This is going to be a hardboiled detective fic starring Reimu as the PI.
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It was another sickly day of nonstop rain in this mess of a fantasy village. Youkai and everything else stalk the streets at night preying on the weak and innocent. If it weren?t for that, I?d be unemployed. It?s a dirty job, being the only one straight in this crooked city, but I?m the only Hakurei maiden. I ponder this as I prop my feet on my office desk and page my secretary.
The diminutive oni girl stumbles through my door. ?Yeah, boss?? What a mess. She?s more trouble than she?s worth. I shake my head and tell her what I think. ?Get me the bourbon from the pantry.?
She cocked her head and smiled, telling me that she?s already wasted for the day. ?All right, Reimu~? I contemplate a new assistant as I spit back an insincere response. ?You?re a doll. What would I do without you??
I light up a smoke while I wait. I?m thinking about taking the day off when I see a silhouette behind my office door. Too tall to be my bourbon already. ?Yeah? What do you want?? I signal them to come in with thinly veiled annoyance.
A real classy gal walks in wearing an evening gown and a fancy hat that might get someone robbed or worse in a town like this. I know her all right, she?s a regular customer. ?I said: What do you want?? I cut right to the chase. This broad and I have a history. She just shows up whenever she pleases and bats her eyelashes at me but there?s always a catch. Always something she wants from me.
She smirks in the way only Yukari can. ?Oh, Reimu. It?s terrible. Chen has gone missing and Ran has gone to look for her but they?ve both been gone for days now.? She leans up on the wall, making sure her figure was on display through that gown, as if that sort of thing ever works with me. I take a long drag on my cig and exhale. ?Do I look like the lost and found?? It was an excuse. It wouldn?t have mattered what she had for me, I didn?t want to work today.
Suika meanders back into the office with a glass and an unopened bottle for me. I nod and toss her a yen for the effort. I pour myself a glass while the dame explains why I should care about her missing cat. Her cocky demeanor hasn?t missed a step yet. ?But Reimu, it?s not that simple. I?ve looked for them myself but? they?ve both left Gensokyo.?
I raise an eyebrow, removing the cigarette from my lips to replace it with a mouth full of bourbon. She stands there looking full of herself as usual. She knows I?ll take the case because she knows just what kind of bait to use to hook me. Damn her. I make sure my scowl is clearly visible and down the rest of my glass in one go. If she?s expecting me to pour her a glass she?s got another thing coming. But she probably already knows what I?m thinking anyway.
?Suika.? I say it loud enough to be heard through the open door since I know she?s listening in anyway. My assistant opens the door clumsily and wanders into the doorway like a lush. ?Eh??
I stand up and grab my coat and ribbon from the rack, shooting a glance at Yukari. ?It seems the border?s been violated. I?m going out for the day to catch a cat burglar who?s?? I put on my ribbon. ??crossed the line.?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRFUv2rG244&feature=relatedMake sure you click the link. It's relevant!