Author Topic: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard  (Read 160760 times)

MatsuriSakuragi

Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #600 on: December 26, 2013, 02:01:04 PM »
How many people haven't posted yet, anyway? >.o

Rin Kagamine

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Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #601 on: December 26, 2013, 02:23:38 PM »
How many people haven't posted yet, anyway? >.o
Half of them

Edible

  • One part the F?hrer, one part the Pope
  • *
  • It's the inevitable return, baby
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #602 on: December 26, 2013, 02:39:51 PM »
Night fell on the city like a lonely ghost with no one else to haunt.  The door to my office was closed.  It's always closed.  If it was always open I wouldn't be who I am.  An agent.  A secret agent.  And if the door was open you wouldn't be able to see the sign on the door that says "secret agent".  That's how these things go when you're Edible, Secret Agent.

I had just wrapped up a long case out of town and made it back to the office in one piece.  Usually I make it back in three or four pieces, most of them drunk and angry.  Tonight was different.  Tonight I had a visitor.  In my line of work I only expect two types of visitors - clients and hitmen.  Out the window, I could see his reddish visage clearly illuminated by the soulless moon.  The brute coming up the stairs didn't look like he wanted someone to find his lost dog.  Fat but nimble, he darted up the stairs to my office clutching a massive sack.  I expected the worst.  I always expect the worst.  If I didn't expect the worst, I wouldn't be a secret agent.

Silence.  The crook put his hand on my door.  I put my hand on my revolver.  The only cover was behind my desk.  My desk is made out of mahogany so fine it's nearly criminal.  In fact, it was criminal.  Let's not dwell on that right now.  The point is it makes for great cover and is also the only thing worth stealing in my office.  Unless you can steal time, which is what almost seemed to be happening.  Silence and seconds passed as the door ever so slowly creaked open, singing a song of warning to the room's lone inhabitant.  And then... nothing.

In the door was a box.  The crimson-robed bastard had somehow made it out of the building without a sound.  I hate boxes.  They remind me of hope.  But this box was different.



This box was Dutch in origin.  I only knew one fellow agent from the Netherlands and if he was sending me anything, it was bad news.  Only two things come from Amsterdam - clogs and bad news, and this agent wasn't about to send clogs through the mail.  I carefully opened the missive.



Usually when agents send a box, the words are more important than the contents, since the latter could never be understood without the former.  Words are obfuscating like that.  Immediately I found the prize.



Apparently I had won a free playstation 4 if I chose to purchase a living room full of furniture.  What was the agent trying to tell me?  This didn't really seem like the best deal.  It was then that I realized this was just packing material and discarded it.  I pulled out the letter, nestled in the bottom of the box.  It was addressed to no one, but I knew who it was for.



The letter was sealed with some sort of demonic tape from Hell that had no beginning and no end.  I had to wrestle with the envelope to make it reveal its secrets.  I did not come away unscarred.



Son of a bitch.  More of that tape.  I took a deep breath and plunged back in.  There was no moving forward until I defeated this monster.

... Opening the sealed letter inside, I found... what was this?



It was a letter alright, but it was in code.  Of course.  This agent was never one to reveal his messages so easily.  Included was a flash drive, which was encoded for my eyes only.  It would self-destruct as soon as I viewed its contents.  My eyes darted to the rest of the box's contents, suddenly wary.  What had I gotten myself into?



Wait... is that... is that a safe?



I knew I was going to be in for another all-nighter.  I pulled up my laptop and jammed the flash drive inside, like a hungry dog looking for a bone.  A program ran automatically and connected me to one of the overseas dispatchers, and the one-time message which you clearly shouldn't be viewing and is recorded here only for posterity went a little something like this...


To be continued...

N-Forza

  • Information Superhighway Robbery
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  • I said it was a steal, but not for whom
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #603 on: December 26, 2013, 02:49:54 PM »
 :getdown:

STOP HELEPOLIS

My stomach... hurts...

Jq1790

  • Wow I'm back to playing this game.
  • Let's puzzle together again, Karin!
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #604 on: December 26, 2013, 03:19:18 PM »
I didn't know you wanted the Tsukihime anime that badly.
I'll say. That CD has a Cirno's theme meets the Three Fairies's theme meets Through the Fire and the Flames on it.
*teaspit*

Anway, I think I'll make a guess of my sender's identity and say...Vento!
If you're a Pazudora player and aren't on #puzzleandlibrarians, come join us!

Nietz

  • NEETz
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  • Normal Person
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #605 on: December 26, 2013, 03:27:46 PM »
Oh my God, Helepolis...
This makes me feel so plain for merely sending gifts in a box now.

Well fuck all y'all and your cool gifts and fun and unflooded streets ;-;

I'm jellier than the freaking solar system. Merry christmas everyone
Man, seems you just can't catch a break lately. Hang in there bro, I'm sure next time Santa will come in a Saab Gripen to deliver to you on time.
Spoiler:
But if you need some more consolation, I can send you more Touhou-themed "toys" (no batteries)...

Incidentaly, I still haven't received mine. ;_;

triangles

  • gotta stock up on dark matter
  • each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #606 on: December 26, 2013, 03:37:11 PM »
I remember triangles is very crafty so I think she must be my SS. If I'm right, thanks angles!
:toot: 
And it wasn't as much heavy as it was stupidly uneven weight distribution you see!  The pretzels and biscotti are homemade as you deduced - the biscotti are cranberry-orange with chocolate, there were 3 batches made and like 60% of them came out not what I'd consider quality enough to send as a gift...  actually, the first batch of pretzels was also not aesthetically pleasing enough to send, food is hard ok :(
Being as the biscotti had to be made almost 2 weeks ago, I hope they are not stale (hence the preservative packet) but if so just dunk them and all will be well. 

As for Yukarin, in stalking your posts I couldn't find any clear cut THIS IS THE BEST CHARACTER FROM A THING so I had to roll with what I thought would look nice in the circular frame and come out at a good size once it went from pixels -> stitches, and you wanted stuff for your walls so :V


ALSO YOU GUYS LOOK
Such strong packaging, coming from New Jersey!
You can't be assuming just because it's from NJ it's from MJP or I anymore :V :V :V
Well I mean, Stuffman was right but details details. 

Also also Heena that was adorable no more apologizing for making such nifty things!

secret agent man

Menorah Jams, Pham

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Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #607 on: December 26, 2013, 03:38:36 PM »
STOP HELEPOLIS

Spoiler:
I want to host the fuck out of Hele if he ever wants to come to visit NYC

pasu

  • what are they talking about!
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  • medi for 14.5 never ;_;
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #608 on: December 26, 2013, 03:45:16 PM »
*teaspit*

Anway, I think I'll make a guess of my sender's identity and say...Vento!

Nope! Also if we had that Racequeen anthology we would keep it for ourselves hehe (we collect the toranoana anthologies)

agent edible shenanigans

holy shit

i should probably get to changing my sig but im too lazy

art thread / yukkuri quest thread

yuyukos

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  • ༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ Techies were given.
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #609 on: December 26, 2013, 04:34:54 PM »
 :getdown: :getdown: Helepolis wins Christmas.
WHAT'S IN THE SAFE? Find out next time on another episode of "Secret Agent Edible."
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Stuffman

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Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #610 on: December 26, 2013, 05:03:33 PM »
Ahaha Helepolis this is fucking amazing.


Tengukami

  • Breaking news. Any season.
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  • I said, with a posed look.
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #612 on: December 26, 2013, 05:32:24 PM »
This is an intriguing development!


"Human history and growth are both linked closely to strife. Without conflict, humanity would have no impetus for growth. When humans are satisfied with their present condition, they may as well give up on life."

JT

Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #613 on: December 26, 2013, 06:14:49 PM »
Damn Hele. The bar has been raised.

DX7.EP

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Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #614 on: December 26, 2013, 06:16:40 PM »
Ahaha, Hele, that's just glorious. :getdown:

You can't be assuming just because it's from NJ it's from MJP or I anymore :V :V :V
Initially I wasn't aware of other users in the area, though :V
C:DOS> ayayaya.mid
Bad command or file name

C:>_

HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #615 on: December 26, 2013, 06:53:57 PM »
Attn Hele: fuck you for making me feel like an asshole

Hey Nietz
Spoiler:
I can totally roll with that, though the last one was uh, asian-sized
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

MatsuriSakuragi

Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #616 on: December 26, 2013, 07:26:22 PM »

triangles

  • gotta stock up on dark matter
  • each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #617 on: December 26, 2013, 07:48:15 PM »
A few people mentioned early on they would be away and would open/post when they got back, and those still awaiting Present-tan's arrival might have figured no point in posting yet  :ohdear:

It is legit that FedEx, UPS and the USPS have had some major delays this year so it might not all be due to tardiness in mailing.

Helepolis

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Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #618 on: December 26, 2013, 07:55:09 PM »
I thank you for the excited comments all, though really, I just went a long an iffy and awkward idea for a SS. I actually felt my SS was rather poor when I view what everybody else sent each other with magnificent gifts. I usually aim for impact / entertainment which it somehow succeeded. This makes me happy because you all are awesome in your own way in my opinion. Together, we make this Christmas on MotK a bang!

Speaking of delivery, I calculated my delivery depending on the "has been delivered" status: 11 days (including weekends) with regular PostNL airmail.

Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #619 on: December 26, 2013, 09:14:17 PM »
It is legit that FedEx, UPS and the USPS have had some major delays this year so it might not all be due to tardiness in mailing.

The tracking still claims mine is less than half a mile from my house, but my recipient claims to have gotten it, but they haven't posted yet, so ???
« Last Edit: December 26, 2013, 09:19:09 PM by Arashi Kurobambi »

helvetica

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Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #620 on: December 26, 2013, 11:03:09 PM »
Unfortunately the one to my SS will be severely delayed because I am literally broke, like no money whatsoever broke :\ I thought about just gifting them something on Steam but that seems really fucking tacky ;~;

Sorry, when I signed up for SS I had no idea even half of the stuff that happened would have happened :< Had I known it I would have bowed out...


Twitter: @hipsterfont | Discord: helvetica#0573 | LINE: hipsterfont

He thought that on that same day he was to take the city of Priam, but he little knew what was in the mind of Jove, who had many another hard-fought fight in store alike for Danaans and Trojans."


Chaore

  • Kai Ni Recipient Many Years Late
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  • You Finally Did It, Kadokawa.
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #621 on: December 27, 2013, 12:58:55 AM »
Unfortunately the one to my SS will be severely delayed because I am literally broke, like no money whatsoever broke :\ I thought about just gifting them something on Steam but that seems really fucking tacky ;~;

Sorry, when I signed up for SS I had no idea even half of the stuff that happened would have happened :< Had I known it I would have bowed out...

ban helvetica 2014

Hello Purvis

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Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #622 on: December 27, 2013, 01:17:12 AM »
While Tso is banned, I would like to be the first to announce my candidacy for new Admin.

I promise a chicken in every pot and a hard cider presidency!


HakureiSM

  • Reimu is all of it
  • I suddenly feel like I ate a crowbar.
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #624 on: December 27, 2013, 01:23:27 AM »
chicken and cider
Please let it be please
[20:45:19] Ciryano: come and behold why they call it the Panzerfaust
[20:45:39] Hakurei Reimu: ... because it shoots once and then you throw it out?
                                                                                   .

Edible

  • One part the F?hrer, one part the Pope
  • *
  • It's the inevitable return, baby
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #625 on: December 27, 2013, 01:35:11 AM »
SECRET AGENT EDIBLE: PART TWO: HELECTRIC BOOGALOOPOLIS



"WHO DO YOU WORK FORRRRR!!!!!" I asked the cat, gently.

Wait, let me back up.

...

...

The safe's contents were but a mystery to me, like the secrets of the ancient Aztecs.  I had to disarm the safe before I could discern who offed Agent Helepolis.  Fortunately, I had my dossier of Helepolis on file and worked through the obfuscating clues he had left me.  I decided to work backwards, because that's what a good agent does.  Working in the correct order is almost always a trap.  And a trap in my line of work can mean death... or worse.  Because I'm an agent, and traps that lead to death or worse is what I do.  Or more specifically, what I disarm.

Last Seen at Reitaisai #?

Reitaisai was some yearly hullabaloo in Japan where a bunch of yahoos worshipped some priest and the countless hat-laden monster girls he spawned.  My spies on the island had placed him there in 2012, during a tour of the nation.  I was able to question a native who told me that the ninth annual Reitaisai had taken place that year.  I jotted down "9" as the fourth answer.

Potential languages I know?

Agent Helepolis was always a whiz with languages, and his European background gave him access to many more than your average (agent) Joe.  I recalled that he was fluent in Dutch, Turkish, English, Japanese, and German at a minimum.  Since I couldn't think of any other languages, I decided "5" must be the third answer.

Panel # sister flan does guts pose

There was only one "sister flan" I knew of, and it was in my Japanese spy's report manga.  Agent Warugaki provided me in astounding detail his interactions with Agent Helepolis during his stay in Japan.  I found the correct panel referencing the so-called "guts pose" and collected the second answer.

Remilia Scarlet

Helepolis really put the hammer down on this one.  What the fuck was I supposed to gather from just the name of some ancient vampire broad?  AND SHE'S WEARING A HAT.  ALL OF THEM WEAR HATS.  But she's not tied to a number!  I even had my agent check her age (an extremely perilous activity, I assure you).  So I was stumped.  What could possibly be the first digit?  I knew this was a trap!  The answer suddenly hit me like a train to India whose brakes were on loan to a space station.  She was the culprit of the sixth Touhou game, and was the sixth boss in that game!  Clearly the answer, then, must be six.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

CLICK

The safe opened like a welcoming lover.



A voice: "YOU KNOW TOO MUCH, AGENT EDIBLE!"

Suddenly, a crash!  A ninja assassin had entered my window and nearly made off with my head, her blades sweeping down like a ravenous guillotine.  I managed to leap out of the way just in time.  Apparently the assailant was of the strike-once-and-run variety, as she left as quickly as she came.  Knowing this might be my only chance to get a real lead in Helepolis' killer, I grabbed my sidearm...



... and gave chase!

Seconds passed as I used my legs and knowledge of the terrain to corner the fleeing ninja.  But she leapt into another building!  I leapt after her!

"This is it, missy."

Now, where was I... oh, of course.

"WHO DO YOU WORK FORRRRR!!!!!" I asked the cat, gently.



"Meow," she replied, not giving a shit at all.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't pull the trigger.

I returned to my office, wondering what bastard would send a cat to do a real assassin's job.  Wondering what bastard killed poor Helepolis.

Then I remembered - the box!  Maybe it would have the answers...



Sunglasses?  And... an... oh.  Oh.  of course.  I understand, Helepolis.

I understand everything.  Wear your armour...

So I took my armor from the safe.  And I became Helepolis himself.


Amraphenson

  • The problem is, you're a friend that likes to talk!
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  • ...well, I am too!
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #626 on: December 27, 2013, 01:37:27 AM »
Oh for fuck's sake you guys, jesus.
Sugoiiii~
[23:02] <~Iced> You have sown the seeds of your own destruction Amra.
[23:20] <Stuffman> enjoy your personally crafted hell Amra

Edible

  • One part the F?hrer, one part the Pope
  • *
  • It's the inevitable return, baby
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #627 on: December 27, 2013, 01:37:41 AM »
(This concludes the adventures of Agent Edible.  Please stay tuned for future adventures!)

Also, before anyone forgets, there were other gifts as well!



DELICIOUS CANDY

MORE DELICIOUS CANDY (WAFFLE COOKIEEEEES)

ONE PIECE PLAYING CARDS



OMG HE ACTUALLY SENT ME CLOGS :getdown:

SO COMFORTABLE (they're slippers!)

Thank you, Helepolis.  <3  This has been great fun.

triangles

  • gotta stock up on dark matter
  • each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #628 on: December 27, 2013, 01:44:41 AM »
I fully expect to see you in that getup next weekend kthx.

Chaore

  • Kai Ni Recipient Many Years Late
  • *
  • You Finally Did It, Kadokawa.
Re: Cirno's Perfect Secret Santa 5: A Good Day To Secret Hard
« Reply #629 on: December 27, 2013, 01:54:20 AM »
THE REAL QUESTION IS, WHO KILLED HELEPOLIS?