of Flashtirade at high speed, flying towards the opposite wall. Along the way he flies straing into G-POP's crotch, send sharp pain through the extra conciousial being, and killing M.J.Pee again without killing him. He would have major issues the moment he goes to sleep, G-POP knew that...but the pain, oh the pain...
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He stared at the window in front of him. The last adventure was simply mind boggling. He had fought visitors from another world, destroyed a mothership, and taken over this ship he was in now. He had fought a battle of cosmic scale, and now looked down upon his homeplanet. He had to return...for he was almost Vic Viper
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
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Rouky, the Chief Engineer marched back and forth in front of a row of new cadets for him to get into shape for their future positions as engineers. He swept some dust from his pants.
"I tell ye, one crossed wire, one pinch of potassium sulphide, ONE ERRANT TWITCH! And KABLOOIE!"
Sapz, and old Aldruverianeekarnter walked up behind Rouky and whacks him over the head with his cane.
"Don't be talking about your bombs, boy, talk about the engineering position, Theorist."
"Sir, I am Rouky. And I...what is this? Everybody to their positions!" Rouky pushed Sapz aside who falls to the floor, thankfully unharmed, as the cadets looked at each other, shrugged and walked over to their panels. Until the alarm sounds. Then they started running. Fast
"There's a breach in the warp core, we cannot contain it" Rouky skillfully navigates several screens of readings and then decides that hiding behind a table would be a good idea.
The warp core exploded.
Well...actually, it sprang a little hole, and some air flowed out. The E.A.S.Y had a flat. And Sapz accidentally swallowed a piece of the containment hull.
Theorist entered the engineering room.
"What happened? Rouky, are you ok? We need the warpcore up and going as fast as possible. Could you do that please?~"
"I cannot change the laws of physics, Thee! It'll take at least a week to repair the core!"
"You have four hours!"
"I'll be done in two!"
"Thank you~!"
Sapz was not happy later that day when the glass decided to leave via his pee.
Not happy at all.
*****************************************************************
"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely."
Those words rang in his mind as he slowly succumbed to the radiation.
He had taken the purifier back from the Enclave, and may very well have saved mankind.
He had given the Capital Wasteland the gift of clean water, of life.
It came at a terrible cost though. He had to give himself up for the world.
Vic Viper, truly now
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
had died.
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Captain Theorist J. Flirt, Dr. Purves D.Phil, DD.L., D.D., D.Sc., Chief Engineer Rouky, Assistant Chief Science Officer Amaterasu, Communications Officer Apotheosis, finally comfortable with her job, Head Chef Slaves and the lucky bastard on the Helm, N-Forza all were crammed inside the CLEAVE-AGE. The cats somehow are inside too. Muffin snickers
"Get it? CLEAVE-AGE?" Muffin felt himself punched by UK.
"What are we doing here now, Captain?" Dr. Purves D.Phil, DD.L., D.D., D.Sc., DBA inquired.
"My pants are out there! I will find them" The good and brave captain replied.
"You're pants don't exist! It goes against all logic!" Amaterasu chimed in.
"This is madness, Thee, you're gonna get us all killed!" Dr. Purves D.Phil, DD.L., D.D., D.Sc., DBA, D.Min. spoke up.
The shuttle was suddenly rocked, as a giant creature, that looked like an incredibly sexy bus, driven by the well known Happy Villain, Evil M. Antonius, getting ready to ram the E.A.S.Y. Icicle Fall.
"I have your pants, good Captain. Nyaahaahaahaa!" Evil, was happy.
"Evasive maneuvers, N, evasive maneuvers." The Captain remained cool and gave the proper orders, as several projectiules flew towards the shuttle.
"Errr...EL FEVER!" The shuttle grazed the projectile, and a Dalek name Ruro got hit instead.
"Aim the photon torpedoes!" The captain commanded.
"Wait, we cannot simply kill him!" Dr. Purves D.Phil, DD.L., D.D., D.Sc., DBA, D.Min., D.Mus. argued.
"Thousands will die, not to mention Evil cannot die, he just reincarnates somewhere else! However we got to have more power Captain!" Rouky exclaims.
"Hrm, ok, go for it then." Dr. Purves D.Phil, DD.L., D.D., D.Sc., DBA, D.Min., D.Mus. DMA agrees.
N-Forza hits the big red fire button.
In the meanwhile, somewhere entirely else.
M.J.Pee was lonely. He missed his wife. He missed land. He missed his frie...wait, is the door openi...
"LE M AT LE ME AT DO SHU DA TOPDOS!"
The crew inside the shuttle didn't hear his muffled screams coming from the torpedo chambers, as he was fired alongside a photon torpedo at the Erobus, which had just smashed through a random planet. They all saluted the brave S.O.B. as he blew up with the giant construct.
"Target cleaved! So hard!" The shuttles computer confirmed the utter annihilation of the target.
"It should be physically impossible but the Erobus was destroyed." Amaterasu said.
"Seriously, did you guys just shoot me at that thing?" M.J.Pee inquired.
"Yup, sure did. You had a lot of flair there." Dr. Purves D.Phil, DD.L., D.D., D.Sc., DBA, D.Min., D.Mus. DMA, DFA confirms.
"Hrmpf, at least I lost that blasted speech impediment." M.J.Pee leans on a random console, and the E.A.S.Y Icicle Fall fires it's death ray towards Earth.
****************************************************************************
Vic Viper had transcended being
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
Now he was
THE MESSIAH!The Orbital Laserhit exactly on target, destroying the Enclave's Mobile Crawler base, and with a little help from an unknown Death Ray from somewhere, destroyed it completely. he downed a bottly of vodka with his fellow Brothers of Steel, and looked off into the distance at the carnage he had wrought in the name of mankind.
Yes, he was now Vic Viper.
THE MESSIAH!but he still was Vic Viper
THE LAST, BEST HOPE FOR HUMANITY!
...damn...a piece of debris rammed right into his crotch.
***********************************************
The creator of this work, Edward von Stein, has been preemptively drawn and quartered. Thank you for your patience.
Letty and Cirno had become bored and left. Nwbi was left behind, now an eternal ice statue. He had a smile on his face.
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I am so gonna die for this, aren't I?
Any similarities to people actually on this forum are purely coincidental and lucky guesses.
